"Enough about students, now what about me?
There's more to this greasy-haired git than you see.
The heart of a lion, the looks of a bat –
The first part? Don't tell the Gryffindors that.
"I'm really not ugly, the good looks are there,
If you can just disregard nose, teeth, and hair.
Attractiveness standards, they vary by culture
There must be some place where they cherish a vulture?
"Hooked nose, sallow skin, a billowing cloak,
Some witch out there must fancy those in a bloke?
I'm willing to travel, no matter how far
To find me a woman who is up to par.
"Because here at Hogwarts, the pickings are slim –
Look at the professors, the picture is grim!
Minerva's too old and turns into a cat,
And I am allergic, so that, folks, is that.
"Trelawney? Good heavens, the woman's a joke.
One look at her is enough to provoke
the most violent dislike – don't know what it is…
The bangles? The constant attempts to French-kiss
every male who shows even the least bit attention?
She once caught old Lupin, I'd just like to mention.
It took ten hellish minutes to make his escape.
His boggart now takes a Trelawney-ish shape.
"Hooch is too Hooch-y, Sprout's too rotund,
Vector's so ugly it leaves a man stunned.
(And I know about ugly; believe me, I do.)
Pince is as exciting as wallpaper glue.
"For a starry-eyed twit, Sinistra's not bad
Even if she is slightly deranged and half mad.
But the one major drawback (it makes me quite sick)
Is that she has a Hagrid-sized crush on Flitwick.
"I wish JK would write a girlfriend for me,
Instead I get stuck with some loathsome OC.
My love-life is just such a perfect disaster –
Couldn't Miss Granger grow up a bit faster?"
So many reviews! Oh my, what a thrill!
(That button's still there, so click, if you will!)
Some caught the rhyming bug that's in the air
So kudos to duj and to Vanityfair!
(Winter Solstice1also did quite fine,
it's just that her name is much harder to rhyme!)
For now I am done, the rhyme-bug is tired
There might be more later if I get inspired!
(Anything specific you'd like to suggest?
Just let me know, and I will to my best!)