Chapter 4

Doctor Cottle and Sergeant Wallace stood patiently, intently watching all of the monitors by Lee's bed. William Adama couldn't look at the readouts. He couldn't tear his eyes from his son's face.

"Come on, Lee," he whispered. "Please..."

No one said a word for nearly a full minute, and then Dr. Cottle gave a satisfied nod. "So far so good," he said. "Just a brief catch when we switched him off of support, but... he's holding steady, breathing on his own."

"It's barely been a minute," William commented. "He was stable for nearly two hours before his heart glitched the last time."

"True," Dr. Cottle admitted. "But that last event was over six hours ago, and it was a faulty rhythm, not full cardiac failure. Sergeant Wallace will be in hover-mode here for the next 30 minutes, just in case. After that, Commander, assuming that he's still stable, I want you to call it a night."

Adama just walked back up to the bed and squeezed his son's hand. "How long are you going to leave the tubes in?"

"Until morning," Dr. Cottle replied. "Just a precaution in case we do need to hook him back up in a hurry."

"You sound pretty confident Doc," William commented.

"Call it optimistic," the doctor said.

"You? Optimistic?"

"Wouldn't be the first time in the history of the universe."

Kara rubbed her eyes and tried to read the same paragraph again, for at least the 5th time. She'd been awake for over 36 hours now, and was bone-weary, but she just couldn't force herself to return to quarters and try to sleep. She had barely managed to step into the room in order to change her clothes after flying the CAP that afternoon. Every second she spent in there she was haunted by the images and sounds of a nightmare. Only, this nightmare was not a mere dream. It had been real.

Lee was lying in his rack, but he was not asleep. His eyes were open. She grabbed his hand to deposit the lump of cubits into his palm, but Lee's hand was limp. His entire arm was slack. She put her hand on his shoulder, shaking him. His head slumped to one side, his eyes still staring blankly. Her fingers pressed anxiously on the side of his throat, searching for a pulse. There was none. His chest was still.

Lee was dead.

"Kara?"

Starbuck jumped in her seat, startled nearly out of her skin. Her pulse was racing from the vivid, horrific memory. Jarring herself back to reality she looked up to see Commander Adama standing next to her. He was looking at her, very concerned.

"I had a feeling you'd still be awake," he said. "You all right?"

She composed herself quickly. "Fine." She waved at the stack of folders on the table in front of her. "As you can see, I'm still trying to play catch up. It's amazing how fast this stuff piles up, isn't it?"

"Multiplies like magic," he commented, taking a seat beside her in the quiet rec room. "Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

She considered his question, but in reply she asked one of her own. "Did you?"

"No. But I'm about to try for tonight. So should you."

She blinked. Just then it dawned on her that the commander was no longer standing vigil by Lee's bedside. "Something's happened," she said anxiously. "Is he...?"

"He's off the machines, and so far he's holding stable," Adama said wearily, but with obvious relief.

"He's... he's breathing on his own?" Kara asked.

"Yes. They're going to leave the tubes in place until morning, as a precaution, but it looks like he's probably out of danger."

Kara just nodded. She was unable to speak.

Adama reached over and took her hand, squeezing it. She reflexively squeezed back. "I don't think I properly thanked you earlier," he said earnestly.

"For what?" she managed to croak.

"You saved my son." His eyes clouded with unaccustomed tears. "I will always owe you for that. Thank you."

Kara choked up suddenly and brought a hand to her face. She struggled for a few more seconds then broke down. The commander leaned over and embraced her, holding her close while she cried. She wanted to pull away from him. She didn't deserve to be comforted by him... not for this. She was reminded vividly of how warmly Commander Adama had treated her in the aftermath of Zak's death, under the mistaken notion that Kara had done right by his youngest son. Now, history was repeating itself, she thought. She had failed Lee as starkly as she had Zak, though in very different ways. She had intervened to assist Zak when she knew she shouldn't have. She had failed to assist Lee when she knew she should have. In both cases, she had watched while William Adama's sons went to their death. Only by a miracle had Lee been brought back, after the fact.

