My first songfic… I still don't know if I'm gonna make this a recompilation of songfics or not… for now… it's just one… so… I really don't have nothing to say, except that this songfic is in Ed's POV…

Enjoy…

By Myself – Linkin Park


What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?

I need to do this; I need to keep this journey. I can't give up now. I can't follow someone who will take me away from what I want. I want to give Al his body back. I want to see his smile. I want to hear his laugh… but I need to follow the rules, I can't just follow my beliefs. I did that once and I got nothing good out of it. I almost lost my brother; I can't let that happen again… I can't lose him.


Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give into sad thoughts that are maddening?

I can't make mistakes anymore. The sin that I've committed is my and only fault. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my auto-mail… I suppose I'd already be mad… After all those nightmares I've had… I guess I just carry on because of Al; I can't just sink into my own guilt. I need to be strong… for him.


Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?

I've seen her: Brunette, green-eyed. They call her Sloth. Al sometimes calls her mom. I call her Sin. When I first saw her I forgot how to breathe for a moment… I made her… I gave her that body… and she just gave her power. I unconsciously gave my brother's life and mine to create this. I can't stay here freeze to the spot just because she looks like our mother… She is our sin…


Do I trust someone and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?

Anything… to get him back. I gave my right arm, I got his soul back… I'll give my life to find a way to get him back to normal. Someday I'll get his body back… I'll sell myself to the military to get information… I can't do anything else but to keep looking forward, and make a path for me to follow.


Because I can't hold on when I'm stretch so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within

I can't find myself… I only find those terrible things that I've done… since that day I became someone else. I found out that by not caring about myself, I'll find what I'm looking for… even if I can't even tell who I am anymore…


I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again

I realize that by smiling no-one seems to worry about me, and if I find a happy face near, I don't worry about myself… even if I know that this will hurt later… I can't stop my journey by such stupid reason… caring about myself.


By Myself (Myself!)
I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on
Myself (Myself!)
I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on
Myself

I want to do everything, I want to have everything, I want to know everything, I want everything, but deep inside I know that I'm alone in this… and it's scares me… because I'm scare of myself.


I can't hold on
(to what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in…
I can't hold on
(to anything watching everything spin)
with thoughts of failure sinking in

What I want it's not for myself, It's for my brother, but all this time I've hurt myself by shutting everything inside, and I've hurt my brother for the same cause… All I want for him is to be happy… and on the way of finding that, I hurt him… now I know what I am… a failure… a mediocrity.


If I turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless

If I give up now, I'll lose everything I've won… I've won information that might be important later… and the same time, I've won enemies… if I turn back, I'll be followed, so I won't… I won't turn my back on everything…


If I hide my pride and let it all go on
The they'll take from me 'till everything is gone

If I get careless, I'll lose, and I'm playing with my own life, and with the lifes of the one I love, I need to fight back, I can't let all I love disappear…


If I let them go, I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun

I need to think before acting, I need to stop and see what might happen if I do it… I need to learn from my mistakes… if I don't do this… then that'll prove that I'm a child… and in this journey, there's no place for a kid.


If I'm killed by the question like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silent of the answer

I'll walk, I'll search, I'll ask, I'll do anything, but I won't give up… I'll fall, I'll stop believing, I'll stop trusting, I'll get scared, but I won't give up… I'll keep searching until the question is answered.


How do you think… I've lost so much…
I'm so afraid, I'm out of touch

Sometimes I feel like dying, I feel a desire to just sleep forever. I find like my legs can't take one more step, like I'm going to get consumed by the pain that erupts deep within heart.


How do you expect, I'll know what to do,
When all I know is what you tell me to

I find myself lost within again… I find myself thinking about the same thing… again… all the things you taught me made me who I am… why?... why did you leave us?


Don't you know, I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck in the outside

I can't forget that night; I can't forget his body begin to vanish in front of my eyes. I can't forget the pain on his face. I can't forget the hope I got when I saw a hand raise. I can't forget your eyes. I can't… I can't let it go! No matter how hard I try! It won't go away!


I can't hold on
(to what I want when I'm stretch so thin)
It's all to much to take in…
I can't hold on
(to anything watching everything spin)…

I can't forget your cries from mercy! I can't forget the plea to death! I can't forget the feeling of emptiness that crept over me! I can't forget the guilt!...

If there's a way to get my brother back to normal… if there's a way for him to forget… if there's a way for him to be happy again… please, let it be. He can't suffer what I'm suffering now… please, just… take my life if you want… and let him forget what we've gone through… and let him start again… and be happy…please… I beg you… for the mercy I never gave to what we created… PLEASE.


With thoughts of failure sinking in.


The End.

Yep… sad… and I left the end like that… but you get the idea right? Lol… anyway… I hoped you liked it… I did… please, tell me what you think… should I make more songfics?...

Review!

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