A Place In My Heart

Chapter Seven

Christine paced her room, trying to put off boredom. There was only so much you could in the one room and she had been in here for days now. The very final resort was leaving the room and subjecting herself to Thomas' company. She hadn't become that desperate just yet.

She looked out at the estate. It was a beautifully sunny day and Christine couldn't help but feel rather cheered by the weather. She would have enjoyed it far more if she were in the castle with Erik, Meg, Nadir and Marie though.

She sighed and began to sing softly.

Think of me

Think of me fondly

When we've said goodbye

Was Erik thinking of her? She wondered. And even if he was, she doubted it would be fondly.

Remember me

Once in a while please

Promise me you'll try

Once in a while? Try all the time. That would be closer to the mark, she thought wryly.

When you find

That once again you long

To take your heart back and be free

If you ever find a moment

Spare a thought for me

This song seemed so very ironic, she thought. She never wanted to take her heart back. She hadn't. As far as she was concerned, Erik still possessed her heart. He always would.

We never said

Our love was evergreen

Or as unchanging as the sea

But if you can still remember

Stop and think of me

How easy it had been, in that castle, to think that things could stay the same forever. How easy to forget the outside world.

Think of all the things we've shared and seen

Don't think about the way things might have been

No, Christine thought fiercely. It wasn't enough to be happy with what they'd had together. That one night of love that she and Erik had shared would never be enough. She couldn't never stop thinking about what could have been. What they could have had together if it hadn't been for Thomas.

Think of me

Think of me waking

Silent and resigned

Erik… Erik waking alone.

Imagine me

Trying too hard to

Put you from my mind

Erik in the rose garden at night, playing the piano, sitting at his writing desk. Alone. Always alone. Christine's heart nearly broke then and there.

Recall those days

Look back on all those times

Think of the things we'll never do

There was so much that they hadn't done, how could she possibly think of them all? What they could have done… Christine's mind unconsciously flashed through events, marriage, children, everything that people in love had. It was the next line that made her realise exactly how she felt.

There will never be a day when

I won't think of you

Was this how she was to live the rest of her life? Pining for Erik until death claimed her. If this were the life she was to lead, she would welcome death. It seemed as though every second, Erik was further away. Even the marks on her skin were fading now. She sang the last line again, although more quietly, contemplatively.

"There will never be a day when I won't think of you…"

"You always did sing so beautifully." Thomas said. She hadn't heard him come in and turned sharply. He smiled at having surprised her. She looked at him for a moment and then looked back out of the window.

"You kept up your singing?" He said, joining her by the window. She didn't reply. Thomas sighed. "You know, you're making things very hard on yourself, Christine."

"No. You're doing that well enough for me, Thomas." She replied icily. Thomas smiled.

"Really, Christine, must you be so awkward? We will be happy enough here."

Christine stayed silent, staring out of the window. And then, without looking at him, she asked,

"Do you love me, Thomas?"

"Yes, Christine, I do." He said earnestly.

"You would do anything to make me happy?" She said, her eyes still fixed on the view.

"Within reason." He said, cautiously.

"Let me go. For all those years we spent together as friends, if they meant anything to you… you will let me go. Let me return to the castle." She looked at him, one hand still on the windowsill, her eyes imploring him. Thomas sighed.

"You know I won't do that."

"But you said that you loved me. If you truly loved me, you would want me to be happy and I can only ever be happy with Erik!" Christine cried.

Thomas ground his teeth.

"I would appreciate it, Christine, if you did not speak that name again in my presence." He turned but Christine caught his arm. The cold dignity that she had been clinging to had fallen away. Now she was bare and empty and pleading.

"Please, Thomas… please, just let me go." She begged. Thomas caught her arms and held her in front of him.

"No, Christine. I will never let you go."

She stared at him and then closed her eyes. She pulled out of his grasp and looked out of the window once more. Thomas watched her. After a few moment she said,

"You aren't the same person anymore, Thomas."

"I am."

"No. You're not. That little boy who I used to play with, who caught me when I fell out of the apple tree when we were seven… he never would have done this." Christine replied. Thomas smiled slightly at the memory.

"You shouldn't have been climbing the tree in the first place." He pointed out and Christine glanced at him in amusement.

"You shouldn't have been there at all. You were being punished for stealing the pudding from the kitchens and were supposed to be in your room."

"True." Thomas smiled. Christine gazed out of the window, a fond smile creeping across her lips.

"And that time when the three of us decided to build our own boat."

"Stealing pieces of wood from the stockpile."

"We got halfway across the lake before it sank. Raoul had to pull me back to shore because I couldn't swim." Christine laughed quietly. Thomas chuckled.

"You looked like a drowned rat."

"You didn't look much better!" Christine retorted.

They both became lost in their own thoughts, remembering their lost childhood. Christine leant against the windowsill.

