REPOSTED MARCH 30th... NOW BETA READ
Disclaimer: See prologue
A/N: Thanks to my beta reader Audrey
Chapter 1
Feeling a faint pulse he levitated the unmoving form on his bed and desperate to find something to explain Harry's state, he began to undress him. Within seconds, he had Harry in only his underwear, but he couldn't see any injuries. The skin was the same as he remembered when he last saw him in this state if undress. Puzzled, he looked around the room hoping to find an answer. He was about to give up trying when he spotted the letter Harry left on the bedside drawer. He quickly opened the letter and started to read.
Dear Sev,
I am writing this to you since I could not leave without at least saying good bye. I cannot continue to live the way I did until now. Within the last couple of months I lost everything I had to live for. I lost you the worst way imaginable, then I lost my friends... and during the holidays I lost my last hope for happiness. I lived through enough pain – emotionally as well as physically – to not want to live a life without that...
Do not blame yourself. Dumbledore is the sole reason that I am taking this step. Believe me when I tell you that I thought about this for a long time, but I always found a reason to not take this last step... until now. The last reason was lost this summer.
Maybe I should have listened to the sorting hat and let it sort me into Slytherin. So much would have been different. I wouldn't have kept my hopes up that one day I would find a reason to completely trust Dumbledore... I only realised my mistake when it was too late. I shouldn't have ignored my feeling to be wary of him.
It all started sometime after you broke up with me. I got sick and a visit to Poppy revealed that I was pregnant. At first I thought that it was a plan of yours to hurt me, since you just broke up with me, but nevertheless I wanted this child. It was a short time before the summer holidays and I was desperate not to return to the Dursley's for fear of them finding out and taking drastic measures. I tried everything I could think of to remain here. I begged and tried every single reason for me to stay, all very logical, and Poppy even told Dumbledore about the pregnancy and the diet my cousin and therefore the whole family including me had to endure. Nothing helped. I was forced to spend the summer once again in my private hell.
During one of these meetings with Dumbledore I found out that he threatened you and forced you to end the relationship with me. You see, I have some abilities I never told anyone about...While attending primary school with Dudley I learned to hide to what I am able to do very well. And I never trusted anyone in the wizarding world with these secrets either. I learned to not trust in the muggle world as well. It became easier once I could use glamour spells.
At the beginning of the summer my dear relatives found out that I am gay thanks to one Ron Weasley.
I am sure you noticed that I am no longer friends with Ron and Hermione and knowing you, you most probably wonder about what happened. Well a confession on my side happened. I told them that I was gay. While I anticipated Hermione's reaction (although I hoped she wouldn't react that way) I did not think that Ron would react the way he did. His reaction was the total opposite of how I thought he would, what with half of his family being gay or at least bi. Needless to say that we did not speak much after that. The only time he spoke to me was to when he insulted me, which he also did at Kings Cross Station.
Unfortunately my uncle overheard this and once we arrived at Privet Drive I was punished for being more of a freak than I already was by being a wizard. Thus my normal summer from hell became even worse.
Fate decided to be especially cruel this summer: unknown to my uncle he gave me a birthday present he would have most delighted in. I received a birthday beating and due to all the previous strains on the protection spell on the baby (which Poppy was kind enough to put on) broke. What followed was the worst feeling ever, one I do not care about remembering, how I miscarried and with my child went my last hope, my last reason to live.
There are only three reasons I survived long enough to get to Hogwarts. The first is that I did not want to give my uncle the satisfaction of being the one that killed me and the second and third are nearly one and the same. I was desperate to see you one last time and wanted to say good bye to you. I can't leave without saying good bye, now can I?
By the time you will be reading this I will already be gone. I will be safe and with my parents again. In a world without pain, no matter what kind of pain it is.
I will fly to this peaceful world. Flying always made me feel free; it took all my worries and threw them away until I landed on the ground again.
I bet I will have a smile on my face.
I will be waiting for you there,
Until we see each other again,
Harry
Severus stared on the letter for a while before the contents completely sunk in. Once he realised what Harry had said he hurried over to the bed and tried to remove the glamour spell his lover had used on himself. He managed to break a few, but he was sure that there were more, but the ones he could remove were already enough to show many relatively fresh wounds out of which the blood was running relatively free. Upon seeing this he ran into his living room in order to be able to call Hogwarts resident medi- witch.
In less than 5 minutes Poppy Pomfrey stood in front of the Potions Master carrying her bag full of various supplies she thought most useful. She immediately inspected the man that called her from the bottom to the top and the first words out of her mouth were: "What happened exactly and where are you hurt?"
