Chapter 5

Voices. There were voices somewhere nearby. Somebody was even laughing. He waited for the disturbance to die down so that he could just drift back to full sleep, but the conversation didn't let up. His eyelids felt like leaded weights and he couldn't drag them open, so he gave up and just drifted hazily halfway between sleep and wakefulness. Then somebody cut loose with a raucous belly-laugh that chased the prospect of continued sleep away. With a concerted effort Lee heaved his eyes open and glanced around for the disruptive party.

"Can it!" he wanted to yell. "Take it to the rec room! People are sleeping in here!" But not a sound issued from his throat. Then it began to dawn on him that the images his eyes were reporting were not from the pilots' quarters. He blinked, his brain fuzzily focusing on the fact that he had no idea where he was. Unsettled and disoriented, Lee tried to lift his head in order to look around, but if his eyelids had felt heavy, his head was far more so. He only managed to turn his head to one side. Gradually, familiarity with his environment began to register in his brain. He had been here before. He had been here many times. He was in sickbay.

"Captain? Captain Adama?"

It took a few seconds before Lee recognized his name. He tried turning his head again, toward the sound of the voice calling to him. The movement was easier this time. He saw a young man with a familiar face approaching him. The man walked up and leaned over him.

"Captain? It's Sergeant Kim, Sir. Do you remember me?"

Lee's brain was slowly getting back into gear. Sergeant. Kim. Paramedic. Lee managed an awkward nod.

"It's good to see you awake Sir," Kim said smiling. He looked up from his groggy patient and called to one of his co-workers. "Ray, send word to the doctor. Captain Adama is awake."

Lee grunted, trying to speak. His throat hurt, and his tongue felt dry and sandy.

Kim reached for a bottle of water with a long straw that was on the bedside table. "Here Sir. Take a sip. You had a tube down your throat for a couple of days, so your vocal chords could still be sore for a while." He held the cup and carefully positioned the straw at Lee's lips.

Lee took a swallow and almost gagged, but tried again and managed to take in several gulps of water. It helped considerably. After Kim moved the cup aside, Lee tried again to speak. It came out as a raspy whisper, but at least he was able to form words.

"How long?"

"Four days, Captain. You've been in a coma."

"What happened?"

"What happened?" Commander Adama asked as he strode into sickbay and up to Dr. Cottle.

"He woke up," Cottle said blithely.

"You told me that on the phone," Adama said impatiently. "How long ago? Is he all right?"

The doctor completed making some notes on a clipboard, and set it behind the administration desk. "He came-to a little over an hour ago. The paramedics said he seemed a little disoriented at first, but by the time I was able to examine him he seemed very alert and fully responsive. All in all, I'd say he's doing very well."

Relief washed across the commander's face. "Then there doesn't appear to be any... damage?"

"His reflexes are fine, and a simple memory check came out okay. He knows his name, mother's maiden name, serial number, how old he was when he lost his virginity, etc. But..."

"But what?"

"He claims to have absolutely no idea why he's here," the doctor said. "He says that he does not remember anything happening to him."

"He doesn't remember?"

"That's what he says."

"Why would that be?"

"It's possible the event was too abrupt to be imprinted into memory," Dr. Cottle speculated. "Or the poison could have caused some short-term memory loss, but I think that's unlikely. I suspect that if the memory loss is genuine, then the cause is more psychological than physical."

Adama frowned. "If it's genuine? You think he's lying?"

"Don't know. You know him better than I do. You would probably be the better judge of that."

"What happened?" Kara Thrace inquired, striding rapidly up to the commander and the doctor as she entered sickbay.

"He woke up," Cottle said blithely.

"You told me that much on the phone," Kara said.

"Did I?" Dr. Cottle said, feigning surprise.

"He's doing well," Commander Adama told Kara. "Except it appears that he doesn't remember using the Needle." He turned his attention back to the doctor. "How much does he remember?"

"Well, he remembers everything... about the night he lost his virginity," Dr. Cottle said dryly. He ignored the look of impatience on the commander's face and added, "But as for the suicide attempt, you'll have to tell me." He looked at Kara. "Lieutenant, you were with him in the hours before. You'd be the best one to pinpoint for us just where his memory starts to fade."

Kara nodded. "Okay. What have you told him so far?"

"Nothing yet. And believe me he's not happy about that." Adama and Kara both chuckled, nodding their understanding. "Now before we go talk to him, I have to caution you that he is still very weak. Keep that in mind. I don't want him getting overly fatigued."

"I'll be gentle with him," Kara smiled.

"Fine, but let's talk to him about his memory loss first," Dr. Cottle said dryly. He turned away, heading for the recovery bay.

Kara rolled her eyes and muttered at the doctor's back, "Son of a bitch."

