Full House

AN: Wha! It's my first time to do a Randomness Fic! Wee! Hurray for me! (applauses for self)XD And it's Weiß again… yeah I'm sick and tired of them, but what the hey! It's still my first Randomness fic! Expect chaos chaos and more chaos! I dunno… It just came to me one night while I was lying on my bed. Then it hit me! What if the Weiss and Swartz were living in the same roof? So… I got started on it immediately. Whaha! No. Actually, I derived this idea from a Yugi-Oh fic I've read about a year ago. And it's missing! I can't find it anywhere in this site. Which is sad because I wanna know what happens next. If you know whatever happened to that fic please inform me! I don't even know who the author is and I practically worship her/him. I think the title was…umm… House a la Homo. If you were one of it's reviewers or if you know something about it please do tell me. I miss it so much… Oh, by the way. It's my first time to use the Swartz! Yay! I get to play with Schulich and the gang! I just love playing with sadistic, psychotic, twisted and insane people!... because I'm one too! Whaha! Only, I'm not a sadist. I'm just plain loony!XP

Schuldich: Now, enough with this empty babbling chit chat and get on with it my fellow psycho! (laughs like a maniac)

Kaiplue-sama: Oui mon Capitan! (laughs like a maniac too!)

Disclaimer: Me not own!… If I did own them I'll uh… (ponders) Take over the world? Nah! That's too common… hmmm… I'll… Make them fuck each other on live TV! Whahahahah! XD

Chapter 1: Fluffy Handcuffs

"NO!"

"What…?"

"What have you done?"

"Why…?"

"This is all wrong!"

"What's wrong with it? I think it looks pretty good now…"

"What are you insane!... Oh wait… You are insane… I forgot."

"What was that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're a weirdo, you twit."

"I blame god for even letting someone like you live…"

The two arguing men stopped abruptly when they heard someone pointedly clearing his throat. "What the heck is going on here?" asked a confused voice.

"Well Farfie-warfie here pruned the fichus plant a tad too much. And now it looks like a dead twig. This is beyond help!" Explained Yuoji, who was restraining himself from strangling the mad man.

"Oh…" Ken blinked, entering the house with two heavy grocery bags.

"Why do I even have to live with god forsaken people like you!" Farfarello pointed an accusing finger.

"Well no one's stopping ya from leaving you crazy harebrained git!" Youji shouted

"What did you call me…?" the Irish man's eye twitched.

Ken sighed as he heard a loud crash come from the room he'd just left, torrents of loud cursing quickly followed suit. Omi suddenly looked up from the kitchen table with is lap top opened.

"I guess their game of 'Go Fish' didn't go too well huh?" he said, still not taking his eyes from his computer.

" 'Go Fish?' " Ken raised an eyebrow. "They weren't playing 'Go Fish'…"

"Oh… I thought they were." Omi blinked.

Nagi shook his head. Ken didn't notice the little guy until he spoke out of nowhere, making Ken jump from his spot… Literally. "ehehe… Omi, you weren't paying too much attention." Nagi said.

"What are you working on anyway?" Ken asked, leaning on the table to peer at the laptop. To his surprise, The young blond suddenly drew it away, keeping his arm on the screen.

"It's nothing! Nothing at all!" Omi shouted, looking aghast.

"What the…?"

Nagi giggled in the back ground. Ken raised an eyebrow again and yanking the computer from the young boy. He succeeded and looked at the screen.

"What the heck is this?" Ken asked, his eyes turned into slits and then grew wide in realization.

Nagi was still giggling in the background.

"I SAID IT'S NOTHING!" Omi screamed, yanking back his computer. A slight blush was smeared across his face.

Ken smirked. "And I thought you were looking at porn sites." He chuckled. "I never knew you like reading Fan fics Omi!"

"And yaoi at that!" Nagi pointed out.

"Shut up you –you… midget boy!" He yelled lunging for the younger brunette. The two young shonen toppled down on the floor rolling around like two fighting cats. Ken just looked amused at all that was happening.

"Well…" He said at length, rubbing the back of his neck. "Could I ask you two to put these groceries away?"

Omi made a noise of acknowledgement, flicking his hand in Ken direction. He was much to preoccupied with wrestling the other to even look up. The former soccer player smiled, shaking his head as he headed upstairs. As he neared his room, he cloud here two arguing voices…

"…Not in a million years."

"Why not? It'd be fun!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"No."

"Hey… That wasn't even an answer!"

"No."

"Can't you say anything other that monosyllabic tones?"

"No."

"Aww! Come on!"

"No."

Ken peeked his head around the bedroom door, and to his horror, he saw Schuldich and Aya sitting on the bed. Aya was lying on his back, a book in hand and was using it quite effectively to keep Schu a safe distance away from him, while the orange haired youth was looking exceptionally pissed.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO HIM!" Ken roared, looking outraged.

"Oh. Hello Kenken." Schuldich waved and winked. "Wanna join us? So it can be a threesome!"

Aya looked at him in disbelief, eyes twitching slightly. "It is NOT a threesome. And YOU are NOT joining!" he pointed a finger at Schuldich.

"GET YOUR DIRTY PAWS OFF HIM YOU…YOU BASTARD!" Ken lunged forward.

Fortunately for Schu, he was able to dodge the attack and hit the floor. "Haha! Missed me missed me now you wanna kiss me!" The German sang, sticking out his tongue. The mind reader sniggered at him, waving a pointing finger back and forth. "Tsk tsk…My my, a little over excited aren't we Siberian. Mien lei be."

"Why you…" Ken was about to lunge again until the redhead yanked him back by the shirt preventing him from pummeling the German to pieces. "Let me at'em! Let he at'em!" Ken struggled.

