Shakespeare Solves Everything
Author's Note: I wrote it when I was 11, 'kay? xx Corny ending. R&R.
It was a rather cold winter morning, as Sirius Black stirred to the sound of an owl pecking at his window. He dragged himself from bed, scratching his dark hair so that it was messier than it already was. One eye half-opened, as Sirius looked down at the clock, then up at the window. It was five in the morning. Stumbling to the window, he opened it, allowing the owl to come in and drop a parcel upon his bed, with a letter attached. The owl pecked at his ear briefly.
"Whaddya want, Kal?" Sirius' words came out in a groggy mumble. "I don't have any food, Kal!" His words were a bit louder and more distinct this time.
Kal let out an earsplitting hoot, so loud that James Potter awoke from a nightmare, or so it seemed. "No, not the hinkypunks! Anything but that! SACRIFICE THE SOCKS!" He snapped up.
Sirius snorted. "It's just Kalandra. Someone sent a parcel, and she thinks she deserves food -- which I don't have!" He glared at Kal, who gave another indignant hoot before soaring out the window into a blinding-white sky.
"Er…yeah, I knew that," James lied. "Say, mate, what time is it?"
Sirius pointed to the clock disgustedly. "Five-oh-six! Bloody owl…"
"Well!" James grinned, and reached on his bedside table for his glasses. "I can't possibly get to sleep now, you know. I think I'll have to go exploring a bit; you in?"
"You know it! Get out the cloak, I'll go put on my robes." Sirius disappeared under his bed, rummaging around. Feeling something sticky, he lit his wand. "Oh, man! I wondered where this went…" He looked at the half-eaten strawberry crème puffball. "Still looks good." Shrugging, he grabbed his robes, which were covering a few Muggle comics.
"Got 'em?" James asked, appearing before him with his robes on, and the invisibility cloak draped over his shoulder.
Sirius nodded, and slipped on his robes, before going to join James under the cloak.
The two mischief-makers crept past the fireplace, laughing. They already had a plan figured out. They were going to sneak into the Slytherin Boys Dormitory, and hex Snape, the greasy-haired, hook-nosed prat. That is, if they had not been stopped by Lily Evans, goody-goody of the century.
"I know you're here, James, lurking about! I can hear you breathing!" she said in a furious whisper. "You really want to get more House Points taken away, don't you? Well, I won't let you pass." She reached out, and felt around in the air. Then, grasping the cloak, she ripped it away from James and Sirius. "So, you're accompanying him, Black? Look, you two better go back to the Dormitory, or I'll report you to the Headmaster!"
Sirius laughed. "Evans, Evans! You apparently don't understand. You can't make us do anything. And if you tell the Headmaster, we'll be getting House Points taken away, anyhow." He flashed her a smirk, his brown eyes twinkling among the firelight.
"I'd do it just for the pleasure of getting you two caught, I would!" she fussed back. Her face was nearly as red as her hair, now. "Just you --"
James cut her off, finally being able to speak after such a stunner. "Just let us pass. We have hardly any time left." He looked at his watch, and the hand was between 'Sleep' and 'DADA'. They only had about thirty minutes left to sabotage Snape.
"That's good. I'll just keep you here until class time." Her bright green, almond-shaped eyes flashed dangerously. "Or until I can report you to the Headmaster!"
"You can't report us for being awake early. You have no proof we had bad intentions! Furthermore, we can leave if we wish!" James stormed past Lily, snatching the invisibility cloak out of her hands, with Sirius following behind him, quite shocked.
"James, what has gotten into you! You…you…you just! Do you KNOW what you did! Lily Evans! LILY EVANS!" Sirius was at a lack of breath -- and belief.
He draped the invisibility cloak over the two of them. "Not so loud. Someone might hear us," James said coldly. "She was getting on my last nerves! That goody-two-shoes is always trying to get people out of trouble by being a rude, obnoxious know-it-all!"
"Er…easy there, mate…she's just being herself. Well, which is a rude, obnoxious know-it-all, but still! She can't help it. It would do you some justice to study a bit more anyhow. Then you could know more than her, which would make you a know-it-all!" He grinned, not having the slightest idea what he really said.
"Stay away from the expired crème puffballs. Especially the strawberry ones," James retorted coldly. "Look, come on, there's the door right there." He lowered his voice to a whisper.
