Chapter 14

It was mid-afternoon before Lee was finally finished with all of his doctors' appointments and was free to roam the ship. He headed down to the flight deck, hoping that he might finally catch up with Kara. He hadn't even seen a trace of her in over a week and he needed to talk to her about the night of the attack... and a lot of other nagging issues as well. Even if she didn't have time to sit down with him right away, he hoped to at least arrange a time and place for later.

The flight deck was as busy as ever. The Mark II Vipers needed constant maintenance. Lee looked around, but he didn't see Kara. Chief Tyrol was working with a crewman trying to diagnose an engine problem on Hot Dog's fighter. Lee didn't want to interrupt, but when the chief took a step back to stretch his back Lee thought he looked like he was ready for a break.

"Hey Chief," Lee said, catching the senior enlisted man's eye.

The chief nodded politely. "Captain. I didn't realize you were back on board Sir."

"Came in a few hours ago," Lee said. "You wouldn't happen to have seen Starbuck around lately?"

The chief nodded. "We launched her on CAP about an hour ago."

"Figures," Lee sighed. "Oh hey, I know I already asked Cally to relay my thanks to everybody for the flowers, but I really want you to know how much I appreciated it."

Tyrol got a funny look on his face, somewhere between embarrassment and amusement. "Um Sir... it's not that we didn't all share the sentiment with Cally, but you really should know that it was all her doing. It was her idea and she did all the work."

Surprised, Lee asked, "Cally did it all? By herself?"

"Yes Sir."

Lee was genuinely surprised to hear that. Why would she go through so much trouble all by herself to make such an elaborate 'Get Well' card? "Why?" he inadvertently asked out loud.

"I don't know Captain," Tyrol said, still looking amused. "Why would a woman ever want to give a man flowers?" His smirk intensified a bit before he was called back to the problematic Viper engine.

Still puzzled, Lee left the Chief to his work. He looked around and caught sight of Cally working on a Raptor farther aft in the large bay. He strolled in her direction, considering the situation. Why would she go to so much trouble? Why would she think of making the gesture in the first place? Why did she hug him that morning when she came to see him in sickbay?

Still some distance from where Cally was working, Lee stopped and watched her. "Lee Adama, you're a dense fool," he muttered to himself. He had never considered before that there might ever be any kind of close relationship between himself and Crewman Specialist Cally because there simply couldn't be. She was enlisted. He was an officer. It wasn't that Lee considered himself better than his enlisted peers. It was simply military regulations. No fraternization between officers and enlisted personnel was allowed. They could maintain a friendly working relationship, but nothing more.

So now what? Lee felt like he needed to say something to her, but he had no idea what. He walked the remaining distance to where she was working. She caught sight of him approaching and a bright smile lit up her face. "Hey Cally," he greeted her.

"Captain!" She grabbed a rag and wiped the grease off of her hands. "I thought you were still on Colonial One."

"Just came back a little while ago," he told her. He nodded toward the Raptor. "Sick bird?"

"Just temperamental," she shrugged. "I'll get her straightened out."

"I'm sure you will. You're damn good at your job."

Cally smiled, trying to force herself not to blush. "Thanks. We don't hear that very often from the pilots."

"You only hear the complaints, right?"

"Oh, those come in loud and clear."

"We do appreciate all your support though," he told her. We? Buck up, Warrior. Say what you mean. "I have definitely appreciated all of your support, and I'm not just talking about the great work you do on my Viper. I hear you did a good job helping me to fight those pesky suicide rumors."

"I tried," Cally told him. "Some folks are still skeptical though."

"I know," Lee said.

"No luck with your memory?"

"Not yet. But now that I'm back on Galactica, I'm sure it won't be much longer."

"And then you'll prove all the frakking skeptics wrong."

All the frakking skeptics. Like the commander. Lee was struck suddenly by the fact that Cally actually had far more faith in him than his own father. "That'll be nice," he said. Dropping his eyes to the floor, Lee steadied up his courage before looking up at Cally again. "Cally I wish that uh... I wish that regulations didn't..."

Guessing where Lee was going with the conversation, Cally intercepted him. "I know," she said simply. "But they do, don't they?"

Lee smiled at her. He knew that she understood. "Yeah, they do."

