AN: This fanfiction is based off something Robin stated during "The End" arc of Teen Titans. He said something along the lines of "Everything you do causes people suffering". Yes ladies and gentleman, when Slade pours himself a glass of orange juice, he causes people to suffer. This story is about just some of the suffering Slade causes. (Note: Wintergreen is Slade's Butler, and the Mickey Mouse reference is from Fantasia.)
One chilly winter morning, Slade woke up and rolled off his mattress. His mattress was stuffed with hair he had ripped off the heads of some teenage girls. He hit the floor, causing his butler Wintergreen to suffer because Slade had gotten some drool on the carpet. He walked into the kitchen and sat down on a chair made out of the bones of his enemies. He decided he was cold, so he threw some orphans into his lit fireplace to warm the place up a little. He put a sweater (made by granny sweatshop labor) over his pajamas (also made by sweatshop labor).
Slade then decided to make himself some breakfast. He poured himself some orange juice, which he had stolen from a hungry child in a famine-stricken country. The glass he poured it into was a favorite of Beast Boys. The animal boy had cried for weeks when he realized its disappearance. Also, the table he poured it on was actually a homeless man Slade forced to act as a table. Slade caught the homeless man's tears in his glass of orange juice because well, that just made the juice taste better.
Next, he got a box of cereal out of a cupboard. It had originally help up a girl's toothpick structure of Jump City, but Slade had knocked it down gleefully when he stole the cupboard. The box of cereal had been manufactured by a piece of machinery that eventually exploded, killing twelve people. He poured the cereal into a bowl (made out of a hollowed human skull) on the homeless man table. He then kicked the homeless man for good measure.
Just as he was about to take the first bite of his cereal, the doorbell rang. He got up and walked to his front door, kicking the homeless man again. He opened his door (made from a melted-down weight bearing beam he had taken from Titans Tower, thus causing a large part of it to collapse) and saw three girl scouts, one of whom was pulling a red wagon full of cookies.
"I'm Cindy! Want to buy some cookies?" chipped the toothy girl in the middle. Slade paused for a moment. If he bought cookies from the girl scouts, surely no one would suffer. That would be inexcusable. He was then hit with an idea.
"Would you girls like to become my apprentices?" suggested Slade. This was a perfect idea. Goodness knows his other two apprentices hadn't exactly had a good time. Not only that, but he could then take all the cookies they had with them.
"An apprentice? Like Mickey Mouse?" asked the short, doe-eyed girl on the right.
"…Mickey Mouse?" questioned Slade.
"Oh boy! I wanna make broomsticks dance!" said the pigtailed girl who was pulling the wagon of cookies.
"What? No, no broomsticks. Unless you can use them as minions." Slade was starting to think this was more work then it was worth. They were making him suffer.
"What's a minion?" asked the doe-eyed girl.
"This isn't even worth it. Get off my property before I release the hounds!" snapped Slade. He slammed the door in the faces of the girls, causing one of them to cry. Well, at least one of them suffered. He then remembered he had a butler to answer the door. However, he smiled knowing he had probably just made Wintergreen feel inadequate at his job.
He whistled as he walked back down the hall into his kitchen (on the floor tiles made of teeth he had knocked out of his enemies), knowing that he was the best at making people suffer. Boy, did he like making people suffer.
Ribbetfrog