Pickled Freak: Thank you for your review! I really didn't expect it! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! (Take a cookie!)

Okay, I'm not sure if there was something wrong with my previous chapter, or if nobody got around to reviewing, or if nobody saw the chapter or what. But I'm continuing this. I would like some feedback, though. Love, Rana

Someone To Catch My Tears

Part Seven: Eowyn

"Yes" I had said, and "yes," I had lied. There was no love in my body any longer. Of course I didn't love Aragorn. But I still lied. I knew that I would never suffer again with Aragorn. I had been held under Grima's sway for so long that his illusions began coming true for me. I realized that I would be alone for the rest of my life. I convinced myself at all costs that this was love, had to be love. I would not be left as Grima said I would. I would have someone whom I loved and who loved me. I told myself that, but I knew that it was not true. I would never have true love. I would just have those domestic comforts that anyone might have. But there was nothing in my cards that read a chance for freedom in true happiness.

I was very naïve then. I did not know what true love was. I did not realize that true love would not signify an end to troubles and toils. In fact, there was nothing that it could do better than bring more complications in to my life. However, I could tell the difference between true love and my emotions towards Aragorn. They were severely different. The problem was that I had trouble forcing myself to listen to my heart.

These ponderings are those that I have discovered after many years of ponderings. At the time, I didn't give it a thought. I knew that I loved Aragorn. I had loved him for so long. I knew I felt something for him. What could it be but love?

But someone taught me differently. Someone forced me to look deep down, and discover what was truly there. He could not do it for me, but he could force me to do it. For he was wise for his thirty-five years. Sometimes, I wondered if he be wiser than Aragorn. But I wasn't one to say, for I was there, surrounded by these awe-inspiring people, and I could not judge which was the greatest of them all. However, I could judge that I was not among them.

When I told Merry that I did love Aragorn, he merely sighed and nodded his head. "Then I suppose you do, milady. Have you told Faramir of your engagement to Strider?"

I was surprised by this strange change of subject. I was discovering that for some reason, men didn't like remaining on one topic. Of course, the topic wasn't really all that different, but it seemed random at the time.

"Of course I have, I told him this morning."

"Of course, of course. I just…I thought that I should double check."

I nodded my understanding without really understanding. Why on earth would he care if Faramir knew? Why on earth would Faramir care? I decided to watch my new acquaintance—I hardly dared call him a friend, as all my friends die immediately—more carefully.

I rose from the dinner table, finally exhausted. It took a lot to tire me, even in my weakened state. I would still lie awake for hours and think upon my past, present and future. What I had decided was that my past was horrible, my present was void of life, and my future was beautiful. I was wrong, of course. My past wasn't horrible, it merely had some bad parts to it, along side of the good. My present wasn't void, it was just as full as anything could be. And my future wasn't beautiful. It was like my past and present. For, no matter how many changes I have made in my life, it always remains partially good and partially bad. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I made a different choice, but then I know that there would be wonderful moments along with the horrible ones. At the time I measured which life would have more horrible moments, or more happy ones, I can't remember for sure, and then made my decision based on that. There's no way to know if I was wrong or right, but I wasn't either by much.

Merry rose too and said, "I will leave you now, Eowyn. Perhaps we will see each other again tomorrow."

I nodded. It was all so natural. It was as though those men were not at war. As though they were here, and not gone for to never return. Nothing seemed out of place when I spoke to people. They were so settled with this idea that we were alone. But when I was by myself, I felt the pain lingering in my heart and I wondered why it was so easy to let go.

Merry turned, as if reading my thoughts, and said, "Eowyn, I miss them too. We all await those who may never return. But we also must hope. There's no point in not hoping. We might as well die if there was no hope. Think about it this way, when you think about death, do you ever wonder what you might, just might, miss? If you do, there's something left to miss still. Hope, Eowyn. Hope."

I smiled at him. That was it. There was still hope. Maybe, at least. After all, suppose we lost and everything was hopeless. At least I would know what happened. There wasn't any point in worrying about it. It wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't be able to come up with any different ideas for escape, for there wouldn't be anything left to do. What I was really worried about was winning and Aragorn and Eomer not coming back. Then I wouldn't have a life. But perhaps something would come along after that. I had not had a life before, so surely everything will get better.

It was funny, really, how I was balancing my entire fate on Chance. There wasn't a way in the world that we all would actually survive, but I still rested my heart on the very tip of the knife. It would cost me a lot, I knew, but I couldn't do anything about it. There was nowhere left to turn. At least not until something different happened.

Merry smiled at me and left me to continue my thoughts. I fell asleep that night, a little more hopeful that everything might work out after all.