Realising that the witch though he just came back from a Death Eater meeting, Severus quickly ushered her to the bedroom while informing her of what happened: "I am fine but Harry Potter is gravely injured. He came down here for a short time, thinking I was asleep, in order to give me a letter he wanted me to read tomorrow. I wanted to tell him that I was awake, but he was on his way out again. Before he could reach the door he collapsed. I checked for a pulse and put him on the bed. I couldn't find any injuries and I found the letter he left. He mentioned glamour spells in it, so I tried to remove them... I was able to lift some, but I doubt that these were all... and you can see what appeared beneath those I managed to break."
When they arrived in the next room and Severus indicated the wounds he spoke about. Poppy's eyes widened slightly at what she saw, but she quickly regained her professional demeanour and started listing all injuries using a spell that every medi-witch and –wizard learned in the beginning of their education. She took a piece of parchment and held it in her hand, while muttering under her breath "Vulnos in tabulas referre"* and pointing her wand at Harry.
For what seemed like an endless amount of time the piece of paper filled up with letters forming words before it finally came to a stop. He heard Poppy gasp at the contents of the list and before he could ask about the extent of injuries, he was ordered to fetch potions and administer them. The next hour was spent using healing charms and salves as well as making him swallow a potion every now and then. This continued until the witch called a stop and sat on a chair nearby.
"He should be stable for now, but I don't know when he will wake up. For all I know he might never wake up. His injuries were very grave. What was in the letter he wrote and why would he write you, let alone bring it over in person? He could have used an owl," asked Poppy once she had caught her breath again.
Severus did not answer, but instead gave her the letter to read. He watched her face while she read the letter, all the time thinking about the contents of it himself. A thought occurred to him: His Harry wanted to jump to his death! He suddenly focused his eyes again and was about to ask the witch sitting in front of him a question when he heard his name being called from the next room.
tbc...
*Vulnos in tabulas referre – list/write down injuries in a list/table
I can't promise that this translation is right since I translated both out of german... so bear with me and overlook it if it isn't the correct translation... (
Review Responses:
Cassa_Andra: I hope that answers at least your question about what is wrong with Harry... I did not yet get as far as Harry waking up (which I do not plan for some time...), but I doubt that he will continue his plans
elusive_love: I hope you liked this chapter, now that I finally got around to posting it...
DaughterofDeath: Here is the new chapter...
linny: Here is more... I hope that I am able to post the next one sooner...
the counter: depends on you... I find that many have a different pov... But I hope that mine is a bit different... Tell me what you think after a few chapters...
GT: Thanks...
Cat15: Here is more... I hope you liked it... and sorry for the long wait...
Amethyst-Fairy: I am sorry I did not update sooner... I most certainly had planned to do it sooner...
Disclaimer: See prologue
A/N: Thanks to my beta reader Audrey
Chapter 1
Feeling a faint pulse he levitated the unmoving form on his bed and desperate to find something to explain Harry's state, he began to undress him. Within seconds, he had Harry in only his underwear, but he couldn't see any injuries. The skin was the same as he remembered when he last saw him in this state if undress. Puzzled, he looked around the room hoping to find an answer. He was about to give up trying when he spotted the letter Harry left on the bedside drawer. He quickly opened the letter and started to read.
Dear Sev,
I am writing this to you since I could not leave without at least saying good bye. I cannot continue to live the way I did until now. Within the last couple of months I lost everything I had to live for. I lost you the worst way imaginable, then I lost my friends... and during the holidays I lost my last hope for happiness. I lived through enough pain – emotionally as well as physically – to not want to live a life without that...
Do not blame yourself. Dumbledore is the sole reason that I am taking this step. Believe me when I tell you that I thought about this for a long time, but I always found a reason to not take this last step... until now. The last reason was lost this summer.
Maybe I should have listened to the sorting hat and let it sort me into Slytherin. So much would have been different. I wouldn't have kept my hopes up that one day I would find a reason to completely trust Dumbledore... I only realised my mistake when it was too late. I shouldn't have ignored my feeling to be wary of him.
It all started sometime after you broke up with me. I got sick and a visit to Poppy revealed that I was pregnant. At first I thought that it was a plan of yours to hurt me, since you just broke up with me, but nevertheless I wanted this child. It was a short time before the summer holidays and I was desperate not to return to the Dursley's for fear of them finding out and taking drastic measures. I tried everything I could think of to remain here. I begged and tried every single reason for me to stay, all very logical, and Poppy even told Dumbledore about the pregnancy and the diet my cousin and therefore the whole family including me had to endure. Nothing helped. I was forced to spend the summer once again in my private hell.
During one of these meetings with Dumbledore I found out that he threatened you and forced you to end the relationship with me. You see, I have some abilities I never told anyone about...While attending primary school with Dudley I learned to hide to what I am able to do very well. And I never trusted anyone in the wizarding world with these secrets either. I learned to not trust in the muggle world as well. It became easier once I could use glamour spells.
At the beginning of the summer my dear relatives found out that I am gay thanks to one Ron Weasley.
