Lots of thanks to Sojuske, Zombie Kitty, Sunrise over the Tango factory, and boogle for reviewing. Oh my gosh you review fast! I'm glad that you all seem to like it. Yes, Sojuske, it's a little confusing, but you have the general idea. The host and producers are not the nicest people, though their planet name says otherwise. Here's chapter two, (I just had to review 'cause you seemed to like it so much, but I won't be able to for a while after this chapter).

Kryten Interviewed

"Hi everybody! My name is Leona Alwaysright and I would like to be the first to welcome you to another one of our wonderful shows. Today we have four different men who live together on a spaceship. They are going to talk about their lives and their friendship," said Leona, sitting on a fluffy chair on the stage, smiling at the camera. "Our first contestant is Kryten 2X4B 523P. He is not a human he is a . . . a machine."

Kryten was ushered out onto the stage by Sarah Verysmart, looking utterly confused.

"Hello Kryten, say 'hi' to the audience and take a seat in this chair here," said Leona, patting a chair across the table from her.

Kryten looked out over the audience. It was filled with a thousand faces just like Leona's. Happy. He waved. That seemed to make them happy. Then he walked over to the chair and sat down, popping a spring in the process.

"Oh burst my bubble!" he cried, fixing the loose spring in his leg. The crowd clapped appreciatively.

"So, tell us Kryten. What are your friends like?" asked Leona.

"Well," started Kryten. "First there is Lister. He is always dirtier than doorknobs and has a smell to match. He was the first person to make me feel at home on the ship, though it makes me wonder why I still clean his undergarments."

The crowd laughed.

This made Kryten feel bold and he plowed onwards. "Rimmer is a complete and utter smeghead. It is not his outward appearance that is dirtier than doorknobs, but his mind. He has a sick, sick mind. He makes up fantasies and at night I can hear him playing them out in his bedroom. It's entirely gross."

The crowd moaned with sympathy for Kryten.

"And Cat, well, he is just a . . . a strange man. Not even a man. He's a Cat, and he claims to clean his own clothes, with his tongue I might add." There came a 'yuck' from the crowd. "When really he is not cleaning his clothes at all. They are much, much dirtier than doorknobs!"

The crowd erupted with cheers and hollers for Kryten. He even stood up and bowed, letting his fifteen minutes of fame affect his ego.

"So," said Leona after the cheering died down, "you don't exactly consider your living mates your friends?"

"Absolutely smegging well not!" said Kryten.

"What is your job on the ship?" asked Kryten.

"I'm the maid." The crowd said 'aww.' "They make me scrub and clean till kingdom come." With that last thought, Kryten burst into tears.

Kryten was ushered off the stage by Sarah Verysmart and back into his private conference room.

"Well," said Leona after Kryten left, "Let's give Kryten a big hand!"

The crowd gave Kryten a big hand.

Meanwhile, in each of the conference rooms of Lister, Rimmer, and Cat, a screen had popped up and on it they all saw Kryten. And they all heard what he had said about each of them.

I do not have a smell to match, thought Lister, sniffing his armpits.

He knows about my make-believe fantasies? thought Rimmer.

He insulted my clothes! thought Cat, taking offense, not for himself, though, for his clothing.

Okay . . . this is the last chapter for a while. I hope everybody liked it. Please review!