A Place In My Heart
Chapter Eleven
"She won't come out." Meg said quietly. It had been two days since the ball. The de Chagnys had gone back to France, taking Thomas with them with the assurance that they would seek help for him. Since then Christine had been shut in her bedroom and refused to come out. They had all tried to tempt her out, except Erik, but it was no good.
They sat around the living room, trying to think of what to do.
"She feels guilty." Meg explained, "She blames herself for what happened to Thomas."
"But why should she feel guilty?" Nadir asked.
"Because she could have stopped him." Erik said quietly.
They all looked over at him. He was stood by the window but turned to meet their eyes.
"She could have stopped him killing Raoul. She stopped him killing Marie but by then it was too late for Raoul. All that time she blamed Thomas but at the ball… she saw that he had no idea of what he was doing. She stopped him killing me and she knew that she could have stopped him killing Raoul."
There was a silence. Meg looked at Erik.
"We should go back to France. We should take her away from here. It's doing her no good."
"The journey is too long. We can't even persuade her to leave her room, how do you suggest we force her to travel for ten days?" Marie said tiredly. They lapsed back into silence and then Nadir said,
"Erik, you should talk to her. She will listen to you."
"And what can I say to make her feel better? Every time she sees me, she thinks of Raoul and Thomas." Erik said quietly, turning back to the window.
"Or maybe she'll see you and be able to move on from them. She loves you, Erik. Don't give up on her." Meg said, standing and moving to be beside him. He looked down at her and then moved to the doorway to gaze up the stairs. He sighed.
"I don't…"
"Go to her." Marie said.
Erik went into the Entrance Hall and slowly climbed the stairs, moving towards Christine's bedroom. He hesitated outside the door and then knocked lightly. There was no reply. He knocked again and tried the handle. It was locked.
"Christine?" He said. She didn't reply. Erik sighed and rested his forehead against the cool wood.
"Christine, I wish you'd talk to me. I know… I know that you're blaming yourself for this but you can't. It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything."
Silence. Erik looked sadly at the door. The idea of Christine alone in there, in pain, suffering even tortured him. The fact that she would not let him in to comfort her only served to hurt him further. He sighed again.
"Christine… Christine, let me in." He asked gently. "I love you. You made me promise never to forget that. Now I don't want you to ever forget it. I love you, Christine Daae. I don't want you to hurt anymore. Let me in."
Nothing happened. Erik turned away, heading down the corridor. And then he heard the click of the lock. He turned back and saw her standing in the doorway, her face blotchy and tearstained, her hair wild and untamed.
She was beautiful.
Erik moved towards her, gathering her into his embrace. For a few moments neither of them spoke and then Christine said in a choked voice,
"I want to go home, Erik. I want to be happy again."
"You will be. We'll pack our things and leave in the morning. We'll go back to the castle and… and we'll be happy." He promised her. "Anything you want that will make you happy, it is yours."
"Just you, Erik. Just you." She murmured, closing her eyes.
The journey back to the castle seemed to take forever. It seemed years before they finally reached the gates of their home. They all stopped to look up at the castle. And then a smile spread across Christine's face for the first time since the night of the ball. She put her arms around Erik and began to laugh joyfully.
They hurried to the front doors, pulling them open and rushing inside, Chima barking around their heels. Christine ran from room to room, lighting the lamps, throwing open the curtains, sneezing occasionally from the thin layer of dust and opening windows to clear the stuffy air. Meg and Marie went down to the kitchen to clean it and prepare some food, Nadir following them. Erik watched Christine as she made it their home again. Eventually she came to a stop in the middle of the entrance hall and turned to him, smiling brightly.
"Erik we're home." She said, her voice filled with joy.
Erik smiled.
"Yes."
"We'll need to clean the rooms. And bring in some flowers from the garden. We'll make it like it was before." Christine said, looking around, her mind creating a picture of what it would look like. Erik watched her with a small, satisfied smile. She looked at him, still smiling.
"It'll be good." She said quietly.
"Yes… yes, it will." He agreed and held out his hand to her. She took it without hesitation.
They married within the month, just the five of them at the town church. Christine and Erik had been pretending to be married for so long it didn't seem to be that much of a change. But having made it official made them both happy.
They didn't take a honeymoon. Erik was perfectly content to do whatever would make Christine happy and she had no desire to leave the castle so they stayed there. For several months they lived in perfect happiness.
One bright summer's day, Christine was cutting roses in the garden to place around the house when she felt strange. Her head began to swim and she felt rather ill. She dropped onto a bench, taking deep breaths. A few minutes later she felt fine. Presuming it was simply something she had eaten, she finished cutting the roses and moved them indoors, arranging them decoratively in vases.
