Now, I'm not sure whether or not you noticed, but something really odd happened.

I kissed Severus Snape.

I still don't think it's really registered. We both ended up just kind of leaving. I went back to the Gryffindor commons and came up to the dorm.

I hope James and Remus don't show up. I need to think.

Does this mean I like Snape?

It can't! I mean, he hates me and I hate him. That's how it's always been. It can't change all of a sudden, can it?

I once heard somebody say that there's a fine line between love and hate. I never really got it. I always thought it'd be impossible to dislike someone that you care for. It just didn't make sense.

I guess now is an example of it. I still don't understand it though. Sad, eh?

When I asked Remus about it, he tried to explain it to me. It was a couple years ago when I asked, and now that I think about it, I'm pretty amazed at how mature Remus was back then. But I guess he'd have to grow up pretty quickly, wouldn't he?

Oh, right. Back on subject.

What he said was no matter whether it's really hate or love, when you feel that strongly about someone you sort of become infatuated. You know, you think and talk about them all the time. I guess that's true between me and Snape. I just always figured it was hate because most of the talking about him was plotting pranks and most of the thinking about him was about all the stuff he'd done and said to us.

I guess it's kinda the same though, in a way. I mean, if I loved someone I'd think about them all the time, just what I loved about them I guess. And if I talked about them all the time, it'd be pretty much about the same thing I think.

So the common factor is pretty much dwelling on the other person. I do that with Snape. But could it really be love?

When I think of love, I think of growing old together. Can I envision me and Snape together in 50 years?

Me, still as good looking as ever. Snape, greasy hair with bits of white. Yeah, got the mental image.

But, us getting along together? I can envision that about as easily as I can growing old with Professor McGonagall. Of course, a week ago I'd curse you for even hinting a kiss between Snivellus and myself.

Snivellus. He really hates that nickname. But he was such a crybaby in first year. I couldn't help it. I didn't think it'd stick. He tried one on me, I can't even remember it now. I guess that shows how good it was. Look, I've gotten off track again.

I just can't think about all this right now. It's too surreal I think. I mean, I kissed Snape. What the hell was I thinking!

I've asked myself that so many times in the past hour or so. I wish I could talk to someone. James wouldn't understand, and Remus would make me tell James just because he's on this "honesty or nothing" trip. It's a bit insane, since this morninig he told us all in succession what our morning breath reminded him of.

I found out that there isn't a strike four, but I think I've just hit it again in going off track. I think I need to try to sleep on this. Maybe it'll make more sense in the morning.

At the very least, I should find Snape and talk to him. Hopefully we'll talk. It'd be just that much more confusing if we spent the day snogging.