Chapter 9
Too many flights. Not enough pilots. How many times had Kara heard Lee gripe about that very issue? He never complained in front of the rest of the squadron. Lee never complained to his superiors either. Only Kara had ever heard Lee grumble about his duties. To the rest of the crew he was the dutiful captain with the stiff upper lip who never let obstacles throw him off his stride. If he had to shift direction or make adjustments to get the job done he would simply do it, without even breaking pace. He was the reliable constant amidst the chaos.
Kara alone had seen Lee struggling. Only in front of her did he allow his guard to slip when the strain was getting to him. When that happened, Kara usually responded with her typical needling rather than taking the situation seriously. She wished now that she had simply offered sympathetic support instead. Now that the job was hers, the task of trying to reconcile the flight schedules was proving to be damn near impossible and a sympathetic ear would have been very welcome. Lee had been right. They just didn't have enough pilots! How the frak could they expect to defend the fleet when they could barely maintain a minimum patrol and a standby alert team?
"Good afternoon Lieutenant Thrace. My, don't you look lovely today?"
Kara cringed. Doctor Baltar's syrupy chipper voice raked on her nerves in precisely the wrong way. Without looking away from the whiteboard on the briefing room wall, she said, "What's up Doc? Considering a career change by any chance? Hot Dog needs a wingman day after tomorrow."
Sauntering down the aisle toward the front of the briefing room, Baltar said, "Tempting... but no. Sadly I was forced to accept long ago that my talents don't extend to the fine art of ass kicking. Actually, I was just about to head down to the rec room and see if anyone was interested in a game of cards. I thought you might like to join me."
Still studying the whiteboard and comparing the figures with the rosters on her clipboard, Kara declined. "Thanks for the invite Doc. But no." It had been several days since Kara had touched a deck of cards. The last time she'd played had been that game with Lee... just before he'd... She shoved that thought from her head and scribbled a few more names onto the board.
"Busy, are you?" Baltar asked.
"You are a genius," she said, still writing.
"Well, how much longer do you think this will take?" he asked. "We can always wait for a bit."
Kara flipped a page over on her clipboard. "Got a lot to do Doc. It'll be a while."
Baltar muttered over his shoulder, "I don't think so."
"Excuse me?" Kara said.
Baltar jerked slightly. "I don't think... that would be a problem. How long do you suppose it will take?"
"As long as it takes," Kara told him. Couldn't the guy take a hint? "I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding somebody to play with you. Now excuse me, I have work to do."
Baltar again muttered, with his head half-turned over his shoulder. "You are the only one..." He stopped and turned to face toward Kara again. "...the only one on this ship who can make a card game reasonably interesting. It's just too easy with everyone else. Sometimes a fellow likes a challenge. In other words, I believe you are worth waiting for."
Kara rolled her eyes. "If you want to wait, go ahead. It might be until hell freezes over, but that's your problem."
"I see. Very well." Baltar started to turn and walk back up the aisle, but then stopped. "And how is Captain Adama fairing today?"
Kara paused in the midst of writing, surprised by the inquiry. "Last I heard he was doing fine. I assume he still is."
"You assume?" Baltar asked. "You haven't seen him today then?"
"Nope," she said simply.
"Really?"
Kara let out an annoyed breath. "I've – been – busy. Not that's it any of your business."
Baltar said smoothly,. "I was merely curious about his condition, and I thought..."
"Thought what?" Kara interrupted crossly.
"Well, knowing how close the two of you are, I thought that you would be the knowledgeable authority on his recovery... checking up on him... spending your spare time with him..."
Kara turned an angry eye on the scientist. "You know where sickbay is. If you're really so interested in Lee's recovery you can visit him yourself."
"Yes, I may just do that."
"Enjoy," Kara sneered and turned back to the whiteboard.
"Oh yes, I shall," Baltar said, oddly speaking over his shoulder as though addressing some invisible figure standing behind him. He took a few steps closer to Kara. "You know I've never actually conversed with someone who recently attempted to kill himself. I certainly wouldn't want to say anything inappropriate that might... push him over the edge again. Is he still a danger to himself?"
It was only by a supreme act of will that Kara didn't toss the clipboard aside and flatten the doctor with a right hook. In a chilly voice she said, "I haven't seen him. Okay? I wouldn't know."
