Disclaimer: Not mine!
Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad some people like these little ficlets.
What's My Age Again?
Ah, another day, another bout of idiocy. It's expected. It's routine. To every smile and greeting, I'm expected to stop in my tracks, look like I'm thinking profoundly then spew some random answer that has nothing to do with a simple 'hello'.
I don't recall when all this happened, it was long ago. But I am getting sick of it. Maybe I'm just trying to stay young, after all, look at everyone else around me? New kids, fresh faces, youth abound! And I'm just an old man. I've told myself for years age is just a number, and you can't feel like a number. You can only feel like you. Ah, if only I could believe my own words.
Acting as if I'm not here is a little better than being here. I have a family here. A young family. Instead of being proud of the trophy lifestyle I live, I'm depressed. I see in them my oncoming death. In their youth is my downfall. Not that they would be the cause of it, but… oh, how could I ever explain? The words we have aren't perfect enough to describe the feelings of humans.
Can you imagine me saying something like that? They'd never believe it was the real me! They'd think I was sick, or it was a fluke. I am known to say something occasionally smart from time to time. You think they'd notice anything, right?
Well, my wife does, thank Gods. Well, I think she knows what I'm up to, but she doesn't try to stop me. Not anymore at least. I love her, everything about her, but she has her life back now. The life she wanted anyway. She never wanted to play house for the rest of her life. When… oh, what was his name again? Well, that… guy. The one who's never dressed. His name'll come to me, don't worry. A few things really do slip with age you know! When he came back, I'd never seen her so happy. And I didn't mind her going off to play again. She's still so young, how could I deny her, her dream?
But her eagerness makes me wonder. What am I for? Where is her love really? I mean, obviously she loves her job, which is wonderful! It's rare to find a good job that you love. I couldn't be happier for her. But where do I fit in? Going on tour with those people is no place for a man my age, let alone our little girl. I'd refuse.
Then again… she's never asked either…
I wouldn't exactly call this a loveless marriage. We love each other, it's just not in that passionate way anymore. Having me at this age leaves her to put forth her passions towards other things. They're just never anything at home. But I don't want to hold her back for anything. So I sit and watch her latest performance on TV, Saki in my lap. She loves watching mommy on the TV. I watch her too, every chance I get, because I love watching her pour everything into what she truly loves.
I get jealous sometimes. I'm unable to help it. How happy she looks, how she used to smile like that around the house. I don't make her happy anymore. Even when I pretend to be an idiot to try and get her to smile. It doesn't even work. I turn off the TV and Saki looks up at me frowning. Just like her mother. I get off the couch, holding her, telling her we're going on a trip. I set her down and tell her to go pack like a good girl. She runs off to her room and I leave to go write a note.
Not an apology, just one simple thing:
Noriko, keep smiling.
This was Tetsuya thinking on Noriko and their life. I have no idea what I was trying to accomplish here. I blame my fever on this one. Mom gave me a cold, so yeah. Not doing well. Review if it makes you happy!
SL