"And there is a good reason for it," Cally said. "I mean just look at what a fiasco it was for the Chief and Boomer... even before she turned out to be a Cylon."

Lee thought about that example and nodded. "Still..." Lee just didn't know what to say next. All he could do was stare at Cally like a shy schoolboy, and Lee had never been shy even back when he was a schoolboy. He felt like a fool.

Cally just smiled at him. Lee Adama was downright adorable when he was flustered, but this was a subject she had thought about many many times already and though Cally was young, she was not naive. "I know," she just said.

"Thank you for the flowers," he finally said. "I hope you don't mind, I've left them with a friend for a few days until my quartering arrangements get settled."

"Lieutenant Thrace?" she asked, sounding just slightly bitter.

"Actually no," Lee said. "Doctor Marsh."

"The shrink?"

Lee chuckled. "Yeah. She's actually pretty charming company when she's not busy making you cry."

Cally smiled. "She makes you cry?" Somehow that sounded incredibly endearing.

Lee cleared his throat. "Kind of like how being punched square in the middle of the face makes you cry."

"I wouldn't know," Cally said. "I'll have to take your word on that. Speaking of throwing punches... um, have you talked to Lieutenant Thrace lately?"

Lee shook his head. "No. I haven't seen her since the day I woke up."

"She's one of the skeptics, you know."

Lee was thoughtful for a few seconds. "I wasn't sure, but I'm not surprised." Lee took a step back and said, "Well, I won't keep you from your work any longer. Thanks again Cally, for everything."

She offered him a bittersweet smile. "Any time Captain."

Lee turned and walked away feeling an odd sense of loss. You couldn't lose what you've never even had, but here was a potential opportunity that Lee would never have the option to pursue, and he regretted that. If only the regulations didn't... But frak it, they did.

Lee headed off the flight deck without much thought as to where he was going. Almost by instinct, he found himself in the vicinity of the briefing room. He looked inside and found it deserted, as expected. Stepping through the hatch Lee touched his hand on the photograph taped to the wall and wandered down toward the front of the room. The flight schedule was scrawled almost illegibly on the whiteboard. Had Kara been writing it up in her sleep? Entries were crossed out, half-erased, and scribbled over other entries. How the hell had the squadron known what the heck they were expected to do? Knowing Kara's horrible aversion for documentation, Lee guessed that she was keeping everything in her head and just passed along flight assignments verbally.

Shaking his head over the scribbled chaos, he left the briefing room and made his way to the rec room. Several pilots were relaxing around at the tables, chatting or playing various games. Lee sought out the most senior pilot around. "Helo, can I talk to you for a second?"

Lieutenant Agathon looked up from the hot rod magazine he was reading. It was an old issue, published before the Holocaust, but Helo hadn't had as much of a chance yet as all the other pilots to work his way through the stack of the ship's old periodicals. He had spent the first couple months of the war stranded on Caprica until Kara had brought him back to Galactica. He set the magazine aside and sat up a little straighter. "Of course Captain. I didn't realize you were back on board."

"I've been hearing that a lot today," Lee said as he took a seat next to Helo. "Do you happen to know what time Kara is due back from CAP? I couldn't make heads or tails of the schedule in the briefing room."

"Yeah," Helo grinned. "That is a challenge, isn't it? Starbuck seems to be the only one who can read it. Personally I think she's just bullshitting everybody and the board doesn't mean a damn thing. She just makes it up in her head as she goes along. Anyway, I think she's not due back until about 23:00 hours."

"Late shift, huh? Figures." Lee drummed his fingers on the tabletop. "Okay, next question. Do you still have an empty rack in your quarters?"

"A rack?"

"Yeah. I need to make alternate arrangements. It should just be for a few days."

Helo grinned broadly. "Yeah, there's a couple. In fact, if you'd like to just switch over permanently, I'd be glad to give you a hand moving your things."

"No, no. That's not necessary," Lee told him. "It's just for a few days at most. Really."

Helo just grinned wider. "You and Kara, you're such a pair."

Lee was puzzled. "How's that?"