By sheer determination she marshaled control of herself. "I didn't save him," she said, in a trembling voice. "The doctors did that."

"They wouldn't have had the chance, if you hadn't found him when you did and started CPR," Adama told her.

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "If I'd really won that hand of cards... I wouldn't have followed him. I would have just let him go. If Helo hadn't checked those cards, I would have let him go. He's my best friend... and I damn near let him just walk off to his death. So don't thank me Commander."

Kara scrubbed the tears from her face, grabbed for her file folders and walked away. Adama just sat in the empty rec room by himself, overcome by the oppressive silence.

It wasn't a restful night for William Adama. Though he was achingly tired, he only slept for a few hours, tossing and turning through troublesome dreams, and ultimately woke well before reveille. He allowed himself a leisurely hot shower before trudging to the mess hall to grab a quick bite to eat. The mess was nearly empty since most of the crew had yet to crack an eyelid, but the cooks thought nothing of whipping up a quick hot breakfast for their commander, served up with well-wishes for Apollo's speedy recovery.

Adama arrived back at sickbay before Dr. Cottle reported for duty. Sergeant Wallace, who was still covering the night-shift, greeted him with the encouraging news that Lee had remained stable throughout the night. As soon as Dr. Cottle reviewed his condition, Lee would be taken off the critical list. William offered his heartfelt thanks to the sergeant, then found his way back to Lee's bedside. He stood looking at his son for a few minutes. His color had noticeably improved, though Lee's growth of beard enhanced the angularity of his face and made him appear especially gaunt. He idly ran a finger over the stubble on Lee's jaw line.

"We'll give him a shave after we've removed the endotracheal tube," Sergeant Wallace informed him, reading the commander's gesture toward his son. She stepped up beside Lee's bed and checked the IV flow.

"And you're just waiting on Dr. Cottle for that?" Adama asked.

"Yes Sir," the nurse confirmed.

"I don't suppose he's shown any signs of waking up?"

"Not yet, I'm afraid," she answered.

"It could be any time, or it could take days yet," Dr. Cottle told him a little over an hour later.

"Days?" Adama couldn't hide his disappointment.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps on through the rest of the week."

"Is that all it is then?" Adama inquired. "He's just sleeping? I mean, this isn't an indication of something more serious?"

"It is possible that he suffered some permanent damage, but unfortunately we won't really know until he wakes up. But, the fact that he's still in a coma is not in itself a cause for concern right now." Seeing the commander's reaction, the doctor added, "Now, don't let the word 'coma' freak you out. It's simply a state of deep sleep, and right now his body needs it. He's been through a serious trauma these past couple of days, and he was in a borderline state of exhaustion before he ever even took the damn poison."

Adama nodded, but couldn't quite silence the voices of concern in his head. "So, he's going to be okay, you think?"

"That depends on what you mean by 'okay'."

"Major, give me a break," the commander growled.

The commander's use of his military rank rather than professional title did not escape the doctor's notice. He tried to tread lightly. "What I think, is that your boy is damn lucky to be breathing. But even if we assume there was no serious neurological damage, you need to remember that it was not physical problems that really landed him here. The real issue that you need to start worrying about is one that does not fall under my area of expertise. I suggest that you start checking the fleet roster and see if you can locate a psychiatrist, preferably with expertise in traumatic stress syndromes and suicidal behaviors. Otherwise... all these efforts of the past few days might just be buying time."

By now, the nurses and the doctor had extricated the endotracheal tube from Lee's throat and removed the sensors and patches for the automatic defibrillator. The unused equipment was wheeled back into storage. Lee still had the IV inserted into the back of his left hand, and a urine bag and rectal tube remained in place beneath the sheets. A few passive sensors were still taped to his chest to continue monitoring his vital signs. The day-shift nurse gently applied a salve to Lee's chapped lips, and then he was left alone once again with his father.

