Disclaimer: See prologue
A/N: Thanks to my beta reader Audrey...
Chapter 2
Hearing his name being called presented a problem. On one hand, he wanted to remain with Harry, but sending Poppy might be dangerous for he did not know who was calling him. For all he knew it could be Lucius who wanted to speak with him about a new way to serve Voldemort. On the other hand, if he went himself he would have to leave Harry.
It became irrelevant when his name was called a second time and he instinctively reacted by walking to the next room without thinking. Annoyed with his he snapped: "Yes?"
Taking the last few steps to the fireplace he looked to see who was contacting him in the middle of the night. He immediately saw the face of Minerva McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts and felt a tiny bit sorry for snapping the way he did. This remorse did not last long since it did not change the fact that she had called him away from the bedside of his Harry.
"I am sorry to wake you at this hour of the night, Severus, but when I went on my rounds to check whether all students are in bed, I found Harry Potter missing. So far we searched most of the castle without success which leaves only the dungeons to be searched and since you are the person to know them best..." said the old witch.
Severus grimaced at hearing this and answered: "No need to search for he is already found. Had I known that you were looking for him I would have sent a house-elf to inform you. His situation is not good and Poppy and I have been treating him for the last hour or so."
"I am coming over, Severus. I want to know what happened," was the clip response. Shortly, Minerva McGonagall came out of the fireplace. "I told Filius to inform the others that he was found. Now where is he?" asked the witch.
Not one for making any speeches, Severus only said: "This way" and led her to his bedroom. Minerva's reaction to seeing Harry lying motionless on the bed was similar to Poppy's. Her eyes widened and shock was clearly visible. Before she could ask any questions, Severus decided to let her read the letter and pressed it in her hand, hoping that it would answer all her questions.
Leaving the witch to read the letter he went over to the bed and sat down. Carefully he took Harry's hand and started to stroke over the back of it with his thumb, starring at his own fingers, comparing them to the perfect ones of his lover.
The room was completely silent as Poppy and Severus waited for Minerva to finish reading. While the potions master was busy watching and playing with the hand he was holding, Poppy watched her friend's reaction to the letter.
It started out confused and soon changed to puzzlement. Astonishment came next, soon followed by a short moment of confusion again only to change again by the widening of her eyes in surprise. This feeling was only moments later made clearer by the opening of her mouth. Not too long after her eyes narrowed in anger and you could see her anger rise with every single word she read until she finished the letter.
"How...? Why?" She was not able to get more out of her mouth as her mind was still too shocked about what happened to the boy she thought of as a grandson and too angry with her old friend and colleague for letting this happen, to steal the innocence of someone who should not be faced with such cruelty.
She continued staring at the letter in her hand, hoping that the content might change, hoping that it did not truly happen. Some time later she looked up and at the still form of Harry lying on the bed, covered with bandages and scars that did not yet heal, with Severus sitting next to him holding his hand, playing with Harry's fingers while never taking his eyes off him. She wondered what Harry could have possibly done to deserve this and how anyone could deny Harry even this little bit of happiness and make him suffer so much instead, after all he did for the wizarding world. The room was deadly silent. It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop as everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. None of them knew how to break the silence faced with everything that had happened to Harry over the summer holidays and the month before.
Severus thought back to when everything started to fall apart. Albus had already given him a few hints about not liking how close Harry and he had become all the while knowing that there was no rule saying outright that a relationship between a student and a teacher was forbidden. In fact, as long as the student was over 16 and the teacher did not start to favour said student in class, everything was alright. Another exception was soulmates, but he did not go as far as to believe Harry and him to be that. Soulmates were so rare that only 1% actually found each other. Seeing how he most surely did not favour his lover he took the liberty to ignore these hints.
Severus could not fathom why Albus was disturbed by them finding someone to open themselves to. It had the positive effect of them both performing better in their tasks in the war. They now had a reason to give their best after all.
He remembered the day Albus gave him the choice of his life, and looking back on it he wished that he had made a different decision.
Flashback
Severus stood in front of the man he looked up to as some kind of mentor and the man who saved his life all those years ago, when he came here to confess - his crimes against Muggles and Muggleborns and that he was a Death Eater. Instead of sending him to Azkaban as Severus had thought he would, the older wizard offered him to set his sins right by helping the Order of the Phoenix by spying on Voldemort.