Helo explained, "She hasn't been sleeping in that room since the attack either. She won't ask anybody to trade with her, and she won't move her stuff. Yet, every night she comes into my room and takes whatever rack is open rather than sleeping in her own. In fact, if you want to make sure you catch up with her, just hang out in there and she's bound to turn up."

Lee hadn't a clue what to think about that. Kara hadn't slept in her own rack for nearly two weeks? Lee had also noticed that Helo referred to the event as an "attack". Apparently Helo was not among the skeptics.

"So," Helo asked, "any more luck with your memories?"

"Not yet," Lee said. "But I think I'm close."

"That's good," Helo said. He shook his head. "The bastard is going to be sorry."

"So... you believe that I didn't do it to myself?"

Helo answered, "Well, that's what Cally said that you said."

"It is, but I wasn't sure that anyone but Cally would believe me."

Helo bit his lip in a smile. "Well, to be honest Sir, you are a pretty hot topic of debate around the ship. Opinions are still divided, but it seems like the folks who know you believe that you didn't do it. I haven't known you as long as the rest of the squadron, but a lot of people that I trust believe you, so I do too."

Lee was touched by Helo's trust, but also surprised by it. The people who knew him believed him? That notion also surprised him since the two people who supposedly knew him the best, his father and Kara, were still harboring doubts. "Thanks Helo," he said. "How has Starbuck been weighing in on the argument?"

Helo wagged a finger toward Lee. "Now that's the funny thing. She hasn't been. Yeah, I know... Starbuck avoiding an argument? How often does that happen? But really, Starbuck's been pretty mum on the subject. In fact, she's been pretty quiet on about everything lately. No yelling. No teasing. No insults. And you'll never guess how she's been closing pre-flight briefings."

"How?" Lee asked.

Helo laughed. "She actually tells everybody, 'Be careful out there.' Can you believe it?"

Lee was mystified. "She doesn't say, 'Good hunting,'?"

"Nope. It's like she's turning into a mother hen all of a sudden."

Thoughtfully, Lee said, "Trying to act like everyone's best friend."

"Exactly! I think she's even given up smoking."

Lee was stymied over this bit of information. Just when he'd started to believe that he was thinking clearly about Kara at last, she muddied up the waters again. Had that night really freaked her out much more than Lee expected? What about his other roommates?

"What about Frosty and Stinger? What have they been saying?"

"They've been as quiet about it as Starbuck. I think maybe they feel guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Yeah, you know. They were right there and slept right through it until Starbuck hauled their asses out of bed. They've taken some ribbing about it from the deck crew and the some of the pilots, but they don't talk about it. Stinger seems more freaked about it than Frosty though. He's been really jumpy lately. Oh, and we're thinking about changing their call signs."

"Why's that?"

"You've heard of the trouble they've been in the last few days?"

"Tidbits."

"Well nobody has told us the details either, but we're hearing enough to know it's a perfect opportunity for new nicknames. For Stinger, we're thinking maybe 'Whipped'. And Frosty is likely to become 'Porno'."

Lee hung his head and laughed. "The commander might overrule that last one, but you're right. It would serve 'em right."

Kara was yawning by the time her skids touched the landing deck and she initiated the mag lock. Then came the slow ride down the elevator to the flight deck and the tow into the hanger bay. She unlatched the cockpit canopy and shoved it forward. A crewman was already on a ladder reaching in to unhook her helmet from the oxygen hose. Then she pulled off her helmet and handed it to the crewman along with the locking collar. Finally, her patrol was done!

Kara had grown to loathe those extra-long patrols. She loved flying. Hell, flying was in her blood. But after the first 5 hours, circling through deep space was just plain boring, and there were still 5 hours left to go. There wasn't any choice in the matter. They just didn't have enough pilots to cover the schedule if the flights were any shorter. She was glad that Frosty and Stinger were still on the schedule, even though she was still concerned that their Red Needles remained unaccounted for. It was a matter that she would need to speak with the commander about. The damn things needed to be found.

Kara arrived at the closed hatch to her quarters and stopped there. Yet again, she had to psych herself up just to reach for the handle and open the door. After a few deep breaths, she heaved the door open. It was dark inside. She stepped through the hatchway and her heart jumped in her chest. Frosty and Stinger were both in their racks, asleep. Kara's hands started shaking. This was just all too damn familiar. It was a scene she relived in her nightmares every single night. Her eyes involuntarily slid toward Lee's rack. It was empty. Her pounding heart calmed down a bit. Of course Lee wouldn't be there. This was reality, not a nightmare, and Lee was still recuperating on Colonial One.