As the threesome approached his bed, Lee turned his head toward them. Adama felt a swell of emotion at seeing Lee's bright blue eyes wide open and focusing upon him. So many times throughout that first horrible day, he'd feared he would never see his boy awake again. It was a prayer answered. He moved up beside Lee's bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. Kara went around to the opposite side, smiling warmly at Lee.

Adama squeezed Lee's shoulder. "Welcome back Son."

"It's about damn time," Kara grinned.

Lee offered them both a weak smile. "Does this mean that somebody is finally going to tell me what the hell is going on and why I'm here?"

Keeping his hand on Lee's shoulder, William Adama leaned down closer, speaking softly. "The doctor says you don't remember anything about what happened?"

Lee shook his head. "No. Nothing."

"What do you remember?" Adama encouraged him.

Lee sighed. "I finished my shift in CIC. It was getting late. I just wanted to grab a bite to eat and get some sleep." He turned his head toward Kara. "Then you showed up and started harassing me. You tried to pick a fight... and you slugged me."

Adama glanced sharply up at Kara. She hadn't reported that little tidbit to him before.

Kara shifted uncomfortably and cleared her throat. She sheepishly avoided the commander's eyes. "Riiiiiight. And then what?"

Lee blinked wearily. "You bullied me into going to the rec room instead of the mess, where I was serenaded... horridly... by the squadron. We had a few drinks. Played some cards..." his voice faded off.

"And?" Kara prodded him to continue.

Lee's eyes seemed to lose focus and he shook his head.

Kara offered him an assist. "Who won the game Lee?"

Lee's face grew deeply concentrated. Then he shook his head, wincing. "I don't know. I'm sure it was probably you."

"But you don't remember losing?" Kara asked, watching Lee carefully.

"No," Lee groaned softly. "Is that where it happened? In the rec room?"

"Where what happened?" Adama asked.

"I don't know," Lee groaned. "Whatever landed me here. You tell me."

Adama asked him pointedly, "You don't remember how the card game ended or leaving the rec room?"

Lee's eyes again focused on some point far way, but after several seconds he wearily shook his head. "No."

The commander straightened up and exchanged uncertain looks with Kara and Dr. Cottle. Lee noted the silent exchange amongst his visitors and grew frustrated.

"Would someone please talk to me?" he pleaded. "What the frak happened to me?"

Adama looked again at the doctor, who nodded his consent. The commander once again leaned over his son. "Lee, there's something I want you to tell me first. When did you remove the Red Needle from your Viper?"

Lee looked up at his father, confused. "What?"

Adama said, "There wasn't time for you do it after the card game."

Lee looked thoroughly puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"Son... we know. How long ago was it? Days? Weeks?"

Lee stared at his father. After several seconds he looked over at Kara, then toward the doctor. They were all watching him with intent anticipation. "You all know?"

"Yes," Adama said.

Lee's voice suddenly became sharp. "What do you know? I haven't got a clue what you're talking about."

Adama stressed, "The Red Needle Lee..."

"What about the fraking Needle?"

"You took it from your Viper."

Lee shook his head. "Why would I do that?"

"You tell me Son. Why would you?"

Lee rolled his eyes, confusion mixing now with near fury. He nearly shouted, "Would you stop talking in fraking circles? Somebody... anybody just tell me what the frak is going on!"

Kara set a gentle hand on Lee's arm. "Lee, take it easy," she said soothingly. "Please calm down."

Lee glared at her. "You want me to calm down? Then talk to me!"

"All right," she answered back sharply. "Gloves off. Here it is. You used the Needle Lee. You threw the card game, and left the rec room. I followed you, but by the time I caught up to you in quarters... you had already used the fraking Needle."

Frustration was replaced on Lee's face by shock. Again, he looked around at each of the three people standing beside his bed. Their expressions were mixtures of concern, sadness and even pity. "You... all think that I..." Confusion ran rampant on Lee's face. Then he shook his head abruptly. "No. No, that's not what happened."

"It's not?" Adama asked.

"No."

Adama said grimly, "Lee, the Needle was found in your rack."

"I didn't use it."

Doctor Cottle cleared his throat. "Captain, it is a medical certainty that you have been suffering the effects of andropine poisoning from a single injection point on your right forearm."

Lee lifted his right arm and saw the still-tender welt where the deadly needle had jabbed him. Mystified, he dropped his arm back to the bed. Lee was visibly shaken, but after a few more seconds he again insisted, "I didn't try to kill myself. That is not what happened."

"All right," Commander Adama said gently. "What did happen?"

Growing increasingly distressed Lee replied, "I don't remember." Seeing the skepticism surrounding him Lee persisted, "I'm not lying about this. I don't remember what happened, but I know I didn't try to kill myself."

Kara asked, dubiously, "Lee... if it's true that you don't remember..."

He interrupted, "It is true."

