Chapter 2
"I was sitting right there, right across the table from him all frakking evening, and I didn't see it. I didn't see it coming." Kara had to swallow hard to keep her throat from constricting. "I just thought he was tired."
William Adama put his hands on her shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. "It's all right Kara."
She shook her head. "No. It's not. I've known Lee for so long. I've seen him under just about every mood there is, but this was... different. And I didn't do anything about it... except maybe make it worse."
"Kara," the commander said gently, "I am certain, that whatever Lee's reasons were for doing this, those reasons do not include you."
Kara suddenly choked up and brought a hand up to cover her eyes. She struggled to suppress a sob and only half-succeeded. Clearly distressed, she said, "I'm not so sure." She took a few deep breaths, then added, "He has been so overworked lately. I don't think you have any idea what a load he's been carrying, stepping up for you... the colonel... helping the President, dealing with the Quorum. And he has been so stressed. I think... I think maybe he really could have used a friend... but all I've done lately was make his job harder. You know... needling him, mouthing off, being a pest... "
"Well, he's used to that from you," Adama said, hoping to sound good humored, but it made Kara flinch instead.
"And there's the problem, isn't it?"
William pulled Kara close and hugged her as she struggled again not to cry. "Kara, I'm sure that you've been much better as a friend lately than I've been as a father," he told her quietly. He saw Kara look up at him with an expression of intermingled doubt and suspicion.
"And you think that's the problem, don't you?" she asked very quietly.
"Did you want something Captain?" William Adama asked. He glanced up only briefly at his son before returning his attention to the clipboard in his hands.
"Doctor Cottle just gave us the good news," Lee said, approaching his father's desk. "Everyone in CIC was very pleased to hear that you'll be back on duty in the morning." He stood watching his father for a few seconds, but upon receiving no response he added, "You must be looking forward to it, seeing as how you've been reading up on every report and operational log coming out of CIC for the last two weeks now."
"Well I couldn't expect to resume command having no idea what's been going on, could I?" William asked, flipping over a page and continuing his reading.
"No Sir," Lee said, then paused out of apparent expectation that his father would stop reading for a moment and look at him. When Adama did not look up, Lee went ahead and said, "I'm certain you're already fully briefed and prepared. The handoff should be no problem at all."
"Did you expect it would be a problem, Captain?" William did finally look up at his son, his expression somber and difficult to read.
"No Sir," Lee replied. "I was merely... expressing my relief that you will soon be back in command."
"The crown felt a little heavy did it?" William asked, his tone carrying a bite along with the sarcasm.
Lee took a slow breath and swallowed before answering. "Exceedingly so Sir."
"Tired of the weight?"
"Very," Lee said grimly, matching the commander's intense gaze with an equally stern one of his own.
William broke eye contact first. He picked up the clipboard again and resumed reading where he'd left off. After several seconds, when Lee remained standing in front of his desk, he gruffly asked, "You've noted your relief to me. Was there something else Captain?"
Lee waited a long time before responding. His silence finally prompted his father to look up at him. This time it was Lee who broke from his father's gaze and turned away. "Apparently not," Lee said, his voice disturbingly quiet. He started to walk away.
"Commander?" Kara asked, studying his face closely.
William faced Kara's close scrutiny, but he didn't offer a reply. He dropped his hands from her shoulders and paced a short distance from the sickbay hatchway. Finally he said, "Lee dropped by my quarters yesterday afternoon. We uh..."
"Commander," Dr. Cottle called from the doorway. He beckoned for Adama to follow him.
Abandoning his conversation with Kara, William hurried to follow the doctor. They were headed in the direction of Lee's bed, but came to a stop in the center of the ward before reaching their destination.
"How is he doing?" Adama asked anxiously.
"Not good," Dr. Cottle replied. "We're having a devil of a time getting him stabilized. He's gone into cardiac and pulmonary arrest three times in the last hour. His systems just keep misfiring and shutting down, but that's precisely what the damn Red Needle is supposed to do. We've been forced to put him on full life-support while we pump him full of anti-toxins. Hopefully, the effect of the poison can be neutralized before any permanent damage is done, but that will take several more hours, at best."