I am sure you noticed that I am no longer friends with Ron and Hermione and knowing you, you most probably wonder about what happened. Well a confession on my side happened. I told them that I was gay. While I anticipated Hermione's reaction (although I hoped she wouldn't react that way) I did not think that Ron would react the way he did. His reaction was the total opposite of how I thought he would, what with half of his family being gay or at least bi. Needless to say that we did not speak much after that. The only time he spoke to me was to when he insulted me, which he also did at Kings Cross Station.
Unfortunately my uncle overheard this and once we arrived at Privet Drive I was punished for being more of a freak than I already was by being a wizard. Thus my normal summer from hell became even worse.
Fate decided to be especially cruel this summer: unknown to my uncle he gave me a birthday present he would have most delighted in. I received a birthday beating and due to all the previous strains on the protection spell on the baby (which Poppy was kind enough to put on) broke. What followed was the worst feeling ever, one I do not care about remembering, how I miscarried and with my child went my last hope, my last reason to live.
There are only three reasons I survived long enough to get to Hogwarts. The first is that I did not want to give my uncle the satisfaction of being the one that killed me and the second and third are nearly one and the same. I was desperate to see you one last time and wanted to say good bye to you. I can't leave without saying good bye, now can I?
By the time you will be reading this I will already be gone. I will be safe and with my parents again. In a world without pain, no matter what kind of pain it is.
I will fly to this peaceful world. Flying always made me feel free; it took all my worries and threw them away until I landed on the ground again.
I bet I will have a smile on my face.
I will be waiting for you there,
Until we see each other again,
Harry
Severus stared on the letter for a while before the contents completely sunk in. Once he realised what Harry had said he hurried over to the bed and tried to remove the glamour spell his lover had used on himself. He managed to break a few, but he was sure that there were more, but the ones he could remove were already enough to show many relatively fresh wounds out of which the blood was running relatively free. Upon seeing this he ran into his living room in order to be able to call Hogwarts resident medi- witch.
In less than 5 minutes Poppy Pomfrey stood in front of the Potions Master carrying her bag full of various supplies she thought most useful. She immediately inspected the man that called her from the bottom to the top and the first words out of her mouth were: "What happened exactly and where are you hurt?"
Realising that the witch though he just came back from a Death Eater meeting, Severus quickly ushered her to the bedroom while informing her of what happened: "I am fine but Harry Potter is gravely injured. He came down here for a short time, thinking I was asleep, in order to give me a letter he wanted me to read tomorrow. I wanted to tell him that I was awake, but he was on his way out again. Before he could reach the door he collapsed. I checked for a pulse and put him on the bed. I couldn't find any injuries and I found the letter he left. He mentioned glamour spells in it, so I tried to remove them... I was able to lift some, but I doubt that these were all... and you can see what appeared beneath those I managed to break."
When they arrived in the next room and Severus indicated the wounds he spoke about. Poppy's eyes widened slightly at what she saw, but she quickly regained her professional demeanour and started listing all injuries using a spell that every medi-witch and –wizard learned in the beginning of their education. She took a piece of parchment and held it in her hand, while muttering under her breath "Vulnos in tabulas referre"* and pointing her wand at Harry.
For what seemed like an endless amount of time the piece of paper filled up with letters forming words before it finally came to a stop. He heard Poppy gasp at the contents of the list and before he could ask about the extent of injuries, he was ordered to fetch potions and administer them. The next hour was spent using healing charms and salves as well as making him swallow a potion every now and then. This continued until the witch called a stop and sat on a chair nearby.
"He should be stable for now, but I don't know when he will wake up. For all I know he might never wake up. His injuries were very grave. What was in the letter he wrote and why would he write you, let alone bring it over in person? He could have used an owl," asked Poppy once she had caught her breath again.
Severus did not answer, but instead gave her the letter to read. He watched her face while she read the letter, all the time thinking about the contents of it himself. A thought occurred to him: His Harry wanted to jump to his death! He suddenly focused his eyes again and was about to ask the witch sitting in front of him a question when he heard his name being called from the next room.
tbc...
*Vulnos in tabulas referre – list/write down injuries in a list/table
I can't promise that this translation is right since I translated both out of german... so bear with me and overlook it if it isn't the correct translation... (
Review Responses:
Cassa_Andra: I hope that answers at least your question about what is wrong with Harry... I did not yet get as far as Harry waking up (which I do not plan for some time...), but I doubt that he will continue his plans
elusive_love: I hope you liked this chapter, now that I finally got around to posting it...
DaughterofDeath: Here is the new chapter...
linny: Here is more... I hope that I am able to post the next one sooner...
the counter: depends on you... I find that many have a different pov... But I hope that mine is a bit different... Tell me what you think after a few chapters...
GT: Thanks...
Cat15: Here is more... I hope you liked it... and sorry for the long wait...
Amethyst-Fairy: I am sorry I did not update sooner... I most certainly had planned to do it sooner...