EllowynTinuviel: ANGST, ANGST, ANGST! WE LOVES ANGST!

Serina: I like A/E too, but I am a hopeless F/E fan. Yes, Eomer needs someone. I personally prefer Lothiriel for him (the daughter of Imrahil, cousin of Faramir. She's who he marries in the books), but I also like reading a lot of OCs for Eomer. I'm glad you like the POVs; It's one of the greatest complements, as that was one of my highest goals.

Rebby-Eowyn: Thanks so much for the review. It came in right away and was greatly appreciated.

Bandaid Bandit: Thank you so much for your review. You really expressed that everything that I was hoping to accomplish in this story has been done. I really wanted it to be very thoughtful. Thank you so much! (also, because you asked so sweetly and were so nice, I'll post this sooner than I had planed. I was going to give it a little longer to let everything die down, but I won't now).

Ok, some notes. 1. Please review. I REALLY appreciate it. 2. I wondered, for readers of Cyrano de Bergerac, if in certain places of this chapter Eowyn is too Roxanne-y. I just finished reading Cyrano, and I felt that she was. 3. I just wanted to say that upon rereading the part where Faramir declares his love to Eowyn in the real book, I have realized how completely he understands her. Thus, I stressed the point in this chapter.

IMPORTANT: In Faramir's note, the "L You Si" is supposed to be crossed out. Fanfiction didn't keep the cross-outs, so I wanted to tell you so that it would make sense. Sorry for the long Author's note.

Someone To Catch My Tears

Part Nine: Faramir

She walked away from me, and as I stared after her I realized that I had done something terribly wrong. I recognized that my heart was not really in the conversation, but I didn't really expect her to think that it would be. But of course she didn't know half of my thoughts.

I continued on my walk, staring at the gravel. I found myself fascinated with watching which tiny stones ended up under my boot, and which ones did not. It was a pathetic thing to ponder, I suppose, but I didn't care. It held me spellbound me. Many things upon which I think others would find stupid or trivial. I suppose I was just different from everyone else.

I continued like this for some time before some small part of my brain recognized that mine were not the only footsteps. At first, I disregarded the thought without even thinking about it. Then, the thought registered. Eowyn! Was my first thought. But I knew that it could not be she. For she was angry with me for some reason beyond my comprehension.

I continued walking, listening for the steps. I did not want to turn until the right moment, lest I frighten someone away whom I did not wish to frighten. Slowly, at a rate so slow that whoever followed me could not have detected my movements until it was too late, I turned to look behind me. As my eyes fell upon my follower, she stopped in her tracks. It was the girl who had been walking with Eowyn before she came up to me. The girl blushed and started to turn away. I turned my head back to in front of me and continued walking, listening for the girl's footsteps.

Crunch, crunch. I was relieved to hear them. I knew that she followed me for a reason, as she did not seem comfortable in my presence. I did not dare to look back at her, for all that I wanted to. But I did slow my steps in order to hear hers better. She however, did not slow, and soon she was walking just behind me. I wondered if I dared speak to her, as she seemed so frightened of me. But I didn't have to worry long, for she spoke to me.

"My lord, steward. Might I have a word with you?"

I looked down and back at her, smiling. "I'm not a steward yet. Nor am I a lord. I am just a soldier. The youngest son of a servant of the realm, who should have inherited nothing, but was fated to do more than he was prepared for."

She just looked at me for a moment, wondering what to say. Then she said, "All right, what do you want me to call you?"

"My name. Faramir. There is no use for a title when the man or woman bearing it does not deserve it."

"You're saying that I should not call the King Your Highness if I don't think that he deserves his position?"

"Well, first of all, you should find out if he deserves his position. Sometimes our first impressions can be mistakes. Second of all, I wouldn't recommend doing so with those who think that they deserve their titles. However, if they did not, I would silently applaud you for such bravery."

The girl smiled up at me, and moved to walk beside me, rather than behind me.