"It was no fun afterwards, when you and Raoul got a new tutor. I wasn't allowed to have lessons with you anymore. I was stuck with Madame Trantole. The dullest woman to walk the earth."

"We got older. We didn't need children's games anymore." Thomas pointed out. Christine sighed.

"I know. I got caught up in my singing, Raoul was busy helping with the business and you were obsessed with your beloved horses."

"We still saw each other a lot. Besides, you and Raoul lived in the same house, you saw each other everyday." Thomas reminded her. She smiled and shrugged.

"It wasn't the same. Only when we read together was it really the same."

"Ah, yes. The Angel of Music. 'Little Lotte let her mind wander. Little Lotte thought-'"

"'Am I fonder of dolls or of goblins or shoes?'" Christine smiled. Thomas smiled too.

"'No, what I like best, Lotte said, is when I'm asleep in my bed'."

"And the Angel of Music sings songs in my head, the Angel of Music sings songs in my head…" Christine sang softly.

They fell silent again, both smiling at the memory. A frown crossed Thomas' face.

"And then… you and he decided that you wanted to get engaged." Christine looked at him sharply.

"Everyone else knew for years. It was also known that we would get married. We weren't forced into it, but we knew it nonetheless."

"And you never considered anything else." Thomas said bitterly. Christine closed her eyes.

"I loved him, Thomas. If I hadn't, I never would have said yes."

She looked out of the window, her arms wrapped around herself.

"But… I don't know if I would have been happy forever with him. The two people your men attacked, Nadir and Marie. They love each other. They aren't married; Marie had a daughter already, Meg. She's my age. Anyway… Nadir and Marie love each other. And whenever I saw them together, just doing little things like… like walking or playing cards, or just smiling at each other when they thought no one was looking. I don't know if Raoul and I could have had that simplicity. Something that pure and easy."

"Could you have that with me?" Thomas asked. Christine looked at him and shook her head.

"No, Thomas. There is only one person who I could happily spend the rest of my life with and you're not him."

"Erik." Thomas said bitterly.

Christine leant against the wall by the window.

"I'm sorry, Thomas. But I have given my heart to Erik, as well as my body. And I gave them willingly."

"You'll never see him again. Why do you still cling to the memories?" Thomas demanded. Christine looked at him sadly.

"Because I need the memories. It's all I have left of you and Raoul."

"I'm still here."

"No. No, you're not." She murmured. She looked at him and frowned.

Thomas was staring blankly into air, his face slack and eyes half closed and glazed. Christine didn't move and then she touched his shoulder.

"Thomas?" He looked at her quickly, seemingly confused and then smiled brightly.

"Ah, there you are, Christine. Come on, it's time for tea. We've got company." Christine stepped back but he seized her hand and pulled her towards the door.

"We can't keep them waiting, you know."

"Thomas, let me go!"

But he had pulled from the room, dragging her through corridors, down stairs. A servant caught sight of them and Christine looked at him. He looked worried and disappeared. Christine stared after him. What on earth was happening? What company could they have?

"Thomas, let me go." She said, pulling at his arm, but his grip on her hand was too tight. He opened the door to the sitting room and pushed her in. Christine stumbled forward, grabbing at a chair to prevent herself from falling. And then she realised that there were three people already in the room.

The de Chagny family.

Christine stepped back.

"My God…" She breathed. Raoul's parents and brother were staring at her in amazement.

"Christine… Christine, is that you?" Madame de Chagny said, standing. Christine took another step back and bumped into Thomas. He put his hands on her shoulders and smiled serenely at the stunned family.

"The prodigal daughter has returned."

"Christine!" Madame de Chagny rushed forward to embrace her but Christine had turned furiously on Thomas and spat,

"How dare you. After what you did, how dare you bring them here!"

"Christine, what's the matter?" Philippe said in amazement, seeing the girl he looked upon as a sister turn on someone who had been her closest friend.

"Philippe, I told you. Christine has been suffering from severe trauma and occasionally has these… turns." Thomas said calmly.

Christine glared at him.

"You disgust me, Thomas de Fenz."

"Christine, really." Monsieur de Chagny frowned. Christine turned to them pleadingly.

"You don't understand! He killed Raoul."

Stunned silence. Christine's heart lifted briefly and then sank as Madame de Chagny put a hand on her shoulder.

"Christine, you're not yourself. Sit down and have some tea. You've been gone for so long, we missed you dreadfully."

"He killed Raoul!"

"Don't say that, Christine." Philippe said gently. Christine looked despairingly at the three members of the de Chagny family and then turned to Thomas who looked at her calmly.

"Why are you doing this?" She whispered.

"It's alright, Christine. Everything will be fine."

"Thomas has told us that you intend to be married. I think that's a lovely idea." Madame de Chagny said kindly.

Christine felt ill. She stared at her and then looked at Thomas, shaking her head.

"No… no, we are not going to marry."

