I updated for you all! I'm glad to have this up so soon. All dialogue in the exchange between Eowyn and the Witch King is Tolkien's work. I think you can tell that. As hard as I try, I don't have his talent.
EllowynTinuviel: Thanks for you love and support. It really means a lot to me. You've read all of my F/E stories but one, yay! (hint, hint). I really do think this will be F/E, I just didn't want to promise anything to anyone. After I found out that Aragorn asked Eowyn to marry him, I just started thinking about all of that Faramir angst (sigh.) You and I are some of the few people who can say "Faramir angst" and be excited (and I know you can, you put way too much in GHS, well no you don't, but you sure put a lot in.) Speaking of which, UPDATE!
Tari Faelivrin: Of course I'm back, I would never leave you guys! Thanks for reviewing!
This chapter is dedicated to EllowynTinuviel who was not only my first reviewer, but she's also a very faithful reader of my works and I of hers. Thank you!
Someone To Catch My Tears
Part Two: Eowyn
I watched as he mounted his steed, the one his lover gave him, Roheryn. I swallowed my tears. I was hurt that he was leaving me so soon. I had to force myself to believe it. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Legolas setting Gimli up on the borrowed horse. So, they were allowed to ride with him, and I was not.
"Aragorn!" I cried out, unable to retain myself any longer. He turned to me, and rode over to me, his face sad. He dismounted and stood in front of me once more, and we spoke softly, so that no one else would hear. Not that it mattered, everyone else knew or guessed our situation.
"Eowyn, hush. You know I must leave you. If I had my choice, Legolas and Gimli would stay behind as well. However, we are tied together with the bonds of fellowship. I cannot force them to separate themselves from me. Only fate can do that."
Tears welled in my eyes as I said, "We are bound together too." I wondered if he thought I sounded like a small child, but I did not care. I would not allow him to take such a dangerous course without me.
He nodded and said, "Eowyn, I will come out of this alive. I need you to come out of this alive too. Gondor needs its queen, and I need you. Please, do not put your life in danger without need."
"This is important! You need me, you said so yourself! I will ride with you. Please, Aragorn, do not leave me, don't leave me like Theodred did." I cheated when I said that. I knew how sensitive that subject was for him. He still mourned Arwen, and the thought of Theodred returned thoughts of her to him. It also reminded him of what he had said to me that morning when he had asked me to marry him. He would be there for me, in the same way Theodred had not been able to. He understood how I felt and he would help me; he would let me help him; we would be there for each other and never cease to comfort each other, no matter what.
He looked away from me, and I thought I had won. Ever since we first met it had been a struggle for me to gain dominance over him. I knew I couldn't, ever, but I wanted to. I wanted him to respect me. I wanted to be, what could be called the "top dog." I thought then that maybe I had done it finally.
"Eowyn. Bring no one else into this. I love you, but I will not have you go with me. I will now ask you not to bring Theodred or Arwen up again," he said, and then he turned and walked away.
Anger flooded my veins. It wasn't fair. I knew why Gimli and Legolas were allowed to go and I was not. It had nothing to do with bonds. I was bound more tightly to him than anyone. I was his betrothed. He had let Pippin and Gandalf go, he was leaving Merry behind now. He could separate from these friends of his. Merry and I were not allowed to go because we weren't good enough. Merry was too young and I was a woman. I was held back simply because I was born with breasts.
I did then what I knew I should never have done. I grapped him by the arm and yanked him around to face me. I pulled open his hand and shoved that beautiful, rather extravagant necklace that he had always worn before she left him, or whatever she did. I never heard just what happened to the Lady Arwen, but I guessed. She must have gone to the Grey Havens, the place where all Elves go eventually. Now I forced him to hold it. I saw him go pale just feeling it in his hand again. I had taken it for him, so that he would not have to keep up with it. I knew that he would need it again someday, so I refused to let him destroy it.
"I can't stand you, Aragorn," I snapped. Then I spun around and left him, standing there, with that…Evenstar, he called it, that Evenstar in his hand. I went to my tent and cried, as much as I didn't want to; I could to restrain myself; I had to cry.
It was a whole eight hours later when I came back out. Aragorn was gone.
I went back to the place we had stood, where we talked shared our last words. I looked down the path, and wondered if I should follow, despite his orders. But that would be futile. He was long ahead, having the benefit of both a horse and eight hours, neither of which I could use if I were to follow him. Instead, I resolved to ride to battle with my uncle and my brother, even though I was not allowed to do that either. I would have rather be with my betrothed, but there was a lot better chance that Aragorn could send me back than my uncle. Theoden didn't even have to know I was there.