"What's your name, child?" I asked.

"Lai."

"And how old are you?"

She smiled at me and answered proudly, "Thirteen."

"Ah, well then you're hardly a child, are you?"

She shook her head, grinning. I couldn't help but forget all my earlier trials.

"What do you like to do, Lai?"

She thought for a moment, before she answered, "I like to read, weave, and heal people. That's why I work here. They needed someone young working here, and I was the most eager of the candidates. I absolutely loved the idea of this job. I also help by making bandages and things, and I look after the patients and keep them occupied. It's a lot of work, but I love it so much. I like reading to the patients, too. They all say that I do such good voices. My mother didn't think that there was any point in my learning to read, but she was wrong. I have gotten so much out of my reading experiences. Books can take you anywhere and everywhere. It's like Aladdin and his carpet. You know?"

I grinned, remembering having said so many of those same things myself. But then I remembered how scorned my thoughts had been. Lai's thoughts would not be scorned. I would see to that.

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. I always read more than anyone else I knew. When I was young, I didn't care what happened around me. What's the point in fighting? I would think to myself. Fighting never gets you anywhere, and it's so dull. Why doesn't everyone just sit and read books all day. Then they wouldn't have to fight and take over other places and such. It would be an utter utopia. I didn't understand that the reason most people fight is because there are people out there who don't want to sit around and read all day. They want to control other people, for some strange reason. And they don't care what the stories say. There really are villains. And there are also really heroes. It isn't just stories. There are people like my brother who will sacrifice everything to destroy the enemy. But then there are people like me who just can't bring themselves to give it all up."

Lai looked up at me, seeing the sorrow in my face. "What makes you think that? Surely you can do something. You may not be any good at killing people, but you can do something, can't you?"

I shook my head. "I'm a scholar. I'm not even like you. You enjoy doing so much. I can do other things, but I prefer reading and writing poetry to almost everything."

She smiled at me. "What about not killing people?"

"Huh?" I said.

"You're good at not killing people. Somebody has to be good at that, otherwise, everyone would be the villains who don't like to sit and read all day. You're going to be one of the primary leaders of this country. While the King is out trying to smother evil, you'll be here trying to grow good. It's like two gardeners. The King is the weed puller, and you are the planter. And while a garden might not be pretty with a bunch of weeds in it, it sure isn't pretty without the flowers."

I wondered where this girl had come from, for I realized at that touching speech that she was very special.

" Who taught you to think like that?"

She smiled again. "I did."

I was truly astonished by this child. I hoped that if I ever had a child, she would grow up to be much like Lai. Of course, I might as well not dream about it, as I knew that it could never happen, for my only love was already out of my reach when I met her.

"Lai, did you want to talk to me about something?"

She frowned, and hesitated. "I did, but I'm not sure what I wanted to talk to you about. I just felt that maybe I could help. I was watching your walk with Lady Eowyn, and I noticed some things. I noticed that you love her, and that she does not love you. I also noticed that you have a mutual misunderstanding, because neither of you are sure as to how to proceed with this relationship. You recognize it at what we call love, but she only sees it as a strange bond that drew you together. I don't think that the Lady knows that what she's looking for exists. I don't even know if she knows what she's looking for. She wants freedom. But not just any freedom. She wants a special freedom that will protect her from all the horrors that she suffered before. She sees her life as two. Her old life and her new life. Right now, she thinks that she's just transferring. But if she doesn't wise up soon, she'll be transferring for a very, very long time. She wants love and happiness, too. She wants someone to hold her when she can't go on, and to let her free when she needs release. I don't know if anyone can do this, but if someone can, it would be you. Perhaps she needs to compromise a little. I don't know…"

I had listened to what she said, and recognized it all to be true. "But how do I help her?"

"I don't know if you can. I just know that you two see each other in a way that no one else can see you. You may see the world differently, but you see each other the same. If you can't save each other, I think you're lost forever."

