Disclaimer: I don't own it
Warning:
Depression and self-harm
A dark cold from within shattered Elizabeth's senses so suddenly, although if she was honest it had been building up for a long time.
This wasn't about the Wraith or the Genii or anyone else for that matter. It was about her, it was about how desperate she was.
She small blade slipped across her wrist so easily. It inflicted pain, but she couldn't feel it.
She hadn't intended to do it, but the blade in her pencil sharpener was loose, when she tried to screw it back into place it had cut her finger and gave her a moment of feeling.
Elizabeth
stared at her wrist; the crimson blood was showing ever so slightly
from underneath the scratch.
It wasn't
gushing out, no the cut was to small but it did slowly rise to the
surface.
Elizabeth
had felt this way before. She'd only been 15 at the time.
School
wasn't her favourite place, too many people either threatened or
amused by her intelligence, too many people picking on her because
she was slightly chubby for her age.
Her family
didn't recognize her. They just thought she was strange, for wanted
to be alone she was a misfit because she was smarter then them.
That was
when her first problem had started, that's when the cutting had
begun.
Just small
scratches across her skin, but enough to make her feel what she
needed.
That ended
after a month, she'd finally thrown away the blade and her skin
repaired itself, leaving no trace but her mind was a different
matter.
Eating
disorders where common for teenagers and Elizabeth was no exception.
She would
skip breakfast and lunch if she could manage it, she would only have
a small dinner meaning she'd wake up hungry during the night, but
she'd still deny herself food.
When she
did eat she felt sick, disgusted with herself for giving in so easily.
Her mind
deteriorated and the desire to cut again would become so strong that
at one point, a Sunday she remembered, she found a blade, but she put
it back.
The same
couldn't be said this time, no this time she went through with it.
Elizabeth
sighed and placed the blade back down on the desk on her quarters.
Needless
to say that when Elizabeth thought back, she could tell she hadn't
changed, the feeling inside her was still there, but she'd gotten
used to it.
She could
also see bits of 15 year old Elizabeth inside herself.
The girl
who had a problem with cutting and food was still there.
She'd
still feel guilty about eating anything that wasn't low fat fruit
and vegetables.
Elizabeth
slowly stood up and slipped on her jacket, covering the cut she'd
made moments before.
She
quickly brushed her hair and plastered on a fake smile before going
out into Atlantis and going through the motions again.
Fin