To William's eye, Lee really did look like he was merely sleeping now. What a difference it made in his appearance just to get that damn tube out of his mouth! He stroked Lee's stubbled cheek with the back of his fingers and breathed a great sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Apollo," Adama whispered to the ancient Lord after whom Lee had been granted his call sign. "I have never been a religious man, but I see with my own eyes the result of your divine intervention. It is a true miracle that my son is alive. I know that this was done not for my sake, but for his. But I am grateful just the same. And I promise you I will take care of him. Whatever needs to be done now to help him, I will do it."

It was late afternoon by the time Lee received his second visitor. The commander had returned to his quarters at noon, satisfied that Lee was officially out of danger, and willing at last to allow himself some additional, much-needed sleep. Kara didn't bother to check in with the staff when she arrived at sickbay. She already knew where Lee's bed was and headed straight for it. The curtain had been left wide open now that the commander was taking a break from his vigil, but Kara drew it back around, creating at least an impression of privacy.

Kara stood at Lee's bedside and watched him sleeping. The slow rise and fall of his chest was a blessed assurance that her nightmare was indeed over, even if she was never able to fully forget it. She settled her hands on the edge of the bed and leaned toward him, keeping her voice quiet.

"Hey, it's me. Yeah, yeah I promised to come back and see you again about 2 days ago... but hell somebody has to do your job while you're lounging around here. Busy, busy, busy. It's no wonder you were worn out. With both you and your Dad on vacation, Tigh's dumping on me now. Thanks a lot."

Kara paused and in spite of her best intentions she found herself growing uncomfortably emotional. She looked into Lee's somnolent face and suddenly found herself fighting tears. "Damn it Lee," she said, "why did you do this? You never even talked to me. Why didn't you talk to me? Was it that whole, stupid, 'You're the CAG, so we're not friends,' crap? Come on. You know I'm full of shit! You know... you know that I really..."

Kara choked up and grabbed a tissue from the box sitting on the bedside table and blew her nose. "Damn it. See this?" she chided him. "You think I get this way for somebody I don't care about? You know damn well that I... care about you. Don't you Lee?"

Kara's voice dropped to a mere whisper. "You really didn't know, did you?" She bit her lip to hold back the urge to start crying again. When she could speak again, she said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been nothing but a pain in the ass to you since you first came on board. All I ever did was make everything harder for you. But frak it, you always look so damn... in control and invincible. It never occurred to me that you might really be hurting too. Well, I get it now okay? And I'm sorry."

She tentatively reached out a hand to stroke his forehead. "Let me make it up to you. Please... come back so I can make it up to you." Almost on irresistible impulse she leaned down and kissed his cheek. With her face mere inches from his, she watched him intently, but there was no response.

She straightened up and said quietly, "Hurry back Lee." Then she pulled the curtain aside, and slipped away.

Kara never noticed that someone had been observing her from the moment she entered sickbay. He had followed her inside, keeping a discreet distance, and then he had situated himself on the other side of the curtain surrounding Lee Adama's bed, where he overheard every word that Kara said. She departed sickbay so quickly that she never saw Gaius Baltar behind her, watching her leave, and she never saw him slip inside the curtain by Lee's bed and draw it closed.

"Well, well," Baltar said, keeping his voice low. "Captain Invincible himself. I must say, for a rival, I don't find you very impressive. What does she see in you?"

He stood beside the captain's bed, and cocked his head to the side. He nudged Lee's arm once, twice. He took up Lee's wrist, raising his arm several inches from the bed then released it, letting it drop limply back down again.

"Can you explain the attraction?" Gaius teased the unconscious man. "No, I suppose you can't, at the moment. Ironic, isn't it? The lovely things that she says to you... but only at times when you can't hear them and I can."

He sauntered around to the other side of the bed, eyeing the rack holding Lee's IV bag. "Didn't I tell you that I always win? Brains always win out over brawn. Though, I must give you credit for sheer tenacity. For you to survive a lethal dose of andropine poison... that actually is impressive. I do give you marks for that. But in the end, I do always win." He reached a hand up and fiddled with the length of the IV tube.

"You really should try to be more careful."