James
I HEARD HIS FIANCE GOT A LETTER,
THAT SAID HOW BILLY DIED THAT DAY,
THE LETTER SAID THAT HE WAS A HERO,
THAT SHE SHOULD BE PROUD THAT HE DIED THAT WAY,
I HEARD SHE THREW THAT LETTER AWAY…
"That's it!" cried Lily, exasperated. "I'm dumping you! Now we'll never get married and have a son named Harry who will save the world from Lord Voldemort!"
"What? Who? When? Where? Why?" asked James.
"Thank you so very much for enumerating the five W's," said Lily sarcastically.
"But - Lily- we can't break up!" James exclaimed, running his hand through his hair in agitation.
"Oh, alright," conceded Lily, "but only because your hair's so wonderfully disheveled. I always thought it was sexy, even if it does annoy me occasionally…it's turning me on just looking at it…" And, before James knew what had happened, Lily was once again furiously snogging him. (Yes, this whole thing IS about using the word "snogging" as many times as possible - very similar to the sixth book in that way.)
Just then, they heard footsteps coming down the hall. They quickly broke apart and tried to look casual James appeared to be trying a little TOO hard, going so far to as to shove his hands in his pockets, stare at the ceiling, and actually whistle.
Before long, Peeves appeared, dropping blackboard erasers as he went. The sound it made was remarkably like footsteps, which was probably what Peeves intended.
"Ickle Jamiekins and his sweetie - what COULD they have been doing, I wonder?" Peeves said, laughing maliciously.
"Peeves, I'm going to kill you!" threatened James.
"Kill me? You can't - it's one of the advantages of being a poltergeist! Hee hee hee!" laughed Peeves in delight.
"Oh, bugger off!" retorted Lily.
"So, Lillers wants to be alone with Pottie-poo…hee hee, I think I'll go tell McGonagall." And with that, Peeves floated away, not neglecting to drop an eraser on James as he floated over their heads. As Peeves went, he began singing yet another of his rude ditties:
"Oh, snogging in bathrooms were Evans and Potter,
He thought he was cuter, but Lillers was hotter,
Then McGonagall came and that teacher she caught 'er
And sent Lil to detention along with that rotter."
"How did he know about what we did in the bathroom?" asked Lily.
"Who cares?" said James irritably. "Listen, you'd better split. I'll go see Madame Pomfrey about --"
James
WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE,
A YELLOW SUBMARINE, A YELLOW SUBMARINE --
"Will you STOP THAT!" Lily said over him. "That's the most annoying song yet."
"No, there are more annoying songs - like this one:" said James.
James
I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES,
EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES,
I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES,
AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES;
I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS --
"Really!" exclaimed Lily. "It's annoying enough without you doing it on purpose!" She stormed off, leaving James wondering what he had done wrong. Shrugging, he set off to Madame Pomfrey's.
Madame Pomfrey was in the process of examining James. "Now, I need to examine the rest of your body - NAKED TIME!" And then they had sex. Just kidding! I do SO enjoy faking the reader out. Madame Pomfrey finished examining James, and gave him a potion to take.
"You may go now," she informed him.
"Er - can I put my clothes back on first?" asked James.
"No, the potion only works if you wander the castle naked for the next twenty-four hours." James was shocked, but an idea quickly came to him.
"Accio Invisibility Cloak!" he shouted, and the cloak came zooming. He fastened the cloak about him. Madame Pomfrey looked a tad disappointed.
"Oh, very well. It would have been funny, though," she said. And so, James spent the rest of his Friday and part of the next Saturday wandering the halls naked, but invisible.