I turned my head back to the fire, and I saw Merry. He would not be allowed to go either. I would take him with me. I would cover him with my cloak. I would be Dernhelm: Helm of Secrecy.
I looked back at the ground around me, imagining Aragorn standing there. It was dark now, but I still saw something glittering in the grass off to the side. I moved to examine it.
It was that Evenstar, glittering without any light to sustain it. It was a truly amazing, what was it? Not a jewel, though there were jewels on it; it was wrought in the shape of a flower. A flower it was. A silver, bejeweled flower that was given to Aragorn by the fairest elf maiden in all of Middle-Earth. Impressive. I must say that nobody important gave me any flower necklaces, or anything for that matter. Well, except Aragorn giving me his word of marriage, but what does that mean? Besides, every time we attempt to talk about it, our conversation is speckled with "if we survive," "Maybe after the war," and "If, for some reason, I should die…." We had spent the last four days together, almost happy, and almost sad. Neither of us knew quite what to feel, or quite what to say. What, exactly, was our relationship, and who could say? If neither of us knew, who did?
I bent and picked it up. The star, the flower, the gem, whatever it was, I picked it up and slipped it into my pocket. He would not forget this. He would not hide from his past, just as I would not allow him to hide from his future. If Aragorn considered backing out of taking the throne, especially now that the maiden for whom he was doing it was gone, I wouldn't let him. Never in my life would I dream of letting him. I would drag him to that throne personally and force him to take it. We needed a strong leader more than almost anything, and Aragorn was a strong leader. Men all around would hearken to his call. He could lead anyone and everyone at a moment's notice. I loved him for his sense of safety.
Sometimes I wondered if maybe I didn't want to win every time we fought for control over the relationship. Maybe that is why Aragorn always won. Maybe I wanted someone to keep me safe; I didn't want to make all of the decisions for good or for bad. I had been forced to decide for myself so many times that maybe I wanted to have a break. I wanted to be safe from the struggle. I wanted someone else to help me sometimes.
But I didn't want Aragorn to be in control of my life. It would be another cage. Wormtongue had been in control, and I despised him for that. I would not give the same task to Aragorn, and I would not take it again. Frankly, I didn't know what I wanted. I just wanted to be free. I didn't want to have to fight for my respect and freedom. I wanted to receive it without struggle, like Aragorn, my uncle, my brother, and Theodred did. I wanted so much to be as respected as they, but I knew it was impossible.
I turned from the mountain where I knew Aragorn was, and walked back to my tent. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered if he was thinking of me, if he was regretting treating me as he did. If he had any sense, he would be.
I sat on my cot, staring at the chair in which Aragorn had sat that night. That strange night five nights ago. He came in here for comfort, his lover had left him. I spoke to him freely, expressing my feelings, I regretted that now, and he had heard what I was truly saying. Rather than hearing what I said, which was merely explaining what had happened to him, since he did not wish to say it; he heard what I did not say, which was that I felt this same way for him. I rather gave it away with some of the things I said, and my face almost certainly played into it, but I did not truly expect him to see. I thought he was so wrapped up in thinking about his lover that he couldn't possibly see what I was thinking.
However, the next morning I knew that I had made a mistake. He probably knew. I had to ensure that he did not.
I waited for many hours for him to come to my tent as he promised, then I finally rose and went to his, without even bothering to do anything else.
He was sitting there, playing with that thing, that Evenstar, lost in thought when I came in. In all appearances, he had been preparing to go to my tent when he was distracted. His boots were half laced, and he had forgotten to lace up part of his tunic, the brown one that he always wore over that red shirt. I caught his attention, and sat down beside him. We spoke together, and he tried to take the Evenstar off. I moved to help him. He would not look at the thing when I put it in his hand. Then he did what I had been praying he would not do. He asked me about the night before. I dismissed the question, but he persisted. Then, before I knew it, I had poured my whole life out to him.
Then he kissed me.
I truly didn't know what to do, but I knew that it wasn't right. I wouldn't get myself trapped in a relationship in which I was merely a replacement. But when I told him this, he asked me to marry him. Again, I didn't accept, for I was afraid that he did not truly feel that way about me, but then he said those words, "We can catch each other's tears," and I could not stop myself. I had drowned myself in this relationship ere I even knew what I was doing.
Did I regret it? No, I loved Aragorn with all my heart. He was my life, the center of my world. I depended on him; though I couldn't say that he depended on me, I knew he did at that time in our lives. I was like the medicine that cured a wound to him; I didn't realize that it was not what I truly wanted.
