Title: Redux
Author: Lorena
Rating: R for dark themes and a few sexual references...eventually.
Summary: Ron goes back to Hogwarts years after Voldemort is defeated, and the memories start to get to him – Harry/Ron.
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Chapter 1- First Meeting
Now
I don't want to go back.
I know that, even as I Apparate to King's Cross Station and make my way to the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10, pushing a trolley carrying my things and two owls- mine and his. I've done this many times in the past, but this is the first time I'll do it alone. Without him.
The thought is an ache that's never left, and I'm beginning to understand that it never will. They say you can love more than once, but I've never figured out how. It was him, only him, and with every day that passes I'm increasingly convinced it will only ever be him.
With effort I force away the memories that threaten to overwhelm me. The past is the past, and it's over.
I watch with amusement as a young witch, obviously a first year, runs nervously toward the barrier. It is rather nerve-racking the first few times, but everyone gets used to it eventually.
After the girl disappears, I wait a moment and then follow her directly through the enchanted barrier and onto Platform 9 3/4.
I look around me and realize that nothing has changed since I was last here. The same bustling crowd huddles around the same scarlet steam engine labeled 'Hogwarts Express'.
I usually try to avoid the memories that surround me whenever I go anywhere he once was, but this time the pull is too strong. I head for the back of the train with my luggage.
To my surprise, the last compartment is empty- just as I had hoped. This was the compartment we had always used- him, me and Hermione. It was our private place, twice every year, where we would sit and plan, study, or just talk.
I stop fighting the memories and allow myself to slip through time...
Then
I was almost eleven years old, and my life wasn't perfect, but it was good. I had a loving family. I was about to start my first year at Hogwarts. And though I had no friends, I was sure I would meet some at Hogwarts. That's what Mum said, anyway, and I had to believe her.
I was pushing my trunk towards King's Cross Station when I started to wonder about something. My brothers had all told me about the enchanted barrier and how you had to go through it to get to the Hogwarts Express. What if I couldn't get through?
It was kind of hard to feel worried when I had my twin brothers laughing and teasing Percy all around me, with Ginny smiling and giggling at them. After all, everyone in my family had gotten through the barrier. So of course I could.
But then, I'd never been the best of my family.
My thoughts were distracted by our arrival at the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10. My brother Percy went through first, straightening his prefect's robes even as he ran. Then Fred, then George. I started to feel slightly green.
Nervously I prepared to run at the apparently quite solid wall, when a rather short black-haired boy I had never seen before approached my mum and asked uncertainly, "Excuse me?"
"Hello, dear. First time at Hogwarts? Ron's new, too." Mum said, smiling down at him in that way she did with small, frightened animals. I almost died of embarrassment right then. I wasn't sure why, but I was anxious to be liked by this strangely serious boy.
"Yes," he answered, a bit nervously, "The thing is- the thing is, I don't know how to-"
"How to get onto the platform, dear?" Mum asked, still smiling that absurd little smile. He nodded.
"No need to worry. All you have to do is walk straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Don't stop and don't be scared you'll crash into it, that's very important. Best do it at a bit of a run if you're nervous. Go on, go now before Ron."
Even I, who had grown up knowing about how one got to the train and that it was perfectly okay to run through apparently quite solid barriers, thought her comments sounded a bit outrageous, but he nodded. "Er- okay..." he said, and wheeled toward the barrier.
Maybe he was Muggleborn and hadn't had experience with magic. Yes, that had to be it.
He crossed the barrier without a problem, and I felt just a bit relieved. If someone as nervous as he had been could do it, so could I.
"Now," Mum said softly, "I wonder who he could be and why he didn't know how to get onto the platform."
"Maybe he was a Muggleborn," I suggested, hoping she would smile and say, "Why, of course that's it, Ron, and I never thought of it."
But she just shook her head and said, "Don't be silly; the letter they send to Muggleborns is different than the one you got, it explains how to get onto the platform and how to find Diagon Alley and things. Think about things before you say them, Ron."
I flinched. It seemed I could never be as good as anyone else, like every suggestion I made was the wrong one, and somehow I could never get the affectionate looks she bestowed upon everyone. Even that boy, but never me.
I headed for the barrier with no more hesitation.