A few hours later Christine and Meg were sat in the sitting room, talking cheerfully when Christine found herself overcome with nausea. Meg frowned.
"Christine, what's wrong? You've gone so pale."
"I… I don't…"
She leapt up and rushed out, pushing past Erik who was walking through the entrance hall. He frowned and followed her to a washroom, where he found her being violently sick. He dropped down beside her, pulling her back out of her face.
"Christine, what's the matter?"
"I don't know… I just feel ill…" She said weakly, closing her eyes. Marie appeared in the doorway with Meg and she shooed Erik out, who protested, but she slammed the door in his face.
Marie turned to the shaking girl and gave her some water to sip.
"When did you start feeling ill?" She asked Christine.
"I felt a bit ill this morning in the garden, but I thought nothing of it." Christine said, drinking the water slowly. Marie considered her and pressed a hand to her forehead.
"You don't have a fever. What have you eaten today?"
"Just toast and tea at breakfast."
Marie looked at her closely and then asked quietly,
"Have you bled this month?" Christine stared at her and then thought carefully. Her eyes widened.
"No… no, oh god, Marie…" She buried her face in her hands. Marie put a hand on her shoulder.
"Christine, what is the matter? Being with child is not a bad thing. You're married, it's perfectly-"
"But Erik and I have never even discussed children. What if he doesn't want a child?" Christine said tearfully. Marie frowned.
"Erik loves you and he will love your child as well. You must tell him."
Christine looked at her and then sighed. Marie looked at her.
"What do you want Christine? Do you not want children?"
"Of course I do. I'd love to be a mother." Christine said, smiling despite herself. Marie smiled too.
"Then that is what matters. Now… go and tell Erik."
Marie opened the door. Erik, Meg and Nadir were in the hall, waiting for them. Erik moved towards his wife.
"Christine, what's the matter? Are you ill?"
"No… no, I'm not ill." Christine said slowly. She looked at Erik. "We need to talk. Let's go to the study."
They moved away, Nadir and Meg looking curiously after him. Erik closed the door to the study and then looked at her, frowning.
"What is wrong?"
Christine took a deep breath, opened her mouth, closed it again and then closed her eyes. After a moment she opened them again and took Erik's hand. He watched her, frowning, concern filling his features. Christine licked her lips and then pressed his hand to her stomach.
It took a moment for realisation to strike. Erik looked blankly at her and then his eyes widened. His jaw dropped and he stared at her, looking quickly from her stomach to her face.
"You… you're…?"
"Yes." She said breathlessly. Erik looked like someone had just hit him in the face. Christine watched fearfully as he struggled to process the information.
And then, slowly, a smile crossed his face.
"A child?"
"Yes, Erik. We're going to have a baby." Christine smiled. Erik let out a laugh and then scooped her into his arms, swinging her around. Christine laughed delightedly, hugging him.
"You're going to be a papa!" She told him happily and he kissed her again and again. And then he ran to the door and pulled it open. Meg, Nadir and Marie were waiting nearby and he shouted the news at them. Meg screamed and everyone was hugging and congratulating them and Christine felt like crying and laughing all at the same time.
Erik caught her again and kissed her, holding her tightly.
"My god, Christine!" He whispered hoarsely. She buried her face in his shoulder and began to cry, through pure happiness. Erik closed his eyes, hardly able to believe it. He was… they were…
And then all thoughts in his mind vanished as Christine kissed him.
Several weeks passed and Christine soon discovered that morning sickness does not necessarily restrict itself to the morning. No, it was perfectly happy to come wandering along at any time. Marie proved to be priceless in these situations, always on hand with water or cloths.
Erik had instantly set about finding and preparing a room for the child to sleep in, close to Erik and Christine's room. He and Nadir travelled to the town and found a sleeping cot, clothes, blankets and various other things that the child would need.
Three months later, just as Christine was starting to show, they received a visitor. Christine had been in the garden when she heard hoof beats and moved inside. Erik met her at the kitchen door, a stony look on his face.
"Who is it?" Christine asked. Erik simply moved aside so she could see of herself.
Philippe de Chagny stood awkwardly in the entrance hall. Christine blinked and then moved forward to greet him with a smile.
"Philippe!"
"Hello Christine." He said, relieved that she hadn't dismissed him. They embraced and she smiled up at him.
"What on earth are you doing here? Oh, come and sit down in the living room. Would you like something to drink?"
Armed with tea and cake, they all sat down in the living, curious as to what could have brought Philippe so far out to see them. Christine looked at him.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. Christine, I…" He faltered. Christine frowned and then said,
"It's Thomas, isn't it?"
Erik tensed, got up and went to the window. Christine glanced at him as Philippe spoke.
