Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Notes: Yeah… uh, here's another one.
Set Me Free
This goddamn fairy just never gets the hint, does he?
He always just 'drops by'. He'd do it everyday if he could. Little weasel. Always snooping where he shouldn't, smiling.
Bastard. I hate him.
He thinks just because he was there for me at such a traumatic time in my life, that I still need him to clean up after me? I don't need him to cook or clean or play 'big brother' to me. I don't need any of that. What I need, is to live my own life. Start taking my 'toys' back. Yeah, it's selfish, and no one is going to understand why, but who gives a fuck? No one understood me to begin with.
There he sits, opposite me on the couch, smiling as I take a sip from the beer in hand, and cigarette in the other, eyes trying to stay on the TV screen. His eyes go from the TV to me. He keeps going back to the TV out of manners.
It's rude to stare.
Everything about him screams proper. I can't stand it! I think he's half the reason I act out, even at this age. It's unbelievable what this man can make me do. He makes me keep my newest toy around. I don't want to, but out of spite to show him that I don't listen to him, I have to keep the toy.
And I hate how right he always is. He warned me back when I was young, and I didn't listen. He's warning me now, and I know I won't listen. How will it end for me this time? Does he think I really want that idiot around anyway? I thought he knew my games, my 'psyche' by now. That's how he goes around. Like he's the mother who knows what's best.
So, why am I still trapped?
I was freed from the memories of long ago, or so I thought. He took me away; let me become what I am now. And he loved it. Loved watching the torment I went through, being the only light in my life. The only one I talked to for more than five seconds. The only one I let in the apartment from time to time. I let him cook for me, coddle me, watch over me, reminisce with me. And he was happy.
Then I found a light far brighter than he could ever be. It came with a true smile and bright eyes, And it was human. Not saying that he isn't human, but the same smile day in and out, the same repressed feelings every waking moment… he didn't exactly radiate life. My new light… he was all life and bounce and sugar. He was what I had lost so long ago.
And I wanted to destroy him.
His naiveté, his outlook, his strength, all of it. I wanted to wake him up to the real world. He was the first of his kind to show up in my life, and I felt as though it was my duty to break him. And try as I did, all the times he left bawling, all the times I thought I had succeeded, I had failed. I had made him become more resilient. Stronger. Better than he had been the first time. He was able to see through my tricks, my plans. He learned.
I couldn't destroy what I hated most. Instead, I let it get closer to me, almost overtaking the very first light at the end of my tunnel. But did I need him anymore? I guess… I guess it doesn't come down to need; so much as it does want. Do I WANT him anymore? Can I finally throw out my oldest toy… my oldest… friend?
Did I want to?
That's why I hate thinking about these things. I'd always let everyone run around in my life before, why stop now? I mean, is it really so bad that he keeps me attached to the memories of my past?
Now I don't even know who I'm talking about! Gods. Shuichi reminds me of what I was, Tohma reminds me of everything from before. How the fuck can I ever let go with two walking memories in my life?
I think… I think it's time for another trip. For good. I don't need Tohma or that brat to let me go. I can set myself free. I can release myself from the chains that have been holding me down.
What I want… is to be free. And only I can make it happen.
Yeah... um... somewhere while thinking this out... I thought I would have Yuki and Tohma be the two people keeping Eiri chained down. But it got a little distorted and it became Tohma and Shuichi.Yeah, this just all came out wrong, y'know? Not wrong... but different. Yeah, anyways! Enjoy! An stop peeking at the bottom before you read, damnit! shakes fist angrily
SL