Baltar merely offered her what appeared to be an approximation of a sympathetic smile before nodding and walking away. Kara heard him mutter quietly under his breath, "Isn't that a shame? Oh, now that's just rude."
Kara clenched her jaw until the doctor had left the room. "How rude do you think you'd find a boot to the balls Doc?" Kara then shivered. "Gods, how did I ever end up in bed with that guy?"
Lee had marginally better success with lunch this time. They hadn't given him regular food exactly. It was only simple chicken broth, but so far his stomach was handling it. After the broth, Lee had asked for something more substantial, but the most that the medics were willing to give him was a cup of bland applesauce. If he could handle that all right, they would consider giving him something more solid for dinner. So far, so good. The applesauce wasn't causing him any problems either.
After lunch, Lee was looking forward to getting up and taking another walk. They wouldn't let him up until one of the male nurses could be on hand to help, just in case, so he sat up in bed waiting. As he waited, a very unexpected visitor dropped by. Doctor Gaius Baltar walked smoothly over and stood smiling at Lee.
"Well, Captain Adama," Baltar said in a brightly cheery tone. "You don't look at all like a man who nearly died a week ago."
Lee looked at the fleet's resident scientific genius and tried to mask the incredulity from his face. "Thanks Doc. Good of you to say so."
"How are you feeling?"
"Good. I should be back on my feet and up and around any day now."
"Wonderful. That's just wonderful to hear."
To Lee's ear, the doctor sounded just a tad too enthusiastic. Baltar was such an odd duck though, that Lee had never quite been able to figure him out.
"You are happy to be up and well again, aren't you?" Baltar asked.
"Yes," Lee told him in measured tones. "Of course."
"Yes, yes, yes, of course. Still though, it must be a bit of a shock."
"How's that?"
"Well, given that you didn't really expect to be up and around ever again."
Lee bit back a frown. "Look Doctor Baltar..."
"I can't say as I really blame you."
"Excuse me?" To Lee's utter amazement the scientist actually sat down on Lee's bed and leaned close to Lee in order to speak to him in a conspiratorial whisper.
"I've had those moments myself," Baltar sighed.
"You have?" Lee replied.
"Yes." Baltar lowered his head, looking truly troubled. "I mean, everyone has their limits don't they? And everyone's limits are different. What's good for one person might drive someone else mad. For example, while I spend my entire day focusing upon issues of scientific importance, you are perfectly content to spend your time flying in circles. Do you see my point?"
"Not really."
"Everyone is different Captain," Baltar said. "Everyone's needs are different. And every individual must decide for themselves what it is that makes life worth living and no one else can really make that judgment for us."
"Oookay," Lee said. "And you've had moments when...?"
"When I wondered if there is any point left to it all. If life is nothing but an endless parade of tragedy and pain... is the struggle to survive really worth it? And just because somebody else can say, 'Yes, of course it's worth it,' does that mean that it's true for me? No. Only I can decide that. Nobody else really understands my private pain. Only I understand how difficult it is for me to get out of the bed and face another day of hardship and turmoil."
"Doctor Baltar have you met Doctor Marsh yet?"
"Who?"
"Doctor Edith Marsh. She just joined Galactica's crew."
"Really? Another doctor on board. I'll have to make her acquaintance."
"I think you should."
"But getting back to what I was saying Captain, my point was that... you needn't be ashamed or embarrassed for doing what you felt was right for you. Just listen to the voice in your heart and trust it."
"I will," Lee said, trying very hard to keep his face utterly neutral. "Thank you Doctor."
"You're most welcome."
Lee shook the doctor's hand then watched him as Baltar strode from sickbay looking oddly pleased with himself. "And everyone is worried about me?" He shook his head.
Lee had to wait nearly another hour before Sergeant Kim arrived. "Captain, sorry I got delayed. Are you ready to go for your walk?"
Lee couldn't help chuckling. "I almost feel like I should bark in reply to that question." He swung his legs around and slipped easily off the edge of the bed onto his feet. Sergeant Kim took charge of the IV stand. Lee lifted his arm, checking to make sure the IV tube wasn't getting tangled, then felt the back of his hospital gown flapping open. He dropped his arm again. "Isn't there some way you could design these things to be a little less embarrassing?"
Sergeant Kim laughed. "Don't worry Sir. It's nothing we don't see around here all the time."
Lee took a few easy steps. "Well, I'm not used to being on display all the time."
