ALiCE in WoNDeRLaND
-32-
It was dark. These kind of visions always were. No one ever has a terrifying vision that takes place in broad daylight, with happy little children playing.
Or maybe they do, but they just say it was dark, for dramatic effect.
Either way, it was dark, not because of any meteorological influence, but because we were in a cave.
I was there. And... it didn't really matter that it was dark, because I was partially blind.
All I could see were fuzzy colors. I was starting to go a little deaf as well, because the voices were becoming harder to comprehend and differentiate. They all sounded the same to me.
I saw... glimpses, almost like a series of photographs, or a film reel that had been badly edited or something. It was broken, rough, painful to watch. It reminded me of what it felt like to look at an intentionally out of focus picture – you wanted to make it look crisp and perfect, but all the squinting in the world would never do you any good.
I didn't feel helpless. On the contrary, I was afraid of doing anything in my state, out of fear that I'd do more damage than I intended. I didn't want to hurt anyone. Not again.
So I feigned helplessness. It was the best I could do, under the circumstances.
I saw... a blond-haired boy, blonder than Nam, I thought. And he was advancing on me. I saw Nam's hair color. The other boy's. Then they became one, and I couldn't tell who had won their battle.
There were a couple of red-heads. Again, redder than Zale, then Zale... then neither.
I couldn't remember where the others were.
All I could see were the doubles. They had started out so separate, then became one and the same. I began to wonder if it was somehow metaphorical or symbolic of something. Visions were like that sometimes, you know.
Then I suddenly wasn't anywhere near a cave. The images were gone. They were replaced with muffled words and flamboyant declarations.
"You're all going to die!"
"Quick! Leave this place!"
"Go home, ALiCE!"
As if I had a home to go back to. I ignored the voices. What did they know, anyway?
They showed me what they knew. What I knew, and refused to believe.
It was the guys, the Villikins.
They were dead.
And I was standing there above them, wondering what I had done.
"No."
The voices didn't respond.
"What did I do?" I asked.
"You have to decide."
"Decide what?" I demanded.
The voices were silent. I knew.
There were two different visions here.
I could either use my powers, and risk killing off the only people I truly cared about, and possibly the only people who truly cared about me...
... or I abstain, and risk losing the doubles I saw before. There was a good chance they weren't Zale or Nam, but... what if they were?
Either way, I'd lose them.
There had to be a third option. Wasn't Adèle's entire philosophy concerning visions based on the idea that they were sent to us to be prevented?
Only I had never had a vision before. I had written it off as a nightmare, until Adèle asked about it. Then I knew.
It was going to come true. Unless I did something to counter it.
Somehow, I had a feeling that my amnesia had something to do with it, and remembering everything would stop the madness.
Or maybe I was just grasping at straws? Or something?
I couldn't stand it.
I looked back at the death scene. It was like a reversal of the night they found me. I was the only looking down on their bloody, exhausted bodies. But I hadn't been dead when they found me.
Maybe they were still alive?
Could I take that chance?
And regardless of what fate I chose, what was I going to do to stop it?
'Them,' I thought. 'How am I going to stop either one of these visions from happening?'
But a little voice in my head knew better.
Maybe they were visions from the same future.
Maybe they were both going to come true.
And soon...
* * *
-32-
It was dark. These kind of visions always were. No one ever has a terrifying vision that takes place in broad daylight, with happy little children playing.
Or maybe they do, but they just say it was dark, for dramatic effect.
Either way, it was dark, not because of any meteorological influence, but because we were in a cave.
I was there. And... it didn't really matter that it was dark, because I was partially blind.
All I could see were fuzzy colors. I was starting to go a little deaf as well, because the voices were becoming harder to comprehend and differentiate. They all sounded the same to me.
I saw... glimpses, almost like a series of photographs, or a film reel that had been badly edited or something. It was broken, rough, painful to watch. It reminded me of what it felt like to look at an intentionally out of focus picture – you wanted to make it look crisp and perfect, but all the squinting in the world would never do you any good.
I didn't feel helpless. On the contrary, I was afraid of doing anything in my state, out of fear that I'd do more damage than I intended. I didn't want to hurt anyone. Not again.
So I feigned helplessness. It was the best I could do, under the circumstances.
I saw... a blond-haired boy, blonder than Nam, I thought. And he was advancing on me. I saw Nam's hair color. The other boy's. Then they became one, and I couldn't tell who had won their battle.
There were a couple of red-heads. Again, redder than Zale, then Zale... then neither.
I couldn't remember where the others were.
All I could see were the doubles. They had started out so separate, then became one and the same. I began to wonder if it was somehow metaphorical or symbolic of something. Visions were like that sometimes, you know.
Then I suddenly wasn't anywhere near a cave. The images were gone. They were replaced with muffled words and flamboyant declarations.
"You're all going to die!"
"Quick! Leave this place!"
"Go home, ALiCE!"
As if I had a home to go back to. I ignored the voices. What did they know, anyway?
They showed me what they knew. What I knew, and refused to believe.
It was the guys, the Villikins.
They were dead.
And I was standing there above them, wondering what I had done.
"No."
The voices didn't respond.
"What did I do?" I asked.
"You have to decide."
"Decide what?" I demanded.
The voices were silent. I knew.
There were two different visions here.
I could either use my powers, and risk killing off the only people I truly cared about, and possibly the only people who truly cared about me...
... or I abstain, and risk losing the doubles I saw before. There was a good chance they weren't Zale or Nam, but... what if they were?
Either way, I'd lose them.
There had to be a third option. Wasn't Adèle's entire philosophy concerning visions based on the idea that they were sent to us to be prevented?
Only I had never had a vision before. I had written it off as a nightmare, until Adèle asked about it. Then I knew.
It was going to come true. Unless I did something to counter it.
Somehow, I had a feeling that my amnesia had something to do with it, and remembering everything would stop the madness.
Or maybe I was just grasping at straws? Or something?
I couldn't stand it.
I looked back at the death scene. It was like a reversal of the night they found me. I was the only looking down on their bloody, exhausted bodies. But I hadn't been dead when they found me.
Maybe they were still alive?
Could I take that chance?
And regardless of what fate I chose, what was I going to do to stop it?
'Them,' I thought. 'How am I going to stop either one of these visions from happening?'
But a little voice in my head knew better.
Maybe they were visions from the same future.
Maybe they were both going to come true.
And soon...
* * *