Okay, I'm back, and I'm updating just like I promised I would. First of all, many thanks to boogle, Sunrise over the Tango factory, and Zombie Kitty for reviewing chapter three. Now, here is Cat's interview . . . hope you lurve it!

Cat Interviewed

"And welcome back to our lovely television show, Describing Life. Our next contestant is a man, well actually, a cat man, from outer space. He was born and raised on the ship Red Dwarf, and has lived his entire life among our other contestants. Please, put your hands together and welcome Cat!" said Leona Alwaysright, smiling her pretty little smile.

Cat followed Ira Notanidiot out of the back room. He was wearing a stylish black and white jacket with black slacks, and white polka-dotted slippers. All in all, he looked 'smeggin' fantastic.'

The crowd followed Cat and Ira with their eyes, and did not applaud until Ira had ushered Cat into his seat. Ira backed off, making sure that the audience could see all of Cat's sexy body. Then the crowd roared and swooned for about five minutes.

"Hello Cat," purred Leona. "Welcome to Describing Life. Right now I'm going to interview you. What do you think of your friends?"

"Who cares what I think about my friends," said Cat, sitting up and strutting over to Leona's chair, "It only matters what I think about you."

The crowd whistled as Cat tried to kiss Leona. Unfortunately, Leona was not in the mood to be kissed by total strangers and smacked him.

"You like it rough then?" asked Cat. "So do I."

Leona called for security guards who, with a little difficulty, forced Cat back into his chair and handcuffed his hand behind his back.

"Silver?" moaned Cat, "Don't you have a more stylish color? These handcuffs have ruined my outfit."

Giving Cat no time to compose himself, Leona jumped right back into the interview. "Tell me about your friends, or the people that you live with," she prompted.

"Oh, alright. If you really want to hear about these people. Kryten is such a messed up thing, it's not even funny. I mean seriously, who could live with a head the shape of a rubber tipped pencil, that's been chewed on no less. Oh the shame. And he talks too much, always saying 'Should I do that or you, sir?' or 'No, honestly, don't you know how to fold clothes?' Sometimes I wish I could flush his several heads down the drains." Cat sniffed. "Leona, baby, I've an itch on my lips. Will you please come scratch it?"

"No! Who do you think I am? Your personal servant?" she asked angrily. "Tell us about the others."

"Well, whatever you want Miss Alwaysright. Who do you think I am, your personal servant?" mimicked Cat. The security guards popped their knuckles menacingly. "Fine! Lister is my friend alright? Okay, so sometimes he smells, and he never mentions my beautiful ass, but I like him. We can go fishing and talk about Rimmer together, once though, his head burst, and I really wanted to flush him down the drains, but I resisted."

The crowd awwed and Leona Alwaysright looked angry. "What about the other?" she asked, hissing between her teeth.

"What Rimmer? No comment man. He has no fashion sense whatever and even when I tell him about it, he insists on wearing green or red suits. Sometimes, when he gets really annoying, I just want to flush his light bee down the drains, then we'd be done with him forever."

The crowd clapped appreciatively. Leona looked happier now that Cat was bashing another person. "Thank you Cat." She nodded to Ira Notanidiot, who escorted Cat off the stage. "Now lets get Rimmer out here," said Leona, "After this commercial break."

The crowd clapped and cheered.

Meanwhile, Lister, Kryten, and Rimmer were enduring painful words from Cat's face on the big screen. First though, they had to get over the embarrassment he caused them by hitting on Leona.

Flush my heads down the drains? How terrible. Only a completely awful person would do a thing like that, thought Kryten.

I'm glad he didn't flush me down the drains. Friends? Aww, I'm touched, thought Lister, Though I didn't say the greatest things about him . . .

I'm already dead and he wants to kill me again? By flushing me down the drain? thought Rimmer. I should have expected something like this!

Okay, I finally got Cat's interview up, I hope you like it tons and tons!