"But there is hope?" Adama asked.
"Hope, yes. But he's got a long way to go."
"What are his odds?"
Cottle frowned. "I'm a doctor, not a bookie."
"Then how about an educated guess?" the commander pressed.
"Commander... let me put it this way. The Red Needle is designed to kill, quickly and efficiently. The poison is virulent and deadly. His heart stopped within less than 30 seconds of injection. If the other pilots hadn't initiated CPR as swiftly as they did, keeping blood and oxygen flowing, he would already be brain-dead and on his way to the morgue."
Adama nodded, grimly acknowledging the doctor's words.
Cottle fished around in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes. He tapped one cigarette into his hand. "I can't honestly begin to guess whether the captain will pull through this or not. I can only promise to do everything that we can."
"Anything you can do for him, Doc," Adama said quietly. "I'm grateful."
Cottle twirled the cigarette around in his fingers, contemplating it, but not taking any action to light it up. "There is something I need to ask you Commander."
"Yes?"
"Apollo's medical records were not transferred here with him when he dropped in for the decommissioning ceremony. He wasn't supposed to be here long enough for that to be an issue. All I have on him is what I've pieced together during his few brief visits over the past couple of months for the odd bumps and bruises. I haven't even done a full physical on him yet, so I've certainly not had the chance to broach this particular subject with him, which means I have to ask you. Do you happen to know if he previously submitted a living will?"
Adama swallowed. "A living will?"
"Yes," Cottle confirmed. "That or any kind of document that expresses his wishes with regard to the use of extraordinary measures to preserve his life."
"I... I don't know if he ever completed anything like that," Adama said, fighting a tremor in his voice.
Cottle nodded grimly. He tapped the unlit cigarette against his palm. "Did the two of you ever discuss the subject?"
"No," Adama said. "No, we never... Gods, Doc. Is that what we're probably looking at?" A voice at the back of William's mind started protesting, "No, this can't be happening. This can't be happening!"
"It's still too early to determine that yet," Cottle replied. "But since we have been forced to initiate life support, I did have to ask about the living will."
"I understand," Adama whispered.
"You do realize, Commander," Dr. Cottle asked in carefully measured tones, "that without any form of documentation... should it become an issue... the decision will fall to you?"
Adama nodded silently in reply, ignoring the voice in his head that screamed, "No, no, no!"
Dr. Cottle inclined his head toward the curtained partition where Lee's bed was hidden. "If you want to visit with him, you can, but we'll have people coming in and out, keeping close tabs on him. So don't expect any privacy."
"Has he been awake at all?"
"Afraid not. It's unlikely that he'll regain consciousness until we've got him stabilized."
"If you get him stabilized," Adama thought bleakly.
He approached the curtain surrounding Lee's bed with no small measure of apprehension. He could hear the hum and click of a respirator accompanied by the rhythmic beep of a heart monitor. He tried to brace himself for what he was about to see, though since he'd already had a glimpse, he didn't expect to find it overly shocking. He was wrong. He froze in horror the moment after he pulled the curtain aside.
"He's already dead," the voice inside William's head whispered cruelly.
A nurse glanced in the commander's direction then returned her attention to recording Lee's blood pressure reading on his chart. "Commander," she said, acknowledging her superior with a polite nod.
William stepped closer to his son's bed without being aware that his feet were moving. His mind had gone blank, unable to fully comprehend the circumstances. "That's not Lee. That's not... my boy," he found himself inexplicably thinking. His Lee was strong and vibrant, with a palpable energy always bubbling just beneath his controlled exterior. The young man William saw lying in the bed was ghostly pale, with tubes running down his throat, into his arms, and under the sheets to parts of his body that Adama didn't even want to think about. There was no energy... no life... in this still form. This motionless figure was simply the empty shell of a young man who bore his son's face.