"He's… well, he's insane. As you knew. I'm sorry I didn't believe you at the time, Christine. It just seemed so…"
"Why are you here, monsieur?" Erik asked coldly. Christine frowned at him but Philippe continued.
"I'm here because Thomas is ill. Dying. He has a few days left at most. The insanity has caused him to stop eating, he just broke down. He can barely speak anymore and when he does it's only to… to call out for Christine."
"But why are you here?" Erik said, turning to him. Philippe looked at Christine.
"He will be dead in a few days. I haven't told anyone where I was going when I came here. I wanted to ask you to go to him. He lived his life poorly these past few years. I love him as a brother and it kills me to see him so-"
"I'll come." She said softly.
Erik stared at her and then exploded.
"Christine!"
"Erik, don't be angry. I grew up with Thomas. I can't save his life. But I can be with him when he dies. He deserves that much."
"After what he did to you he deserves to die!" Erik spat.
Christine stared at him. He instantly regretted what he had said and moved towards her.
"Christine… I don't… he…"
"He can't hurt me, Erik. He won't hurt us." Christine said softly, running a hand over her belly. Philippe blinked but didn't make a remark. Erik took Christine's hands and then looked at Philippe.
"I'm coming too."
The journey took three days. Christine could see that Philippe was worried at the time it took but she knew that Thomas wasn't dead yet. She didn't know how she knew. She just felt it.
They reached the de Chagny estate in the early morning, before the sun was up. Monsieur and Madame de Chagny greeted them at the front door.
"Thank God you came, Christine." Madame de Chagny said, embracing the girl. She smiled slightly.
"Where is he?"
"In the East Wing. The sunrise room. You remember where it is?"
"Yes."
She started towards to stairs and Erik moved after her. But she stopped him.
"No, Erik."
"Christine-"
"I need to do this alone, my love." She told him gently. Erik frowned. But he kissed her and reluctantly released her hand as she moved upstairs.
Christine moved through the familiar corridors to the Sunrise Room. It had been one of her favourites, bay windows providing a perfect place to view the sunrise. The opposite wall had been left completely white to enhance the scene and she remembered that they had often woken up early in order to watch the sun come up.
She hesitated outside the door and then opened it. The curtains were drawn. The large bed lay to her right and she moved across to it, noticing the sickly smell of the room. Medicine and something else, something that always seemed to linger in rooms where death was due to call.
Thomas was sleeping fitfully, a light sweat on his pale face. Christine sat beside the bed and took his hand. It was cold in her warm touch. His face was feverish. She reached for a cloth, dipping it into a bowl of water and cleaning away the sweat from his face. After a few moments his eyes cracked open, glazed and tired.
"Christine?"
"I'm here, Thomas." She said gently, dabbing at his brow. His eyes closed again.
"Christine… you… I thought you were just a dream." He said, his voice quiet and hoarse. Christine shook her head.
"No, Thomas. I'm here. I'll stay with you."
"How long will you stay?"
"Forever, Thomas. Until forever is over."
He looked at her again.
"What time is it?"
"Nearly six o' clock."
"Open the curtains." Christine put the cloth down and crossed to the windows. She drew back the curtains. The sky was still dark, but there was a hazy blue on the horizon, heralding the sun.
"How long before the sun rises?" Thomas asked. Christine looked over at him. His eyes were staring straight up at the ceiling.
"A few minutes."
"I… I want to see it."
She went back to him and helped him to sit up. He was weak and light. She sat on the bed beside him and propped him up. His eyes moved from the windows to her face.
"Stay with me, Christine."
"I will, Thomas."
"All… all I wanted… was for you to love me." He said weakly and his body started to rack with coughs. There was blood on his hands when he finished. Christine wiped it away, fighting back tears.
"Watch the sunrise, Thomas."
"Love me, Christine…" He whispered, his eyes fixed dully on hers. Christine bit her lip to prevent it trembling and then looked over at the sunrise. Glints of golden orange shot through the sky.
"L-Love… me…" He began to cough again and Christine wrapped her arms around him.
"Watch the sunrise." She whispered. His eyes moved over to the beautiful splendour of the sunrise, the colours blooming across the sky.
Christine watched as his pained expression softened. His breathing became easier and he almost smiled, but the taut skin of his face did not seem to allow the expression anymore. Christine brushed a piece of his hair back and Thomas met her eyes again.
"It won't be long, will it?" He rasped. Christine felt tears spring to her eyes again.
"No…"
"You will stay?"
"Yes."
"Will… will you kiss me?" He whispered. Christine looked at him. His face was sad and she could hardly bear it.