I glanced down at her, surprised. She returned my gaze steadily. "Oh, yes. Eowyn's not the only one who needs help."

I turned my head away, and thought about this. Yes, I supposed I did need saving, of some sort. Clearly there was going to be no going on for me if Eowyn wasn't part of my life. "You're right, Lai."

"I know!" she said cheerily. Then she began to dash down the road in the other direction.

"Lai!" I called out after her.

"I have to report now! I have duty!"

I watched her run away, and then found myself alone again. I decided to continue walking, as I didn't really want to go inside. Instead, I thought upon Eowyn and what Lai had said about her. It was all true. The only think about which I was unsure was whether this was true love, or if it was just something that my troubled mind had manifested into something more than it was. But it didn't really matter yet. First I had to figure out how I could help Eowyn, even if there was no way to help myself.

I thought back to our earlier conversation. Why do you love the stars so? She had asked. I wondered if I could have said anything that angered her then. Surely not, but I had hardly spoken besides then. I concentrated on this moment, unable to think of what I could have said that could have angered her. Perhaps she did not want to tell any more stories about her childhood. Perhaps I had asked for too many of those by now. I couldn't help but be intrigued by her past, though. I didn't know what I could have done.

You two see each other in a way that no one else can see you. Was it possible that she had sensed my disappointment with her lack of enthusiasm about telling about her past? Yes, that was probably it. Yet, I didn't see why that would make her angry. But I knew now that it was surely that, for whatever reason. Eowyn was strange at times.

I continued walking until after dark. I found myself on the wall, staring out at the stars. Oh the beautiful stars. I stared out at them for some time, pondering.

Why do you love the stars so? The thought came suddenly. There were so many answers to that question. So many. But as I stared at the dark blue velvet sky with the tiny silver lights embedded within, I realized the main reason. And of course! I wondered why I had not thought of it before. I raced down the narrow stairs back into the garden, and rushed over to the houses. I would ensure that I saw Eowyn the next day. It was vital.

The next morning, I waited for her to come into the garden. I leaned on a large hazel tree near the steps that led up to the wall. Perhaps the tree could give me a little guidance in what I did next, being the tree of wisdom.

Eowyn did come, as I expected. She was accompanied by Lai again. The day before, I had been jealous of Eowyn's ability to talk to the girl, for she was so shy of me. Now I understood the girl a little better. I no longer suffered those thoughts.

"Good day, Eowyn, Lai," I said.

"Good day, Faramir," Eowyn responded, surprised to see me.

"Good day, would you care to join us on our walk?" Lai interjected. Of course, she wanted me to talk to Eowyn, I should have expected that she would help me.

"Thank you, I would be happy to," I said.

But I didn't know how to do what I was planning on doing. It seemed too forward to do something like that. I knew how minimal my time was, but I struggled to find a way to bring the subject up. Finally, after I had not said anything for nearly a quarter of an hour, Eowyn asked, "What is that on your arm?"

I looked down at my arm, unsure as to what she was talking about, and then realized. "Oh this? It's just a cloak. I thought…I had hoped to…I actually wanted to give it to you." There I had said it, as hard as it was.

She pointed to herself. "To me? Why? I already have a cloak, I'm wearing it right now," she said, confused.

"Oh, yes, of course. I know. I just wanted you to have this one. It used to be my mother's, and you have been the only woman that I have met whom I thought deserving of this. I wanted to give it to you now. Perhaps it will partially answer the question you asked earlier."

I unfolded the cloak and shook it out for her. I thought I heard her gasp, but when I looked at her, she was as emotionless as ever she had been. She just smiled coolly and said, "Thank you, Faramir, I appreciate this gift, but I cannot accept. It is too much. But I thank you nonetheless."

