Warning: Hey, man. This story contains strong drug use and strong stupidity towards everything that you care and yada yada yada.

And none of us own Capcom and they're not going to sue us if they find it. So why put the 'I don't own Capcom' crap? It's because you're retarded!

1 outta 1 billion scientists recommend that this proves that a drug user will quit after reading this story. Scientist name: Puff the Magic Dragon.

An Extremely Messed Up Resident Evil 4

Back Again. It's been awhile, and I forgot what I was doing. So, I'm going to just rely off my ideas so enjoy. Also, this chapter is a little over the edge and may not be suitable for those who are offended easily. Read at your own risk. I warned you.

Two Paths: Burning Man or The Path of Death

Leon and Ashley stood before two paths. Each path had a sign. The one of the left said: Death. The other said: Burning Man.

"BURNING MAN!" Leon shouted grabbing a bowl out from his pocket. "Let's get high!"

Ashley glared at him and he puts the bowl up and looks around innocently, "I mean…. We have to convert people to not get high. Or something like that. But we can't take the other path cause……Burning man is cooler. TOO GET HIGH. I mean er, convert people to being good." He whispers to himself, "And get high."

"Is the Trippy now completely done now?" Ashley says to herself.

"Bacon!"

"Fine let's take the path." She says.

They go through the path.

Three Days Later…

Leon wakes up in what's left of a huge celebration having no clue what the hell just happened. He gets up and finds Ashley puking in a bush. "What happened?" He asks looking down at his shirt which says, I went to burning man did a lot of illegal junk and woke up three days later not knowing what the hell happened whatsoever and found my bitch puking in a bush while looking at my shirt which said- these are a lot of words on this shirt to fit on here. This must be XXXL size. Well, oh well.

Leon looks back at Ashley and screams, "Oh, my God! What the hell happened!"

"Look at your shirt."

He looks at his shirt again and back at Ashley, "Oh, my God! What the hell happened!"

"We went to burning man and we passed out after you tried converting people to not do drugs.

"Oh, well I tried."

"You sprinted across the field naked screaming 'Martians made me communism! Get money back on your family! I crap in Bitores Munchies car!' You're an idiot."

Leon points at her, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa….whoa…..whoa………………..Whoa!"

"And-"

"-Whoa!" Leon looks around, "Have you seen the keys to my car?"

"You don't have a car!"

"Dude, Where's My Car!" Leon shouts at her again, picking his nose.

Ashley simply reminds him again, "YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!"

Just after saying that, a nerdy geeky man runs out from behind a rock and approaches them. He then puts his thumbs together turning his hand into a letter 'Z' and goes, "Zoltan!" He then runs off.

Coughdon'thavecopyrights&don'tevenowntheDude,Where'sMyCarmovieoranythingthathasanythingtodowiththemovieCough

"Quick! We need to find my car! Too the Leon Mobile!"

Suddenly, they are both in a car which looks like the Bat mobile but has a statue of Leon's face welded to the front.

"This is your car?" Ashley says quite frustrated that they just magically hopped into a car.

"Yeah, isn't it cool." Leon says now in a batman suit but with a paper letter L glued to the chest. "I am Leon-Man and you are my trusty sidekick-"

"Robin?"

"-Parakeet! You love crackers!" He force feeds her a cracker, "It gives you magical hotdog powers!"

"Which make me do what?"

"Tie my shoes."

Ashley crouches down to do it when he hands her a glass of lemonade, "What now?"

"You have to drink this! It's called Chemical Leon with a hint of yellow dye. Drink it!"

She takes the glass and holds it to her nose and grimaces as she takes a whiff of it and shudders, "Eww-"

"What's wrong with it!"

"I don't think this is lemonade-"

Leon goes into a berserker rage, "DRINK MY PEE!"

Ashley gets out of the car and takes off her Parakeet outfit, "I can't take this crap anymore. You are acting like a rich classy man."

"That's not true!" Leon says picking his nose again, "I'm not rich at all! Ain't that right Alfred?"

"Yes, Master Bruce Wayne."

"Did you bring my Mongolian roast chicken?"

"Yes, Master Bruce Wayne," Alfred says, "And would you like me to kiss your ass as well?"

