What's A Matter You Koenma?
Author: Miklusca
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Language. Rude hallucinations. Minor drug.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or the characters.
Feedback: Please R&R
Summary: Koenma hallucinates about pink animals, tutus and other object talking to him after eating some brownies.
Koenma sat in his office, yawning and flipping through papers. 'Man I'm bored.' He thought with a sigh, sucking on his pacifier in teen form. He stood up and stretched. "George, I'm going for a walk." Koenma told the frowning Ogre. "But sir..." He began and Koenma cut him off with a glare. "Of course." George said smiling with sweatdrops and the God walked by. With his stomach growling he went to the giant kitchen.
With a look around in the fridge Koenma seen a plate of brownies with a card. "DO NOT TOUCH! YAMA'S BROWNIES!" Koenma read aloud and blew a raspberry. 'He doesn't need them. I mean look how big he is.' He thought and took four brownies from the plate. After getting a glass of milk he started eating. 'Taste kind of wierd. I can't place the taste. Oh well, theyr'e good.' Koenma thought and finished with a whistle, walking around. He groaned as he suddenly got a stomach cramp and ran to the bathroom. Sighing he sat down and crude noised insued.
Koenma yawned and dozed off with his pants down, still on the toilet. With a snort he woke up. "Holy shit! The smell!" He yelled gagging and quickly wiped, then flushed. After washing his hands Koenma left the bathroom. "Damn! Took you long enough!" A small pink elephant said, making Koenma pause. "I thought I was going to piss myself." The elephant went into the bathroom and the God stared. 'What the hell?' Koenma thought. 'Why would an elephant be using an inside toilet?' He walked down the hall and noticed the walls had changed color.
"Who painted the walls?" Koenma asked the lamp. "It's always been that way." The lamp answered. "You lie." A picture frame retorted. "I don't lie! That's for snobs like you." The lamp growled and the two continued to argue. In a flash of pink smoke a gypsy lion appeared. "Oh how fabulous!" The lion spoke in a feminine tone. "You look sweet today Koenma. You must tell me your secret." He chuckled and Koenma mumbled.
Yusuke and Kuwabara watched him. ''Uh. Who's he talking to?' Yusuke questioned. "I don't know, I don't see anything." Kuwabara said. "What's wrong with his eyes?" He asked and they seen the God's pupils that were huge and twitching. "I don't know Kuwabara." Yusuke answered and Koenma looked at them. "They're fighting again." He slurred and they raised an eyebrow. "Who's fighting?" Yusuke asked. "The lamp and picture frame of course." Koenma said.
"Okay. I think we should go." Yusuke said and the two ran off to tell Kurama and Hiei. "I think he finally snapped." Yusuke said and Kuwabara suggested. "Maybe he's sick. Maybe he has a fever and is hallucinating." Yusuke shrugged. "Lets just go." He said and they hurriede.
Meanhwile Koenma roamed from the castle to outside. "Hey!" Koenma turned to who talked to him and seen three small pink elephants along with two trees. All sported gang cloths and poses. "You're in our territory essey!" One elephant said, holding a knife. "I'll cut you good you bastard!" They spoke with spanish accents. "This isn't gang land!" Koenma argued. "Come on!" The third elephant yelled and pointed a gun sideways. "I'll bust a cap in your ass! Ya priss!" A shot rang out from the other end as a rival gang of zoo animals attacked.
Koenma ran to get away from the pink gang fight and the clouds laughed smugly. "Look at that Roger! You can't buy entertainment like this anymore." The pink cloud said in a stuck up tone. 'I know Jeffry, unless it's a bunch of bums fighting for food." The purple one said and they chided in haughty laughter. Koenma wondered around until Botan stopped him. "What the matter Koenma? What's wrong with your eyes?" She asked pointing.
"Those clouds are awfully stuck up for being in the sky all day." He said and Botan raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. I think you need to lay down." She said and Koenma strained his neck, looking all around. His eyes bugged out at some unseen figures. "Run! We're under attack from the army of the flying tutu's!" Koenma yelled and grabbed Botan, before breaking into a run.
Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara and Yusuke's eyes bulged out as Koenma ran past them with Botan. "Run you guys! It's attack of the killer tutu's!" The God yelled. "Oh yeah, he's gone." Hiei said and they nodded. 'I think you're right." Kurama said as he watched the smoke trail.
"Koenma! Let me go!" Botan yelled and Koenma screams as they entered the pink gangland. "Yo! You're back again?" On of the trees said. "Let's ice them!" The other tree said and the pink gangters ran after them with knives and guns drawn. The clouds up above shot bubbles of acid and Koenma dragged Botan inside the castle. The ogres watched as he bolted the doors tight. The gangsters and tutu's banged on the door, demanding to be let in.
"You'll never get in here!" Koenma yelled at the door. He shrieked when the pink animals, trees, and tutu's came out of the wall. "We're going to eat your eyes essey!" One elephant said and Koenma ran screaming as the pink creatures took out forks and knives.
Kuwabara yelled as Koenma plowed him over. "They want to eat my eyes!" The God yelled and was picked up by his father Yama. "So you're the one that ate my 'special' brownies!" Yama growled. "Special?" Botan questioned. "Yes. My hemp brownies." Yama said and Yusuke burst out laughing. "So that's why he's wigging out! He's high!" He laughed and Yama took the babbling Koenma away. "Better isolate you." Yama said and they headed to the dungeon so he could be detoxed. "This is retarded." Hiei said shaking his head and left.
The End