He wondered why the Headmaster called for him today since he was not recently called to a meeting with Voldemort nor did he have any problems with students. The old wizard had a serious face and was acting against his normal behaviour as he did not offer Severus lemon drops or tea. Not that he wanted any. It just was not the normal behaviour of the headmaster of Hogwarts.
"Severus, I have watched your relationship with Harry for a long time and I have given you enough hints that I do not like the way it is going. I simply can't let it continue, at least not while you are a teacher at Hogwarts. I fear that you might favour Harry in your lessons. It also is not good for your work as a spy for the order. We would loose our best source of information should Voldemort find out about it."
Severus was stunned. The best thing to ever happen to him was about to be taken away, because he might have to stop spying if it was made public. The worst part was that he could not do anything about it. The only way Albus could not interfere in this relationship would be if Harry and him were soulmates. Unfortunately, with all the evil Severus did in his life, he did not believe he had one as he believed himself undeserving.
He knew his options. He could quit teaching, something he did not enjoy anyway and leave Hogwarts. Or he could stay and continue teaching, while breaking up with Harry. He knew that both would be painful and looking at it he would have to say that leaving Hogwarts sounded nice enough. But would the relationship with Harry survive the physical distance? He doubted it. Harry was after all still young and could find a new lover everywhere. And once they were not together anymore the hurt would double. It would be the same as if had stayed at Hogwarts and broke up with Harry. The only difference would be that he could see Harry if he stayed at Hogwarts.
After considering the facts, he knew what his decision would be. It would hurt them both for a while, but he figured that after some time Harry would get over it and he would be able to continue his life without Severus, while Severus could be close to Harry and fantasize about still being with him.
End flashback
Had he known then what he knew now, he would have made a different decision. Hell, he did not even think about letting Harry visit him during holidays or seeing him on the weekends. All he would have had to do was find a place to stay in Hogsmeade.
His one love would not have had to go through heartbreak, pain and a miscarriage.
This thought shocked Severus more than everything else for it made him realise that Harry did not only loose his own child, but also his child, their joint child. A child he only found out about, when it was too late. He suddenly was engulfed in a sense of loss. He would have been able to experience the joys of fatherhood. There might have been a little Harry running around. He might have had someone to share his love for potions with. Now that was all gone.
Gone because Albus Dumbledore did not want them to be together, did not want to lose a spy, did not want to loose his weapon against Voldemort, for that was all Harry was in Dumbledore's eyes. And he Severus, Slytherin that he was, did not realise it at the time. It took Harry's letter for him to realise it. Who was more Slytherin now - to have actually seen it?
tbc...
Review Responses:
Cat15: Here is more... and when I am a bit faster with correcting what I got back and remember to actually post it there will be more soon...
Lady FoxFire: I am working as fast as I can... But unlike a few months ago I am writing more than remembering to update! I have a few more chapters written that are already beat read... I only need to go and correct them myself... I have to think about possible punishments for Dumbledore... any ideas?
Cassa_Andra: Thanks for the review... It's always great to receive such nice reviews... It always makes my day...
hobbit: Here is more... do you want a cookie along with it? *g*
Lego Land: Out of all the beta readers I ever had in my life as a writer only less than half of them stayed with me until the end of the fic they beta read... so you see I have a bad expierence... especially with the ones I asked for at fictionalley... I once send the beginning of Hidden Secrets to two willing beta reader... neither of them ever responded again... Aside from the fact that I have seen worse fics...
Unseen Watcher: I have an even better cliffy in a later chapter... at least it is more funny *g*
DaughterofDeath: Here is a new chapter...
Spazlady: I'll try to update more... and for the writing part I have to convince my brain to concentrate on it a bit more instead of leaving me alone with countless ideas...
Mikee: A confrontation will come... but it's going to be a few more people vs. Albus Dumbledore instead of only Sev... The Dursleys will get a trial and Ron... I have a few ideas, but I am not sure how cruel I want to be... I hope you enjoy how the story is going..
Miss W D Halliwell: Here is more...
miss linn: Here is more... and I love thos fics too... that's why I wrote one...