William stepped closer and looked at the young man's pale hand resting atop the blankets near the edge of the bed. The little finger on that hand was just slightly out of proper alignment. "That's odd," William thought. "Lee broke his hand too, when he was in college... playing groundball, I think. The same hand." He took that limp hand in his own.
"Commander," the nurse said quietly, "I'll give you a minute alone with him." She stepped through the curtain and pulled it closed.
Standing alone within the small partition, William stared numbly at the young man's face. "This can't be my boy," his mind whispered, but gradually the pain of reality began to sink in. "Lee?" he finally whispered out loud. His hand closed more firmly around his son's. "I'm here Kiddo. I'm right here."
The curtain was drawn aside a little and the nurse returned, bringing a chair with her. She set it beside Lee's bed. "Here Sir. It's going to be a long night." She also placed a box of tissues on the bedside table. "If you need them," she told him.
"Thank you," he said to her as she passed out of the curtain once more. He caught sight of Kara then, lurking just on the other side of the partition. He beckoned to her, but she shook her head.
"I don't want to intrude," Kara said.
"Don't be silly," he told her. "You're family." He beckoned to her again and after a brief pause she stepped inside the partition. He waved her toward the chair. "You go ahead. I'll find another."
Kara shook her head sharply. "No Sir. Thanks, but I'll only be staying for a minute. I just wanted to see him before I head back."
William watched while Kara drew closer to Lee's bedside, her eyes scanning over his body and growing clouded with tears. She looked down at him for several seconds and her lips trembled, but she made no sound. Then she reached out and tenderly brushed her fingers across his temple. It was such a loving gesture that William was taken by surprise.
He knew that Lee and Kara had been friends for several years, but he now wondered if perhaps their feelings may have gone deeper. He'd never considered it before. In William's mind, Kara was still Zak's girl. Marriage to Zak would have made her Lee's sister. Surely that would prevent them from pursuing a romantic relationship with each other, wouldn't it? Professionally, it would also be a mistake. Lee was her immediate supervisor. Military regulations would forbid any undue familiarity between them. The extent of their close friendship was already stretching the rules. The soft touch that he was, William had let it slide so far, recognizing that Lee and Kara's friendship had formed long before they had ended up working together, and they were family after all.
As William watched Kara's face, however, he began to feel a great sadness for both of his children: Lee and Kara. There was definitely more going on here than mere sisterly concern, but that depth of emotion could never be realized... even if Lee did survive.
Kara sniffed and blinked to clear her eyes. "I'd better be going," she said tightly.
"Kara, why don't you just stay?" Adama suggested.
"I can't," she claimed. "I uh... I have a lot of work to take care of... since Lee isn't going to be back on the job as CAG tomorrow after all." She offered her commander a sheepish smile. "I... sort of let things slide lately, you know, thinking that Lee would be back and he could... But I guess I have to get my butt back in gear now."
"It isn't even 0200 hours yet Kara," the commander said gently. "If... you really don't feel that you can stay right now, at least go get some sleep. I promise I won't ding you if your CAP report is late."
"Thank you Sir," she replied quietly. "But..." her voice faded off and she had to clear her throat. She looked once more sorrowfully at Lee. "Please let me know... if there is any change," she requested, haltingly.
"I will," he promised.
Kara walked away, visibly struggling for control. William stared after her sadly for several seconds. There was no longer any doubt in his mind. Kara was in love with Lee, though she didn't want anyone else to know it. She undoubtedly realized what an impossible situation it was, but that didn't diminish her feelings. She had loved Zak, and lost him. Now she had fallen for Zak's brother... who had just attempted suicide. His heart went out to Kara. She still carried such a burden of guilt over Zak's death, and from the way she had just recently recounted finding Lee, William knew she blamed herself somehow for the fact that Lee tried to kill himself within mere minutes after parting from her company.
William dragged his gaze painfully back toward his comatose son. As he stared at Lee's ashen face, a cold realization struck him and he felt a sudden surge of intense anger. Lee had chosen this!
