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PART II: THE CLOUDS
Chapter 2: Michelle
I took the letter and my bag and started out of the office. Tony smiled when he saw my bag. He always made fun of the oversized bag I carried. I smiled back and grabbed his hand. We had always been so cautious in the past not to let our personal life spill over into our working life but that didn't matter any more. I hoped everyone in CTU saw us holding hands. Based on the mood I was in right now, I might just kiss him in front of everyone, too.
We found Bill in the conference room handing out assignments to the incoming shift. I noticed as his eyes drifted briefly down to our joined hands. For that moment I did feel a little self conscious, almost guilty. I handed him my letter of resignation which, of course, didn't come as a surprise to him. Bill acknowledged that we were going home together and graciously gave me an extra day off. He wished us good luck and told Tony that he was a lucky man. Funny, I was just thinking how lucky I was. Not many people get as many chances as I've gotten.
Look at it from my perspective. If you went back to before our relationship actually began to the day CTU was bombed, I thought I lost Tony in the explosion. I hadn't even told him how I felt about him yet and I was already afraid that I had lost him. Two years ago Tony survived being shot and I survived a potentially fatal virus and kidnapping. At that point I was sure I was the luckiest woman on earth. What more could possibly happen to us? Stupid question, right? You know the answer to that one. Tony gets taken away from me in handcuffs. I thought it would be twenty years before we were together again when, low and behold, President Palmer hands Tony a "get out of jail free" card. There it was again, another chance for us to live happily ever after. Well, we both worked hard at screwing that chance up. Now there I was again today with another chance. This time we were going to make it right and actually leave CTU behind us and the next thing I knew Tony was out in the field and I was watching as that car blow up and assumed that my final chance to be with Tony, to really be happy, had quite literally gone up in flames. I think we've had more chances than a cat has lives. I will not screw this up this time. We're getting away from the danger of CTU and, if I have my way, away from LA all together.
We walked toward a rear exit and all I could imagine was driving home with Tony, maybe getting something to eat and then collapsing into bed. I was too tired to even consider sex. I really just wanted to sleep in his arms and know he was there with me.
When we got to the exit, Tony told me that he would walk me to my car. I think the bottom dropped out of my heart. "I thought we were going home together," I told him.
He explained that he felt an obligation to tell Jen that he was moving out and to explain and apologize to her. I understood, but that doesn't mean that I liked it. Tony went back into CTU as I drove away. I wish he would have let me take him home. I wondered exactly where he was living. I probably could find out easily enough if I really wanted to know, but, truthfully, it was a part of his life that I didn't want to know much about. It was enough to know that he was "living with" another woman. Translate that nice little euphemism to "having sex with" another woman.
I couldn't blame him. I left him; he didn't leave me. I'm the one who filed for divorce and basically said that I didn't want him to be part of my life. He deserved to move on and to have a relationship. None of what happened while we were divorced was any of my business. Still I was curious about Jen. What was she like? Was she pretty? Tony was so good looking that he never had any problem attracting pretty girls. Alright, I admit it. I wondered if she was good in bed. I couldn't help myself. Was she better than me? There didn't seem to be any reason to worry about it. Tony said he didn't love her and I believed him. I knew he still loved me. I'm not sure how I knew it, but I knew it the same way I knew that day would follow night. It was almost instinctive. When we first started dating and I was a little insecure knowing that Tony had obviously made love with other women, I asked him if I was good in bed. He smiled at me and kissed me and said "Sweetheart, regardless of who I've been with, the act itself is largely the same. It's the emotional bond and the chemistry between two people that makes sex really good. I feel a bond with you that I've never felt with anyone else. You excite me more than any woman I've ever known. So if you need an answer to that question,it's 'yes'; you are great in bed."
I thought again about my short conversation with her on the phone. I will never forget answering that phone and the feeling that went through me when I asked who was calling and she said "the woman he's living with." I think someone could have stabbed me in the stomach and it wouldn't have hurt as much.