I knew that my disappointment showed on my face, but I couldn't care less. I had wanted so badly for her to have this, and now she wouldn't take it. What could I do to convince her? It was supposed to be a gift for someone special. This was the most special person I knew. She had so affected me. I knew that there wouldn't be anyone else left in the world for me to give this cloak to.

"No, please take it…" I said.

"Faramir, thank you, but no. I cannot accept."

I nodded, realizing that she didn't want the cloak. "Very well, if you insist," I said. I lowered my eyes to the ground and refolded the cloak. "Shall we continue then?"

She nodded.

I glanced back at Lai, who smiled at me encouragingly. Her eyes told me that I could do anything if I really wanted to. She truly is the most special child I have met. Well, so far anyway. There is another child that may perhaps surpass her yet.

Soon after, Eowyn left me, and went back into the houses. I watched her go, and then continued my walk alone, for Lai had followed Eowyn. I passed the hazel by which I had been waiting earlier, and an idea suddenly came to me. I pulled the pin that I had stuck in the cloak out, and took the little piece of paper that had been attached to the cloak by the pin. I crumpled it, and then took a new sheaf out of a pocket of my tunic—I keep paper on me at all times, think me crazy, but it's true—and tore a little bit off. On this, I scribbled a new note.

Eowyn,

I cannot keep this, for it is not mine. I was supposed to give it to someone, and not let the chance pass me up. You needn't take this, but I ask you to again. If you do not want it, leave it here where perhaps the wind will take ownership of it.

L You Si

faramir

I reread my note. I regretted the mess above my name, but I hadn't known what to write. I wanted to say something that would move her, but I didn't want her to be offended, so I decided to say "Your friend," but that even that was too expecting. Did she consider me a friend? So I decided instead on just "Sincerely." But I couldn't write that, for it was far too distant. Finally, for lack of anything better, I just signed my name and left it at that.

I pinned the note to the cloak and then hung the cloak on a hazel branch. Perhaps she would find it the next day.

I waited by my window until late the next day. She hadn't come out yet still. I wanted to scream her name out so loudly that she would want to go into the garden. But no, she wouldn't come until the moment that she wanted to, which might have been never.

But lo! At sunset, I saw her going out the door and into the gardens. She walked for some time until she came at last to the hazel tree. I feared that she would pass it without seeing it, for she had been walking with her eyes downcast for the entire time, but something must had changed then, for she glanced up. I thought, I hoped, that I saw her smile. She reached up and touched it, softly. I saw then that for which I had been looking all this time. A sign of gentleness, a sign of love. Bittersweet memories drifted across her face, and I realized that I would give anything just to kiss her at that moment. I didn't care if I had no other moments, just if I could have her for one second. Half a second even!

But then she pulled her hand back and turned towards my window. I drew back quickly, and I don't think that she saw me. She searched the house for any sign of something—probably me.

Then she turned back to the cloak and gently lifted it off of the branch, careful not to tear it. She turned it over in her hands, until she found the note. She was turned towards me for this, so I was able to view her face. I waited anxiously. Her expression went from somewhat indifferent to caring and soft. She reached the end of the note, and laughed quietly to herself. She shook her head, and then carefully unpinned the note. I couldn't see what she did with it, but the next moment it was gone from her hands. Then, she pulled the cloak around her shoulders and continued walking in the garden.

To see her in that cloak may have been the greatest thing that had happened to me at that point. I could suddenly remember my mother again, but not just my mother, I could see something more in Eowyn that I had never seen before. Everything seemed so clear at that moment. I didn't question anything that I had done or was going to do then. I knew what was right and wrong. However, it only lasted a short time, for the sun went down, and everything was dark again.

The next two days, it rained, and then I was released from the Houses. I didn't want to leave, but I knew I ought to. I had to take up the responsibilities that I had abandoned due to my injury.

