Viewpoint #4: Quite a few years.
Kayu Silver
Summary: After her last hope dies, Tomoyo makes her final request to Sakura, and bids her former life adieu. Fourth in the Veiwpoint series, which are completely unconnected and don't actually need to be read as a series at all.
Rating: K, because the worst thing that happens is Tomoyo falling on the ground.
Warnings: I'm supposed to write shoujo-ai here, but if you honestly believe that's a warning, you shouldn't even be in the CCS fandom.
Other: When this is supposed to take place Sakura and Tomoyo are 15. There may be a prequel to help make that easier to understand.
I know there is a smile playing across my lips as I angle my camera to show my bed. Not the sort of smile she brought to my lips when we were young. It's harsh, and hollow. It shows what's left of the hope I held in my heart, the hope that she would one day love me as much as I loved her.
As I push down the Record button of the camera, I remember how many times my hands held it down so I could capture every breath my beautiful flower too. And as I sit on the plush covers of the bed I remember why this is the last time I intend to record anything in a video camera.
I stare at the reflective lens and take a deep breath, preparing myself to say my final farewells.
With a distant sort of tone I start. "I know you didn't mean it. You never do. You don't realize what you do to me, because you don't know or, at the very least, you don't understand." I say, remembering all the times you've mis-interpreted what I meant when I said things to you. "You're far too busy with Syaoran to notice why always watched you. I wish I could tell you in person, but," I shake my head, "I know more than enough to realize that it would only cause more problems. Like I said before, Syaoran. You love him, after all.
"Did you know that I promised myself that if you ever fell in love with someone else I'd stand back and let you be. That I'd allow your happiness to take precedence over my own. Some people would say that only serves to show how much I love you." The smile begins to fade into a grim sort of smirk. "I, however, know that it only shows how stupid I can be. How naïve I'd have to be to think that you'd fall in love with me, or that it would be as simple as me standing back and letting you live freely.
"My beautiful Sakura-chan. We got in a fight today, didn't we? Did you know that it absolutely tore me apart? I know you didn't want it anymore than I did. But you don't understand my obsession with you. All you see is a poor little girl who refuses to grow up, and stop following around her idyllic super-hero, recording every moment. Even though you don't always realize it, I can see that sometimes I'm nothing more than an annoyance to you. I understand why you think that too. I understand more about you than you'll ever know, my precious Sakura-chan.
"Today, when we fought, you shoved me over, as childish a move as it may have seemed. And, as the laws of physics would ensure, I fell. And the second I hit the cold tiles on the floor I knew that, if you were to be happy and if I wanted to allow my life to go past that point, I had to give up on you. I always knew, in the very deepest darkest regions of my mind, that I didn't stand a chance with you. But, even though I knew that, I still refused to believe it. Up until then, my heart still harbored hope that you'd see me in the same light I always saw you. But now, as I'm taping this, that small light in my soul has gone out.
"I've given up on you, just like my mother had to give up the hope of loving your own mother when she- when she married your father and brought you into life. I suppose I should have expected history to repeat itself, even at the cost of my happiness." I have to stop and allow myself an empty chuckle at the thought of fate screwing over my family by making us always fall in love with those who won't return our feeling. "But I still need you to know that the little girl with the obsession, the one who always followed you around, she only did all those things because she loved you. I love you- no, loved you more than you would have been able to believe.
"Of course, even as I say this I know how much it sounds like a horribly happy love story, in which I'm just a supporting character to help move along the movie, while the audience stares, enthralled, at the love blossoming between you, my precious flower, and Syaoran. It's as if I'm a tragic little side-plot for the fans to think about as they drive home from the theatres.
"He's your eternal love, your most important person. And I hate that. I hate the fact that it wasn't, and that it will never be, me. But then again, no-one can have everything they want, and even the amount of money my mother has won't make me the exception to the rule.
"I've wasted enough of your time though, Sakura-chan. The only thing I've got left to tell you now is that, is that," I have to stop once more and fight the knot forming in my throat, "I need you to love Syaoran, love him as much as you possibly can. He's more than worthy of having you, and I'd hate to see you go to someone undeserving. Please do that for me. It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you, my final request I suppose. Yes. It's the final request from the one who was your best friend, from the one who wanted to be so much more. It's even from the- the-"
I can hear my voice rising, along with my temper, as I struggle to repeat what she said to me just a few hours ago. "It's also from the immature child who refuses to grow up, and never stops following you around, constantly recording every breath you take. It's from the spoiled little girl who annoys you so much, who was always a liability when you were capturing the clow cards. From the horrible, horrible brat who still made you those gaudy costumes, which you hate wearing, even though you've said time and again that you don't need them." I have to stop there before my eyes spill their angered tears. Once I've calmed myself down I continue "It's also a request from the one who- the one-" I sigh, my words seem to be failing me, because I can only think of one more thing to add to that list.
"... Aishiteru, Sakura-chan. I love you so much, but that doesn't change anything. I love you, and good-bye."
I stand up and remove myself from the camera's view. Once the tape is rewound, I'll take it to Sakura's house in the morning. Maybe Touya-kun will give it to her for me, because I won't have time to stay. When I said final request, I meant it. By this time tomorrow I'll be in America. My mother agreed to let me finish my schooling there, so that I wouldn't have to go through this pain anymore. Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun will be better off this way. I'll even be better off never seeing her again. At least, not until the pain gripping my heart has worn off, and I have a feeling that could take quite a few years.