"Not much point in clinging to modesty on a battlestar Sir," Kim chuckled. "But, if you're steady enough on your feet, the doctor will probably let you take a shower and change into normal clothes."
Feeling well, Lee kept walking and picked up the pace a little. "You mean he'd be willing to unplug me?"
"Temporarily," Kim told him.
A hot shower and normal clothes did sound mighty appealing to Lee. That simple prospect lifted his spirits considerably. It would also make these exercise walks a great deal easier if he didn't have to worry about mooning everyone in the room with every step he took.
Lee made a full circuit of the recovery ward without feeling the least bit wobbly. After a second lap completed and still feeling fine, Lee asked Sergeant Kim to recommend approval for that shower and wardrobe change to Doctor Cottle. The medic promised he would, but Lee would have to await the doctor's decision in bed. A while later, Doctor Cottle did indeed give his approval, for the next morning.
"Tomorrow?" Lee griped.
"That's right," Cottle replied.
"Why not today? I feel fine."
"Because I am the doctor and this is my domain. I am Lord, God, and Commander of all life within these rooms. That's why. Besides, we don't have another change of clothes for you to wear. Unless you want to swap with me, you'll have to wait until somebody can bring something by for you."
"Just call Lieutenant Thrace. She's one of my roommates. She knows where my things are."
"Will do."
Lee hoped that Kara would respond to the call promptly. He knew she was on duty, but what he was asking for wouldn't take her more than 10 minutes. If she came by soon enough, Lee thought he might not have to wait until morning to shower and change.
Lee was also eager just to see Kara. He hadn't seen her since that first day when he came out of the coma. He was disappointed that she hadn't come to visit him. When she'd been laid up in sickbay with her bum knee, Lee had dropped by every chance he had to keep her company and boost her spirits. He'd even made certain that he was available when she'd tried taking her first steps again. She hadn't made it even past the end of her bed, but he was there to support her and encourage her efforts. Lee had now been out of bed twice, with no support from his friend. He had no doubt that she was busy. He was very familiar with the workload, but surely 10 minutes wasn't too much to ask. He'd managed to find much more time than that for her.
Kara did not come by for the rest of that day. His father stopped by at dinner time, but by then Lee wasn't in a talkative mood. Their conversation was awkward and superficial. Neither of them wanted to touch upon any subject that might stimulate another argument, which unfortunately left very little for them to talk about. As his father was preparing to leave, Lee asked him to make sure that Kara had received the message about the change of clothes that he needed. If she had simply been too busy, the message might not have even reached her. The commander promised to pass the word along.
Kara did not come by the next morning either. Shortly after 09:00 hours, Frosty dropped by with Lee's sweatpants, tanks, socks, and a change of underwear. He even brought Lee's shaving kit. Lee was grateful for the delivery, but disappointed by the messenger, though he did his best not to let Frosty know that.
"Is there anything else that I can get for you Sir?" Frosty asked. "I have about another hour free if there's anything you need."
"No, Lieutenant, thank you," Lee said, climbing to his feet. "This was all I needed to get a pass into the shower."
Frosty offered Lee a broad smile. "It's really good to see you up on your feet again Sir. The squadron's going to be really happy to hear that you're up and around."
"Thanks Frosty," Lee told him.
One of the nurses unplugged the IV tube from the catheter, but left the catheter in place. Then she wrapped Lee's lower arm to keep the catheter dry while he showered. All the while, Frosty jabbered on about all the latest scuttlebutt and gossip on the ship. Ensign Davis was now tracking Hot Dog. Dualla had another hot date with the President's secretary a few days ago. Doctor Baltar was continuing his unbeaten winning streak at Triad, though Helo had given the doctor a good run last night.
"You wouldn't happen to know if Doctor Baltar has met Doctor Marsh yet?" Lee asked, curious.
"Oh yeah," Frosty chuckled. "I think he just did. Last night, during the game he made a few comments about possibly meeting up with and wooing the new doctor on board. We just told him the basics. You know. She's slim, tiny, has beautiful green eyes, that kind of thing. Nobody told him she's old enough to be his grandmother. Well, she's set up her office right around the corner from here, and when I met up with him on my way in just now he was hanging out in the hallway, yammering to the bulkhead, 'That wasn't the least bit funny,'" Frosty said mimicking Baltar's accent.
Lee couldn't help laughing with Frosty. "I wish I could have seen that. Seriously though, I hope he does have a talk with her. He needs it a far sight more than I do."
