Disclaimer: we don't own Final Fantasy, Dragon Ball Z or Street Fighter for if we did we'd make it into something evil which would win Oscars that's how evil it would be...we also don't own The Oscars
This also contains an original character that manji came up with after watching 28 Days Later...We do not own 28 Days Later
SWAT!
The case of the Flash Banger...well not really
story written by the Great Manji485 and The Magnificent Onimaru Tetsumi and Ryoko Tetsumi
The Squad
Cloud- squad leader
Vegetto- second in command
Septhiroth- lagging behind
Sakura- Vegetto's bodyguard (how we do not know but it's the popes fault that we do know)
Yuffie- Cause she's in it
People not in the Squad
Tifa- Dunno why she's in it she just pops up here and there
Barret- Just for the hell of it.
Cid- terrorist. (Not really just confused, hell we don't know why we even put him in there!) it all Ryoko's fault!
Special Guest Star
Infected Aldo The only civilized infected in the entire world with only a minimal urge to kill!
It was a day just like any other at the police station in a city somewhere in a world...populated with...Oh we don't know...people with weird names. Names like Vegetto and Cloud or even Septhiroth. Plus Barret, Sakura, Yuffie, and Tifa...But enough about those weirdoes for a minute. Let us get back to the story.
It was a dark and stormy night COUGHclicheCOUGH. Actually it was not dark or stormy or even night. In fact it was daytime, noon to be exact and not a storm cloud in sight.
But we're getting off topic. All you need to know is: it's noon, police station and...
Vegetto is dunking donuts. As he's doing this Cloud walks by his office and notices the liquid that he's dunking them into. "Vegetto what are you doing?", asked Cloud.
"What are you talking about?" Replied Vegetto as he took a big bite out the donut drenched in the brown liquid. "Your dunking your donuts into soda...again! You can be so gross at times." Vegetto looked into his mug. "...This is soda?...where's my hot choco? As he pondered this conundrum Septhiroth came running down the hall and tripped over nothing "We got a distur...oopuf" was all he managed before his face hit the floor. "A what?", said Cloud. "Dumb Florida moron.", Vegetto said with tears of laughter. "I am not...from Florida...I'm from Newfoundland." Septhiroth quickly replied as he sprang to his feet. "Ohhhhh...your a nuffie." Said Vegetto with a big smile on his face. "Oh sure real mature." Replied Septhiroth.
"OK dork, nuffie this aint the time for that eh." interrupted Cloud "What was the news Septhiroth?"
"Uh...oh...I forgot." Septhiroth said kind of sheepishly.
Both Cloud and Vegetto groaned.
"Real smooth Einstein." Vegetto said sarcastically. With that comment he slapped Septhiroth over the head and implanted him into the ground.
"Oh now I remember." Septhiroth said with a muffled voice.
"Well?" asked Cloud.
"Oh well lets go!" said Vegetto
"But we don't even know where we're going yet!" shouted Cloud
"Don't worry, we'll find out when we get there." Vegetto responded cheerfully.
They met up with the rest of the team, which was just Sakura, they had ditched Yuffie. Then they piled into the SWAT van and were on their way to...the place where Septhiroth still hadn't told them, when a small annoying voice out of nowhere said "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
"What the? How did she get in here? And NO WE'RE NOT THERE YET! AND YOU NEVER WILL BE! Cloud shouted at Yuffie. "First off you know I'm a part of this team and second don't yell at me or I'll get Tifa on you." Yuffie said calmly
"Well she aint here so..." as he's just about to finish his sentence, Tifa appears in the SWAT van and slaps him upside the head and disappears.
"Owww... I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut now. Cloud said bluntly as he rubbed his head.
"Told you." Yuffie laughed at him. "I hate you." Cloud said coldly. Yuffie just smiled.
"Anyway where are we going?" asked Vegetto.
"Oh." said Septhiroth as he checked a piece of paper "We're going to...666th Street Apartment 13."
"That's kinda unlucky ain't it?" Cloud said nervously.
"Nawww listen to those numbers those are great numbers." Vegetto said.
Yuffie scoffed. "Only a complete and utter moron would think those are great numbers."
"Oh shut up you nanfooddle!" cried Vegetto.
Cloud looked at Vegetto oddly, turned to Septhiroth and said "I think he's a little out of it." "He can't be out of it I'mthe one supposed out of it." replied Septhiroth. To prove his point he called Yuffie fat, Sakura ugly, Vegetto the worst fighter in the entire universe, and Tifa a big chested bimbo who would put out for anything with two legs. After they beat the crap out of him they arrived at the apartment.
"All right guys suit up and Yuffie stay in the van." Cloud said as he revived Septhiroth.
(i.e. kicking him repeatedly in the groin.)
"What! Awww c'mon I want to have some fun too." whined Yuffie. As Cloud argues with Yuffie, Vegetto ran into the building.
"No you idiot come back! It's too dange... aw screw it." said Cloud not really caring.
A few seconds later a single gunshot is heard and Vegetto runs out holding his arm.
"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow." he said in pain.
"Now this is what happens when you rush in like an idiot." Cloud said to Yuffie, pointing at Vegetto.
"Oh shut up!" cried Vegetto. At this point, Sakura hops out the van and starts to heal Vegetto.
"Is she even qualified to do this?" asked Yuffie not really concerned.
"I dunno but I like it!" Vegetto said cheerfully. After Cloud finished 'reviving' Septhiroth he told him "Watch Yuffie I'm going in." "What and the what cream now?" Septhiroth said as he scarfed down a Club sandwich.
A'S/N
Your probably wondering where he got the sandwich from. Two words...plot device .
"He said to watch me." Yuffie told him, just a little bit miffed off.