However, I woke the next morning as pessimistic as ever. What was I thinking? I wondered. I knew that we wouldn't make it out of this alive. At least not all of us. Probably not any of us.

I wanted to walk in the gardens, for they had come to relax me, but I was afraid to know who else might lurking beneath those bowers and trees.

I sighed. I shouldn't have been afraid of Faramir, but I was. I didn't know what to say when I was around him. He was so much more than I was, yet I wanted to prove myself to him. It was like an unattainable goal. Yet he didn't seem to notice this. He was so comfortable in my presence that it almost made me relax. Sometimes it did, in fact. But then, something would happen, and I would see something from him that I never thought to see. He was so beyond any experience with a human being that I've ever had. I didn't know why. I still don't know why he is so different. It has been suggested to me that perhaps I had never really had a true and deep relationship with another person before, so I never had recognized it in others. This could be true, but what about my brother, and my cousin? Theodred and my relationship ran deep. And of course no one knows Eomer as well as I. Some people think that he's crazy, but I don't think so. He suffered much, but he doesn't seem crazy to me. Some think he's special, and that might be closer to true. However, perhaps something just happened, and I saw him for everything he was, like he did me.

I remained indoors all morning, but in the afternoon, a nurse came to me and said that the Warden wanted me to get some fresh air, for it had seemed to be doing me well until I stopped going out, when I had begun to reacquire my previous pale pallor.

I shook my head. "No, I do not want to go out," I said. "I would rather stay inside and rest, for I am very tired. Yesterday put such a strain on me."

The girl opened her eyes wide, probably appalled that she could have suggested such a strain for me, and fled the room.

I watched her leave, and then I turned back to my little fire.

An hour passed before the girl came back in, followed by the Warden.

"Miss, I am told that yesterday wearied you so greatly that you are unable to walk today?"

"I said that it wearied me so that I have no wish to walk today."

The Warden bent and checked my pulse, my heart, and felt my head.

"I sense no sign of such drastic and sudden fatigue. I believe it better for you to walk again, milady. I think you'll feel better and more energized."

I bit the inside of my lip. There didn't seem to be a way to get out of this. So I just nodded and smiled thinly and weakly. "Very well. I will walk for a short time at your request in the gardens."

"Good. Lai shall accompany you."

The girl curtseyed at the Warden as he left, but she did not depart herself. Instead, she smiled at me expectantly. I figured that she must have been Lai.

I rose from the table chair that I had set beside the fire due to the discomfort of the actual fireside chair. I walked over to where my cloak hung, and wrapped it around myself.

"Shall we go then, Lai?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded.

We walked for a short while in silence before I had the odd urge to speak. Usually, I didn't care for words, but I wanted to at least hear someone talking, if not talk myself.

"Tell me about your family, Lai."

"Well, my father was a Gondorian soldier and my mother was a Haradrim. She was of high birth, but the civil war overthrew most of the great houses, including ours. She was very young, I think not yet twenty. Her name is Kulta. She was a refugee at a came on the boarder, and my father was stationed there to protect it. They fell in love, but they never had a chance to marry. My father died before a year had passed. But my mother was already pregnant with me. He died three months before I was born.

"You see, the Haradrim are not as strict about things like that. If a woman has a child before she is married, the father of the child is expected to marry the woman, for that would be disrespectful and wicked, but it is not forbidden to have children before wedlock. They don't see a reason to require it, as long as the men are carefully watched and do not abandon the child and mother.

"Anyway, when I was eight, my mother sent me to Gondor to look for work, and I think to protect me. She's still fighting for her birthright I think. That is, unless she's dead."

I was astonished by this amazing story. I was fond of the woman immediately. "How long ago was it that you last saw your mother?"

"I saw her when I was ten, and that was three years ago. I'm thirteen now."

Again, I was surprised. She was quite young to be working at a healer's. I realized how talented she must be.

"And you, milady? What is your story?"

Where would I begin? I had so much to tell.

"I…"

But I was interrupted before I could begin. I saw a figure up ahead, whom we were approaching steadily. I could tell that it was a man, and he was tall and slender. Not like his brother, I thought. I wondered at this, for I had never even met Boromir. Yet somehow I knew. I knew how different Faramir must have been from his brother. I also knew that this was the man whom I was approaching. Faramir, I mean, not Boromir. I braced myself for the moment when I would come upon him. Lai looked up at me, but did not ask any questions. My jaw was clenched firmly, and I suppose that she thought that I was pained by my memories. But she did not interrupt my thoughts. She knew that I would not tell her if I didn't want to.