No, I did, I just thought that maybe he would change, we would change. Things would get better. He would love me for who I was. I wouldn't just be a numbing medicine, I would be his true love. What he dreamt of at night, what he thought about throughout the day as he worked, what he cherished when we were together. That was the life for which I hoped, and that was what I would receive, I was sure.
But he didn't cherish me now, for he had abandoned me. He left, just as Eomer had, just as Theodred had, just as everyone I loved had. Except, in all of those cases, they had no choice; duty called. Aragorn had a choice. I am a grown person, and I can help. I was not part of my Theodred's eored when he left me, but I could be part of Aragorn's circle. There was nothing keeping us apart save for the fetters he put on me. But what weak fetters they are! How could something so weak and meaningless be so strong and binding? Because Aragorn was the one who chained me, and I do not wish to go against him.
"Eowyn?" My brother's voice drifted through the tent flap.
"Enter."
Eomer lifted the tent flap and bent to walk into the tent. He was so tall. Taller than Aragorn even, and Aragorn was one of the tallest people I knew. In fact, if it weren't for that hat of his, Aragorn would dwarf even Gandalf. Yet, Eomer was slightly taller than Aragorn, just slightly.
"Yes dear brother?" I asked, noting the concern on his face.
"Eowyn," he paused, and then continued. "I worry for you. I do not wish you to suffer, as you do. Are you sure you know what you are doing?"
I turned from my beloved brother who had always tried to be there for me but could not be. I looked at that little table, how interesting I had been finding it in the past five days!
"Eomer, when one is alone, one must do something. This is what I must do."
"But Eowyn, are you sure that Aragorn, I mean, what does he mean to you?"
I sighed. Good question. There were so many answers. "How can I answer that, Eomer? He is a refuge from the dark, he knows what I am feeling, for he has felt it too. He will lift me up and carry me away from the misery that lurks in my shadow. I shall not fear any longer when he returns for me."
"When he returns? Eowyn, the man has abandoned you! I do not expect him to take you with him, for it is very dangerous, but I would expect him to be more considerate than he was! When will he return, Eowyn? When he is King? What will that make you, Queen? Eowyn, my dear beloved Eowyn, is this truly what you want? To be Queen, and nothing more? To him, you shall not even be his wife, you will merely be Eowyn, Queen of Gondor. Your name shall be forgotten, and all that will be left will be 'Aragorn's wife' murmured through the crowds. For Queens cannot live on. They cannot do anything more than sit upon the throne and support their husbands. Is this the fate you wish?"
His words frightened me. I could not face them. What if he was right? What would I do then? It was not exactly allowed for the Queen of Gondor to run away if she finds out that she doesn't like it there. Perhaps Eomer was right…
But I could not face that truth. I needed to hold on to Aragorn, and I could not let go now. Eomer was just being over protective. I knew that. He was worried that Aragorn would not make me happy, but he did not understand that Aragorn had been all I had wanted for my entire life. Aragorn. My love. My life.
"Eomer, stop it. You have no right to speak thus. Leave, ere I make you."
My brother just smiled sadly and said, "I'm afraid you already have." And then he was gone.
I regretted my words instantly. I battled my pride to run out and speak to him again, to apologize, but I was afraid that he might say those things again, or more things, or worse things, so I could not.
Many hours passed ere I slept. It was nearly the second watch of morning when I finally drifted off. Sleep claimed me for two hours, and in those two hours nightmares haunted me too. I woke finally, and without thinking reached for my robe. I crossed the sleeping camp barefooted, and reached my brother's tent after what seemed like an eternity. I did not call out, for I knew that he would be sleeping. Instead, I slipped into his tent, and snuggled in beside him. I was asleep again almost instantly.
When I woke, Eomer was already awake, looking down at me while tugging on his boots.
"Sleep well?" he asked. Apparently, he was planning on forgetting what had happened last night, which was what I wanted, I just didn't know if that was what should be done.
I nodded in response. Eomer was used to my nods and smiles, I didn't like to speak when I did not have to for I did not trust my own voice.
"Eowyn, I wanted to confront you about something. I was going to speak of it last night, but then I forgot." Good, he was not going to blame me as he ought to.
"I know you do not wish to stay behind, but I ask you to please not ride into battle with the men. Please stay with the people and protect them, 'tis an honorable deed itself. Please, Eowyn, I could not see you hurt."
