I've been lying in this bed forever, and I just about can't stand it anymore. I can smell my lunch but I'm not going to eat. I'm not going to grope around like some animal trying to find the food to put it in my mouth.
What's left now? A lifetime of being cared for?
No, I don't want to hold the fork or spoon or whatever it is. I can't see the food! Just leave me alone!
I just hit someone. I really didn't mean to do that. I pull my hands to my chest and hope I look contrite. No one touches me or tries to get me to hold a utensil. I guess I made my point.
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Okay, that wasn't one of my finer moments. I know they're trying to help. I'm just tired of waiting for everything to come back. I want to see and hear again.
I…will.
Teal'c has come in. He hasn't touched me but I can detect his scent. I know why he's here. Everyone else is afraid that I'll throw another tantrum. I can't imagine what Teal'c would do if I belted him. I hope he'd give me the benefit of the doubt.
The food is still here somewhere. I can smell it. Chicken. I'm starved. So how stubborn should I be?
I just don't want to give in to my helplessness. Somehow I feel that if I do, this mess will become permanent. Kinda superstitious, I guess, but right now I don't have much to hold on to.
Dammit. I'm too hungry to keep this up. I reach out in the direction that the food should be. Let's play 'baby feeding himself.' Should be fun to watch. But I don't have any dignity left.
What…who…must be Teal'c. He's putting something in my hand. Probably a fork. Now he's guiding my hand. The utensil reaches my lips, and I can smell chicken. I open my mouth and the food goes in neatly and without smearing on my cheek or chin.
I can't…
The chicken sits in my mouth as I try not to cry. I have to press my lips together to keep the sudden rush of saliva from overflowing. My free hand, the one that Teal'c is not holding, covers my face.
My other hand is still being held by Teal'c.
So gentle. I'd give anything to be able to see Teal'c's face. I need to tell him…
I need to thank him. His hand tightens around mine. If I'm not careful I'm going to accidentally spit out my bite of chicken. I begin to chew, hoping that the movement will keep my emotions under control. I can't believe I'm so close to crying.
Teal'c knows. His strength is palpable through his fingers. He is a warrior; he is my friend. I always knew this, but when I was able to see him I didn't realize that I needed to see him.
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Sam spent quite a bit of time with me today. I never noticed before how nice she smells. Flowery. Sweet. Very…nice. Comforting. She has a very gentle touch. I guess most people don't see…realize that she's more than a soldier. I feel comforted when she's nearby. Like she's a sister…mother. Okay, that's weird. I'm having some pretty strange thoughts lately. Too much time to spend just thinking. I almost want to send Sam away so that she can help Dr. Fraiser work on finding a cure for me. Between the two of them I'm sure that they'll find something…
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Ouch! I know I said that. Dr. Fraiser takes way too much pleasure in giving shots. Here I am, minding my own business, and the next thing I know my gown is pulled aside and my butt is a pincushion.
I wonder what this shot is for. Maybe it's a cure.
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It wasn't. A cure. I'm still in the wonderful world of darkness and silence.
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Okay, I'm officially desperate. I've got to get out of this bed. No. Out of this infirmary.
How closely are they watching me? I think it's night. Things slow down at night, and they haven't bothered me for awhile.
How far can I get? This should be funny.
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This is not funny. I have no clue where I am. Where are all my keepers? I just got out of bed and walked…somewhere.
Actually, I'm probably in the hall. I knew which direction to go, and away I went. Now, however, I'm stumped.
And kinda scared. I guess I could start calling. Hey, helpless patient is stuck somewhere. Come help him.
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No one's come. I can't believe this. I thought I was heading back toward the infirmary, but I ran into a door. Went back, found another door. No infirmary. No help. Hello? Anyone there?
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I know Janet's yelling at me. Can't see or hear her, but I can guarantee she's venting big time. The pressure of her hand on my arm is a dead giveaway. For a small woman she's pretty strong.
Okay, you can get your nails out of my skin anytime now. I promise I won't go exploring anymore.
Won't go anywhere.