Looking back now, it was kind of cute watching Tony try and explain. I can't believe that I asked him if he loved her. Like that was any of my business. I was pissed at him for questioning my relationship with Bill and here I was doing the same thing. I was so grateful when he shook his head. It was somehow a relief to know that he didn't love her. Maybe deep down there was some chance, I thought, some chance that he still loved me.
By now he was probably on his way back to Jen's house. I wondered what he was going to say to her and how she was going to react. Tony is so sensitive that I knew breaking up with someone even if he didn't love her was going to be hard. I hoped for his sake that it didn't get too ugly. I just wanted him to pack up his things and get back to our house as soon as possible.
I was driving through the center of LA. Traffic was light. Many people stayed home in light of yesterday's terrorist attacks. Others believed that staying home was un-American. It meant that the attacks had the effect that the terrorists wanted. They wanted us to stay home. They wanted us to run scared. Most people agreed with that theory but stayed home anyway feeling most secure near their homes.
As I made a left turn I glanced at the Warner Enterprises building. Kate's father owned the building and it housed his company's headquarters. The thought hit me suddenly. Kate! Kate Warner! CTU would keep Jack's death as low profile as possible and all details would be classified. I suspected that the only statement released regarding any of the CTU losses over the last day would be to say that the agents died in the line of duty. The press release regarding Jack's death would be no more detailed. It would however garner a larger obituary than most of the other agents. First of all, Jack was the special assistant to the Secretary of Defense, a man with popularity greater than the president. Second, Jack's name had been in the papers several other times for his heroic acts during times of crisis. His wife's murder at the hands of a double agent also made headlines. So I expected that once the news services found out about Jack's death they would consider it newsworthy.
Kate and I had remained friends after her relationship with Jack ended. I didn't want Kate to hear about Jack's death on the news or read it in the newspaper. She was currently dating someone seriously, but I knew she still had a soft spot in her heart for Jack. I pulled over near the Warner Enterprises building and called Kate's office number on my cell phone. I wasn't surprised when she answered. Kate's father would definitely frown on giving in to terrorists.
"Kate, it's Michelle," I said.
"Michelle! How are you? I bet you haven't slept in the last 24 hours. Are you on your way home?"
"Yeah, finally," I told her. "Do you have a minute, Kate? I'm not far away and I was hoping to stop and see you."
"Sure, that would be fine. We're not really doing a lot of business today. Even our overseas transactions will slow down for a few days until people start feeling safe again. If you like we can have lunch."
"We'll talk about it when I get there," I said. I was pretty sure Kate wasn't going to be interested in lunch when I told her what happened.
We ended our conversation and I pulled into the parking garage next to the Warner building. Security was tighter than usual in the building. Kate had already called security to let them know to expect me. I'd been to her office a number of times and knew exactly where it was. She and her father each had penthouse office space. Her view was spectacular. I reached the top floor and turned to the left off the elevator. Kate was standing in the reception area waiting for me. We gave each other a quick hug.
"You look exhausted," Kate told me as if I didn't know it.
"I could stand a few hours of sleep," I said.
"Come into my office and sit down before you fall down," Kate said as she directed us into her spacious office. "So what's going on?"
"I have some good news about Tony and me," I said deciding to start with the good news.
"You and Tony?" she smiled. She had always told me that Tony and I would reconcile but I never believed her.
"We're getting back together. Tony helped out at CTU yesterday and I guess we both realized that we've been acting like fools. So we're going to start over."
"That's wonderful!" Kate exclaimed.
"I resigned from CTU. We decided that there was no way to make the relationship work if I stayed there."
"So where are you going? Have you thought about it?" Kate asked.
"Not really. We haven't had time."
"I've got positions for both of you if you're interested."
"That's nice of you, Kate, but I think we're going to leave LA."
"We've got divisions of Warner Enterprises in ten states, Michelle. I've got so many IT positions available there have to be a couple that meet your needs."
"Thank you, Kate. I appreciate it. Let me talk to Tony. He might be interested. He knows it's going to be hard for him to get a job when he has to explain that he's been unemployed for the last two years and why. It's wonderful of you to offer." I looked away for a second. The next part of this conversation was going to be a lot harder.
