What do I feel? Chapter 4, a harry potter fanfic

What do I feel?

A/N: ok, one of my reviewers had a good point. This is turning out to be way too much like the book. Ima have to do something about that. Oh, and I don't like Cho, so I'm going to have very little happen between Harry and her. Sorry Cho fans. One more thing….I'm still going to have the scene where Hermione gives Harry the yellow liquid stuff, but it'll be at a different time, and it'll be Angelina who gives it to him.  Anyways…..here's chapter 4.

Warning: It's a useless warning, but still….this chapter will be more emotional than the others. Also, Angelina and Harry will probably be REALLY OOC in this chapter (at least. Depends on if I like the change in character. Might keep their new attitude MAYBE, just to get more distance between my fic and the book. We'll see.)

Chapter 4.

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Harry woke up early Sunday morning. Once again, he sat there for 5 minutes rubbing his scar. 'Dammit. That dream again…..what the hell does it all mean?...'

Sitting up, he looked out his window to be greeted with the sight of snow. Getting off his bed, he walked to the window and presed his face up against it. 'Guess I'm not as early as I thought I was…' he thought. Looking at his watch, he realized he was correct. It was 11:30 in the morning. He looked out the window again and saw people out on the castle grounds having snowball fights. He was still looking out the window 10 minutes later when he heard Ron wake up.

"Mornin' Ron" Harry said, without turning aroud.

"Morning" Ron got off his bed and joined Harry at the window. They stood there for 5 more minutes before Harry decided to break the silence.

"Well, I'm going to get dressed and take a walk."

Ron groaned and Harry looked over at him.

"And I'm going to try to finish my homework before Hermione rips my head off. You should do the same." Ron said, disgust showing on his face.

"Actually, I finished my homework last night." Said Harry, turning to Ron with a smirk on his face. Ron groaned again.

Shrugging his shoulders, Harry went over to his trunk and started going through his assortment of clothing to find something to wear. In the end, he choose a pair of black pants, a black turtle neck, and his tennis shoes. Seeing as how it was a weekend, he figured he could get away without wearing his robes. Giving Ron one last glance, only to see he had fallen asleep again, Harry shook his head and left the dorm.

As he entered the common room, he noticed that it was almost entirely empty. Figuring that everyone was probably outside, he went over and sat in one of the chairs.

"mornin' Harry"

Harry truned to his left to see Angelina stretched out on one of the couches. Next to her was a table with a bowl of yellow liquid (A/N: told ya so :P). Angelina positioned herself so she was looking at him.

"Come over here, would you?" she asked him. Nodding, he got up from the chair he was sitting at and went over to sit in one directly across from the couch. Angelina pushed the bowl towards him. Harry looked at it warily.

"It's not going to kill you" Angelina said.

"What is it for?" Harry asked, still unsure about what to think.

" It's a solution of strained and pickled murtlap tentacles." She said. Then she smiled. "It'll help."

"Help what?" he asked. Angelina giggled.

"Your hand. I doubt you'll want to walk about with that thing on your hand for the rest of your life." At the mention of Harry's hand, he looked down at it and noticed that it was still burning from the previous day. He sighed and nodded.

"Thanks Angelina. Soooo…all I do is put my hand in it?" Harry asked. She nodded and pushed the bowl even further towards him. Looking down in it, he wondered if it was a good idea. Seconds after thinking that, he banished the thought from his mind. 'no. It's what she said it is. Angelina isn't the type of person who would lie about this.' With a slight smile on his face, Harry put his hand into the bowl.

Several minutes of silence passed before Angelina spoke.

"Are you sure you aren't going to tell anyone?" she asked, her eyes downcast. Harry nodded slowly, his eyes taking on an far away look.

"I just can't give in…" he trailed off. Angelina looked up and into his eyes. She got up and walked over to him. Looking down at him, she sighed and placed her hand over his free one. After giving a slight squeez, she let go and left Gryffindor tower, leaving a shocked Harry gazing after her. 'what's wrong with me…' he thought.