"Get a grip Kara," she thought to herself. "Just get frakking grip!"

She crossed the room quickly to her locker and grabbed her shower bag, a clean tank, and a pair of sweatpants. Then she hurriedly left the room on her way to the head. Her nerves usually quieted down on her walk through the hallways, but seeing everything almost exactly like it had been that night had left Kara very shaken. She avoided eye contact with everyone along the way and was relieved when she arrived at the showers.

A few people were using the other facilities, but Kara was alone in the showers. She stripped off her flight suit, since she hadn't stayed long enough in quarters to do it there. She dropped her clothes on a bench and brought her shampoo bottle with her to one of the stations. She cranked on the water while standing directly under the showerhead. She didn't care if it came on cold at first. In fact, she welcomed the short blast of cold water over her body. It helped to clear her head a little. As she lathered up her hair, the water warmed up and she began to feel more relaxed. She began to relax a little too much and she started yawning again.

She closed her eyes when the shampoo started dripping over her face, and she leaned into the spray of water to rinse it off. As soon as she closed her eyes, her mind started generating images again. The room was dark. Frosty and Stinger were already in their racks, asleep. They had early CAP in the morning. Lee was already in his rack too. But, oddly he hadn't taken his boots off before climbing up and lying down. He must be really wiped out. He wasn't asleep yet though. His eyes were still open. Hey Lee... just take your damn money! His hand was limp. His body was limp. Lee was dead.

Kara forced her lids back open again, and immediately felt the sting of shampoo as it ran into her eyes. She ignored the sting. She preferred it to the horrors she saw when she closed her eyes. Her eyes were red and teary by the time she shut the water off and reached for her towel. She dried herself and pulled on her clean change of clothes. She'd neglected to grab either a pair of shoes or socks. She bundled up her flight suit, boots, and shower bag and walked out of the head.

Barefoot and damp-haired she walked through the sparsely populated hallways. She caught a glimpse of a wall clock and saw that it was just after midnight. She reached the corner where she needed to turn left to go back to her quarters. She stopped there. She stood there. Then she abruptly turned to the right. She chided herself for her cowardice, but she couldn't go back to that room that night, not even to drop off her shower bag and clothes. Not only were Frosty and Stinger both tucked sleeping into the racks, it was even damn near the same time of night as it had been when she'd walked in there that night and found Lee...

She reached the hatch to the quarters that Helo slept in. All the pilots in that room were used to seeing her in there by now, and she knew there were at least 3 empty racks available, even when none of the occupants were on duty. Calming herself down, she pulled open the hatch and stepped inside as quietly as she could. She pulled the hatch shut behind her and turned around to see which racks were open.

Then her heart skipped a beat and Kara's breath froze in her throat. Lee was lying there...on his back. Still. Unmoving. Kara dropped her bundle on the floor and involuntarily ran over, grabbing at Lee's arm. She shook him hard.

Lee started awake and bolted upright. Kara jumped back and screamed. Lee looked down at her, blinking sleep and confusion from his eyes. "Kara?"

Kara had woken everyone in the room. Helo leaned out of his rack. "What's going on?" he asked.

Lee stared at Kara. Even in the dim light he could see that she looked awful. Her hair was damp and mussed. Her eyes were puffy and red. She had no shoes on. And she looked like she'd just seen a ghost. He swung his legs around over the edge of the rack. "Kara, are you all right?" he asked, deeply concerned. Kara didn't answer. She just turned and ran out of the room, leaving the hatch open behind her.

"What the frak is her problem?" Hot Dog mumbled sleepily.

Lee hopped down from the rack. "I'll find out," he told the others. He grabbed his running shoes from the unassigned locker he was borrowing and quickly slipped them on.

"Is everything all right in the there?" someone asked from the hatchway.

Lee looked up and saw an armed marine standing in the hatchway, looking at him warily. "It's fine," he said, motioning for the marine to step back into the hallway. Helo was still sitting up, watching, and also looking very concerned. "I'll take care of her," Lee told him. Helo gave him a thumbs-up and settled back down to sleep.

