PRETTY? YES. MINE? NO.
Justin sat in the nursery, looking at the babies in their little plastic incubators. Daphne was doing better than Aiden was.
Daphne was a healthy five pounds three ounces. Aiden was a little smaller than she was at four pounds, 6 ounces, but due to the complications during his birth he was weaker than she was.
The doctors had told them that Daphne's death was due to blood loss. She had lost a lot of blood when the first baby was born naturally and they couldn't stop the bleeding when Aiden was born.
It was the generic we did all we could but we couldn't save her answer.
It had only been about three hours since the twins had been born and Justin hadn't left their side.
Brian had gone out into the waiting room to tell everyone that was waiting what had happened. As much as he had tried, he couldn't get Justin to move from his spot in front of the babies.
--
Brian opened the door to the waiting room and saw that everyone was waiting for news. He was still in the scrubs that the doctor had made them put on before Daphne went in for the c-section.
He had stopped in the bathroom on his way to break the news to the family and splashed water on his face, trying to make the redness in his eyes from crying fade before he had to face everyone.
When everyone saw him they rushed up to him wanting to see pictures and asking how Daphne and the babies were.
"Um." Brian started, " you're going to want to sit down for this."
He looked at Daphne's parents who had a combination of pride and now fear on their faces.
"I'm sorry…" was all he said before the tears started rolling down his face.
Daphne's mother collapsed onto her husbands shoulder and cried.
He turned back to everyone else and went to sit down.
"It was going fine. The first baby was born and then the other baby's heart rate started to drop…they took her in for an emergency c-section and the baby was born and then they couldn't stop the bleeding."
Brian looked up to see crying faces all around him.
Debbie came over and sat next to Brian, pulling him into her arms.
He pulled away and began talking again.
"The babies are fine. Justin is in with them now." He pulled a couple of Polaroid's from his pocket and put them on the table.
"This is Aiden Benjamin, " he said, picking up a picture. " and this is Daphne Mckayla."
He looked at Daphne's parents when he said his daughter's name.
" Justin wanted her to always have a part of her mother with her."
"Thank you…thank you…." Daphne's mother said, her voice just above a whisper.
Brian stood up and started to walk towards the door.
"You can come and see them now. Follow me."
--
Justin walked over to the incubator and looked in at baby Aiden. He put his hand on the plastic cover. He was tiny...but the doctors said he would be ok to go home in about a week.
The nurse came over and told Justin that he could take him out if he would like to.
Justin smiled and opened the incubator and lifter Aiden out. He sat down and looked at the baby. He was wide-awake and he stared back at Justin with baby blue eyes.
"Do you know how much your mommy loved you? She loved you very much. She couldn't wait to see you." He said as he ran his fingers over the wisps of brown hair on the top of Aiden's head. "She would be happy to know that you're ok…"
Justin looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Brian standing behind him.
"Everyone is here to see them." Brian said.
Justin looked over at the window that looked out into the hallway and say everyone standing, waiting to see the babies.
He worked up enough of a smile and stood up to take Aiden over to the window.
He stood sideways so everyone could see him.
"This is Aiden he said." Holding the baby up.
Brian stood next to him with Daphne in his arms as cameras snapped and flashes went off.
Justin may have looked happy on the outside…and he was happy…but on the inside, he felt like dieing.
Two days later…Two days after the babies were born was Daphne's funeral.
Justin had been asked to say a few words…
"Daphne was my best friend. But I loved her as more. She was the one who was always there for me. She was the first person I came out to and she accepted me for who I was. She never tried to convince me I should be anyone other than who I was…"
"When we asked her to be the mother of our children, she didn't even think about her answer. As soon as we asked, he answer was yes. And we will always be grateful to her for that."
"Daph…I promise, I'll tell them everything about you. I'll make sure they know you…and I promise that I will make sure they know how much you loved them. I love you Daph."
Justin stepped away from the podium and walked back to his seat, collapsing next to Brian and he began to cry as Brian held him.
At the cemetery, they stood and watched her casket being lowered into the ground, tear rolling down both Brian and Justin's cheeks as they said their final good byes.
--
Brian and Justin arrived home with the babies three days later to food already cooking.
They opened the door to find Debbie standing in front of the over, pulling a tray of lasagna out.
The bassinets had been set up and the babies' rooms were all done.
"Welcome home!" Debbie said as she placed the tray on the counter.
Brian and Justin went over and put the babies in their bassinets and then went to greet Debbie.
"Thanks deb. That looks great." Justin said as he hugged Debbie.
"Well…after all you guys have been through, it's the least I can do. Now where are my grandbabies?"
All three of them went over to the babies' bassinets and looked in on them.
"They're beautiful. And they got so big." Debbie said as she watched them sleep.
"Yea...they are." Justin replied.
Justin's eyes started to water again and he brought his hand up to wipe them.
Debbie noticed this and decided that it was time for her to heave.
"You guys must be tired...I'll just go…you take care of yourselves."
She kissed both of them and the babies' goodbye and left.
Brian rubbed Justin's shoulder and held him close as they looked at the babies.
"Brian...I…I just need some time alone with them right now." He said.
"Ok…I'll be downstairs if you need me." Brian said, placing a kiss on the top of Justin's head before walking away.
--
Justin sat down with Daphne in one arm and Aiden in the other. He looked at them. Memorized their features. Daphne had her mother's nose while Aiden had his mother's ears. He amazed himself that he could pick up such little details in them that he hadn't noticed in Daphne herself.
He walked back over to the bassinets and placed the babies in them then went back over to the couch.
Justin laid down on the couch and was soon asleep…
"They're beautiful aren't they?"
Justin was woken up by a familiar voice.
"Da... Daphne?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Duh Justin. Who else would it be?"
Justin felt himself start to cry as he got up and hugged Daphne.
"Oh my god Daph. I thought I would never see you again!"
Daphne hugged Justin back and said, "well you really aren't seeing me now either."
"What…but you're here…"
"And you're sleeping."
"But…"
"But nothing Justin…this is all a dream…"
Justin hung his head, sad that when he woke up she would be gone again.
"I just…I miss you so much…How could you leave me…and the babies?"
"Do you think I wanted to go?" she asked. "I didn't want to go…hell I protested all the way there. I remember it all. And its not like people say it is. There's no white light, no dead grandma, no big pearly gates…your kinda just…there…oh and by the way…I felt right at home…because the Big Guy…"
She made a face and a hand gesture and Justin understood.
"No... God is gay?"
"Shhh… you didn't hear it form me…but yup…as the day is long. Real nice guy…San Francisco accent…he told me he had special plans for that asshole in the Whitehouse…his words… not mine."
Justin laughed at Daphne's description of god.
"And by the way…thanks."
"For what?" Justin asked.
"Daphne Mckayla…"
"I wanted her to have a piece of you with her all the time."
Daphne walked over to Justin and kissed him on the forehead then went back over to the babies.
"I'll always be here Justin. You know that right?" she asked
Justin nodded and she continued to talk.
"If you ever need to talk…I'm here…just like old times…"
"Just like old times…"
" And make sure that they know that I love them." She said as she kissed each of the twins on the tops of their heads.
"I promise…" Justin replied.
"I have to go Justin. Love ya."
"Love you too Daph." He said as they hugged.
And then she was gone.
Justin opened his eyes to find Brian holding Daphne in his arms.
He got up and went over and stood next to him.
"You gonna be ok?" Brian asked.
"yea," Justin said as he smiled, " we're gonna be ok."