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Half an hour later Harry decided that his hand was going to live. He cleaned up the formula and went back up to his dorm. He had been thinking of going out to the Quidditch pitch to get some practice in….even if it was 25 degrees and snowing. Grabbing his firebolt, he left Gryffindor tower and made his way through the school and out towards the Quidditch field.

He had just passed the great hall when he ran into something.

"god fucking dammit. I'm getting sick and tired of running into things" he muttered, picking himself up off the floor.

"Well, well. If it isn't the Mudblood lover." Harry groaned again and looked up to see the one and only, Draco Malfoy sneering at him. "where are you heading Potter? Off to play with your mudblood friends and talk to thoose half-breed fools?" Draco's voice was dripping with malice. By now, Harry was on his feet and glaring daggers at him. Ignoring Draco's comments, he struggled to keep his voice calm.

"Out of my way Malfoy" Harry pushed past him.

"Send my greetings to the mudblood and the weasel, eh Potter." Malfoy cackled as he walked off. Harry was using all of his restraint to keep himself from turning around and cursing Draco into oblivion.

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By the time Harry left the castle, he had almost completely calmed down. He really didn't feel like walking to the Quidditch field, not wanting to have to walk past the other people and listen to their whispers or feel their stares following him. Taking all that into consideration, Harry mounted his broom and kicked off. Even the freezing weather could not diminish the feeling of joy he recieved while soaring above the heads of other students. When he took the time to think about it, he realized that flying was one of the few remaining things that gave him a sense of happieness.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice that there was already someone on the field. Landing, he got off his broom and walked into the pitch. It wasn't until he looked around that he noticed the second figure up in the air. Mounting his broom again, he kicked off and soared high, hoping to find out who was up there. By the time he became level with the other person (which wasn't too hard, seeing as how they were just hovering in the same spot) he still couldn't tell who it was. When he tried squinting, he was able to make out the Gryffindor Quidditch colors.

'that only leaves me with 6 choices….oh well, only one way to find out.' Harry flew towards the person. When he got close enough to see who it was, he almost fell off his broom. He wondered what she was doing here, then almost hit himself.

'she's the captain…..she probably just wanted some extra practice too….' The lone figure was none other than Angelina. She didn't seem to notice Harry's presence, which suited Harry just fine. He was quite content with watching her, trying to understand what she was doing. As a matter of fact, to anyone who was looking, it would seem as if she was just bored and decided to make it worse by doing nothing on a broom. When Harry looked carefully, he could see that she was distracted by something. Whatever it was, he could tell that it wouldn't leave her alone. This, he knew from experience. He slowly flew towards her, deciding he would try to help if she would let him.

"Angelina?" Harry called out softly, yet still loud enough that she would hear.

Snapping out of her thoughts by the sound of her name, Angelina turned to face the speaker. Harry, who had already reached her and stopped, gave a slight smile.

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Angelina asked, surprise evident in her voice.

"I was going to try to get some extra practice in, but….." Harry trailed off and looked down, a small smile playing across his face. Angelina looked at him for a few minutes before chuckling softly. Harry looked up, still smiling. Angelina stopped laughing and her expression gradualy changed from amused to thoughtful and a little sad.

Harry's smile fell from his face as he watched Angelina's transformation. He flew right up in front of her and looked intently into her eyes. Their gazes were locked for a few seconds before Angelina tore her eyes away from his. Harry sighed and opened his mouth.

"Angelina….what's wrong?" Harry asked in a soft voice.Angelina sighed and looked up towards the sky.

They spent a few minutes like this, Angelina thinking of what to say, Harry giving her the time to say it. Finally, she looked back down, a sad smile on her face. Opening her mouth, she took Harry completely by surprise with what she said.

"Have you ever…you know, thought about how screwed up the world is?" She asked. Harry got over his initial shock and started to think about how he would answer. He hadn't so much thought about how the world was screwed up as how much he hated it. Putting this together in his head and going over it, he figured that it was really the same thing. The reason he hated the world was because it was screwed up. Sighing, he gave the answer that was closest to the truth.