The marine was standing nearby when Lee stepped out of the room and shut the hatch. "I heard someone scream," the marine said.

"It wasn't me," Lee told his shadow.

"I figured that. It sounded like a woman. Was that Starbuck who went running off?"

Lee didn't bother answering him. He couldn't dismiss the marine, but that didn't mean he had to include the man in his own private affairs.

There was no sign of Kara in the hallways, but Lee knew there were only a limited number of places he needed to look. He considered going down to the flight deck. Kara lived and breathed flying. If she was upset and wanted to feel calm and comfortable, being near her Viper was one option. But there was always a crew at work on the flight deck, and Kara hadn't looked like she wanted anybody to see her. She wanted to be alone somewhere. Lee headed for the pilots' briefing room.

He entered at the back of the room and reflexively touched his hand to the photograph on the wall. As he came around on the side aisle, he glimpsed a tousled, wet, blonde head over the top of one of the front-row chairs. Front and center. That was always Kara's seat. He looked back and motioned for his shadow to wait outside, then shut the door.

Lee walked up on her quietly, and even before he could see her face he knew that she was crying. She was sitting with her legs pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around her knees. Her head leaned against the tall back of the chair. Her eyes were open and tears were tracing down her cheeks. She winced when she caught sight of him walking towards her.

"Kara? What happened back there?"

She roughly scrubbed the tears from her cheeks. "Frak off," she growled.

That response took Lee by surprise. "Nice to finally see you too, good buddy and friend of mine," Lee said sarcastically.

She turned her head away from him. "I didn't know you were back. I thought you were still on Colonial One."

Lee didn't answer. He just sat down on the front edge of the chair next to her.

"Did I ask you to join me?" she asked crossly.

In reply Lee turned toward her and punched her on the arm. It wasn't a harsh blow, but it was enough to shock the heck out of her.

"Ow," she flinched. "What the frak was that for?"

"Hit me back," he told her, standing up and beckoning her toward him.

"What?"

"Come on," he encouraged her. "You've been wanting to smack me for weeks, so do it. I just gave you provocation. No charges. Free hit. Take it. You'll feel better once you do."

Kara glared up at Lee. "I should. You deserve it."

"I do," Lee said. "You saved my life and I never thanked you."

Kara wiped abruptly at a stray tear that slipped from one eye. She looked away from Lee again and wrapped her arms about her knees, making no move to hit him.

Lee crouched down on his haunches in front of her. "Well, if you aren't going to hit me, do you want to talk instead?"

"No," she said grumpily.

Lee settled onto his knees and just watched Kara for a couple of silent minutes. She steadfastly kept her eyes turned away from him. Finally he reached toward her and gave her arms a gentle squeeze. She shivered at the touch, but didn't pull away. He leaned toward her and said quietly, "Thank you."

Kara trembled and broke into tears. Then she suddenly lashed out and punched him in the chest.

Lee had to catch his breath more from surprise than from the power of the hit, but it did smart. "That's a hell of a way to say, 'You're welcome.'"

"You shit!" Kara yelled at him. "Don't ever do that to me again!"

"What? Tap you on the arm? Come on, you've done worse to me while on duty."

"That's not what I mean and you know it," she gritted through her teeth.

Lee did know what she meant. He sighed. "Kara, I didn't do it the first time."

"You died Lee!" she cried. "I walked in and you were lying there...dead!" She punched him again, almost on the same spot.

"Ow." Lee stood up and put some distance between them. "I said you could have one free hit."

Ignoring him, she rose from her chair and faced him. "Just don't you dare ever die again." They stared at each other for several seconds, then Kara's expression deteriorated into fits of laughter.

Lee wasn't actually sure if she was laughing or crying. He decided it was probably a little of both. Still maintaining a little distance, he told her, "I'm afraid that what you're asking for is a little beyond my control. How about if I promise not to do it again for another 50 years or so? Good enough?"

Calming down a little, Kara wiped at her face again. "Only if I get to go first," she said, her voice shaking. "Cause there is no frakking way I can go through that again."

