ALiCE in WoNDeRLaND
-20-
I decided to take my aloneness as a chance to think over all that I had so recently remembered.
Zale, Zione (Protezione was his real name), Miyka'el, Aurick, and Surrend "Nam" Namdhari were the members of the Villikins who stood before me. (Why Nam was the only one with a last name, I didn't know.) They had mentioned others, associates. Fiore was one of these, but I sensed there were others, but no more names came to me.
All I seemed to have were pictures. The guys all standing on that hill and looking down at me, for one. Only they weren't on a hill, in my memory. They were just looking down, and I was... where?
More images flashed through my mind. I was on the ground. Bleeding? I was hurt. Why was I there? Why were the guys there, and what did they really need me for? There was me and Adeliz and then...
Adèle? Where was she? Did she do magic as well? Is that why women were seen as evil, because they had the power to do magic, when men could only design bigger and more powerful guns?
Miyka'el would know about Adèle, I knew, but I didn't want to ask him. He wouldn't want to talk about it. It would make him worry... which would be weird, Miyka'el worrying, but I had more important matters to attend to than my own amusement.
So there was one more associate, and some kind of memory of what I assumed was the first time the guys found me. Did I have amnesia then, too? How many times had I forgotten everything since they first "rescued" me? I had so many questions to have answered but I didn't want any of the guys answering me because then they'd have questions of their own.
Was I afraid of them, I wondered. Should I be? They did have those weapons, but on the other hand, they had almost gotten themselves killed while defending me. They said I had magic. All they needed to do was get me to a place where I could use magic, and then everything would be alright. Wait a minute...
"Does the magic have anything to do with my memory?" I asked out loud.
Every single one of the guys stopped and turned to stare at me, bewildered. "What?" Miyka'el asked.
"My memory," I repeated. "My magic doesn't work because of the concrete, right? So maybe it messes up my memory, too, the fact that I can't... pick up, you know, stuff from the ground." I stared at my feet, suddenly embarrassed. They were all just looking at me like I was insane. They had done it before, but now that I had some remembrance of who I was and what I might just be doing, it seemed just plain mean.
Zione and Zale looked toward one another as Nam spoke. "That's an interesting theory."
"Am I right?" I asked them.
Zale and Zione were still looking at each other, as if they had telepathy and could almost talk to one another just by doing that. Miyka'el went on from where Nam left off. "We don't know, ALiCE. To tell you the truth, we don't know anything about you."
"But how long has it been? I've been here with you guys for how long now? How many times have you had to deal with me and this ridiculous forgetting?" I nearly ranted.
"Just because we had to deal with you and your amnesia doesn't mean we understand you any better. We know all about your amnesia, ALiCE, but we don't know anything about you, alright? Just deal with it."
"But how can you? How can you guys put up with me when you don't even know who I am, and what I might be able to do to you? The magic, right? I'm dangerous. Why put yourselves in danger?"
"Because we need you, ALiCE," Miyka'el screamed, as if repeating my name would somehow bring an end to my tirade. "You're the only one here who has magic. You're not a threat, remember? We're just as dangerous, if not more so, than you are."
"Because of the guns? Or perhaps the fifty-six deadly arts?"
"Because of a lot of things, things I don't want to get into right now, alright?"
I stared, glared I should say, and waited for him to turn around and start walking away.
"Why is this so important to you?" he wondered.
"Because I would like to know who I am? Doesn't everybody want to know who they really are?"
"There's more to it than that," Aurick spoke up suddenly. "We don't know anything about magic, either, and it's just..." He looked at the others. "It's just..."
"It's just that we don't really want to know," Nam finished. "It would make things... weird."
I was so totally confused. "What do you mean, 'weird'?"
Nam glanced at Miyka'el, who was making a strange face. "We can't talk about this right now, alright? Maybe later, maybe when we get there, but not now. It's just too hard talking about things out here."
I slowly began to realize just how significant this journey really was.