A/N: Thanks to my beta reader Audrey...
Chapter 2
Hearing his name being called presented a problem. On one hand, he wanted to remain with Harry, but sending Poppy might be dangerous for he did not know who was calling him. For all he knew it could be Lucius who wanted to speak with him about a new way to serve Voldemort. On the other hand, if he went himself he would have to leave Harry.
It became irrelevant when his name was called a second time and he instinctively reacted by walking to the next room without thinking. Annoyed with his he snapped: "Yes?"
Taking the last few steps to the fireplace he looked to see who was contacting him in the middle of the night. He immediately saw the face of Minerva McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts and felt a tiny bit sorry for snapping the way he did. This remorse did not last long since it did not change the fact that she had called him away from the bedside of his Harry.
"I am sorry to wake you at this hour of the night, Severus, but when I went on my rounds to check whether all students are in bed, I found Harry Potter missing. So far we searched most of the castle without success which leaves only the dungeons to be searched and since you are the person to know them best..." said the old witch.
Severus grimaced at hearing this and answered: "No need to search for he is already found. Had I known that you were looking for him I would have sent a house-elf to inform you. His situation is not good and Poppy and I have been treating him for the last hour or so."
"I am coming over, Severus. I want to know what happened," was the clip response. Shortly, Minerva McGonagall came out of the fireplace. "I told Filius to inform the others that he was found. Now where is he?" asked the witch.
Not one for making any speeches, Severus only said: "This way" and led her to his bedroom. Minerva's reaction to seeing Harry lying motionless on the bed was similar to Poppy's. Her eyes widened and shock was clearly visible. Before she could ask any questions, Severus decided to let her read the letter and pressed it in her hand, hoping that it would answer all her questions.
Leaving the witch to read the letter he went over to the bed and sat down. Carefully he took Harry's hand and started to stroke over the back of it with his thumb, starring at his own fingers, comparing them to the perfect ones of his lover.
The room was completely silent as Poppy and Severus waited for Minerva to finish reading. While the potions master was busy watching and playing with the hand he was holding, Poppy watched her friend's reaction to the letter.
It started out confused and soon changed to puzzlement. Astonishment came next, soon followed by a short moment of confusion again only to change again by the widening of her eyes in surprise. This feeling was only moments later made clearer by the opening of her mouth. Not too long after her eyes narrowed in anger and you could see her anger rise with every single word she read until she finished the letter.
"How...? Why?" She was not able to get more out of her mouth as her mind was still too shocked about what happened to the boy she thought of as a grandson and too angry with her old friend and colleague for letting this happen, to steal the innocence of someone who should not be faced with such cruelty.
She continued staring at the letter in her hand, hoping that the content might change, hoping that it did not truly happen. Some time later she looked up and at the still form of Harry lying on the bed, covered with bandages and scars that did not yet heal, with Severus sitting next to him holding his hand, playing with Harry's fingers while never taking his eyes off him. She wondered what Harry could have possibly done to deserve this and how anyone could deny Harry even this little bit of happiness and make him suffer so much instead, after all he did for the wizarding world. The room was deadly silent. It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop as everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. None of them knew how to break the silence faced with everything that had happened to Harry over the summer holidays and the month before.
Severus thought back to when everything started to fall apart. Albus had already given him a few hints about not liking how close Harry and he had become all the while knowing that there was no rule saying outright that a relationship between a student and a teacher was forbidden. In fact, as long as the student was over 16 and the teacher did not start to favour said student in class, everything was alright. Another exception was soulmates, but he did not go as far as to believe Harry and him to be that. Soulmates were so rare that only 1% actually found each other. Seeing how he most surely did not favour his lover he took the liberty to ignore these hints.
Severus could not fathom why Albus was disturbed by them finding someone to open themselves to. It had the positive effect of them both performing better in their tasks in the war. They now had a reason to give their best after all.
He remembered the day Albus gave him the choice of his life, and looking back on it he wished that he had made a different decision.
Flashback
Severus stood in front of the man he looked up to as some kind of mentor and the man who saved his life all those years ago, when he came here to confess - his crimes against Muggles and Muggleborns and that he was a Death Eater. Instead of sending him to Azkaban as Severus had thought he would, the older wizard offered him to set his sins right by helping the Order of the Phoenix by spying on Voldemort.