Lee couldn't think of anything to say. He chose not to over-think the situation and just stepped up to her and hugged her. He pulled her head to his shoulder and just held her. Somewhat surprisingly, she let him.

It was several minutes before either of them spoke again. Kara's breath had steadied and her tears had ceased by the time she asked quietly, "Why did you do it Lee?"

Lee groaned. "I didn't."

She pulled away from him and faced him directly. "You threw the game Lee. You pretended to lose, left all of your money and walked away. That's just doesn't make any sense for someone who was in their right mind."

Lee laughed wearily. "Tell me Kara, if I'd won that hand what would have happened next?"

"You did win that hand Lee."

"If I had let you know that I won, would you have let me end it there? Would I have been able to leave and get some sleep?" He didn't bother waiting for her to answer. "No way! You still had a stake. You would have insisted on playing it out and I was too damn tired to argue. I wanted out of the game. It's that simple."

Kara smirked in disbelief and crossed her arms. "So instead of doubling your money, you throw away every cubit you have? The only way that makes sense is if you're planning to off yourself in a few minutes!"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Lee shook his head incredulously. "That was not every cubit I have. I don't gamble with anything that I'm not prepared to lose. Besides, money's worthless Kara. We might as well be playing for plastic chips or jelly beans. Hell, jelly beans are probably more valuable than money these days! It just so happened that I got a good hand on that last round, but I would have made the exact same bet even if Helo had dealt me a stinker."

Kara frowned, obviously still unconvinced. "Yeah, well he didn't deal you a stinker. It was the best damn hand of the night. And you didn't care? You want me to believe that you could have flashed your cards, put a big dent in my wallet, and gloated over beating me to the whole flipping squadron... but you chose to go take a nap instead?"

"I knew that I won. That was enough."

Kara scoffed at him. "Bullshit Lee."

Lee's face took on a stern expression. "Unlike you Kara, I don't need everyone around me to fail before I can feel like a success."

Kara looked wounded. "What the frak does that mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like," he said. "You can't feel like a winner unless you've first made everyone around you feel like losers in the process. You're the one who needs to gloat and exalt yourself. That's you Kara, not me."

Kara was actually speechless. It was probably the first time Lee had ever seen that, but he wasn't done. His voice grew in volume and intensity as he spoke. "It was a game. Just a game! My ego didn't require that the whole ship be informed of how I outplayed the mighty Starbuck in a meaningless, trivial, little game. I knew I beat you and it was a nice way to end the evening. But-I-just-wanted-to-finally-get-some-frakking-sleep!"

Kara's grimacing face dissolved once again into tears, surprising the heck out of Lee. "You shit!" she yelled at him. "When you just gave up and walked out of there like that... you scared me... you...Dorkweed!"

"Dorkweed?"

"Nobody does that Lee!" Kara insisted stubbornly. "Nobody just throws it all away unless they're totally brain-frakked!"

"What the frak is a dorkweed?"

Kara choked on a laugh. "Don't do that," she grumbled.

"Don't do what?"

She was trying unsuccessfully to keep a straight face. Through clenched teeth and with hands on her hips she told him, "Don't make me laugh. I'm too mad at you!"

"You're mad at me?"

"Yes!"

"For not being brain-frakked? That's why you're mad at me?"

"I'm mad at you for..."

"For what?" When Kara didn't readily reply, Lee egged her on. "For what?"

After a few more seconds, Kara whispered, "For making me think I killed you."

Lee stared at Kara, not quite believing what he'd just heard. "Wait... I thought... that you thought... that I killed me."

Kara avoided looking at Lee. "I was trying to help you that night," she said quietly.

"By punching me in the face?"

Now she was looking annoyed at him again. "By getting you to blow off a little steam. Gods know you needed it. You were like a volcano ready to blow. I wanted you to have a little fun and relax. I wanted to help you feel better."

"You thought I'd feel better with a concussion?" Lee shook his head, smirking. "Only you Kara. Those helpful Thrace instincts in action. Another woman might have offered sex to help me blow off steam and feel better. You offer me a black eye."

Kara couldn't hold back a burst of laughter. "I said stop it!"

"Well then start making sense!"

Kara groaned. "I was trying to help you... because I know... I know that I was part of the problem in the first place. And then you wigged out and left all your money... and I thought I had just made things worse. And when I followed you... you were dead." She had barely managed to voice the end of that statement.