But when I saw him, closer, I realized how much he must have suffered in the last day. His skin was paler than mine ever had been, and I his eyes were hard and sad. He was dressed all in black. I realized what was missing then. Faramir always had a little bit of hope glimmering in his eyes. now it was gone. Even when he seemed sad there was still hope. Now, I suppose that he didn't have anything for which to hope. His entire family was dead, and all he had left was merely the position that he did not want. Like me, I thought. My family was dead, plus Aragorn, and I was left to take up Rohan. We would both rule our own countries, and we would both know the same things. That this was not where we belonged, and we have nothing else left.

I left Lai's side and went over to Faramir. I gently rested a hand on his shoulder. He turned to me, startled.

"Eowyn?" he said, blinking away his previous thoughts. But I saw them before they disappeared from his eyes. He was thinking upon lost love. Much of it. What grief!

"Faramir, how are you?" I said, unable to think of anything else.

"Well. Well. Thank you for asking….And you milady?" he asked.

I smiled at him. "I'm very well, thank you. Would you care to walk with us, Faramir?"

He looked behind us. I followed his gaze and saw that Lai had withdrawn into the background. She did not seem comfortable with the idea of walking with Faramir and me, so I let it go.

"I would very much like to walk with you."

"Good," was all I said. We smiled at each other and began walking. I glanced over at him upon occasion, and noticed him doing the same. We walked in silence, but it was a companionable silence. For a moment, I felt that he had let go of his sorrow and was just content to be with me. I did the same. I did not worry about Aragorn, Eomer, Theoden, Theodred, my parents or anything else. I focused on how happy I was with him. And I was happy. Happier than I had been in a long time, because I knew that Faramir suffered as much as I did. He was left at home when he could fight as well as the next man. He had lost most of his family and the rest would not probably last another month. For a moment, we could be two of the same person.

Yet at the same time, we were still different, and our differences could be felt acutely. I knew that before he met me, Faramir had never given thought to the barrier that stood between women and their dreams. I knew that now that he knew me, he had given the matter some serious thought, which I had to say I appreciated. Someday, when I was married to Aragorn, I knew that I could depend on Faramir to either let me ride or not let me ride, but his decision would be built off of years of ponderings. I also guessed that he didn't approve of my actions, though I knew that he also respected me for them. There were other differences, too deep to be spoken of, but still felt by both of us.

Yet, we both knew that those differences lay between us, and we were both willing to let it be that way. We didn't try to change the other one, we just accepted that it would always be this way. We could be the same and yet different. Like the Yin Yang, which is one circle made of two pieces.

But I am sorry. That was an analogy that would not have meant anything to me at the time, for I did not think of us in that way, so I shall continue without further interruptions, I hope.

I glanced over at my companion, again wondering what it was that Merry was thinking when he spoke of Faramir. I searched his face, but I didn't find anything until he looked at me. He turned, having felt my eyes upon him, to look into my eyes. I gasped at the intensity there, and I realized that maybe we weren't the same. Maybe his purpose in life was very different from mine. But then his gaze softened, and I realized that his thoughts merely ran deep when there was no one to rescue him from the rapids.

"Faramir…" I said, wanting so badly to feel that sense of companionship that I had felt earlier.

He turned away from me, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Eowyn. It's just all so much. Everything that happened yesterday, I felt that I lost all reason for hope. I didn't want to see the sun anymore. I didn't even want to see the stars, who normally comfort me. Nothing seemed worth it anymore."

"Why do you love the stars so?"

He didn't answer for a moment, but then said, "I don't know. I have just always looked up and wondered at their brilliance. They are not like the sun; they are gentle. Yet they are not like the moon; they are more brilliant than that. They glitter and glow, but they are soft and slow too. They are like little crystals rather than a…a…" He searched for his words, and did not seem to be able to find them. "I suppose I also have read so many stories about them, and my love for them is influenced a little by that."

I nodded, thinking about what he said. There wasn't much I could say about the subject so we lapsed back into silence.

"Tell me about your childhood," he whispered after a long silence. It was a common demand for him, but I wasn't expecting it. Surely he had heard enough about my childhood to discern that I had been an unruly, stubborn child who had not grown up to be any better. Why was he still interested?

I cast around for something interesting that I could tell him, before giving up. "What do you want to hear?"

He hesitated, and then said, "Your favorite pastime."

"Surely you know what it was," was all I could say.

"But tell me about it."

"I liked to ride."

He sighed and gave up. I guess I didn't give him the answer that he wanted, but I felt that it was rather unfair, as I had struggled to find out what he wanted to know, and he was being very vague about it.

"I am tired now. I think I shall retire now."

He glanced at me, startled. "Eowyn, I…"

"Good afternoon, Faramir."