"Why?" he hissed angrily at his son. "Why would you do this? Did it occur to you at all what it would do to Kara... to find you like that? You knew damn well she would! How could you do that? What the frak were you thinking Lee?"
He leaned toward Lee and demanded to know, "Why?"
Yet even as he asked the question, the anger was draining away. William already knew the answer. He had known the answer since the moment Saul Tigh had told him the horrible news of what Lee had done. After all, Lee had given him the answer, just hours ago.
"Was there something else Captain?"
After a long silence that prompted his father to finally look up at him, Lee broke from his father's gaze and turned away. "Apparently not," Lee said, his voice disturbingly quiet. He started to walk away.
William was taken aback by Lee's tone of voice. He sounded so... drained. Then the commander noted that Lee's hands appeared to be shaking. "Captain," he called to Lee. Lee stopped but didn't turn back around. William set the clipboard down and removed his glasses. "Was there something else?" he asked again.
Lee didn't move for several seconds, but then he abruptly turned to face his father. "I just want to know, how long do you intend to hate me? Because frankly Dad, I'm too damn tired to keep this up anymore. If this is going to go on forever, just say so."
William almost felt as though Lee had slapped him across the face. He pushed himself up from his chair, carefully. His wounds were well healed and didn't cause him any more pain, but caution of movement had become almost instinctual over the past several weeks. "Son," he said quietly, "I have never hated you."
Lee appeared quite dubious. "What is it then? Just eternal bitter disappointment?"
William closed his eyes for a moment, trying to compose his thoughts. He walked around to the front of his desk and regarded his son coolly. "Perhaps, if you were to show some sign of regret for your actions..."
"I could ask the same of you," Lee said grimly.
William nodded. "And therein lies our problem."
Lee flinched slightly. "No Dad. It's your problem. I don't give a frak for what happened weeks ago. It's over. Done. As far as I'm concerned, all that matters is where we go from here. So just tell me, what happens now? Just more of the same? More running? More fighting? More disapproval from you? Tell me Dad, should I bother waking up tomorrow? Cause if this is all there's ever going to be..."
"Would you prefer surrendering to the Cylons?" William asked sharply. "Then of course there will be more running and more fighting. Until we've gone beyond their reach, however far that might need to be, we will continue to run and to fight, and you damn well know it."
Lee's shoulder sagged wearily. "Don't you ever just get tired of it? Did you ever feel like you're trying to run straight into a wall? Pushing, and running, until your legs are ready give way... and the wall just won't budge? You never seem to get anywhere."
"You've had a taste of command," William said, with a touch of smugness.
"How do you keep doing it?"
"You just do. You don't give yourself a choice."
"That simple huh?" Lee shook his head.
"Command is never simple," William told him. "Did you expect it would be?"
"I expected not to have to find out so soon," Lee said.
William regarded his son sternly. "Well, that wall might not have been quite so implacable if you hadn't built it yourself."
Lee's forehead creased in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing is ever so formidable as the obstacles you place in your own path," William said. "Certain obstacles had been removed, if you recall. You are the one who put them back in place."
Lee replied crossly, "President Roslin is damn near the one and only person who has been of any help to me at all through this."
"Maybe that's because you chose the wrong allies."
Lee let out a groan of frustration. "Gods, Dad, do we really have to keep doing this? The coup failed. It's over, but tomorrow you'll be right back on the job. Can't you let it go?"
William's expression turned dark. "It failed because of the treachery of someone I trusted."
Lee asked tentatively, "Are you talking about the Cylon, or me?"
William crossed his arms and regarded his son sternly. "Now why ever would you even think I might be talking about you?"
Lee took a deep, unsteady breath. His voice was barely audible when he whispered. "It wasn't me who committed treason. I'm not the one who betrayed my oath."
Without even thinking about what he was doing, William found himself throwing a spiteful punch to strike at his son. Lee reacted even faster than his father, throwing up an arm to block William's swing and shoving the older man back. They stood facing each other, each glaring with equal intensity.