"There's something else, isn't there," Kate said. "That isn't all you came here to tell me. Did the terrorist attacks have something to do with the people Marie was working with? Tell me she isn't somehow involved."
Marie Warner had spent the last five years in prison and would spend many more. In fact, she would spend the rest of her life there. Several months ago she had been caught trying to communicate with a terrorist cell via email from the prison. At that point she was moved from the general prison population to "administrative segregation" also known as solitary confinement. All of her communications with individuals outside of the prison were scrutinized and she no longer had email access. I knew Kate was afraid that she had managed to find a way to participate in yesterdays' attacks.
"No," I told her as I put my hand on her shoulder, "this isn't about Marie. It's about Jack."
"Jack? Jack's in Washington," she said, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Jack was in LA with the Secretary of Defense. He rescued Secretary Heller and his daughter yesterday when they were kidnapped. Once the rescue was complete…well you know Jack, he kind of got sucked into the operation. He saved well over a million lives in LA today, Kate." I choked up unable to go on.
"What happened, Michelle? What happened to Jack? Is he okay?" she pleaded for answers all the while knowing that she really didn't want to hear what I was going to tell her.
I shook me head. "No, Kate. He's not. He strayed into the line of fire and was hit. I'm so sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."
Kate put her head back and closed her eyes. "Oh, Jack," she whispered. "Oh, Jack."
It was painful to watch and more painful to know that I was lying to her.
"I guess a part of me always knew this would happen," Kate said as she wiped tears from her face. "It's kind of fitting. Other than Kim, nothing meant more to him than CTU and this country. It was so clear to him. He had such a clear vision of right and wrong and he never wavered from his conviction. I guess that was what was so incredible about him."
She asked how Kim was doing and we talked for a few minutes longer. Then we hugged and said goodbye. I hated to leave her partially because I didn't want her to be alone but also because I didn't want to be alone either. I drove home wondering when Tony would be home. I thought about calling him but decided that he would call me as soon as he could. For now I would just go home and eat something and take a shower and wait for Tony to come home.
I did just that. I went home and headed straight for the kitchen. I was never too well stocked in the food department and today was no exception. I was so hungry that it didn't really matter to me what I ate. The first thing I saw in the refrigerator was a carton of yogurt. I ate that followed by an apple and some grapes and finally some toast with peanut butter and jelly on it. I washed it all down with some milk and then dragged myself back to my bedroom. A few minutes later I was in the shower. I stood under the shower head and let the water rush over me. I stood there a long time before I actually made any attempt to wash. But finally, when my fingers started looking all pruney, I decided I better get washed and out of the shower before my entire body turned all wrinkly. I stepped out and dried off and walked naked into my bedroom. I needed something comfortable to sleep in because I intended to sleep for a long time once Tony got here. But I also wanted something that Tony would find attractive.
I finally picked out a camisole and matching boxer shorts. It was comfortable without being frumpy and alluring without making me look like a two-bit whore. I looked at my bed, which I hadn't bothered to make when I got out of it yesterday, and wanted nothing more than to crawl in it and sleep into next Wednesday. But I knew from experience that if I tried to sleep after all that had happened I would just have miserable nightmares. I needed Tony. I needed to know that he was beside me and I was safe and despite all of the terrible things that happened, we were together. I knew I couldn't sleep until he was with me.
As if in answer to a prayer my phone rang. It was Tony. I was so happy to hear his voice. He would be here soon, he said. He was packed up and on his way. I told him I had just gotten out of the shower and he made some thinly veiled sexual comment like "I'm sorry I missed that." I acted appalled since that seemed appropriate but in point of fact, I was sorry he missed it, too and that same warm feeling in my stomach, okay, lower than my stomach, was back. This time I didn't try and stop it.
