Warning: Hey, man. This story contains strong drug use and strong stupidity towards everything that you care about and yada yada yada.

And none of us own Capcom and they're not going to sue us if they find are stories. So why put the 'I don't own Capcom' crap? It's because you're retarded!

Don't you dare copy my story(s). You know why! Cause I'm Asian bitches. I'm a F.L.I.P. (f-ing little island person).

An Extremely Messed Up Resident Evil 4

Nemo The Ugly Ass Fish

Leon gets out of Munches cabin after raiding his refridgerator. He was surprised that Munchies had one. Inside was a chicken laying golden eggs like in Jack And The Bean Stalk. He wondered if there was a box that contained a golden lady harp to keep him company.

Stocked with hundreds of golden eggs overflowing his item box he was greeted outside with the Cracksaw man, abusive father, and Jerry Springer prostitute mother. What a interesting group.

"CRAAACK!"

"Aqui esta!"

"Milk Shake!"

Leon equiped his eggs, and since his shotgun could hold just about anything. He shoved the eggs in the chamber and pumped the hammer of the gun, "I'm the egginator!" He screamed.

He fired and two eggs launched out and hit the Cracksaw man in the chest. Egg yolk blinded the man and he went running off, slaughtering villagers in his way.

They ignored the cracksaw man as he ran into Jason Vorhees and cut him in half.

Looking back at Leon, he was now holding a gatling gun. The ammo belt was loaded with golden eggs. "Would you like some eggs..." He said smoothly, "Bitches?"

He pulled the trigger and billions of eggs flew at the villagers in a straight concentrated line of yolk. Leon began running down the dirt path and came to the gate which would lead back to the pueblo and was encountered by more villagers aka hippies.

Leon fired more eggs into the group. Blood, guts, hair, sperm, and yolk went all over the place. Well, not sperm, or it must've been a very horny man he'd kill. When he was done, the villagers were nothing but a pulp.

The dog that he "saved" then ran up and began licking up the pulp. That's what dogs do, why do you think they chew on their- I'm going to stop right now.

He dropped the egg gun, because it had run out of eggs and proceed through the gate. Leon took note that he would have to tell Capcom that why the screen stretched out and blurred when he went through doors.

So, he was back in the pueblo and ran to the church. He was so desperate to get into the church. So bad, that he locked all the villagers out when he went in.

Just as he was about to progress further, he was stopped and forced to sit through three hours of mass. It's a church, damn it!

After mass was over, he went through the secret passage way which led down to a giant red slide. Leon went down the slide and began laughing. Hippies sure have fun. He then made note that if he ever was going to have a secret passage, it would have a huge red slide.

And a McDonald's. He had to have one. So he could get Happy Meals and play with the little toys and laugh at the faggots who went to Wendy's. They had a stupid girl. He had a clown which sat on a bench and smiled constantly and scared old people away. It was good that it scared old people, giving them flashbacks of war.

The slide ended and Leon went on the slide again. This process of going down the slide proceeded for another three hours before the slide, literally skinned his ass.

He went to his Mommy afterwards so she can give him a band aid for the injury and a dollar to buy a bag of chips. Instead he got a Koody Shot. Why? I don't know why!

The gun/drug dealer was now standing before him as the creepy arabian music played, "Want to buy some pot! Stranger! Bitch! Hoe!"

"Hoe?" Leon said, "I'm not a hoe!"

"No, bitch." The dealer said, "I BANGED YOUR GRANDMA! YOUR GRANDMA'S MY HOE!"

Outside in the graveyard, had a headstone which read: Leon's Grandmother: Gun Dealer's Bitch.

On with the dealer's list.

"Waddaya smokin'? Stranger?"

Name/ Price

Big Red Slide/ 25,000,000 ptas.

Leon's Grandma/ Sold Out

Gun that would kill fifty enemies instantly/ Free

Leon, as stupid as he didn't look, bought the Big Red Slide and upgraded the crap out of it. He exclusified it which it then turned into a bigger slide that was 1 millimeter longer.

He then proceeded to the graveyard and began grabbing the blue circle shaped targets in which he had to shoot to get a price. Instead, he just grabbed them off, asked a crazy bitch villager to pour him a glass of milk and Leon was set for adventure. With his milk and blue cookies.

"Mmmm! Mmmm! Bitch" He screamed eating the blue target, "It's so good, my teeth are chipping."

He then killed the hippies in the area and made it too the lake. Before getting into his swimming trunks, he finished his milk.

His mommy always said to finish his milk, or his sexually abusive father would rape him and post pictures of it on the internet. This was the first time he finished his milk.

Leon changed into his swimming trunks and took the big red slide out and placed it against the waters edge. He then slid down the red pathway and landed in the water to find Del Lago waiting for him.

"Eeeeek!" He screamed, "Go to my happy place! Go to my happy place!"

It didn't work, Del Lago was in his happy place, destroying his happy things. So he went to his scary place. Which was pointless, he just ended up having a seisure.

He opened his eyes and saw Del Lago swimming at him, "Ahhhh! Big Fish!" He said screaming the title of that awesome movie; Big Fish. If you haven't seen it you should.

The oversized, gold fish grabbed him and threw him in a boat which held harpoons. Leon grabbed one of the harpoons and put on a helmet and screamed, "I'm a viking!"

Big Fish simply threw him off after burping in his face. Leon fell back in the water and watched the boat sink to the bottom. It reminded him of the movie Titanic. "Crap, that was my one chance to draw a naked lady!"

With no harpoons, happy places, and not able to draw naked ladies, Leon looked at you and says calmly, "The crap has been literally scared out of me."

And shit scared he was. He screamed like a little girl and wished that he should of tooken Jedi lessons sooner. So when this happened he could lift the fish out of the water like Yoda did lifting the X-Wing. "Damn, Yoda and your hotdog powers. I wanted to walk on the moon like you did!"

Nemo began closing in and Leon then let loose his powers. He farted underwater. Huge bubbles floated to the surface and Nemo the ugly ass fish stopped and took in the disgusting scent. Too Leon, it smelled like bacon and flowers.

The fish then flipped over and floated to the surface upside down, for it died after smelling the putride smell.

"Huzzah!" Leon screamed in victory and swam to sore. As he changed back into his cool clothes, he clutched his heart. He then threw up in his hand. Looking at his hand, you'd expect to see blood.

Well, you're wrong. In his hand were Gummy bears. Los Trippy was taken into more effect. Leon simply looked at the gummy bears and ate them. That's right he did. Gummy Bears are the shit!

He then walked into the cabin and passed out on the floor.

Leave a message please. And tell me what you like, maybe gimme some suggestions. I'm out. Next chapter introducing El Gigante.