I smiled. I truly didn't trust my voice now, for I feared it would betray my true intentions to my brother, who knew me so well, but I spoke nonetheless. "Worry not, dear brother. I shall be safe." There, I had not told him that I would not ride, merely that I would not be hurt.
He smiled. I thought that perhaps he saw my scheme, but he did not mention it. Then he rose and left his own tent.
I pulled my own robe on and crossed to my own tent where I dressed and prepared for the day. Today was important, for today I prepared to ride with the men.
Two days later, I rode alongside the men. I saw Merry standing there, forlorn. As I had thought, he had not been allowed to ride to war. So I picked him up and muttered in his ear, "Ride with me."
I would not fear. I forbid myself to consider fear. I forced myself to thing of the task at hand, rather than what it could mean for me. I searched the ranks for Aragorn, but I knew he had not yet arrived. I could feel him coming though. He had made it through the Paths of the Dead and now he was coming, despite what everyone else said. "Deserter," they called him. "Coward," "Fake." I would not sit and listen to these men bash my betrothed in such a way. He had done nothing save help these men. He had dared to take a path more dangerous than any of these men would dream of taking. It was not fair to Aragorn that they spoke in such ways of him. He did not desert them, he was going to save them. That much I knew. I knew it in my heart, for I could feel Aragorn coming. Here, on the eve of battle, I knew that he was nearing. We sat and waited. Thanks to the Wild Men, we knew where to go. Theoden had his battle strategies decided. We could only wait.
The next day we fought. We fought for everything we held dear. I kept one eye on Merry and one eye on my brother, and somehow I managed to keep an eye on myself as well. There were so many Orcs, and it pained me to know that we came here to Gondor's aid just as they did not come to ours. But I also knew that we were coming to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli's aid, for they would have gone to Gondor no matter. As we fought, I wondered where that steward was, the one who had been so desperate for our aid, yet did not deem it necessary to head our need. I hated him more than anything, and I was glad that Aragorn was going to take his power away soon. If I were Aragorn, that would be enough for me. I would do anything if it meant usurping Denethor.
I shouldn't have been thinking such treacherous thoughts, but I was. I couldn't help it; when I fight, I get angry. Then I start getting angry at anything that has ever happened to me, and stay angry throughout the battle.
But then the Nazgul came; I found something else about which I could be angry. My uncle, my beloved uncle, lay there beneath his horse, faithful Snowmane, and the Witch King of Angmar advanced on him. Fury rose within me, no time was left for thoughts of Aragorn or anyone else. I charged before the Witch King and said, "Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the dead in peace!"
I forced my mind to be free of fear as the being answered "Come not between the Nazgul and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in they turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where they flesh shall be devoured, and they shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye." I drew my sword. I would not let the horrors of which he spoke come to pass.
"Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may," I said fearlessly. I noticed Merry laying behind the beast, and I wondered again, just what was the hobbit's place in this world?
"Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!" it cried. Now I knew was the time to reveal my true presence. If I could force the thing for fear me…
I laughed. "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn, I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begond, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him."
And indeed, it did not answer, I sensed the possibility of fear in that dark mind. Yet, even as the Witch King gave no answer, its winged beast shrieked in fear. I had won, I knew that much. Now all I had to do was kill the thing.
Behind the thing, I noticed movement. Merry. I knew. But Merry could not kill this thing. Only I could. Merry knew not what strength it would take.
The beast that this thing rode sensed my distraction, and made a leap for me, yet it realized not that I was ready for it. I swiftly relieved the thing of its head, and the Nazgul king of his mount.
But he lived still. And he became even more angry. I had heard that a fair elf maid had destroyed the nine of their horses, the beasts the Nazgul rode ere these winged monsters, and now I too had destroyed a mount. I wondered briefly if the Elf maid had been any other than Arwen, but I dismissed the thought. I had not time to think upon such things, for the thing swung his mace at my arm. Thank Eru it was not my sword arm, for then all would be lost, but the pain in my left arm overwhelmed me. I knew it was broken, and I collapsed on the ground.
So this is how it must end, I thought lamenting. I had broken my promise to my brother. I had sworn to him that I would be safe, and I had failed.
But I had forgotten about a key to my success, for just after I fell to my knees, prepared for death, I was saved. He collapsed nigh me, and behind him stood Merry, crying my name. And then I gathered my strength, for I knew that this was my last chance to win this battle. I would not pass unremembered. I would slay this mighty being. And I rose and thrust my sword into his face. My beloved sword splintered, but for a good cause. For that was the end of the Witch King of Angmar. And that was the last I knew.