She put her hands on his face and softly put her lips to his, brushing them over his mouth. It was simple and short. But when she pulled back again, his eyes were soft and he almost looked well. His eyes went back to the sunrise and he lay back down, watching the sun come up.
"Will you sing for me?" He asked. Christine nodded, unable to prevent the tears.
"What would you like to hear?"
"Anything. As long as it is you singing."
Christine took his hands in hers and she began to sing a soft, sweet song she had learnt as a child. She couldn't sing all of it, as it was a duet, but she sang the parts she could remember.
No more darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here
Nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Thomas's eyes moved to her face. To him, she looked like an angel. The rising sun left a golden glow over her, softly illuminating her face. She met his eyes and he saw tears on her cheeks. He wanted to wipe them away, to hold her close, to love her. But his arms felt heavy and everything seemed to be blurring over. Except her.
Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here
With you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you
She stopped then, unable to remember the words. Thomas sighed quietly and she tried to remember another song.
Thomas stared at her. Who…? Who was she? How could such a beautiful creature come to be beside him, to hold his hands and weep? A dazed thought crossed his mind and he whispered it, in awe and wonder.
"The… the angel of music…"
She looked at him and then smiled sadly. And to his delight, she began to sing. It didn't matter who she was anymore. Just as long as she kept singing. He allowed his eyes to slip closed, wanting to drown in the sound.
Angel of music
Guide and guardian
Grant to me your glory
But as he did another thought crossed his mind and it didn't seem to make any sense. It was just a name. Christine…
Angel of music
Hide no longer
Secret and strange angel
The last note left Christine's quivering lips as she saw his eyes close. The hand in hers felt limp. Hesitantly she touched a finger to his cheek. He didn't move. His chest was no longer moving. Christine bit her lip and searched on his neck for the pulse point.
There was nothing.
She didn't release his hand. Instead she pressed it to her face and wept for her friend as the last of the sun's rays appeared over the horizon, bathing the room in glorious, heavenly light.
Erik waited with the de Chagny family in the sitting room. He felt awkward but accepted the tea they offered and answered the questions politely. Christine had been gone for an hour now. Madame de Chagny smiled at him.
"Do you and Christine plan to start a family soon?"
"Christine is with child now. Three months."
"That's lovely. I hope you will allow us to visit the child, when he or she is born? Christine feels so much like a daughter to us, that child would feel like a grandchild." Madame de Chagny explained. Erik nodded.
"I'm sure Christine would be delighted."
The door opened and they all stood as Christine entered. They could see she had been crying. Philippe stepped forward.
"Is he…?"
"He's… gone." Christine whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. Erik crossed to her and she stepped into his arms as he embraced her. They stood in silence and then Monsieur de Chagny said,
"I should… make arrangements." He vanished and Madame de Chagny took Christine's hand.
"Did he die happy?" she asked quietly. Christine nodded.
"He asked me to sing for him. He died whilst I was singing."
"Then he died happy." Philippe said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Christine nodded mutely and then turned to Erik. A faint, tired smile crossed her lips.
"Can we go home?"
"Yes." He said quietly. Madame de Chagny frowned.
"Why don't you stay for a while? Just so you can rest and recover your strength."
"That may be a good idea, Christine. The baby…" Erik said. Christine nodded.
"Yes, we should rest."
"I'll take you to a room." Philippe said.
He led them upstairs and towards the West Wing. He opened a door and then looked at Christine.
"Thank you for coming. I can't imagine that it was easy."
"No, it wasn't. But I'm glad I came." Christine said quietly. Philippe nodded to them both and then walked away down the corridor. Erik held the door open for Christine. They were in a simple guestroom with an adjoining bathroom. Christine turned to look at him. He met her eye but didn't say anything.
"Are you angry?" she asked quietly. He sighed.
"No, Christine. I'm not angry."
"But you're not happy."
"No. No, I'm not." He admitted. Christine looked down.
"I'm sorry. But I had to come. I had to-"
"I know you did." He said.
She looked at him. He didn't smile but placed a hand to her face. She lifted her hands to press it to her face.
"I love you so much that it hurts sometimes." She told him. He smiled slightly.
"It hurts?"
"If I think that I'm going to be without you sometime. It hurts then."
"I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly. Christine smiled and then yawned. Erik lifted an eyebrow.
"Sleep. We'll leave tomorrow morning."
"Alright." She moved over to the bed and lay down. Erik didn't go and lie beside her. Nor did she ask him to.
A/N: OK, one more chapter to go. And it's long. That'll go up tomorrow and then I'm going away on Monday, so I'm expecting plenty of lovely reviews to come back to! Lol. you guys rock my world. Nicest reviewers ever. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow! Hope you enjoyed the chapter (Evil Grin)
Love
Katie