***
-20-
I decided to take my aloneness as a chance to think over all that I had so recently remembered.
Zale, Zione (Protezione was his real name), Miyka'el, Aurick, and Surrend "Nam" Namdhari were the members of the Villikins who stood before me. (Why Nam was the only one with a last name, I didn't know.) They had mentioned others, associates. Fiore was one of these, but I sensed there were others, but no more names came to me.
All I seemed to have were pictures. The guys all standing on that hill and looking down at me, for one. Only they weren't on a hill, in my memory. They were just looking down, and I was... where?
More images flashed through my mind. I was on the ground. Bleeding? I was hurt. Why was I there? Why were the guys there, and what did they really need me for? There was me and Adeliz and then...
Adèle? Where was she? Did she do magic as well? Is that why women were seen as evil, because they had the power to do magic, when men could only design bigger and more powerful guns?
Miyka'el would know about Adèle, I knew, but I didn't want to ask him. He wouldn't want to talk about it. It would make him worry... which would be weird, Miyka'el worrying, but I had more important matters to attend to than my own amusement.
So there was one more associate, and some kind of memory of what I assumed was the first time the guys found me. Did I have amnesia then, too? How many times had I forgotten everything since they first "rescued" me? I had so many questions to have answered but I didn't want any of the guys answering me because then they'd have questions of their own.
Was I afraid of them, I wondered. Should I be? They did have those weapons, but on the other hand, they had almost gotten themselves killed while defending me. They said I had magic. All they needed to do was get me to a place where I could use magic, and then everything would be alright. Wait a minute...
"Does the magic have anything to do with my memory?" I asked out loud.
Every single one of the guys stopped and turned to stare at me, bewildered. "What?" Miyka'el asked.
"My memory," I repeated. "My magic doesn't work because of the concrete, right? So maybe it messes up my memory, too, the fact that I can't... pick up, you know, stuff from the ground." I stared at my feet, suddenly embarrassed. They were all just looking at me like I was insane. They had done it before, but now that I had some remembrance of who I was and what I might just be doing, it seemed just plain mean.
Zione and Zale looked toward one another as Nam spoke. "That's an interesting theory."
"Am I right?" I asked them.
Zale and Zione were still looking at each other, as if they had telepathy and could almost talk to one another just by doing that. Miyka'el went on from where Nam left off. "We don't know, ALiCE. To tell you the truth, we don't know anything about you."
"But how long has it been? I've been here with you guys for how long now? How many times have you had to deal with me and this ridiculous forgetting?" I nearly ranted.
"Just because we had to deal with you and your amnesia doesn't mean we understand you any better. We know all about your amnesia, ALiCE, but we don't know anything about you, alright? Just deal with it."
"But how can you? How can you guys put up with me when you don't even know who I am, and what I might be able to do to you? The magic, right? I'm dangerous. Why put yourselves in danger?"
"Because we need you, ALiCE," Miyka'el screamed, as if repeating my name would somehow bring an end to my tirade. "You're the only one here who has magic. You're not a threat, remember? We're just as dangerous, if not more so, than you are."
"Because of the guns? Or perhaps the fifty-six deadly arts?"
"Because of a lot of things, things I don't want to get into right now, alright?"
I stared, glared I should say, and waited for him to turn around and start walking away.
"Why is this so important to you?" he wondered.
"Because I would like to know who I am? Doesn't everybody want to know who they really are?"
"There's more to it than that," Aurick spoke up suddenly. "We don't know anything about magic, either, and it's just..." He looked at the others. "It's just..."
"It's just that we don't really want to know," Nam finished. "It would make things... weird."
I was so totally confused. "What do you mean, 'weird'?"
Nam glanced at Miyka'el, who was making a strange face. "We can't talk about this right now, alright? Maybe later, maybe when we get there, but not now. It's just too hard talking about things out here."
I slowly began to realize just how significant this journey really was.
***