"Sometimes…it's more like…." Harry trailed off, thinking hard about how he should say it. Angelina leaned forward on her broom, and looked at him.

"It's more like what?" she asked after a few minutes. A few seconds later, Harry gave her the only answer he could think of.

"Well, I havn't so much thought about how it was screwed up as I've thought about how much I hate it….but then, for the reasons I hate it, I might as well think of how it's screwed up instead of my hatred for it…." Harry's voice was calm and thoughtful as he tried to find a way to express his answer. Angelina smiled again.

"Wow, so you really do have a brain." She teased. Harry blushed and bit back a retort. Angelina wanted to ask him about what he had said, but at the same time, she didn't want him to think of her as being nosy. Gradually, Harry's blush faded away and he looked at her, curiosity evident on his face.

"What brought about that question anyways?" he asked. It didn't take her too long to gather her thoughts. In fact, it almost seemed as if she was waiting for Harry to ask that question.

"Well, it's just that…so much has happened in such a short amount of time….first the tri-wizard tournament, and you come back with Cerdric dead. Then you start claiming Voldemort has returned from the dead, or something like that," at this Harry scowled at her, thinking she might be one of the people that thought him dillusional. Seeing his look, she quickly erased that idea from his head, "and I'm not saying I don't believe you. It's just something everyone would find hard to accept. Most of us, if not us then our parents, remember what it was like last time and nobody wants to face the fact that it might come to what it was like with you-know-who around. But then after that, it's like the whole wizarding community got ripped in half with this whole thing, not knowing who to trust. Friend turned against friend….nobody seems to understand that it's happening again…" Angelina sighed. "Then there's that thing with Sirius Black from two years ago and the fact that that no one's never escaped from Azkaban before and nobody's even had a glimps of him since….that night…." Harry had no problem trying to guess what Angelina had ment by saying 'that night'. He could only remember it too clearly. Angelina looked up at the sky again. "It's hard to believe that less than a year ago we were so peacefull and oganized. The world just got turned upside down and totally screwed over. That's what it seems like to me anyways. Don't you get this feeling, even just a little?" She asked, her ranting finished, yet still looking up at the sky.

Harry just sat there on his broom, his mouth slightly open and looking in slight disbelief. Closing his mount, he sighed and his eyes aquired a far away look.

"Yes, I feel that…." Angelina brought her head back down and looked at Harry as he continued. "I feel all of that….perhaps more then you can possibly imagine. It's like whoever has the power up there is playing with our lives. Tormenting us in such a cruel way, for the sole purpose of seeing how much pain we can take before we break down. Yes….I feel that….I feel it all….." Harry trailed off and this time, it was his turn to look up. He was once again lost in his memories. His painfull, tormenting memories. Those horrible reminders that plauge his dreams and wake him at night. Angelina looked into his eyes, the light reflecting off them, giving him a forlorn look. Gazing into his green orbs, she was torn with sadness at the pain she saw. His eyes had the look that came with age and experience. The look that no one Harry's age should ever have.

'His eyes….the pain….why does he sudenly look so old…..no one his age should have to bear that look….' Angelina's thoughts trailed off as Harry brought his head back down, a sad smile on his face.

"yes…I know….only too well, do I know…" he murmered, yet she still caught it. They both hovered there for about 10 more minute in each others preasence. Snapping out of it, Harry looked over at Angelina and gave her a whist full smile.

"I'm going to head back. Thank you…for talking to me…" He said softly. Angelina gave a small nod, her brain still numb from their painful conversation, and what she had seen. Harry turned around on his broom, and flew off in the direction of the school. Angelina finally broke from her trance and recalled Harry's parting words.

'But…I'm the one who should be thanking YOU….' She gave a small sigh and, figuring after that she wouldn't get much practice in, followed in the direction Harry had gone.