Lee raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "So you thought that I killed myself over you? Just because you've been a selfish, inconsiderate, insubordinate pain-in-the-ass during the most difficult days of my life?"

Kara swallowed. "Tell me how you really feel Lee. Don't hold back."

Lee didn't hold back. "You're giving yourself too much credit, don't you think? Yes, it's pissed me off to no end to have to deal with everything that's happened since the Holocaust while you practically go out of your way to make things harder for me. Cutting me down when I could really use a little support. Mouthing off in front of the crew. Questioning orders. Undermining my authority. You've disappointed me Kara. When I joined this crew, I thought that of all people I could count on you. I thought that's what friends were for. Instead you've turned out to be the one person on this ship that I can't count on. But did you really think that you were the central focus of my existence... and without you blowing sunshine up my ass, I have nothing left to live for? Get over yourself!"

Kara looked completely stunned. In a very quiet voice she said, "Seriously Lee...tell me how you feel. Don't hold back."

Lee stared at Kara's face. She really looked shaken and he felt a deep pang of guilt over what he'd just said. Yet, he also knew that it had all been true. He flopped into a chair and let his head fall back against the top cushion. Kara just stood immobile in place. They were both quiet for a while.

Kara finally broke the silence. "So... that's all been building up for quite a while, hasn't it?"

"Yes," he said plainly.

"Feel better now?"

"Not really."

"Would it help if I said I'm sorry?"

Lee shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt."

Kara had to steady herself. She hugged her arms about herself and took a deep breath. "Lee, I know I let you down. I am sorry." In spite of her best efforts she started to tear up again. "When I found you that night... and I thought I was losing you... especially with the way things were between us, so messed up and all... I didn't know how the hell I was going to make it if you didn't. I'm sorry Lee. I'm sorry that I've been such a pain-in-the-ass. But I'm... I'm trying to do better. I really am."

Lee turned his head to look at her again. "I've heard that you aren't cracking jokes or smoking during morning briefing any more."

Kara cleared her throat. "Well... I can't expect to receive discipline from the squadron if I don't practice it."

"That sounds familiar," Lee said dryly.

"It should. You're the one who told it to me."

Lee sat forward, looking at her. Then he stood up with something obviously on his mind to ask her. Yet, he still hesitated before finally asking question that had been on his mind for several days. "Why didn't you ever visit me in sickbay? When you were laid up, I came by every chance I had, but you only came that first day when they summoned you in. That was it. I had visits from the squadron, from the deck crew... hell, even Doctor Baltar came to see me... but not you. Why?"

"I couldn't," she said quietly.

"Too busy?" His voice betrayed a tinge of bitterness.

She shook her head, casting her eyes downward. "Too cowardly."

"Since when are you afraid of me?" he asked dubiously.

"Since I tried to help you... and I failed. Since I keep seeing it all, night after night... in my dreams and every time I walk into that room. I keep seeing you dead... knowing that I didn't help you."

Lee stepped closer to her again. "Kara... you saved my life." He couldn't help himself. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her closer, hugging her again. She hugged him back tightly, crying on his shoulder.

While still holding her close after she'd calmed down again, Lee asked her, "So... does this mean that I'm not just the CAG?"

Kara started to laugh. She stepped back a little, wiping at the wet spot on his shoulder created by her tears. "No," she said. "You make a pretty good hankie too. Though you are a damn fine CAG. You're a better one than I am."

"Because I'm a big enough dipstick?"

Kara cracked up. "You misunderstood me," she said with a wink. "I didn't say were a big one. I said the one you have is big enough."

Lee gave a surprised chuckle. "Now that almost sounds like a proposition."

"Only if you're looking for a black eye."

Lee grinned, then mimicked her own voice back at her. "I'm trying to do better Lee. I really am."

Kara smirked. "Baby steps, Adama. You can't expect me to run before I've learned how to walk."

Lee snickered. "Looks more like the crawling stage to me."