The nurse finished wrapping Lee's arm. "All right Captain. That should do it."
"Thanks."
"You're still feeling steady and everything, right?" she asked him pointedly.
"Yes. I feel fine," he insisted. "I'll feel even better once I've had a shower."
"Would you like me to give you a hand Captain?" Frosty offered.
"What?"
"You know, just in case you start to get tired or dizzy," Frosty said.
"Thanks for offering," Lee said. "But no. I'll be fine."
"It's no trouble Sir," Frosty assured him. "I helped take care of my dad back home for several months after he had a heart attack. For weeks he insisted that he felt just fine and didn't need a hand, but then sure enough after just a few minutes his strength would just vanish and I'd have to step in and help him after all."
Lee beckoned for Frosty to lean closer. "Frosty, if I thought I might need help bathing, do you really think you'd be the one I'd ask?"
Frosty glanced around taking note of the female nurses in the vicinity. "No Sir, I guess not."
"There's hope for you to make captain someday after all," Lee told him good-naturedly, gathering up his bundle of clothes and shower kit. "Thanks for coming by Lieutenant."
"You're welcome Captain. I hope we see you back in the briefing room soon, Sir." Frosty hung back as Lee headed for sickbay's shower facilities. "Yep, you really do need that change of clothes Captain," Frosty laughed heartily.
Lee self-consciously reached back and secured the backside of his hospital gown. Frosty just laughed harder.
Sickbay's facilities were not nearly as large as the heads scattered around the ship for general crew use, but they didn't need to be. Access was strictly controlled for supervised patient use only. Lee wasn't actually supervised while he was in the shower, but the time of his entry was observed and noted in a log book. He knew the nursing staff would be watching the clock and if they heard anything or if he loitered for long they would check on him. As soon as stepped under the stream of warm water he was tempted to linger and just enjoy it, but he didn't want to be a nuisance to the medical staff who had to hang around and keep tabs on him.
He soaped up his hair, and scrubbed his scalp hard. It felt very good. The staff had seen to his hygiene with sponge baths up to now, but a good hair washing was difficult to manage. He was careful about washing around the IV catheter, even though it was very thoroughly wrapped. The soap and water felt rejuvenating over his entire body, but as he rinsed off and toweled dry, he was surprised by how suddenly tired he felt. Lee had never expected a shower to be particularly strenuous, but Frosty's words were turning out to be oddly prophetic after all. He pulled on his clothes and contentedly tossed the hospital gown into a laundry basket by the door. Though he did feel oddly tired, he took the opportunity to shave at the sink anyway. Lee finally felt truly clean all over for the first time in several days.
He packed up his shaving kit and reached for the door. As soon as he stepped out, sure enough one of the nurses noted the time in a log. "Am I getting dinged for going overtime?" Lee asked them.
The nurses smiled at him. "Not quite. You're just under the wire. Feeling all right Captain?"
"A little tired," he admitted.
The nurse nodded. "Thought so. You look it. We'd better get you back to bed." She stepped over and guided him back toward his station. She wasn't really supporting him as he walked, but she was in position to assist if necessary.
Lee shook his head as he wearily sat back down on his bed. "This is really annoying. I used to run 10K's every morning before breakfast."
"We'll get you there Captain," she told him, unwrapping his arm. "You just can't expect it to happen overnight."
"Day after tomorrow?" he asked facetiously.
"Doubt it." She set the wrapping aside and reconnected the IV tube to the catheter in Lee's arm. Lee stretched out on the bed, relaxing and feeling well in spite of the unexpected fatigue. The nurse checked the IV flow then smiled at him. "Okay. You're all set here."
"Thanks."
"Why don't you try to take a nap before lunch?"
That sounded like a good idea to Lee and he closed his eyes with a tired sigh. With a few hours of sleep and a solid lunch, perhaps he could persuade them to let him take a longer walk that afternoon. Maybe he could even drop by the flight deck and see the crew for a few minutes. Frosty's visit had been nice, but Lee really wanted to check in on Kara. What was she...
Something wasn't right.
