A/N - "Thoughts"

Chapter 16 - One Move Can Change Everything

From a short distance away, Jason watched Rebecca sitting on the couch and staring off into space. She was barely acknowledging anyone and only answer in one-word answers. After what seemed like the millionth person offered her their condolences, she stood up and walked into the backyard.

After a moment, Jason followed her outside. Walking out onto the back porch, Jason saw Rebecca standing in the middle of the backyard. Cautiously, he walked up to her. Having no real idea what to say or do, he just stood next to her; alternating between looking at her and around the yard.

Looking up at the dusk sky, he noticed the clouds starting to roll in. "I think its gonna rain," Jason said aloud.

Rebecca looked up at him, in a mix of surprise and confusion. "What?" Jason just shrugged and Rebecca rolled her eyes at him. "I am so sick of everyone asking me how I am," Rebecca said, her voice getting louder. "How the fuck do you think I feel, you morons," she yelled, looking back at the house behind them.

"Becky," Jason said softly, turning so he was facing her.

"What?" she snapped at him. "Its not like they actually care. They're here paying lip service," she snarled at him. "Face it, my dad was jackass, who only cared about himself."

"Come on Bec. Your father wasn't a jackass."

Rebecca stepped towards him, "Bullshit. The only thing he cared about was that damn job! Remember last year, I went to the Cheerleading State Championships. Everyone was there, except him. Where was he? At his office; he couldn't take a Saturday off to see his own daughter compete. A Saturday! What the hell?" As Rebecca ranted, tears were starting to fall down her checks. "What about my birthday. He went on some stupid business trip." She then let out a hoarse, sarcastic laugh, "Even better, remember when I broke my arm. He wouldn't leave work to take me to the hospital. Gordo, your dad, not only took me to the hospital but also stayed with Mom and me when they put a cast on it and then brought us lunch. Why can't Gordo be my dad, he's a great father," Rebecca stopped cause she started sobbing and couldn't put together a coherent word.

Jason sighed softly and wrapping her arms around her, hugged her. "Shh," he said softly, trying to calm her down. "My dad isn't that perfect either. He's can be obsessive about stupid stuff, stubborn, a perfectionist. They all have faults."

"But at least he gives a damn about you. All I wanted was some of his attention. Is that too much to ask for?" Rebecca grabbed his shirt as she buried her face into his chest, "All I wanted was my daddy back and now, I'll never have him back," she mumbled against his chest.

Holding her tighter, he gently rubbed her back. "What the hell do I say to her now?"

Rebecca interrupted his thoughts as she slowly picked her head up and looked at him, "Jase." Looking back at her, he let go with one arm and gently wiped the tear tracks on her cheeks. Shivering a little under his touch, she stared into his eyes. "You're not going anywhere, right?"

"Of course not."

"Good," she answered softly. Losing herself in the moment and already being emotionally fried, she did something incredibly stupid. She kissed him; but it wasn't just kissing her best friend but also kissing her other best friend's boyfriend. At that particular moment, she didn't think of that. All she knew was the Jason made the pain go away, if only temporary.

At first, Jason was stunned and caught completely off guard and then for a brief moment, he started to kiss her back. Suddenly, an image of Amanda flashed in front of him and Jason jerked his head back. Jason stood there with a dazed expression on his face and Rebecca looked at him confused.

Jason let go of her and opened his mouth to say something when he saw a flash of blonde hair in his peripheral vision. His head snapped to the left and he saw Amanda standing on the back deck, looking like someone had just sucker punched her.

Opening his mouth to say something, Jason's mouth just hung open as he watched Amanda run off. Then he felt Rebecca brush past him, crying, as she ran back into the house.

"Oh yea, minefield...and I've just stepped on the biggest one...kaboom." he thought as he hung his head.

Lizzie and Miranda had just left the bedroom and were about to walk down the stairs when Rebecca came run up them and past them, in tears. Lizzie watched her daughter run down the hall and into her room, slamming the door behind her.

"Mir," Lizzie started to say.

Miranda nodded, "Go," she told her and Lizzie walked towards Rebecca's room.

Gently knocking on the door, Lizzie slowly opened it and walked into the room. She found her sprawled out on her bed, crying into her pillow. "Honey?" Lizzie asked gently as she kneeled next to the bed. Feeling what was left of her heart breaking, she gently reached out and rubbed her daughter's back.

Lizzie heard Rebecca mumble something into her pillow but couldn't make it out, "What baby?"

Picking her head up a little, "I did something very stupid."

"What did you do?"

"I...I...I kissed Jason."

Lizzie looked at her for a moment, letting it sink in. "Oh my." Stroking her hair, "Why?"

"I don't know," she answered, "He was being so sweet and everyone else was just pissing me off. I got swept up in the moment and...and Amanda saw us." Lizzie winced at hearing about Amanda. Rebecca continued, "Mom?"

"Yea."

"Are things ever gonna go back to normal?" Rebecca asked scared and starting to cry again, knowing she screwed up big time.

Lizzie just sighed and moving onto the bed, next to her, hugged her daughter tightly. "Yes. Eventually, things will go back to normal. I promise."

Crying softly against her mother's chest, "What did I do to deserve this?"

Whispering into her daughter's hair as she held her, "Nothing baby, nothing."

Later that night, Jason laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was completely lost; directionless, no idea what his next step should be. "I like Amanda. I wanna be with Amanda, not Rebecca." Jason thought to himself but that stupid nagging voice in the back of his head kept reminding him, "Than why did you kiss her back?"

"It was only for a second, than I broke the kiss."

"But you still kissed her back."

"Shut up!" he snapped at himself, "Great, now I'm arguing with the voices in my head. That's a real good sign."

Hearing his door open, he winced, thinking it was his mother. It wasn't, instead Natalie walked in and climbed up on to the bed and sat on his chest.

Looking down at him curiously, "Why you so sad?"

"I did something stupid."

Titling her head a little, "That why Mommy mad?"

"Prolly."

"What you do?"

Jason sighed, "I just did something that's gonna make a lot of people mad at me, I don't really wanna get into details."

"I still like you," Natalie told him with a smirk eerily similar to their father's.

Jason's lips tugged into a small grin, "Thanks Nat."

A cough from the doorway interrupted them. Both looked over to see their father standing in the doorway. "Nat, you should be in bed asleep," Gordo said.

Natalie climbed down and after she walked out into the hall, Gordo closed the door behind him. Jason watched him walk over to his desk and sit in the chair. Sitting up, Jason asked, "Where's Mom?"

Gordo chuckled sarcastically and rolled his eyes, "Don't worry where your mom is, just be very glad I'm here and not her."

"Oh."

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Jason answered, "One moment, she's bitchin about her dad, than she's practically sobbing, and next thing I know she kissing me." Gordo closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dad," he said softly, "I screwed up big didn't I?"

"Yea, ya screwed up royally but it wasn't all your fault," he told him.

"Do you think we can fix this? I mean the three of us, be friends again," Jason said. "As much as I like Amanda, I don't wanna wreck our friendship over something like this."

"Honestly," Gordo said, "I don't know." Standing up, he gently squeezed Jason's shoulder, "But I know you're not gonna let it go without a fight."

As Gordo left, Jason stood up and walked to his back window, staring out at the house behind them. Resting his forehead against the glass, "Why the hell did she have to kiss me? Everything was finally falling into place and now chaos. I want Amanda, not Rebecca. It was a stupid mistake." He than sighed sadly as he stared at Amanda's bedroom window, "A stupid mistake that could cost me everything."