Lee's next reaction startled William. Something within Lee just seemed to snap. The captain spun around, grabbed a straight-backed chair from where it sat in front of the commander's desk and heaved it across the room. The chair smashed into the far wall and clattered to the deck, taking with it several books and artifacts from a shelf. Then Lee glared at his father with a fury William had never seen before.
"You really want to mix it up with me? Do you? No pretense of sparring this time? Gloves off?" Lee stared unblinkingly with fire in his eyes, waiting for his father to answer the challenge. When William made no move, Lee shouted, "No? Then for Gods' sake, stop it! I didn't come to fight with you. Why should we bother fighting the Cylons when we spend even more time fighting each other? I'm tired of it! I'm tired of you, of the Quorum, of your drunken XO and his floozy of a conniving wife! Frak it, maybe I should have just let the Cylons wipe us out after you got shot. At least this entire nightmare would be over!"
"Well then it's a damn good thing you won't be in a command-level position for much longer," William muttered, feeling the adrenaline rush still coursing through his body from the near brawl with his son.
"Well, that much we can agree on," Lee growled. "It's yours. I'm done."
"Then I guess that will be all, won't it Captain?"
Lee stared at his father and the tension completely drained from his body. A shadow seemed to fall over his face, altering it utterly from the fierce anger of a minute earlier to hopeless resignation. "Yes Sir," he said finally. "That's all."
"Then you're dismissed." William said bitterly. He turned his back on Lee and strode back to his desk. Behind him he heard Lee's quiet voice.
"Goodbye Dad."
William didn't look back to see his son leave.
In hindsight, it was so frakking clear. Lee was right on the edge when he walked into his father's quarters, seeking a reason to step back from the cliff. But the olive branch he'd extended was crushed, along with all hope. William pressed his eyes shut, wincing at the memory of the change that had come over Lee's face as all hope was vanquished. William knew... that was the moment when Lee made the decision to end his own life. After that, Lee had returned to the CIC and finished out the last of his duties, then gave in to Kara long enough to say goodbye to his pilots. Then he'd retired to his rack... and...
"I'm sorry Lee," he whispered. He settled a trembling hand on Lee's brow. The contrast in skin tones between William's hand and Lee's forehead was startling. Lee had inherited his mother's fair skin tone, rather than his father's swarthier coloring, but this ashen tone was not natural. It was frightening.
"I'm so sorry Son," William breathed. "You tried to tell me, didn't you? You came to me looking for help, but I didn't understand."
The curtain was drawn back again and another nurse stepped inside. William straightened up and turned his head so that the nurse could not see his face. He grabbed a tissue from the box on the bedside table and wiped hurriedly at his eyes.
The nurse did a quick check on the flow of Lee's IV. Satisfied, she looked over at the commander. "Can I get you anything Sir? Some coffee perhaps?"
William cleared his throat and replied, "Yes. Thank you, I'd appreciate that."
"Cream or sugar?"
"Neither. Just black, thanks."
"I'll be right back."
William was alone with Lee once more. He pulled the chair up toward the head of the bed and sat down. Leaning forward slightly he reached over and rested one hand on Lee's shoulder. For some reason, he just needed that physical contact with his son. The nurse returned shortly with a mug of strong black coffee that made William wince, but he thanked her for it anyway.
"Sergeant... Wallace, isn't it?" he asked her.
"Yes Sir."
"Sergeant Wallace, how long have you been a medic?"
"Eight years Commander," she replied.
"Have you ever treated anyone for this condition before?"
"No Sir. I haven't."
"Have you heard of any other cases before?"
The nurse shook her head. "No Sir. This is the first time I've ever head of someone who actually used the, uh, Red Needle."
"I see. Thank you."
"Sorry I couldn't be more informative."
