A/N--Half-Blood Prince Spoilers. Please don't spoil yourself!

--Written because a luff-ly reviewer asked me to update. (SaSush33, thanks for the push of inspiration!)

Dedicated to those reviewers who pause over my work and deem it okay enough to leave a note.

Just a reminder...Regular text is the author (me), italicized is Hermione, bold/italicized is Draco, Bold is Harry, italicized with "" is Ron, Bold with "" was the dementors in the last chapter, and may change in this chapter.

Disclaimer--Not mine! Neither is Harry's line (taken from the book and movie "The Princess Bride": Harry's line. "Hello; my name is...die"), nor Snape's (I...am...your)

Harry Potter and the Wisdom Teeth of Doom


Oh no, not you.

Oh no, not you.

What are you doing back?

I could ask you the same thing, Hermione. Aren't you awfully busy this time of season?

Sure, Half-Blood Prince came out. That doesn't mean I can't pop in here and there to help you out in your mundane world of drivel, is it? I mean, honestly...look at that title.

I wasn't about to write drivel, Hermione. I wanted to write something about--

I know. Remus and Tonks. The whole world is jumping on THAT bandwagon.

No, I wanted to--

Fleur and Bill, right?

No, I--

Look, my nerves are stretched as it is! Since the Half-Blood Prince came out, it's all people can do...argue over who is actually who. Honestly, it's all that woman's fault! So many people need my services, now. Since J.K. Rowling's let the world know which 'ships she supports...

Wait a sec--did you say "'ships"?

Well, I...I suppose I did.

That is not canon-talk.

Hermione?

I don't know what you're driving at.

You've been spending your time on the muggle internet, haven't you?

I don't see how that's any of your business.

You and your talk of canon! You're leading some sort of secret double-agent life, aren't you? Canon by day, Fanon by night...You live some violentley passionate, dangerous side-life! I think you even like fanon! Confess, why don't you?

You can't possibly be discussing the Mudblood. She's as dull as a stack of newspapers.

Don't call me that, Malfoy. Besides...you certainly didn't entertain that thought in the last chapter.

You don't know what I'm thinking, Granger.

You did give her quite the snog. It was a big embarrassing.

Yes, and look where it got us and this story? Out of canon, completely. Our relationship, Draco--it doesn't exist! Great ghosts, you're even more complex in this latest novel...I don't know your character anymore! For all I know, you are secretly in love with me, after all! Before it was a joke, a throw-away...now you are complex and real, afraid to be evil and afraid to be good, even afraid to be afraid...we don't know if you're nice or not! What did she do to you?

She?

She?

Jo. Jo Rowling. I'm a mess, I'm a...never mind. Look, just right your little story about Tonks and Bill and Fleur and Lupin...I mean...

You said right, not write.

You can't tell if I said right.

I can tell.

No you can't.

And so what if I did?

I think Granger's falling apart! This is scintillating...when does the fic begin?

Don't you think it has?

I want to see Potter's wisdom teeth out. Pain, suffering, anguish--

Well, at least you know who the story was meant to be about. Harry and Ginny. sigh

Okay, I have to fight Voldemort--do I really care about my wisdom teeth? No! It's an extra pain I can do without!

Precious Potter...

Shut it, Malfoy.

But don't they hurt? I mean, I've never heard of you losing your wisdom teeth in a story, so I thought I might actually be original this time...

"You pathetic, spineless excuse of a fanfic author."

Hello, Snape. Can this GET any worse?

You thought you'd be original? And so you consulted Potter's Dental records? And stop sniggering, Draco."

Sorry.

You know, considering in the last chapter you were the proud DEMON of fanfiction...

Sniff... can't a fella change?

You said fella. That's wrong. Just...wrong.

SNAPE!

And, enter Harry Potter...

Hello; my name is Harry Potter. You killed my father (and mother). Prepare to die.

"Excuse me while I sneer in disgust."

Break it up, you two. Harry--time out."

Do I still need my Wisdom teeth out?

"My, we ARE whiny today..."

Shut it, Snape. Look, Harry, I see Ginny!"

Where? Where? I mean...Do you? We broke up, you know.

Go get her, boy!

"...I am suddenly saddened by the vow I took to save your life."

Can I blame it on my father?

"No, Draco. I am your...oh, forget it."

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh(hhhhhhhh)!

Er. Okay. While Hermione is mildly psychotic and running from room to room, I have a question.

"Shoot, oh mindless one."

You know, I could off you in a fanfic.

"Very well. What is it you wish to know?"

ARE you evil?

"Oh, yes, let me tell you EVERY detail of Rowling's plot. Then you'd be happy."

You're quite...snarky.

"I try."

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night...

"Shut it."

Do you people ever leave?

"Excuse me while I smirk..."

"HERMIONE!"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

It's handy Ron was standing there, really. I didn't think I could take much more of the running and screaming.

"You think this is preferable? You really are disgusting me..."

And I'm stuck with the evil ones.

Maybe if I--

No more, no more, no more, no more...

"That's the first sensible thing I've heard all day."

Sigh.