"What's the password again? Ah, wait. I know. Salazar!" The stone entryway opened, to reveal a Common Room of stone.
"It's freezing in here," James hissed, so that only Sirius could hear him. Sirius nodded in agreement as they made their way quietly up to the Boys Dormitory. Little did they know someone -- or something -- was following the two.
Later that day, James Potter and Sirius Black could be found scrubbing every inch of the second floor. It turns out, Lily had decided to follow them with the accompaniment of the Headmaster. So, there they were, in detention -- lucky not to be expelled. As of now, they were cleaning the Defense Against the Dark Arts room.
"That was a crummy idea," James moaned. Professor Elthrid glared at them, hissing for them to "shut their mouths before they got double detentions."
Soon, Professor Elthrid had gone to sleep -- courtesy of Sirius, who had slipped a large amount of Sleeping Draught into her goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
"Can you believe this? Bloody hell! Just sentence us to a life imprisonment in Azkaban, why don't you? Elthrid would've, that b -"
Sirius cut short James words as he had done with Lily. "Calm down…it's just a bit of cleaning. I do it all the time back home."
"But I don't! It's. Not. Fair." James had a look of pure rage upon his face. He tousled his hair, making it even messier.
"Look who's sounding like Evans now," Sirius replied icily.
"What! I am not! All she does is complain and … correct … Okay, I guess I am. But it's only 'cause I'm mad. How often do you get detention, which is all to blame on the love of your life?" James said, sounding very hurt.
"Pfft. Love of your life…you're over exaggerating, mate. Look, let's just get this over with. I'd rather be serving triple Potions than this."
"I'm never going to pull a stunt like that again…well, maybe. But if I do, I'm not getting caught! We should have just kept walking." James was clearly extremely angry.
"Calm DOWN!" cried Sirius for the second time, as they headed to the Common Room. It was one-o-clock; the two had been cleaning all day, and they had to make up their classes and homework the next day.
"I know, I'm pretty mad too," Sirius continued. "But honestly…what do you expect from 'the love of your life'?"
James sighed. "You do have a point. Lily --"
"Oh, look. There's Miss Evans now," sneered Sirius bitterly.
"Black, shut up for once," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Look, James, I wanted to apologize for how I was acting the -- "
"Save it, Evans. You can take your excuse and shove it up your -- "
"JAAAAAMES!" Sirius cried, dragging him away from Lily. "Girl you are totally in love with apologizing here. Duh! I may despise Lily more than I despise that idiotic Professor Elthrid, however, you should take this as a chance to reconcile with her. You are totally not the same without her."
James took a deep breath. "I guess you're right. I'm just a little worked up about all the trouble she's caused me, y'know? Well, I guess I'll apologize too." He put a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Thanks, mate."
Sirius suppressed a small smile. "Anytime," he said, then headed out of the Common Room and to the kitchens.
James walked back over to Lily. "I'm sorry, Lily. I accept your apology and I hope you'll accept mine. I was just so angry about how you'd gotten me into trouble and such. I've been sort of a nervous breakdown lately 'cause Lily, without you, I'm just not…me. I love you, Lil."
Lily smiled, and her glorious red hair glistened in the firelight of the Common Room, and her bright green almond shaped eyes welled up with tears. They spilled, rolling down her cheeks, and she sniffled happily.
"Lily, what's wrong? I didn't mean to make you cry…" James said gently.
"Oh, James, you didn't make me sad…because I love you too," she said, her voice soft, as she touched her cheek, wiping away the tears.
"But soft what light through yonder window breaks?
It is in the east and Lily is the sun!
Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid, art far more fair than she…
The brightness of her cheek would shame the stars
As daylight does a lamp: her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans upon her hand.
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek …"
James recited this with such precision and such emotion in his voice, and Lily gasped.
"Shakespeare!" Lily cried happily. "Oh, James," she said again. "Oh, James." She leaned in slowly, and James began leaning in too, leaning, leaning ever so slowly and carefully until their lips met. And James Potter held Lily Evans and Lily Evans held James Potter and they stopped kissing and then sat on the Common Room couch watching the flickering flames of the fire, and soon Lily nodded off on James' shoulder and they had both had the most magnificent night of their lives.