"So," Kayandri declared in his usual arrogant tone, "we shall call the first witness forward."
"Witness...?" Jess asked vaguely, but her barely spoken question was soon answered as Christine Li of 6081 suddenly appeared – along with a platform similar to Kayandri's, but smaller. Considering she had just been zapped into a black nothingness, Jess thought she looked rather unconcerned.
"Are you Miss Christine Li?" Kayandri asked the newcomer. Christine looked at him vaguely.
"Yes," Christine replied, "I am."
"Excellent," Kayandri replied, consulting some notes. "It says here that Miss Smith asked you about travelling through time. Can you recall that, Miss Li?"
"I can," came the perfectly unconcerned response. Maybe she was hypnotised...?
"Would you mind relating that conversation to us?" Kayandri asked. Jess had the suspicion that he already knew.
"Certainly," Christine replied. "Firstly, Miss Smith said, 'Christine, what would you do if you were given the opportunity to travel through time?'" After a sufficient pause, Christine continued. "I replied, 'it would depend what the time was. I think it would be great fun to fight in the wars of the first century.'"
Jess happened to remember this conversation also, and she felt Christine wasn't doing it nearly enough justice. Besides, she called her 'Miss Smith'.
"And then what did Miss Smith say?" Kayandri prompted Christine.
"Miss Smith said, 'you are a lot like Zoe.'"
"And who is Zoe exactly?"
"My two hundred and thirty-five times great grandmother," Christine answered.
"So," Kayandri said, "she told you things about the past people of your time had forgotten."
"That is correct."
"If I can say something," Jess butted in, rising to her feet, "I would -"
"You may not," Kayandri answered curtly.
"That isn't fair," Jess protested. "I want Christine to -"
"You may not," Kayandri repeated, a little more firmly than the first time. Jess shrugged and angrily sank back into her chair.
"Miss Li," Kayandri continued in his highly irritating tone, "I would like you to tell me about what developments Doctor Sloth has given your civilisation."
"Many," Christine replied in her usual distant voice. "Doctor Sloth has developed the gift of immortality, barring accidents. I am one hundred and fifty-three."
"Has Sloth made any developments on time travel?" Kayandri asked airily.
"No," was Christine's simple response, "he has not."
That wasn't the answer Kayandri was after at all. "Are you sure?" he spluttered.
"Yes," Christine replied.
"Very well," Kayandri fumed. "You are dismissed, Miss Li."
Christine faded away, but Jess was not at all happy.
"I wanted to question her!" Jess protested.
"You are the defence. You may not call witnesses."
"But can't the defence defend?" Jess pressed angrily. She felt this trial was something of a sham.
"The defence may defend so long as they do not call any witness save themselves," Kayandri replied.
"That's a ridiculous rule," Jess protested.
"It is the law."
"Very well," Jess fumed, intensely irritated. "I call Doctor Frank Sloth."
Sloth was not the happiest of people with this announcement, but he disappeared, instantaneously reappearing in the seat Christine had previously occupied.
"Hey!" Sloth exclaimed. "What did you call me for?"
Jess stared coolly at the evil scientist. She wondered for a moment what would happen if she incriminated him, wondered what his reaction would have been – but that was a ridiculous idea because, after all, the two of them were going to have to share the same verdict.
"Are you Doctor Frank Sloth?" Kayandri questioned him.
"Yes, of course," Sloth snapped irritably.
"Excellent." Kayandri made a note of this. "You will now be attached to a truth meter."
"Why?" Sloth demanded.
"Because the defence are not trustworthy enough to be allowed benefit of the doubt," Kayandri replied. "All attached. You may proceed, Miss Smith."
"Right," Jess nodded. "Dr. Sloth, what did you do in first century Neopia when you went there?"
"Not a lot," Sloth admitted. "Firstly I captured you and your Uni, then you escaped me, then I was killed."
Kayandri checked a new note. "Not detected," he declared loudly. "Repeat your answer, Doctor Sloth."
Sloth sighed impatiently. "Not a lot. Firstly I captured Miss Smith and her Uni, then they escaped me, and then I was killed."
Kayandri analysed yet another new note. "Not detected," he boomed. Suddenly breaking his obnoxious, pompous attitude, he spluttered, "I don't believe it. It's unbelievable."
"That is what unbelievable means," Jess replied. "What happened?"
"Our telepathic field says that Sloth is incapable of telling a lie... or truth."
Sloth was puzzled. "Of course I can," he snapped.
"It indicates that you are displaying no brain activity commonly found in situations of lying or truth-telling," Kayandri continued. "In fact..." Kayandri looked up. "You register no brain activity at all."
"Maybe it has something to do with the fact I'm dead?" Sloth snorted. Kayandri waved a hand.
"You were not dead," Kayandri snapped. "You were inactive."
"Inactive?" Jess asked. "He wasn't inactive, he was dead. He was bloody dead. I killed him."
"He was not dead," Kayandri insisted, "and he was never alive."
"Never alive...?" Jess's voice trailed off. "The androids!" she declared suddenly. "You didn't create the androids, you are an android!"
"How dare you?" Sloth demanded violently from his platform. "I'm the Doctor, girl, whether you like it or not."
Jess pursed her lips. "The androids were programmed to believe themselves to be the originals," she pointed out stubbornly. "You're an android, Sloth mk.II. Get used to it."
"All the reading indicate Miss Smith is correct," Kayandri agreed. "Activating electric cut-off zone now."
There was a crackle and suddenly Sloth slumped forward, unmoving, apparently dead...
...but he was never alive.
"This'll take years to unravel," Jess moaned. "And worse still, I've just found out that I never even started to solve anything." She flashed Kayandri a cheeky grin. "I suppose it doesn't matter, though."
"We are not without consciences," Kayandri told the young girl seriously. "We understand your motivation for transgressing this highly important law was not greed, nor evil, nor a horrible sense of humour: it was good. You understood the risks of your actions and you accepted them."
"I did?" Jess asked curiously. "I don't remem -" she suddenly realised what she was saying, broke off and coughed. "I did."
Kayandri nodded. "However, it is also law that all transgressions of the law must be punished."
"Naturally," Jess agreed. "So what's going to happen to me, then? Do I have to reanimate all the two million or so people in suspended animation?"
"What a ridiculous waste of talent that would be."
"Ridiculous... waste of... talent?" Jess had not minutes before thought Kayandri was a pompous, self-obsessed idiot. "What are you, a Time Lord?"
Kayandri smiled a rare smile. "Of course not," he assured her. "They belong to another universe, and not this."
"Right," Jess said uncertainly. "So what are you going to do with me, then?"
"Examine your right wrist."
With a bewildered glance at Kayandri, Jess obeyed and noticed a thick silver band around it. "What is it?"
"With this," Kayandri proclaimed with false grandeur, "we can call you anywhere in the universe, at any time, to help us out in a crisis."
"So that's my punishment?" Jess asked. "To risk my life five times a day?"
"If you're going to go with that description," Kayandri replied. "We might leave you on Neopia for the time being, though."
"Excellent," Jess smiled. "So... that's settled, then."
"It is."
"When will you return me?"
"Swimming 15, year 7," Kayandri smiled. "At the moment the you that should exist in that time stream disappears."
"No no no, I mean, when in my time stream?"
"Oh, Kayandri replied. "In a few seconds, I should imagine. Goodbye, Miss Smith."
With a final smile, Jess felt herself disappearing and fading away, to find herself in the living room, surrounded by four curious pets.
"Mum," aussiejewel drawled with false grandeur, "I simply have to buy some more make-up today."
Even accounting for time travel, suspended animation, time streams and paradoxes, some things never change.