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Harry entered the Gryffindor common room, fully intending to sit infront of the warm fire after spending 2 hours out in the freezing weather. Alas, it was not to be. Upon entering the common room, Harry was greeted with the sight of a furious Hermione and a completely and thoroughly annoyed Ron. They were having one of their arguments again. Harry fought a sigh as he went over to the chair in front of the fire and sat down without a word. He idly noticed that they were argueing about their homework again.

"C'mon Hermione, it's Sunday. The bloody paper isn't due 'til Wednesday!" Ron shouted in an exhasperated tone. Hermione's glare intensified.

"I know that! But if you don't do it now you'll neer get it done! We DO have other classes you know…classes that give out homework." She said heatedly. This time, it was Ron's turn to glare.

"I'll do the stupid homework, just not now."

"Ronald Weasely! I know you and if you don't do it now, it won't get done!" Hermione yelled, losing the last of her restraint. As if on Q(so I'm a musician and still can't spell it….sue me), Ron let loose as well.

"Why the hell do you care! It's my homework, I'll do it when I bloody well feel like it!" He retorted. Harry was now getting pissed off. Standing up, he turned to face them, his face a mixture of annoyance and exhaustion.

"Don't you ever give it a rest? If you're going to bicker about little things like this then do it somewhere else. Honestly." Harry said, half shouting. With that, he turned aroud and left the common room to go find some peace, leaving Ron and Hermione looking quite bewildered, staring at his retreating form.

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Harry was wandering the halls aimlessly, not really knowing where he was going, but hoping that where ever it was would give him some peace. Seeing as how he was looking down while he was walking, it came as no surprise when he looked up and realised he had no idea where he was. Gazing around himself, the most obvious thing he saw that could help him figure out where he was standing was a huge pair of eloquently designed doors right in front of him. Unfortunatly, He had never seen them before. Cautiously, he reach out a hand for the handle, intent on finding out what exactly was in the room.

After opening the doors and glancing into the room, he noticed that it looked nothing like any of the other rooms he had ever been in. He stepped inside to take a better look around. There was a large couch in the middle of the room and shelves a book cases along the walls. He looked up to see one fairly large light which, surprisingly for its size, dimly lighted the room. Walking over to one of the book cases, he saw some books. Not the spell books or history books that one would usualy find, but rather books that one would read for pleasure. He picked up one of the books with an eloquent cover, and read the title. "The lord of the rings" By: J.R.R Tolkin. (A/N: ok, so I couldn't exactly think of anything else…I'm sorry. Wait, why am I apologizing…It's a great book.) Setting the book back down on the book case, he moved over to the shelf next to it and looked through the items. He saw, to his surprise, a muggle cd player and stereo system, and portable CD player and a pair of headphones. Next to that was a very Large collection of CD's. The next shelf contained sketching and writing supplies.

Harry walked over to the middle of the room, and sat on the couch. Closing his eyes, he started to think.

'What is this rom. I've never seen, or for that matter heard of it before. But…there's everything. This would be the perfect place to calm down. I bet I could really get some peace and quite now…..' Harry trailed off, delighted with the idea.

Standing up, he walked over to the shelf that contained the stereo system, and started looking through the different CD's. Finally picking one up, he turned to the CD player, and inserted the CD. He set it to the right track, crancked up the volume, went back to lay down on the couch then spent the time waiting for the song play and praying that the room was sound proof. The music started playing, and he finally started to relax. The song "All you wanted" (Michelle Branch), just happened to be one of Harry's favorites. In fact, he liked it so much, that barely half second passed before he was singing with it:

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes I'd take you away

'wish someone could just take me away…'

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

'wish someone cared…'

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

'I've been sinking….I've spent the past fifteen years sinking….'

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

'so lonely….'

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

'wish someone was there….'

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

'Wish someone could save me….wish I could be saved….'

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone.

When the song was finished, Harry lay there for a few minutes. Finally sitting up, he put his head in his hands, and started thinking.