We discussed my visit with Kate Warner and then we were both silent for a few seconds. I think we were both trying to get through out heads all that had happened in the last day. We were together again but we had essentially lost a dear, dear friend to the most unjust of circumstances. If he had died capturing Marwan I think that would have been easier for Tony and me to accept. That he had lost his identity over an incident that was sanctioned by the government was an injustice I had difficulty accepting. I knew Tony felt the same way.
We said our goodbyes and I laid down on the sofa to wait for Tony. The problem was that I couldn't lay still. I just wanted him to be here. I just wanted him to hold me. I was exhausted and fading fast. On top of it, the exhaustion was magnifying my emotions. I was afraid that when I saw Tony I would dissolve into tears and I didn't want that. I didn't want his homecoming to be marred by my inability to control my emotions. I didn't want him to remember that he came home only to find me an unstable, emotional wreck. Not that I had never cried in front of him before. For heaven's sake, the first time we kissed in the hallway in CTU I was crying like a baby and telling him I couldn't take any more. The man knew full well what my breaking point was. I had cried when he was arrested and again at his sentencing hearing. But for some reason I just didn't want to cry today and I knew I wasn't going to be able to avoid it.
I saw Tony's beat up old Jeep SUV pull into the driveway. When we divorced he owned that old Jeep that he liked to tool around in but he also had a beautiful '62 Corvette convertible. I had the funny feeling that the Corvette was sold to finance his drinking habit and to pay living expenses in light of the fact that he hadn't had steady employment since he came home from prison. The thought that he had sold that car, which he had spent years restoring, broke my heart. He had put far more love than money into it and that was saying something since over the years he had probably put $10,000 into restoring it. Not a bad investment since I'm sure he was able to sell it for well over $50,000.
I leaned out into the garage and pushed the button for the automatic garage door. I felt the excitement of anticipation building as I watched him stop and wait for the door and then advance slowly into the stall. He said nothing as he got out of the car; he didn't need to. I could see it in his eyes. He was home. He got two bags out of the back and carried them into the house. I backed up out of the doorway to let him in. He set the bags down and took me into his arms. That was the end of any self control that I was still exercising. I lost it. I tried to talk but I think it was probably incomprehensible babble between my sobs.
Tony held me patiently. He never tried to hush me or make me stop. He just let me cry. I think he cried, too. Eventually he lifted me into his arms. As tired as I knew he was I can't believe that he had the strength to carry me. And he did it with such ease! I was so wiped out that I really didn't even help him be holding on to his neck. He was pretty much carrying a 120 pound rag doll.
He laid me down on the bed and closed the blinds. I generally don't like to be babied, but at the moment it felt good. It felt good not to have to be in charge or give orders or to have lives hanging in the balance. I was happy to relinquish control to Tony. He brushed hair out of my face and told me to go to sleep. I watched as he started to leave the room.
"Where are you going?" I asked him suddenly terrified that he was leaving me alone.
He said that he was going to sleep on the sofa or in the guest room. Very noble of him but not what I wanted and I was pretty sure that it wasn't really what he wanted. So I invited him to stay. I could tell by the look on his face that it was what he wanted, but he had something else on his mind.
"Michelle," he started, "about Jen…"
I didn't want to hear about Jen and I told him so. It was bad enough that I knew about her, I sure didn't want to talk about her. I wanted to forget her and I certainly wanted Tony to forget her forever. He obviously felt that he owed me an explanation but I didn't really want one.
In the end I lost. He needed to get this off of his chest more than I needed to avoid the subject so I let him explain. I think he felt better when he finished and, in truth, so did I. I finally told him that it was time to go to sleep. I know he was trying to maintain some control, but I could see a smile slowly begin twitching in the corners of his mouth until he finally relaxed and allowed himself to smile at me. Without another word, he undressed to his boxer shorts and climbed into bed with me.
I think I fell asleep within seconds, but the few seconds I remember prior to succumbing to sleep were perfect. The clouds had given way to rain and I could hear it tapping out a rhythm against the windows. It was as if the rain had been sent to cleanse us, to cleanse our wounds and our souls. I snuggled against Tony and he responded by kissing my forehead. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.
Next chapter: PART III: The Storm, Chapter 1: Tony