"Christine-"

"No! Thomas, stop lying to them. You killed Raoul and then you kidnapped Marie and then you tried to…"

She couldn't say it. It was too harsh, too sickening. But Thomas simply pulled her into a hug.

"Stop worrying yourself, my darling. I've been speaking with some doctors and they think, with time, she will make a recovery." He said to the de Chagny family, who were all watching pitifully. Christine pushed Thomas away, feeling tears well up. How could she possibly convince them that she was sane?

Christine looked at the de Chagnys.

"Please… please believe me, don't listen to him! I want to go back."

"You wish to come home with us?" Monsieur de Chagny asked. She shook her head, tears threatening.

"No. I want to go back to the castle. Please, don't let him keep me here."

"Castle?"

"Where she was taken after… after Raoul passed away." Thomas said delicately. Christine turned on him angrily.

"Murdered by you, Thomas! Don't lie to them anymore!"

"I think she holds me responsible. I should have been there, I should have… should have saved him…" Thomas said. He sank into a chair, his head in his hands. Christine fell back from him, a sob escaping her. Madame de Chagny rose and embraced her.

"Oh, my darling girl. You've been so brave."

"Madame, please. Please, let me go away from here. Just… just give me a horse and I'll leave." Christine begged. Philippe put a hand on her shoulder.

"You've been through so much, Little Lotte. You are safe here. There's no need to worry."

"Here is the one place where I am not safe. You don't know what he's done, why won't you just listen to me?" Christine cried.

Thomas stood and looked sadly at Christine.

"I promise you, Christine. I promise that you'll get well again."

"Stop it, Thomas!"

"I won't let anyone hurt you again." He said firmly, taking her hands in his. She pulled away, falling back against the wall.

"No!"

"I think we should go. She's so distressed." Monsieur de Chagny said quietly. Christine turned to them tears on her face.

"No… no, don't leave me with him!"

"It's alright, Christine. We'll come and see you again soon."

"Look what he did to me." Christine said, pulling back her hair to show the fading bruises on her neck. The three de Chagnys stared at them and Thomas said calmly,

"She has those when we found her. I've been trying to treat them but she won't let me."

Christine stared at him. He really had thought of everything. She closed her eyes in despair.

"I want to go back." She pleaded again. Philippe sighed.

"Christine, don't worry. Just concentrate on getting well again."

"I want Erik." She whispered.

Madame de Chagny frowned.

"Who is Erik?"

"Erik is the man who saved me. I love him, Madame, I want to be with him." Christine pleaded. They looked at Thomas who shook his head sadly.

"She's worse than usual today. There is no Erik."

That did it. Christine lifted her hand and moved to hit him. Madame de Chagny gasped but Thomas caught her hand. She fell forward and he held her tightly so she couldn't struggle. He put a hand on her hair, holding her to him.

"I won't let anyone hurt you again, Christine." He whispered. Before Christine could speak the de Chagnys had slipped out.

Her chance to escape was gone. She felt weak and when Thomas released her she fell against the wall, sobbing.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She whispered. Thomas stroked her hair and Christine heard the front door close. They were gone. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to staunch the tears. Thomas put his arms around her again, embracing her lovingly.

"It will be fine, my darling Christine."

"Don't touch me." She whispered. He looked down at her and she met his eyes. Hers were tearful but hatred shone through. "You say that you love me, but all you do is hurt me. I would rather die than be your wife, than lie in the same bed as you only to wake up every morning and see you there. I'd rather die."

Thomas stared at her. He brushed away her tears with the fingers of his right hand.

"You don't mean that."

"I do, Thomas. I mean it more than anything." She said viciously. Thomas frowned slightly.

"Would it be so bad to be my wife? Haven't I proved myself to you? I removed anything that got in the way of us being together, ensured that you would never have to leave my side again. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"You murdered Raoul, Thomas. In cold blood, in front of me. How could you possibly think that I could love you after seeing you do that? And then you have the nerve to lie to his family, to sit and drink tea with them, to tell them that I am insane!" Christine cried. He cupped her cheek with his hand.

"You will learn, Christine. You will learn to be happy, to lie beside me, to smile again."

She flinched away from his hand but he held her still, forcing a kiss on her lips. She whimpered but he held her against the wall with his body, kissing her, holding her tightly, possessively.

"No." She whispered despairingly.

"Shh… shh…" He hushed her, capturing her mouth with his own again.

"Please, Thomas, stop…"

"Never… never, my love…"

She let out a sob, but her mouth covered hers once again, his tongue probing, his hands twisted into her hair. When he finally drew back, his eyes were soft and loving, his hands running gently through her dark hair.

"I do love you, Christine."

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that." She whispered. He frowned and she stepped past him to the door. He turned to follow her and watched as she climbed the stairs, going back to her room.

A/N: Not much going on here! Lol, hope you enjoy it anyway. I wrote this story before 'The Phantom of the Opera', but it influenced it a lot.

Love

Katie