Kara continued, "...then how can you be sure that you didn't..."

He interrupted again, "Because I don't have any fraking death wish, and I never did!" The strain of the confrontation was beginning to take a toll on Lee. The color was fading from his face, and he was breathing like he'd just come from a run around the ship.

Adama tried to soothe him. "Take it easy Son, please."

Lee turned sharply on his father. "Take it easy? You're all standing here looking at me like you think I'm crazy. How am I supposed to take it easy?"

Kara responded, "Lee, no one said you were crazy."

"Just suicidal," he quipped.

Adama gently told him, "Son, we just want to help you."

"Then try listening to me," Lee moaned. "I never used the damn Needle."

Kara suddenly grabbed his right arm, intentionally pressing on the tender welt. "Then explain this," she challenged him. Lee winced and tried to pull his arm back, but his strength was nearly waned. Kara held on easily. "I saw the Needle Lee," she said tightly. "It was found in your rack... right where I found you, still warm but already dead to the world. And this..." she pushed on the sore spot again, "...is where it stuck you. Explain that!"

"Starbuck," Dr. Cottle said in warning.

"Kara!" Adama said sternly. "Stop it."

Kara let go of Lee's arm, but wouldn't let up on him. "Come on Lee! Explain!"

Lee pulled his arm away from her, glaring at Kara. "I can't," he growled. "It must have... been an accident... or..."

Kara laughed derisively. "An accident?" In her mind she was repeatedly flashing back to that moment, finding Lee lying dead, pale and staring into oblivion. Her nerves were in turmoil and Lee's denial was making her angrier by the second. "An accident?" she sneered again. "What... you just rolled over onto it... after it accidentally found its way from your Viper into your rack, and accidentally had the safety seal broken and removed?"

Lee met her derision with his own. "Or someone else took it and used it on me!"

Commander Adama blinked. It had never even occurred to him that Lee might in fact have been the victim of an attempted homicide. "Who?" he asked, considering the question for the very first time.

Lee closed his eyes, wishing now that he could just slip back into a coma. "I don't know," he groaned. "I don't remember, damn it! I only know that I never removed the Red Needle from my Viper, and I never had any intention of killing myself." He pulled his eyes back open and scanned the suspicious faces around him. "And... I know that none of you have any intention of believing me."

Adama winced inwardly at the look of rejection on Lee's face and tried to placate him. "Son, it's not that we don't want to you believe you..."

"It's all right Dad," Lee said sarcastically. "I'm perfectly used to having you both doubt me by now. I should know better than to expect anything else."

Kara winced in reaction and looked away.

Lee added, "However, I'm too fraking tired right now, so if you both just want to dump on me, can you come back and do it some other time, please?"

Adama reached for his son's hand. "Lee, listen..."

Kara's temper peaked and she turned again on Lee. "You fraking ass," she hissed. "You put us through 4 days of hell... and then you have the gall to complain about how we treat you? We're trying to help you, you ungrateful little shit!"

"Kara," Adama tried to intervene, again.

"Help me?" Lee's own ire rose in response to Kara's. He laughed derisively. "Well, you're true to form if nothing else. As supportive as you've always been. Tell you what, why don't you bring a flogging stick back with you next time so you can indulge those helpful instincts in real Kara Thrace style!"

Doctor Cottle stepped forward quickly when Kara appeared ready to slug Lee where he lay. "All right, that's enough! Both of you!" He steered Kara away from Lee's bed. "Lieutenant, just step on outside." Kara resisted, glaring at Lee. "Now," Cottle insisted firmly. Kara stomped away, fuming.

The commander then caught the look that the doctor sent his way. He got the message and stepped away from Lee's bed. "Get some rest," he told Lee. Before walking away, he added, "By the way, she's the one who found you... and saved your life." He left Lee alone with the doctor.

Adama encountered Kara pacing around the hallway outside of sickbay like a caged animal. When he drew near, she grumbled, "I swear, once he's stronger I'm going to beat the crap out of him."

Adama smiled. "I thought you were going to make it up to him for giving him a hard time." He laughed then at the torn expression on her face. "Don't you see it Kara? You really did save him. He's back... and he's fighting. He's fighting!"

Kara was completely confused. She didn't know whether to laugh, scream, or cry. She was shaking out of pure frustration and boiling emotion.

Adama squeezed her shoulders. "You did good Starbuck. You did good."

She laughed, almost from hysteria. "Did I?" she wondered. "Why do I get the feeling that I just majorly frakked up?" She pulled herself together. "I mean... what if Lee's telling the truth? What if he didn't do this to himself, and there is still some would-be murderer walking around here, ready to try again when he finds out that Lee survived?"

Adama considered that disturbing possibility. "I'll have Sergeant Hadrian take statements from all your roommates. If Lee was attacked in quarters, someone must have seen or heard something."