"That's all right." William was disappointed, but he could hardly blame the nurse. He had hoped to hear some reassurance that with prompt medical treatment, the Red Needle was not necessarily fatal. William knew however, that those unfortunate pilots who in the past were faced with using the Red Needle were in dire circumstances where death was already assured and medical help would never reach them. After the end of the Cylon War, 40 years ago, the Red Needles continued to be issued to pilots, but under peacetime circumstances, no pilot would have any cause to use them. It was not at all hard to understand why the Galactica's medics would have no experience at treating someone in Lee's predicament.
The difficult part for William was that he had no idea how to deal with this situation. Should he hope for the best, or prepare for the worst? He knew that Dr. Cottle would advise him to do both. Doctors always did fall back on that cliché. William wanted to pray, but he didn't know what to pray for. Should he pray for Lee's speedy recovery? Or should he pray for the strength to face Lee's imminent death?
His hand squeezed Lee's shoulder. The muscles were slack and still beneath his fingers, but there was warmth there. Life, however faint, had not left Lee entirely. William realized then that there was only one prayer he could make, and he could not waste his prayers upon himself.
Unmindful of Sergeant Wallace's presence, the commander bent is head and silently prayed, "Lords of Kobol I beg of you a favor this day. Apollo, God of Healing, this young man here before you... he is your namesake... and he is in need of your mercy. He is strong... and good... but he has lost his hope in life and that has led him to this moment where he needs your help. Please heal him. I beg you. He is my son, and I... have failed him in so many ways, for so many years. I have no right to ask that he be returned to me... but those of us who remain, your children of Kobol, all have need of him. He has brought honor to your name, Apollo, and will continue to do so, I know. He will make you proud. Please bestow your healing touch upon him. Please, save my son!"
William's silent prayer ended as he was unable to withhold his tears any longer. He dropped his head to the edge of Lee's bed, clutching his son's shoulder, and succumbed to the depth of his fear and grief.
Dr. Cottle glanced over at Lt. Thrace again. She was pacing around in circles again by the door to sickbay. He shook his head, and replaced the medical chart he'd been reading at the foot of a patient's bed. He strolled to the door and leaned against the bulkhead.
Thrace looked at the doctor who was watching her with a tired, reproachful look. "What?" she asked crossly.
"The act of walking tends to be much more effective if you only try to head in one direction at a time. Coming or going, Lieutenant? Make up your mind."
"Frak you," she mumbled, running a hand through her hair.
"20 years ago I might have considered that an appealing offer, but now it just makes me tired." He took a crumpled pack of cigarettes from his pocket and tapped one lone cigarette into his hand.
Kara crossed her arms and quizzed the doctor sternly. "What kind of a chance does he really have?"
"I'm not a bookie."
"I heard you tell the commander that," she sneered. "Now I want to know what you didn't tell him."
"Such as?"
Kara asked the doctor in steely tones, "What do you think about all this? Do you think he has a chance to pull through or not?"
The doctor tapped at the unlit cigarette in his fingers. "I think... that it's up to him. It all depends on how hard he's willing to fight. If he makes it, it will be because he really wants to."
Kara stared incredulously. "You do know... don't you... that he did this to himself?"
Dr. Cottle offered her a smirk, still fiddling with the cigarette. "And what does that tell you?"
"You're an ass," Kara growled. Then she added crossly, "Are you going to smoke that thing or not?"
"Eventually."
"Trying to give them up?" she asked skeptically.
"Running out," he quipped.
"So you're tempted as hell to just light up... but you want to save it for the right moment."
"Something like that."
"Tell you what Doc. I happen to know where there's a nice little stash of those babies. You pull Lee through this... and I'll snag you a whole case full."
Cottle chortled. "Now there is an offer I would consider taking you up on. However, cigarettes or not, everyone here will do everything possible to save him."
Kara nodded solemnly. "I know. You're still an ass of course... but you've got a hell of a crew here Doc... and you're not too shabby at the job yourself."
"Well, I can die a happy man now. So what's it going to be?"
"What?"
"Coming or going?"
Kara sighed. "Going... for now. But I'll be back. And if anything happens..."