"Hey, it's still progress." Kara was finally starting to feel much calmer and more at ease than she had in weeks. She had been so afraid of seeing Lee, so afraid of falling to pieces and not knowing what to say to him. But now that it had happened, she felt like the worst had finally passed. Somehow just being with Lee and talking to him again made her feel more like her old self. Things would never again be just like they were way back in the old days. Too much had happened. They had both changed too much. But even back then Lee had been her touchstone and it was a blessed comfort to her to know that he still was.

"So," she said, "any idea how much longer I'm going to have to keep doing your job?"

"I have three more sessions with Doctor Marsh before she clears me for duty."

"So, you think she will clear you?"

"Yes," Lee said confidently. "I'm not suicidal. So why wouldn't she?" When Kara hesitated on her answer, Lee rolled his eyes. "There isn't anything I can say to convince you, is there?"

Kara answered thoughtfully, "To be honest Lee, I haven't really been sure what I believe. You are the strongest and most tenacious person I've ever known. Before that night, I would have said that you were the very last of any of us who would ever give up. But you were so stressed and the way you acted that night just didn't make sense. There was no sign of foul play and no evidence of anything but suicide, so I haven't known what to think. But since you woke up and insisted that you didn't do it, I've been going over it and over it in my mind trying to figure out just what could have happened in those few minutes while you were out of my sight. And the fact is Lee if you didn't do it, there is only one other way it could have happened... and it's not an easy option to accept... especially without any evidence."

"Go on," Lee told her, listening intently.

Kara explained her train of thought. "If you didn't do it... then you were attacked before you got into your rack. You still had your shoes and pants on."

"I was still wearing my shoes?"

"Yeah. If you had just wanted to go to sleep, you wouldn't have climbed up into your rack with your shoes on. So, that means that whoever attacked you had to lift you up into your rack afterwards. One person couldn't have done that alone. It would take at least two people. And the only way that two people could have attacked you, and hoisted you into your rack without disturbing Frosty and Stinger... is if it was Frosty and Stinger."

Lee's face grew troubled. After considering her words for a few seconds he shook his head. "No, I can't believe that. There has to be another explanation."

In carefully measured tones Kara told him, "Lee, they were both there. No one else could have attacked you, lifted you into your rack, and straightened up the room within only a few short minutes, without being seen."

Lee looked away, clearly resisting the idea. He lowered his head, shaking it. "I can't believe they would do that. I know them, Kara. We both know them."

Very quietly, Kara said, "We both knew Sharon too."

Lee lifted his head and looked at her, clearly upset. "You're telling me you think they're both Cylons?"

Kara winced. "Lee, I told you that I don't really know what to believe. No, I can't quite believe they're Cylons. I'm just saying that you can't really predict what's going on in someone's head."

Lee grimaced, still fighting to get his brain working around the possibility. "But then why did Stinger jump in and help save me? If he wanted me dead, why didn't he just stand back and let me die?"

Kara followed that train of thought. "Well, if Frosty is a Cylon he may have acted alone. Even for a human he's pretty damn strong. If he's a Cylon, Frosty could have managed it by himself, though Stinger would probably have heard or seen something... and if he did, he might have just rolled over and gone back to sleep. Frosty's his partner. They're practically inseparable. Stinger wouldn't have thought at the time that anything was really wrong."

"That would mean he's been covering for Frosty since then," Lee said.

Kara nodded. "Yeah," she said glumly. "But Stinger just might do that. It would also explain why Stinger was so freaked that he had to go call his girlfriend in the middle of the night."

Lee shuddered. "I guess we won't know until I can remember. But I hope you're wrong Kara. I really do."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "Lee... if it wasn't one or both of them... then it had to be you. There's just no other way."

Lee sagged and dropped his head down again. "There's got to be," he whispered. "Damn it, I have to remember!"

"You will," Kara said gently. "In any case, we should have at least a partial answer by morning."

"Why's that?"

"Frosty's blood is being run through Doctor Baltar's hand-dandy Cylon detector," Kara explained.

Lee stared at Kara then actually cracked a slight smile and shook his head. "That's why Dad didn't want me returning to my own quarters yet. He wanted me to wait until after the test results are in. Why didn't he just tell me that?"

Kara shrugged. "Maybe he thought the test was a long shot. Or maybe telling you would have required a level of communication the two of you haven't mastered yet."

Lee nodded his head in reluctant agreement.