Mysterious Distance
Part 5
Author's Note: Sorry about the time between updates. Last weekend I decided on a rather impromptu and grueling road trip after which I need several days of recovery. Further updates should be made in a more timely manner (unless, of course, I get the itch to get the hell out of Dodge again).
Sam had woken up late that morning. She hadn't expected Jack to there when she awoke. She knew he had to be back at base early. SG 5 and 13 were due back. Smiling, she buried her face in the pillows. She could still smell him there. Then she felt something strange poking her cheek and she opened her eyes to see a pale blue origami swan made from the note paper she kept on her nightstand.
She grinned as she remembered for Jack's birthday several years ago when she and Daniel had bought him a book on origami. They had gotten sick him handling the items in their labs, sometimes 'accidentally' breaking them and sometimes carrying them off 'accidentally' in his pockets. So they decided to get him something that would keep his hands busy when he visited them and they made sure that a stack of origami paper was always handy. Before long Cheyenne Mountain was covered in various and sundry paper animals and flowers. General Hammond had forced Jack to curb his paper folding after the General had found in his 'In' box a family of paper turtles that made up a report on P4X-026.
Sam plucked the swan off the pillow and sat up. For a few blissful beautiful moments, she was truly and completely happy.
And then she remembered what she had done as a wave of nausea hit her and she rushed to the bathroom.
When Daniel had found her she was laying on the cold tile of her floor still carefully holding the little blue swan and crying her eyes out, hating herself for being weak and letting Jack see her like that.
Now she was lying on the beach trying to read the latest astrophysics journal. She had hoped that immersing herself in logic and science would clear her head. And it did, enough to make her realize that she had probably ruined her friendship with the General and whatever chance they ever had together. Not to mention losing his respect . He must surely hate her for being so weak and needy and just plain slutty. She knew he had to be disappointed in her and that hurts more than anything.
"Hey, Sam."
"I came here to be alone," she told the man blocking her sun. She pretended to be engrossed in her journal.
"I know," Daniel sat down beside her on the blanket. "I'm just here to work on my tan. You can ignore me if you want."
Sam snorted, "Daniel, you don't tan any better then I do."
"My burn, then."
Sam shook her head and gave up on her attempt at reading. She looked over at him for the first time to see a dark bruise staining his jaw. "What happened to you?"
Daniel winced slightly as he rubbed the area without thinking, "Oh, this is nothing. You should see Jack."
"Oh, God, Daniel, please tell me you didn't pick a fight with the General."
"Not really 'pick'- no." Daniel smiled a little sheepishly. "I kinda jumped him and he let me beat the crap out of him until Teal'c and Siler intervened."
"What?" she asked aghast. "Did Siler wack you with his wrench?"
"No, I told Jack about us. About how when we get too lonely we…"
"Oh." she whispered and closed her eyes willing the screwed up world she lived in to go away.
"Yeah. He wasn't pleased."
"I can tell by the bruise." She sighed. She knew that whatever she had or would ever have with the General was completely gone because of Daniels little revelation. "Why did you tell him?"
"He just got me so angry and frustrated…"
"He's good at that."
"I was trying to get him to see that he could be with you."
"Didn't work, did it?"
"No. I tried to get him to come out here but he wouldn't."
"He couldn't. The Joint Chiefs are due in tomorrow." Then she added bitterly. "No reason he should anyway."
"He has every reason to be here instead of me."
"Not anymore, Daniel. I've ruined everything. I never wanted him to see me like that. You shouldn't have sent him to look after me," she accused, but he failed to look remorseful.
"I was worried about you, Sam."
"I know, Daniel. Just promise me you won't meddle any more. Whatever we ever had is gone. I'm not the woman he thought he cared about. He cared about 'Colonel Carter', not the sick mess that's 'Sam'."
"You think Jack doesn't have his bad side? He's got more demons than we'll ever know about. He understands, Sam."
"If you say so," she told him but she didn't believe it. The General might understand it coming from other people, but not her. She was supposed to be his rock, but even rocks eventually break down and she had. She had let him down. That hurt more than anything. It made her want to cry even more. "Daniel, I'm just so tired of waiting and being alone. I was never like this before. He's ruined me. I don't know what to do. I just don't want to be alone any more."
Daniel pulled her into a hug and she buried her face in his neck. "You don't have to be alone, Sam. I know it's not the same, but you've always got me."
---
Jack made his way down to Teal'c quarters. He really wanted to go home, but he knew if he did that he would succumb to the temptation of his liquor cabinet. It really wouldn't due to meet with the Joint Chiefs of Staff hung-over or possibly still drunk. He knocked to Teal'c's door hoping the Jaffa had some words of wisdom to impart.
"Enter."
Jack did and looked at Teal'c sitting on the floor surrounded by candles. "I'm not interrupting any 'Reeming, am I?"
"You are not. As you well know, O'Neill, I no longer require it, but it helps to sort out my mind."
Jack slumped down into a chair but didn't say anything.
"You feel betrayed, O'Neill."
Jack sighed. Teal'c certainly got to the point. He shouldn't have expected anything less. "Yeah, I guess I do. Did you know about…that?" He couldn't even bring himself to form the thought much less speak it.
"I did not. It was most unexpected."
"I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. Pete was bad enough, but Daniel…for five years."
"I do not believe you are wrong in feeling betrayed. I would also feel betrayed. If we were on Chulak you would be well within your rights to kill both Daniel Jackson and Colonel Carter. But I also do not believe they meant to betray you. It is very difficult not to be with the one you love."
"I know that, Teal'c, believe me I know that. And I know I have no right to tell her who she can and can't sleep with. She doesn't owe me anything."
"She owes you her love."
"It's not like I haven't had a few…indiscretions. There was Laira and, as much as I hate to admit it, a good many one night stands. I shouldn't expect her not to…whatever."
"A man has needs, O'Neill, but you did not do such things with her closest friend."
"So does a woman and I can't fault her for wanting a normal life, whatever the hell that is, with Pete, but fucking Daniel…I don't know how I'm gonna face them. Especially Carter. I ought to be court marshaled."
"Do not hate yourself, O'Neill."
"I practically raped her," he whispered. He couldn't help but hate himself for that.
"You would never do such a thing."
"Well, I did," he laughed bitterly. "She was hammered and I fucked her. What do you call that?"
"Did she not make advances?"
"Well, yeah, but I should have been stronger than that. It was wrong."
"Colonel Carter is most determined when there is something she seeks to achieve. Her tenacity would extend through her inebriation. You could not have been strong enough, O'Neill."
Jack had to fight back a twisted smile. It was true. He could never refuse her anything much less that. "So what now?"
"Only you can answer that, O'Neill."
"I want her, Teal'c. I every way possible. I always have."
"Great gains cannot be made without great sacrifices. You and Colonel Carter have sacrificed much in the fight against the Goa'uld, but even the greatest warriors must eventually lay down their arms. But 'when' is for you to decide, O'Neill."
"You're right. Thanks, T," Jack got to his feet. "Looks like I've got some thinking to do before she gets back."
---
TBC