He wondered why the Headmaster called for him today since he was not recently called to a meeting with Voldemort nor did he have any problems with students. The old wizard had a serious face and was acting against his normal behaviour as he did not offer Severus lemon drops or tea. Not that he wanted any. It just was not the normal behaviour of the headmaster of Hogwarts.
"Severus, I have watched your relationship with Harry for a long time and I have given you enough hints that I do not like the way it is going. I simply can't let it continue, at least not while you are a teacher at Hogwarts. I fear that you might favour Harry in your lessons. It also is not good for your work as a spy for the order. We would loose our best source of information should Voldemort find out about it."
Severus was stunned. The best thing to ever happen to him was about to be taken away, because he might have to stop spying if it was made public. The worst part was that he could not do anything about it. The only way Albus could not interfere in this relationship would be if Harry and him were soulmates. Unfortunately, with all the evil Severus did in his life, he did not believe he had one as he believed himself undeserving.
He knew his options. He could quit teaching, something he did not enjoy anyway and leave Hogwarts. Or he could stay and continue teaching, while breaking up with Harry. He knew that both would be painful and looking at it he would have to say that leaving Hogwarts sounded nice enough. But would the relationship with Harry survive the physical distance? He doubted it. Harry was after all still young and could find a new lover everywhere. And once they were not together anymore the hurt would double. It would be the same as if had stayed at Hogwarts and broke up with Harry. The only difference would be that he could see Harry if he stayed at Hogwarts.
After considering the facts, he knew what his decision would be. It would hurt them both for a while, but he figured that after some time Harry would get over it and he would be able to continue his life without Severus, while Severus could be close to Harry and fantasize about still being with him.
End flashback
Had he known then what he knew now, he would have made a different decision. Hell, he did not even think about letting Harry visit him during holidays or seeing him on the weekends. All he would have had to do was find a place to stay in Hogsmeade.
His one love would not have had to go through heartbreak, pain and a miscarriage.
This thought shocked Severus more than everything else for it made him realise that Harry did not only loose his own child, but also his child, their joint child. A child he only found out about, when it was too late. He suddenly was engulfed in a sense of loss. He would have been able to experience the joys of fatherhood. There might have been a little Harry running around. He might have had someone to share his love for potions with. Now that was all gone.
Gone because Albus Dumbledore did not want them to be together, did not want to lose a spy, did not want to loose his weapon against Voldemort, for that was all Harry was in Dumbledore's eyes. And he Severus, Slytherin that he was, did not realise it at the time. It took Harry's letter for him to realise it. Who was more Slytherin now - to have actually seen it?
tbc...
Review Responses:
Cat15: Here is more... and when I am a bit faster with correcting what I got back and remember to actually post it there will be more soon...
Lady FoxFire: I am working as fast as I can... But unlike a few months ago I am writing more than remembering to update! I have a few more chapters written that are already beat read... I only need to go and correct them myself... I have to think about possible punishments for Dumbledore... any ideas?
Cassa_Andra: Thanks for the review... It's always great to receive such nice reviews... It always makes my day...
hobbit: Here is more... do you want a cookie along with it? *g*
Lego Land: Out of all the beta readers I ever had in my life as a writer only less than half of them stayed with me until the end of the fic they beta read... so you see I have a bad expierence... especially with the ones I asked for at fictionalley... I once send the beginning of Hidden Secrets to two willing beta reader... neither of them ever responded again... Aside from the fact that I have seen worse fics...
Unseen Watcher: I have an even better cliffy in a later chapter... at least it is more funny *g*
DaughterofDeath: Here is a new chapter...
Spazlady: I'll try to update more... and for the writing part I have to convince my brain to concentrate on it a bit more instead of leaving me alone with countless ideas...
Mikee: A confrontation will come... but it's going to be a few more people vs. Albus Dumbledore instead of only Sev... The Dursleys will get a trial and Ron... I have a few ideas, but I am not sure how cruel I want to be... I hope you enjoy how the story is going..
Miss W D Halliwell: Here is more...
miss linn: Here is more... and I love thos fics too... that's why I wrote one...