'Dammit….why the hell is everything reminding me of it….' He got back up and walked back over to the stereo system. Ejecting the CD, he put it back in its case and started looking for another one. Picking out a "The Killers" CD, and putting it in, he decided to just let the CD play through. Laying back down on the couch, he closed his eyes as the first song came on. This time it was "Mr. Brightside" (The Killers). Again, he sang with it:

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all

It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And its all in my head
But she's touching his chest now

He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control

Jealousy turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabye
Choking on your alibis
But its just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cos I'm Mr Brightside

I never
I never
I never
I never

Once the song finished, Harry was almost completely relaxed. He lay there, listening to the songs as they came, enjoying some, in his opinion, well earned peace. After the fourth song, Harry dozed off. His dream, for once, did not terrorize him. Actually, it was a pleasant dream, a dream about what it would be like to be a normal kid with a normal life. Having parents to talk to and live with in the summer, parents he could love. People who liked him forwho he was, and not for being famous. He dreamed that Voldemort had NOT returned, and that life was perfectly normal instead of so screwed over like it was.

Harry awoke several hours later. He could not remember his dream, but he could remember the feeling of joy it gave him. Walking over to the stereo system, he put the CD away and turned off the stereo. Sparing a glance towards the clock, he almost shouted in surprise before catching himself. It was 10:30…at night…meaning WAY past curfew. One thought and one thought only came into Harry's head…..

'ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit…..'

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Harry was curently hiding behind one of the many statues seen around Hogwarts. He pulled out a blank piece of parchment and tapped it with his wand, whispering "I solomly swear that I am up to no good." The parchment, which origionaly seemed blank, now showed an extremely detailed map of Hogwarts. Harry could only think of how grateful he was to his habit of carrying his map everywhere with him.

Inspecting the map, he quickly found the dot indicating his location. Using that as a anchor point, he quickly scanned the area surrounding him. Seeing as how it looked clear, he made the dash to the portrait of the fat lady, checking his map constantly to make sure he would not be stopped. Finally arriving at the portrait, he quickly gave the password and entered.

Slipping quietly into the dormitory, he started towards the boys dorm., but stopped when something caught his eye. Back-tracking a few paces, Harry noticed, with shock, someone curled up on the couch in front of the fire. What shocked him even more was who it was. Harry Potter was currently watching the sleeping form of Angelina Johnson. Harry took this chance to finally do a LITTLE thinking about his conversation with her earlier that day. Then a totally random thought came into Harry's head…..

'…she looks so…peaceful. She was so full of worry and sadness, but now that she's asleep….it almost looks as if….as if she finally found the peace she wants….' Harry's thoughts trailed off. Realising that it probably wouldn't do her any good to sleep on the couch all night, he went over to her. He stood there a moment, studying her peacefull and angelic features. Snapping out of it with a shake of his head, he gently, so as not to disturb her, gathered her in his arms and headed to the girls dorm. As he climed the stairs, he idly noticed that they did not turn into a ramp, like they should have if he read the books correctly. But then again, it was only an idle thought, so he didn't spend much time dwelling on it. After entering Angelina's dorm, he successfully located her bed, and disposited her in it. Giving her one last look, he whispered, 'I hope that one of us can find our freedom….'. He then turned around and left her dorm, crossed the common room, and went to his dorm. Laying down on his bed, sleep almost immediately took him. He turned his head to the window, noticed it was still snowing, then was taken by the bliss of sleep, a small smile gracing his features.

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A/N: I'm sorry if the special people (That meaning the readerds and/or reviewers ) thought that update took too long. I'm sorry, really I am. I lost all my insperation for 2 days, then I decided to make it longer and figure out how I should end the chapter….plus I feel like death. Oh well.

I've hinted that they may have a small connection but…..you'll have to decide for your self. Dunno when the next Chap will be out, or what will be in it sooo….ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lies. Thanks to all my faithfull minio…er…I mean reviewers heh. Later all.