Just then, a knock came to the door and in came the American dude in the suit. Crawford leaned against the door frame in interest, crossing his arms. "Well well well… Doing something naughty aren't we?" he said, adjusting his glasses.

"Get lost Crawfish!" Ken screamed, throwing a pillow at the man, but he just brushed it aside.

"Why are you here?" Asked a disgruntled Aya.

"Well, I was just about to get you two lovebirds because Balinese was saying something about a deranged man ruining a dead twig… Or so I heard." He said cockily. "But I guess you're much too busy at the moment. Mind if I join you?"

"Sure!" Schuldich roared gaily. "Pull up a chair Brad."

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" the redhead yelled. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!"

a rain of pillows suddenly came over the bespectacled man. But he dodged every hit and landed with a thud on the bed, slowly creeping towards the redhead and the brunette, loosening his tie and jacket. Schuldich quickly followed suit. Aya and Ken found themselves edging away from the impending doom. A series of curses were heard from the room as with a couple of slaps and punches and grunts.

Meanwhile… back down stairs…

Ding dong

The door bell rang. The two wrestling boys looked up while Omi was pinning the younger one on the floor. He got up and brushed himself clean, coughing to clear his throat. "Now, who could that be?" Omi asked, reaching for the door.

He opened it and saw a man with a blue suit holding a brown package. The man smiled widely and held out the package to him.

"Weiss?" the man asked.

"Uh… yeah that's us." said Omi, stumbling backwards a few steps as the man suddenly shoved the box in to his stomach.

"Oh. Splendid!" said the man gaily. "Sign here please."

Omi, winded, took the pen and signed his name on the clipboard. The man tipped his hat and pranced off the back step, laughing.

"Weird man…" muttered the boy, walking over to the counter and setting the box down on it. Nagi rushed beside him placing his elbows on his chin.

"What is it Omi? Huh? What is it?" Nagi asked excitedly, jumping up and down.

"I don't know…" he said, looking at the box in great fascination. He took a knife from the cutlery drawer and slit the box open just as Schuldich and Ken came flying down the stairs, landing with a loud thump at the bottom. Ken started swearing immediately, lashing out at the other.

"Get off me you psychotic twisted individual!" the brunette yelped, pounding on the German's back with his fist. Schuldich grunted as he was struck repeatedly.

"Ow! Stop it you hissy fit person! Oh… hi Nagi. OW! SON OF A –"

The end of his comment was cut off by the sound of Omi pointedly clearing his throat. Both men stopped their actions to look at him, seeing the object held in the boy's hands. Ken growled.

"You're not using those on me!" he yelled, pushing Schuldich away angrily. There was another loud crashing noise and Crawford and Aya both came tumbling down the stairs, stopping just short of hitting Ken and Schuldich. Schu spotted the fluffy handcuffs Omi was holding and laughed.

Crawford, who was hastily trying to pull his open shirt back onto his shoulders, looked at Omi in amazement.

"Why, dear boy, that's mighty brave of you! Who are they for?" Schuldich asked in mock amusement.

Omi scowled, throwing them at the German's head. "Their NOT mine you idiot! Quit using our name to order your blasted sex toys!"

Schuldich ducked to avoid the flying handcuffs and promptly lost his grip on the railing, causing him to fall down the last few stairs and land on Aya. "Ommff! Oh, hey Ranny-kins."

"Don't you DARE call me that!" Ran lashed at him.

"What's wrong with sex toys?" Nagi asked. Everybody in the room stopped and stared at the boy in awe.

Just then Youji came in, breaking them from their trance. "Sex toys! Where?" He roared.

"There," said Schuldich, pointing at Aya's wrist. Everyone looked and indeed, they were, locked around the redhead's wrist.

"Hey where the hell did those came from!" Aya yelled, rattling them furiously. Crawford snickered. "Oi, oi, lock this loon in the irons!"

Everyone laughed except for Aya.

"Wait." Youji abruptly stopped. "What the heck is going on here anyway?"

"Orgy," said Schu, regaining his breath. Youji snorted.

"Then go get a bedroom or something. Like the rest of us want to see something like that. And plus, there are kids here." He said, grabbing Omi by the shoulder and covering his eyes with his hands.

"Hey! Let go Youji!" Omi struggled.

"No! It's much too awful to look at!" He said melodramatically.

Farfarello poked his head into the kitchen and scowled. "May god forbid all of you! You're all on drugs!"

There was silence for a few moments after the deranged man left, then Ken spoke.

"I'm not on drugs…"

"No… none of us are," Schu agreed. "he's just having one of those religious breakdowns again."

"hn… figures."

Youji suddenly clasped his hands in glee, grinning with his teeth apart. "Well.. Why don't we all go to a karaoke bar tonight?"

Everyone stared at him at the sudden suggestion.

"Karaoke bar?"

"Yeah! I've won 8 free tickets to the Mew Mew Kitty Karaoke Bar from a magazine catalogue!" Youji exclaimed.

"I'm driving!" Schu yelled, raising his arms in the air.

"NO! Not you!" Ken dreaded. "We'll all just get into a car accident with your driving skills!"

"Then, it's a date!" Youji gleefully said.

Whaha! Done! Don't ask me how they all got into the same roof because I don't know either.XD Just get with the program. And if you're wondering where the hell did I get the title for this fic, and you're thinking that it's from the Korean novela Full House, well you're wrong. (If you're where I'm from, you would know what I'm taking about.) Were they all OOC? I have no idea… Pardon me for its length and wandering. Actually, I don't know what will happen next. Please tell me what to do ok? But be assured that there will be another chapter! I promise you that.