"I'll make sure you're notified."
"Thank you."
The night passed with agonizing slowness for William Adama. Weariness weighed heavily upon him, but he refused to succumb. He would not miss what could be the last few precious hours he had left with his son. The medics were coming and going every few minutes, checking monitors, injecting more medicine into Lee's IV, and making notes on Lee's chart. A few times the rhythm on the heart monitor skipped and a red light registered on the console along with an alarm. Dr. Cottle and one of the nurses would appear within seconds, intently studying the readouts and William would have to step back, breaking contact with his son so that the Cardiac Support Unit could apply a mild jolt of electricity to regulate Lee's heart. Each time it happened the life support units did their job and successfully restored function within less than 10 seconds. Through it all, the hum and click of the respirator droned steadily.
By the time morning rolled around and Lt. Gaeta announced reveille to the crew, William felt utterly drained. He sat watching his son, holding his limp hand, knowing that the machines alone were keeping his boy alive. William had prayed to Apollo over and over throughout the night, but so far there was no sign that the Kobolian Lord had heard. He could not yet, however, even allow himself to ponder what might be required if the deadly poison had already damaged Lee's systems beyond repair. Dr. Cottle had told him during the night that it would take time for the anti-toxins to do their work, but he'd never said how much time.
"How long?" William wondered. "How much longer before we know?" He glanced at the nurse who was checking Lee's blood pressure. "How does it look?" he asked.
"Same as last time," she reported. "He's been holding pretty steady for the past hour and a half."
William felt a twinge of hope. "Does that mean he's stabilizing?" His eyes flicked over to the heart monitor. It had been a while since the last alarm event.
"It might," the nurse replied with caution.
William squeezed Lee's hand, sitting up a little straighter. "That's it Lee. I know you can do it."
To William's total amazement he felt Lee's hand tighten around his own. Hope surged. "Lee?" William smiled excitedly, rising from his chair. Still grasping Lee's hand he leaned over his son. "Son, can you hear me?"
Lee was indeed no longer still. His body was shifting, twitching. But something didn't seem quite right. This wasn't just the movement of a man reviving from a coma.
"He's seizing," the nurse declared. She reached up and pressed an alert button on a console. Within seconds two more nurses arrived. William was crowded away from Lee's bed, forcing him to reluctantly release his son's hand. Dr. Cottle appeared, blinking tired eyes, but quickly taking full assessment of the situation.
Words flew back and forth amongst the medics, but William paid no head to what they said. All sound faded to a muffled hum in his mind. He stood transfixed, staring numbly. Dr. Cottle inserted another syringe into Lee's IV. Lee's body convulsed. The red light on the heart monitor flicked on. A crash cart was wheeled up beside Lee's bed in anticipation that the CSU would not be sufficient this time.
"He's already dead," the vicious little voice in William's mind whispered again.
"Shut up," William snarled in reply. One of the nurses gave the commander a curious glance, but then returned his attention to their patient.
William suddenly strode forward and elbowed his way to Lee's bedside. He vaguely heard the medics protesting and asking him to step back, but he ignored them. He leaned down, reaching around the respirator tube to take Lee's face between his hands. He had to hold on to Lee's head firmly as the convulsions continued.
"You don't want to do this Lee," William said firmly. "I know it's all been the shits lately, and I haven't made things any easier, but I promise you Son, things will get better."
"Commander, please..." A nurse tried to urge William back from the bed, but the commander shrugged him off and refused to budge.
"I know you're tired, but you can't give up. You have to fight now. You have to fight hard, but you're not alone Lee. It's seemed that way to you hasn't it? But you're not. There are people here who love you, and we will help you through this. We will. I will. But you have to come back to us Son. You have to come back."
William didn't even take note, but as he spoke to his son the convulsions gradually eased away and Lee's body became limp and still once more. He leaned over farther and placed a gentle kiss upon Lee's forehead. "I love you Son," he whispered. "Please come back."
TBC