Warning: Hey, man. This story contains strong drug use and strong stupidity towards everything that you care and yada yada yada.

And none of us own Capcom and they're not going to sue us if they find it. So why put the 'I don't own Capcom' crap? It's because you're retarded!

Must say this: Anything you see in this story that you say has been stolen which has not, is purely coincidental. I don't steal shit, bitches! If you eat my cookies you will have to buy some more cookies for me after the attacking of a leg humping FLUBBER. And then you have to find the FLUBBER.

1 outta 1 billion scientists recommend that this proves that a drug user will quit after reading this story. Scientist name: Puff the Magic Dragon.

An Extremely Messed Up Resident Evil 4

Haywire Codec and Crappy Treasures

Leon steps into the house after leaving the car. He hears a man coughing loudly and steps into a smoke infested living quarters.

There is a European man hunched over a huge bong and is inhaling the fumes.

"Excuse, me." Leon starts, "Sir?" No answer. Leon walks to the man and pulls a picture of Ashley and catches the man's attention who looks at the picture as if he was about to hump it. "I was wondering if you recognize this girl."

"HAHAHAHAHAAAA! Bitches!" The man says, all villagers in the fic will be speaking spanish but their translation of what they say will be used instead, "That bitch gotta fine ass. Rapida, rapida, rapida." He looks at Leon as he fumbles for the axe in the corner of the room.

"So, have you seen her?" Leon asks.

"Hey, man. Get me that axe so I can hit you with it." Leon grabs the axe and hands it too the man.

The man swings at him and Leon falls over the car sized bong which shatters on the floor to pieces. "NO! MY BONG!" What's going on right now is slowed down to two times slower and the man shouts, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remember, two times slower, two times slower the talking. He grabs a piece of the bong and sad music comes on, "I LOVE YOU! MR. BONG! YOU WERE MY HERO!"

Times resumes at normal speed and before the man could strike Leon again he passes out, falling onto and breaking through the table.

Leon runs out but the door is shut and scary music begins playing. He looks out the window seeing a truck zip past the house. Then the cops from the car start screaming.

"Oh hell, what is that?"

"It's a truck you idiot."

"But it was going so fast."

"Look it hit us and we're still alive!"

The seconds states in a british accent, "Brilliant!"

"Brilliant!"

"Brilliant!"

"Screw them!" Leons shouts and jumps out the window and does some crazy moves in which only a hippie would find interesting.

Three tripping out villagers attack him with the following in their hands: A cutip, box of chocolate, and a super bouncy ball.

Leon shoots the shit out of them and claims his pesetas but gets the following: A spoon, a straw, and a jar of Flinstone vitamins: Extra trippy. A little message appears at the bottom, "Collect treasure and combine together to get the trippiest thing we don't give a shit about and sell to the merchant."

Leon looks at the items in confusion, "How the hell am I suppose to get money outta this?"

Message appears, "We don't know. You should find out for yourself, you're the one who bought the game in the first place, you dumbass."

Leon walks down the dirt path and saves to the typewriter. Fifty times. Just in case. He runs down the path and ecounters a dog. Not just any dog. It's the Target dog. Completely white with a red bullseye target around his eye.

A phrase appears as he approaches the dog: Lost. Looking for home. Press A to give him a home.

Leon shakes his head and continues down the path. More hippies come and he shoots the shit out of them as well. The items he gets in return are:

A Pokémon ball, a box of Pop-Tarts, a boomerang, a movie ticket to Resident Evil: Apocalypse, a dirty diaper, ear wax, dog fur, a stick, a picture of your mom, a free music download from a Pepsi bottle, some dirt, manure, a grain of sand, a tooth pick, and the Wilson ball from the movie Castaway.

Leon is absolutely pissed. Literally. "Damn, you Capcom. This game sucks. Just wait for the reviews." His Codec stolen from Metal Gear Solid begins beeping. Leon initiates it and gets the following from not Hunnigan.

A man shouts in the most loudest, craziest voice you readers are never going to hear for the rest of your lives, "Latest reviews for Resident Evil 4. The best game of the year! The best storyline of the year! The best characters of the year! The best enemies of the year! The best of the best of the best of the best of the best bestest best of the best! Ebert & Roper give it a 500,000,000,000,000,000 thumbs up! Even though they only review movies, but who gives a hootin' dog shit. Gotta buy the game! Buy it now. Got to buy, buy, BUY. Resident Evil, gotta catch them all!" Codec transmission ends.

"DAMN IT!" Leon shouts smashing his codec on the ground. Suddenly the codec beeps again and Leon picks it up again.

A woman's voice starts with smooth jazz music in the background, "Feel like no one agrees with what you think?"

"Yes that's true," Leon says with a sad piano song playing, "How do know?"

"Is everyone shutting you down, making you feel bad about everything, do you not cherish the things in life. Are you like Keanu Reeves with his monotone voice he uses all through his movies and doesn't show emotion one bit? There is a cure to that."

"There is?" Leon says, "What is it? What do I have to do?"

"Here's the solution." The ladies voice cuts off and is introduced with a man shouting in the most loudest, craziest voice you readers are never going to hear for the rest of your lives, "Then buy Resident Evil 4 today! 23 taxes included! Buy it now! Lost your job, buy it! Wife left you! If you're Leon Scott Kennedy? Buy it! Lost your weiner? Buy it! Got raped in prison by that really strong dude? Buy it! Got coupons that will get the game half price? Too Bad! They've expired! Buy it! In dept 40,000? Don't buy it! Relative died? Who cares? Buy it! You'll see them in heaven! Gotta Buy 'em all! Resident Evil!"

Leon runs off passing the lady with the pitchfork in her face. He takes a closer look at it. It appears to be a huge giant blunt shoved in her mouth.

A few more minutes of passing through more fields of marijuana, Leon approaches the village gates. Instead of the Los Illuminados insignia enscribed into it, a smiley face is carved in with the following words underneath it: The Village, buy the DVD today.