Chapter Four
I'm sorry to say that you have mistakenly come upon this Fan Fiction story. For in it are recorded the lives of the three Baudelaire children, which, if you have read any other ones, you undoubtedly don't want to read. I shouldn't mention the dreaded contents of this story, particularly a loud boy, a stuffed tiger, an authoritative reputation, a red herring, and two poor and helpless Quagmire triplets.
Calvin, Hobbes, Mac and Bloo were arriving in the middle of the town the Baudelaire's first lived in, and they turned to see a burned down mansion.
"That's usual," Calvin said, "Come on, we need to find Lemony Snicker.
"That's Lemony Snicket," Mac corrected.
"YEAH, WHATEVER, NO ONE ASKED YOU!" Calvin and Bloo said together, "If someone knew I was reasoning with a boy that looks like a girl, the least I could do is to make that reputation authoritative," they said together again.
HHHHHHHHAAAAAA-
"Yeah, yeah, enough with the hallelujah angel noise," Hobbes said, "Can we please just rescue Lemony Snicket and the Quagmires, grab a soda, and go home please?"
"That's right, Hobbes," Calvin said, "First we need to find the dude, and then we need to block all the jailhouses in the area. Or just get him in the box. Here we goooooooooooo!" and they were off in two seconds.
"I'll just give coordinates to the computer to find Lemony," Calvin explained, "and we'll finally get to see his face!"
"Do you think he's old?" Hobbes asked.
"No," Calvin said, "In fact, I think he's in his thirty's! I read it in a newspaper article in the Providence Journal when the tenth book came out."
"Wow!" Mac and Hobbes said together.
"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, belahh," Bloo said, annoyed, "Can't you talk about something interesting, like Frank-"
"Were here!" Mac exclaimed, and sure enough, they'd arrived on a dock, and on it was a man in a tan trench coat and a hat, and he was facing the inky lake, but after all Calvin, Hobbes, and Mac read they couldn't take it anymore. They ran over to the man, and looked him directly in the face.
He was a funny looking man, for his face was quite young and chubby, and you'd picture him older, but he did have that reluctant look, so he hid his face with his coat, and said, "Go away, please. The authorities are hot on my trail, and I need to escape."
"THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE TO DO, YOU DUMB RESEARCHER!" Calvin yelled, "GET IN THE BOX, WERE GOING TO RESCUE THE QUAGMIRES!"
"How?" Lemony Snicket asked curiously.
"DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, JUST GET INSI-"
"Calvin, this man needs help, and so do the Quagmires," Mac said, " Come on Lemony, apparently the box they have works."
"What is it?" Lemony whispered to Hobbes.
"A time machine," Hobbes whispered back, "And don't say, 'Although I wish I could go back in time and stop the Baudelaire's from doing this or that, I can't.' Don't dare say it, it's soooooooooooooooooo annoying."
"Are we ready?" Mac called. They all ran into the box, Lemony with some doubt, but as soon a Calvin turned it on, it started up immediately, and blasted into the air.
The time machine arrived in front of a sort of hall. A crowd of people were coming out of it and slipping on what looked like Very Fancy Dollies. But three children had managed not to slip and were at the front of the group, and the five time travelers saw with great astonishment that these children were the Baudelaire's.
"Stop!" Violet screamed, "the Quagmires are in that a fish statue in that truck!"
"I'll stop them!" said someone who looked like Mr. Poe.
"No, I'll do it!" said someone else
"No, I'll do it!"
"No, I'll do it!"
"No, I'll do it!"
Bloo and Calvin seemed to be sweating. There goes my authoritative reputation, they both thought. Then they both burst out, "WE'LL DO IT!" And they ran towards the truck without slipping over any dollies, and they clanged to the handle. It was difficult to hold on to a vehicle in motion, especially if the driver had hooks instead of hands, so Calvin and Bloo waved their hands so they were reflected in the side mirrors so the hook-handed man would stop and get rid of the rescuers. He stopped to do this, but as soon as the truck was still, Calvin and Bloo opened the doors, got the red herring, which was a fish, and not something to fool you, and they opened the doors again so the hook-handed man was knocked aside, and they ran out carrying the statue to the Baudelaire's. They opened it up and out burst the Quagmires, who hugged the Baudelaire's. Calvin considered this as a gross moment in the history of the G.R.O.S.S club, but there was more to come.
"And these people saved us!" Isadora exclaimed, and hugged Calvin. Calvin first thought of using his authoritative rep again, but then he thought of how bad he felt for them. He let it pass. Next on the hug list was Bloo, who barely noticed the squeeze because he was busy doing some congratulatory paddle ball, but he muttered a, "You're welcome," when he heard a thank you. Next was Mac and Hobbes, but they said, "But we didn't do anything.
"Yes you did," Calvin said, who was feeling less rebellious than usual, "You arrived with us in the nick of time, and you wanted to save the Quagmires. Especially Hobbes."
They got their hugs. Mac blushed a little bit, but Hobbes just violated twenty G.R.O.S.S rules, in which Calvin was disgusted at.
"And Mr. Snicket is here!" Mac said excitedly, "Look!" but his smile faded. Lemony Snicket had vanished, probably to avoid the authorities, do more research, and find his earlier self.
"Snicket?" Klaus said, "That name sounds familiar.
"No doubt," Isadora said, "His first name is-"
"Alright!" Mr. Poe suddenly interrupted out of nowhere, "Who up for a picnic?" Everyone cheered and started to get supplies, but all five orphans asked the travelers "Aren't you coming?"
"I'm afraid not," Calvin said, "We need to get home. But I hope your lives turn out better, and I hope Count Omar is caught. Because he's getting away." And sure enough, Gunther, Esmé, and the hook-handed man had driven away before the Procrastinating Police could capture them. Calvin took this opportunity to go in the air. But Mac called out last minute good-byes to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, Duncan and Isadora Quagmire before going back to Foster's. But when they were back in Bloo's room, things were going bad with SpongeBob and Patrick.