Leon finishes the chicken, "Oh, yeah, sure! Go ahead. It always reminds me how goddamn rich and stuck-up I am. And that I'm a frickin' billionaire with enough money to buy anything but doesn't care about the starving children."

Ashley then approaches him and slaps him down. And then reverses that shit, "Who are you talking too!"

"Alfred the butler."

"Let's go!"

"Too the Leon mobile!"

Just then, they are driving down the road with music from the T.V.'s show batman playing in the background. Leon decides that this is a good time to hit on Ashley. Not just to know her better but to also get her in the sack. "Git R Done!"

"What?"

"Nothing I didn't say anything. So, have you ever been to any other countries besides Spain?"

Ashley nods her head, "Nope, I was too busy partying, getting wasted and starring in all the Girls Gone Wild recordings."

Leon grins and looks up like a wise man, "So, that was you?"

Flashback:

A man shouts in the loudest, craziest voice you readers are never going to hear for the rest of your lives. "Welcome to Leon's Girls Gone Wild video. Here all the girls go crazy as hell. They take it off and- Oh my God- Look at those !bleep! Watch her lick her !bleep! And her own !bleep! And this is your Grandma taking it off and- Oh !bleep! I can't see anymore! The horror of your grandma! I'm blinded I can see a light now!bleep!bleep! Holy Mother of crap!

End Flashback:

"So, Leon. Have you visited any countries besides Spain?"

"Yeah, I've been to Africa.

Flashback:

Leon is huddled in a ball crying as everyone walks by him, "Everybody is hung like a whale but me!"

End Flashback:

"And then I visited china."

Flashback:

Leon is huddled in a ball crying as everyone walks by him, "Everybody is hung like a shrimp but me!"

End Flashback:

Leon is driving the car now crying his head off, "The Chinese were just so damn huge! Wah!"

"Leon! We're going to crash!"

They crash into a tree.

Leon gets out and they are in front of the Tool Shed of DOOM where Leon will fight Bitores Munchies.

"Stay here, Ashley." Leon commands, "I have to finish this once and for all."

He walks into the Tool Shed of DOOM and waits. For some odd reason he decides to turn around. And there is gay ole' Munchies looking at him.

Before even touching him Munchies talk, "Let's keep this ESRB rated M for Mature. I don't want Hilary Clinton to find out of the sex mini game and cause controversy on this and get it rated Adults Only like Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas."

"We have a sex mini game? Cool! About time Capcom put something good in besides the infinite rocket launcher. Finish the game by killing everyone with a bazooka. What kind of crap is that. But, hey! Sex mini game! That's a crazy as the time when I went to buy condoms at that rich people store."

Flashback:

Leon is looking at condoms through a glass case, "I'll take that one," he says pointing to a silver colored one.

The manager takes it out and hands it to him, "There is a dressing room in the back."

Leon comes back a few minutes later, "Can I add to this?"

"Sure what would you like?" The manager says.

Leon shows him the condom, "I want you to engrave in 24K gold, 'YOU WILL FEEL THE BURN FROM YOUR GOD, LEON!'"

"I'm sorry, sir. But we can only add three letters. Example, L.S.K. for Leon Scott Kennedy."

Leon is angered by this, "You cheap bastards. Fine, have those initials put on."

"Very well. And your total of one disposable silver condom with gold letters comes tothirty thousand dollars."

"Oh wow, that's a good price. Usually, I pay about a dollar for the gas station ones."

End Flashback:

Bitores ignores him and uses his Star Wars force push and knocks Leon across the room.

Leon gets up and does his Star Wars force kill. Bitores Munchies dies and Leon collects the 1 peseta from him and leaves to find Ashley getting wasted with the gun dealer.

"Let's go Ashley, we can have our orgy later with the dealer."

"Alright. Where to?" Ashley asks.

"Too the castle! I have to finish this once and for all."

Ashley nods her head, "No you won't. I just read about the Resident Evil 5 game on the internet. You can't, it's not in the games programming."

"Damn! Too the Leon chopper!"

I'll have more as soon as possible. And when I say soon I hope I don't mean three months later. Enjoy yourself! I'm out.