Lee felt an odd sensation in his arm. He dragged his eyes open. There was a cold tingling spreading up from the IV. He'd never felt that from the IV before, but it did feel... familiar. Lee suddenly couldn't quite catch his breath. His heart began pounding. His entire body felt suddenly cold. Lee grabbed for the tube and yanked at it, hard. There was something in the IV fluid. He was certain of it. It was even now flowing directly into his veins, killing him... again. With a desperate pull, Lee ripped the catheter right out of his arm. The abrupt tug on the tube sent the entire stand toppling over spilling the contents of the IV bottle, mingling the fluids on the floor with the blood flowing from Lee's arm. Dizzy and unable to catch his breath, Lee twisted around, fumbling for the call button. He tried to cry out at the same time but couldn't get enough air to do more than gasp. He thought that he found the button and pushed it, but he wasn't sure.
Either he'd succeeded or one of nurses witnessed what was happening and came running up to him. The next thing Lee became aware of was Doctor Cottle leaning over him while someone pressed an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth.
The doctor's voice sounded very distant and muffled to Lee. "Let's get an IV going in his other arm with 20 cc's of dyclomine. And get a warming blanket on him."
"The... I-V..." Lee tried to gasp.
"It's all right Captain," Doctor Cottle said to him. "You're going to be just fine. Just relax now."
The new IV was swiftly in place and medicines began once again flowing into his body. A warming blanket was placed over him and the doctor set about repairing the damage Lee had done to his arm. The arm was stitched and bandaged with expert efficiency by the time that Lee began to get control of his breath back.
After several minutes, Doctor Cottle checked Lee's pulse again. "Captain, would you like to tell me what happened?"
"There was something in the IV," Lee said, his words slightly muffled by the oxygen mask. "I could feel it."
The doctor reached over and removed the mask. "Can you catch your breath now?"
Lee nodded. "Yes," he said, though he still felt a little dizzy.
"What did you feel?"
"Cold, tingling, spreading up my arm. Then my chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. My heart started pounding. I think... I think maybe that's what it felt like... when I was stuck by the Needle. I think someone just tried it again."
Doctor Cottle pursed his lips. "No Captain. This wasn't andropine poisoning. You'd be a lot worse off right now."
Lee shivered in spite of the warming blanket. "Whatever it was, it shouldn't have been in that bottle."
Doctor Cottle glanced down at the floor. The nurses had cleaned up the spill quickly and the area was already sanitized and dry. He pondered the situation for a few seconds then asked Lee, "Captain... have you regained any of your memory of the events that night?"
Lee shook his head. "No. Not yet."
"Yet, you think that what you just felt was the same as how it felt that night when you were poisoned."
"There was something familiar about it."
"I see." The doctor stood up straighter and crossed his arms. "The nurses were telling me that you were quite tired when you came out of the shower."
"It took more out of me than I expected," Lee admitted.
"And you were just about dozing off when this happened."
"Yes," Lee said, missing where the doctor was going with this.
"Captain what I think you just experienced was a kind of a flashback and in a vulnerable, half-asleep state, it felt very real to you."
"What?" Lee couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You think I was dreaming?"
"I think you're starting to remember."
"I couldn't breathe. That was no dream."
The doctor held up a placating hand. "I realize that. But your symptoms are all classic signs of a panic attack."
"What?" Lee tried to sit up but the doctor pressed him back down onto the bed.
"Doctor Marsh advised me to be on the lookout for signs of Acute Stress Disorder. Flashbacks, panic attacks... even your memory loss, are all part of the same package. And I can assure you that there was nothing wrong with that IV bottle."
"It could have been tampered with while I was in the shower."
"No one on my staff would have done that."
"Then someone else came in here and did it."
"Just like someone else snuck into your quarters and jabbed you with the Red Needle... totally unseen and unheard by everybody else."
Lee glared at the doctor. "Yes!" he declared firmly. "Exactly like that!" When the doctor shook his head doubtfully, Lee challenged him, "Then check the damn bottle! Take it to the lab and find out what the frak was in it!"
"The contents were spilled when you pulled it over. It's already been cleaned up," Doctor Cottle said waving a hand at the recently sanitized floor.
Lee groaned in frustration. "Great. Nice. Isn't that convenient?"
"Convenient for whom?" Doctor Cottle questioned him. "I wish I could test it and prove to you that everything was on the up and up. It would make this situation a lot easier on both of us. Unfortunately you'll just have to trust me. Captain I assure you that everyone here is only trying to help you."
Lee settled his head back on the pillows. "I believe you Doc."
"You do?" Cottle sounded dubious.
"Yes. I believe everyone here in sickbay wants to help me. But there is someone out there... somewhere on this ship... who wants me dead."