I couldn't stop thinking about Eowyn. I loved her, and I knew it. She was everything to me. I didn't think that I could go on without her. Of course, she'd always be near, and that is the reason I could not say anything to her. She was going to be my Queen. It pained me to realize that she would never actually want to walk with me, a mere servant of the house, if not a noble one, again. She would lock up that cloak, maybe even give it away or sell it. It would be gone forever. I would never see it again.

There were times when, overcome by these miserable thoughts, I would lay my head down on my desk and cry like any child. It felt good to cry, I hadn't for so long. But then I would remember everything I had to do that day, and I would sit up and start working again.

It was the first of May ere Aragorn and his men returned, victorious. The people celebrated the coming of the King, and in their revelry, I found a period during which I was doing nothing. So I went to the Houses, hoping to see Eowyn again before she returned to Rohan with her brother. As I entered the garden, I saw her there, sitting on the bench and staring at the daffodils. I came up to her quietly, wanting to observe her for as long as possible without having to face her. I noticed with great bliss that she wore my mother's cloak. I came to stand next to her, but still behind her.

Should I interrupt this blissful silence in which I can pretend? But what I had come to realize is that pretending didn't do anyone any good. It only made it hurt more in the end. It was better to face reality with a realistic take on the world. I wasn't going to mislead myself anymore. I decided then to declare my feelings for her. I couldn't live the rest of my life—particularly with my Numenorean blood—without knowing if it was all a mistake and we could have been happy

"Eowyn…" I said tentatively.

She didn't even turn. She closed her eyes and said, "I wondered when you'd come. I've been waiting."

"Really?" I said, taken aback.

"Of course. I've been thinking a lot about you since you left. About us. Ara…"

"Eowyn."

"What is it?"

"I'm not Aragorn."

She spun around and leapt from her seat on the bench, surprised. "Oh! Faramir! I'm sorry, I didn't even think. I should have recognized your voice, shouldn't I? I just didn't recognize it. I'm sorry."

I just nodded sadly. She hadn't remembered that I existed. How great of a chance did that mean that I had of her loving me? Not very high, that was for sure.

"Faramir…are you all right?"

"Aye, I'm fine, thank you."

"Did you want to talk to me?"

I paused and then shook my head. "No, I just wanted to see you again. I found a free moment and you were the only one with whom I wanted to spend it."

"Oh, I see. Well, would you like to walk with me?"

I nodded.

She bit her bottom lip and nodded also. She started walking down the path, I followed her, remaining a step behind so that she couldn't see my face unless she actually turned around. This way, no matter what she said, no matter what my reaction, she'd never know that it hurt me.

She spoke nervously about many things, but I didn't hear most of them. I knew what made her nervous. She was thinking about Aragorn and his return. Would he still want her? What if he had thought better of the whole affair? Even more importantly, what if she had thought better of it? What if she didn't want him? I knew these were the thoughts flying through her head at lightning speed so that she did not even have the opportunity to hear them and realize what they might be telling her.

By now, I could read her thoughts as plainly as any book I had ever read. I saw her for everything that she was. Somewhere inside I told myself that it was impossible to know someone so completely, for even that person did not know his or herself that well. Yet, I felt that I knew her. She could convey her thoughts through her eyes, and I could read them. I didn't know if she knew that I could read them, but I knew that I could.

This must be love, right? I thought to myself. When two people come together, and they can understand each other in such a way, is that not love? If not, what is? Is love when two people need someone and so they turn to the first person they find? Or is it when two people are there for each other, no matter if the other one needs something or not? Surely the latter!

"Eowyn, what is your definition of love?" I asked, interrupting her. I didn't even notice that I had said it until she glanced back at me, surprised.

"Love is what ties people together, I think. Why?"

"Why do you not know? You are marrying Aragorn, yet you do not know?"

"Until I see if this works, and if I am right, I will not know. Do you not agree?"

"What will you do if you find that you were wrong?"

"Live with the consequences of my choice. Why are you asking me these questions?"

"What if the consequences are cages, your greatest loathing?"

