Down The Slide… Into the Vortex of Nonsense!
A/N: This story is completely random, completely AU, and completely OOC. I wrote this before I saw Stargate Atlantis's Intruder (ep. 202) so it's a little outdated. Oh yeah, and if anyone can find the point of this story, kindly email me! So, I warned ya: This story makes no sense and doesn't even try to! It doesn't even bother explaining anything at all! Stop now if you do not wish to be utterly confused or severely harmed.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine! Oh, I can wish, can't I?
The First Spiral Down Into The Vortex of Nonsense
Major John Sheppard waited for his next mission, tapping his foot on the ground impatiently. This was boring! He didn't have to wait this long any other days. What was up with this? I mean, this was good, considering nobody is getting hurt and there are no wraith attacks, but come on, there had better be something fun soon or else… or else, the Major could not think of anything and continued tapping his foot.
"… tap into the quantababble babble babble," McKay said as he stormed into the room. Well, that's what Sheppard heard, not exactly what Rodney had said.
"Major, for the last time, if you want to bug somebody, go to Carson, or even Zelenka, but not me!" he hissed.
"Ouch McKay, bad moon rising, much?" Sheppard said with a feigned hurt expression, "You should ask Weir for some Midol."
Just then, much to Sheppard's bad luck, Weir stepped into the room with her hands on her hips, glowering at him.
"What did you just imply, Major?" she asked, "That I'm grouchy, moody, and prone to breakdowns! Men! They don't understand anything!"
With that little outburst, she exited the room whilst McKay and Sheppard looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces.
"Let us never mention that again," McKay said, still trying to get his heartbeat to calm down.
"Point taken," Sheppard replied.
Ford jumped into the room with a grin as wide as a mile.
"Guess what?" he said as he chuckled, unable to contain his excitement.
"What's up Ford?" Sheppard said, rising to his feet. Perhaps, he wasn't going to be bored anymore!
"I made a… slide!" Ford shouted as he jumped up and down.
McKay stepped away from Ford, grasping at his heart. The kid was crazy and he needed to get out of harm's way as soon as possible.
"You gotta see it Major! It's… the biggest, smoothest, coolest slide you will ever see!" Ford exclaimed, "And I reserved the first slide for my best commanding officer!"
Sheppard's mind, like Rodney's heart, was going to explode. This was a brilliant idea! The two military men were jumping up and down like a couple of giggling school girls. They dashed out of the room with a reluctant, limping McKay following.
XXXXX
"NOOOOOO!" Ford howled. His scream of anguish echoed throughout the halls of Atlantis.
"What's wrong little buddy?" Sheppard asked.
"Look!" he said as he pointed at his huge slide, starting from the balcony and ending at the water surrounding Atlantis. People were crowded around it and waiting for their turn.
"It's awesome!" Sheppard yelled, "What's the problem?"
"Look!" Ford gasped as he bent down on the ground with his hands on his head.
There was a lone figure standing at the very top of the slide. Sure enough, it was Teyla and she was going to be the first one to break in Ford's Super Slide.
"I wanted you to be the first on it!" Ford sputtered.
Sheppard grinned and patted his friend on the back, "I love it Ford! Who cares who goes on it first!"
Ford stopped rocking back and forth and looked up at the Major, "You really mean it? You're right! Let's go Super Sliding!"
He jumped up and pushed his way through the crowd. Sheppard followed as he dragged a breathless McKay along.
As Teyla was about to sit down and slide, Ford shouted for her to wait.
"Greetings friends! I see you have built this… slide… and I thought it would be great as part of my training," Teyla said.
"Whoa, this slide's so huge that five people can fit on it!" Sheppard said.
"Well," gasped McKay, "That counts me out… I'll just be waiting up here for you guys."
"The more the merrier Major!" Ford said as he hopped up and down.
"I know who needs to have a dose of Super Sliding fun!" Sheppard said mischievously.
The people started to chant 'Super Slide' and waited excitedly to see the flagship team take the plunge.
Sheppard radioed Weir, "Oh Dr. Weir, I think we have a crowd control problem at the balcony. You should get here asap."
Ford and Sheppard exchanged knowing smiles.
After a few minutes, there was someone pushing through the crowd. When the person got closer to the slide, they could hear the familiar scolding voice.
"…excuse me! People, this is not some kind of children's theme park—" Elizabeth Weir stopped dead in her tracks as she gazed at the massive slide in front of her. She didn't know how she could have missed that humongous slide hanging down the side of the city.
"Welcome to the party!" Sheppard and company greeted her.
Well, McKay was motioning for her to run away and to take him with her.
"What the hell is going on?" she screeched.
"We're going on a little trip and you're coming with us," Sheppard said.
Ford and Teyla had grabbed McKay, who was trying to escape. Sheppard grabbed Elizabeth's arm.
"And off we go!" Sheppard shouted as he pushed her down the slide. He followed as Ford and Teyla jumped down with McKay in hand.
The five slid down the Super Slide while loud cheers came from the crowd.
Sheppard's hair was flying all over the place. It was getting messier than usual and his smile was getting wider than normal. Ford was screaming at the top of his lungs. McKay, unfortunately, was belly down with his legs sticking up in the air and his head craning upwards. Teyla's hands were in the air as she joined Ford in screaming. Elizabeth was still trying to hold on to her glower as they went faster and faster down the slide.
"Having fun Liz?" Sheppard hollered.
"I'll kill you," she growled.
"I second that!" McKay yelled.
"Wooohoooo!" Ford screamed.
"Amazing!" Teyla shouted.
The slide seemed to go on forever and forever. Ford stopped screaming, Teyla put her arms down, and even Elizabeth stopped glaring.
"Not to say that this isn't cool Ford," Sheppard said as slid closer to Ford, "But when does it end?"
"According to my calculations," gasped McKay as he tried to rollover, "the slide ended 20 minutes ago."
"You had enough time to calculate all that?" Weir asked.
"As a genius, of course I had to time to calculate that and look, I even had some time to spare," McKay snapped back.
"Do you not think we should call for help?" Teyla asked.
"Of course, but something's wrong," Sheppard said as he tried to radio for help and only got static.
"S-sir…" Ford said.
"What?" Sheppard said as he fiddled with the radio.
"Um… Incoming…" Ford started.
"Wormhole!" McKay shouted.
"What the…" Sheppard looked up and sure enough, there was a shimmering pool of blue light in front of them.
"What do we do?" Ford frantically asked.
"Nothing more we can do," Elizabeth replied and as she pushed the Major down to go ahead of them, yelled, "And off we go!"
A/N: See? Don't say I didn't warn you!