"Then I will deal with it, for I have chained myself. Are you ever going to answer my questions?"

"Have you thought about whether marrying Aragorn is a chain that you place on yourself?"

"No. Are you going to proceed in ignoring my questions?"

"No. When I find one that I'm willing to answer, I'll answer it. Now, why did you not think about this?"

"Because I didn't. Why do you care?"

"Because I care for you."

She hesitated, unsure as to what to say, as this was the first statement that had not ended with a question. It was her turn now. I had questioned her, trying to make her understand her mistake, if indeed it was a mistake. She could do as she pleased now.

"I imagine that all marriage is a chain of some sort, don't you think? But maybe a cage of happiness and love can be a good thing," she said.

"Perhaps, but what if you are locking yourself into a cage of unhappiness?"

"But Aragorn loves me!"

"What makes you say that?"

"Because he told me so. He asked me to marry him!"

"But did he leave his former lover for you, or did she leave him and then he turned to you?"

"She left him, and then his eyes cleared and he realized that I was the right one."

"I'm sure that you both believe that, but how can you be sure?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is there anything in your heart that tells you that you love him and he loves you back?"

"Yes,"

"You do not hesitate."

"I needn't."

"Perhaps you would both be happier if you did."

She stopped, and closed her eyes. She even stopped walking. She completely stopped so quickly that I continued a few steps before I realized. Thus, I had drawn up next to her.

She opened her eyes and looked at me directly. Then she turned away and closed her eyes again. "Yes, I love him. I will marry him and that will be that."

I wanted to tell her how unconvinced she sounded, but I didn't dare. Instead, I said, "Then I might as well not say anything more on the subject again."

"Have you aught else to say?"

"I…I did, but I do not think it prudent of me to mention it now."

"Say, what was it?"

I did not answer, and I dropped back a few paces.

"Faramir, I want to know…"

Again, I didn't say anything. She looked at me over her shoulder, and slowly dropped back to walk next to me. "Faramir, talk to me. I won't be angry or upset by whatever you have to say, I promise."

I wanted to tell her, but I didn't think that I could. I glanced over at the Houses and glimpsed Lai looking out the window. She drew back as soon as I looked, but I was sure it was she.

"You two see each other in a way that no one else can see you."

"I don't know if anyone can do this, but if someone can, it would be you."

"But if she doesn't wise up soon, she'll be transferring for a very, very long time."

When two people come together, and they can understand each other in such a way, is that not love? If not, what is?

I remembered Eowyn when she found that cloak as these words ran through my head. Lai had thought that I was the one for Eowyn. Lai was right about so many things. I thought that I was the one for Eowyn. Surely this measured up to something!

These thoughts gave me courage. "Eowyn, I know that you are to be married to Aragorn, but I love you. And deep down, I believe that you love me. We see each other for what we really are, not these masks that we display for others. Here we are our raw and true selves, for good or bad. And I love that part of you. I love every side of your complex character for exactly what it is and is not. I do not love the potential that you have of being what I want; I do not love the façade that you present to me. I love what I see through that. You, for who you really are. Do you not understand? Do you not see me for who I really am? Do you not love me?"

She looked at me, taken aback. She was unable to react for a long while, before she shook her head. "No, I love Aragorn! I cannot believe you. Aragorn is the Lord of my heart. I gave it to him long before I met you. You cannot understand…"

"Love manifests and reacts differently than we expect Eowyn. How can you say that you gave your heart to Aragorn before you met me as though that states by itself why you cannot love me?"

"Because, I will be true to him. I will not abandon him like Arwen did."

"Maybe Arwen did it for both of their own goods."

"I will be true."

"Yet, if you do not love him, is that being true, or false? I would rather have no love than a false one, Eowyn!"

She turned away from me, and went into the Houses. I closed my eyes, knowing that it was over. That was the last time I'd ever get a chance to tell her, for this was a now or never situation. My lips would be sealed forevermore.