"OOoooh...why o.O?" he asked. "Cause he thinks I'll get hurt." she replied.
He thought for a moment,(a big achievement for him) "It's true you might, they do have guns." he said a matter of fact. "Hmm you do have a pointfor once...you should go up there." she said. Septhiroth gasped. "Your right!" He then rushed the building, guns a blazing...then a snap is heard. "Ow!...Stupid mouse traps!" he cried out.
"Moron!" Yuffie called out. "Oh shut it!" came his reply. "Hey Vegetto you healed yet?" Septhiroth asked limping away from the building. "Yup and I'm ready to go." Vegetto replied.
Meanwhile back at their house...
"Cid stop cheating!" Barret yelled.
"I'm not cheating." Cid replied innocently.
"Yes you are...you keep putting in the money cheat." Barret said hotly.
"I am not." Cid said coolly.
"Liar you have $60000 and your only level 3." Barret said. Cid just smiled.
"So...Hey where are the guys?" Cid asked Barret. "Oh I forgot to tell you? They joined the SWAT team."
"What? Do they even have the required brain power?" he said laughing.
"Nope they snuck in...same as Yuffie." Barret said. "Yuffie? Do they know she's with them?" Cid said worriedly. "I hope so." was Barret reply.
Back to the Apartment...
"Vegetto are you ready?" asked Septhiroth.
"For the thousandn'th time...YESSSSSAHHHHHHHH!" shouted Vegetto as an aura surrounded him, turning his black hair yellow and you well know the rest(if you don't tough luck). Fortunately before he went on a killer rampage Sakura ko'ed him with a conveniently placed 2X4,(i.e. plot device) which turned him back to normal...well as "normal" as he could get. After he regained conciseness Vegetto and Septhiroth ran up to the front door of the building. Septhiroth peered into the lobby. "All right all clear." he said to Vegetto. As they stepped into the doorway, four metallic objects bounced into the room.
"What are these?" Septhiroth asked curiously.
"This ain't good." Vegetto said shaking his head.
BANG
"AHHHH! My eyes!" Vegetto screamed like girl.
"What! Who said that?...I can't see...Where are you!" shouted Septhiroth.
"Right here." responded Vegetto who was stumbling around.
"Huh? Where? Shoot your gun!" shouted Septhiroth feeling around.
Vegetto shoots Septhiroth in leg.
"OOOh there you are...YOU MORON WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME?" Septhiroth screamed in rage and pain...mostly pain. "You told me too!" Vegetto shouted back.
"I meant in the air you poor excuse of a human!" Septhiroth exclaimed."
"But I'm not human." Vegetto said innocently.
"Oh yeah I forgot..." Septhiroth replied sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. Vegetto then picked up Septhiroth and carried him back to the van while calling for Sakura for assistance. "What happened?" asked Sakura as she went through her bag of medical supplies.
"I shot him in the leg cause we got hit with flash bang grenades." he replied as he checked his pistol.
"OK I'll heal him." she said as got to work on Septhiroth gunshot wound.
"Good I'll go back in." Vegetto said "Wait aren't you still blind?" Sakura asked. "It doesn't matter I have enhanced senses I'm a sayian!" he said with a smile on his face. "Your saying what?" Sakura asked
"No I am a sayian" Vegetto frowned
"What are you Italian?" she said.
Vegetto looked at her with a twitch in his eye. "No I'm a sayian."
"Yes but are you saying ?" she asked.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he ran towards the building, being blind he never did see the wall in front of him. After he smashed through the wall, he miraculously got his eyesight back. "I CAN SEE!" He cried out in relief. At this point an object mysteriously lands in Vegetto's hand.
"Hmmm? What's this? He thought to himself. "There seems to be some writing on this." PULL PIN AND THROW the inscription read. "Whatever." He thought to himself as he pulled the pin and threw it. "Well that was useless what am I supposed to do with this thing?" he thought as he looked at the canister.
"Was that Vegetto's girlish scream I just heard?" Sakura asked Septhiroth
"Never mind that now I'm going up there!" Interrupted Yuffie, with that she calmly walked up to the front door unharmed.
"Wait you don't have a gun" Sakura yelled to Yuffie.
"I don't need one!" she yelled back, Yuffie then went up the stairs disappearing from sight.
"All right your good to go Septhiroth." Sakura said feeling proud. Septhiroth sprang to his feet. "Where's Vegetto?" he asked her. "He went through the wall." she said bluntly.
"What a dork...always doing things the hard way" he replied shaking his head in disbelief. "Well I guess we should help them out" with that they both headed up the stairs and in the building.
(INSIDE THE BUILDING)
A few minutes pass and they arrive on the second floor and see Vegetto standing there starring at a closet door "what are you doing?" asked Septhiroth "Huh nothing... I'm not doing anything... I don't half to take this I'm gonna go into that closet...which have are NO women in it!" Vegetto said frantically. "We don't have time for that now. Did you clear this floor?" Septhiroth asked him.
"Clouds got it." Vegetto said. As he said this Cloud was running from room to room.
"Clear...clear...clear...BANGAHHHHHH Flash bang! Flash bang!" screamed Cloud from halfway down the hall.
"What's with them using those flash bangs?" Vegetto asked to one in particular. "They disorient us" Septhiroth told him. "Well they don't work on me." Vegetto said with a superior smile on his face. He then turned and walked up the stairs getting no more than two feet when he was flash banged. "Aaaaahhhh my eyes!" he screamed like girl.
"See what did I tell" Septhiroth laughed, a smile on his face, "Hey you!" came a voice from behind him "hmm that voice sounds familiar" said Septhiroth, He turns around and gets handed a flash bang with the pin pulled "Oh you are so dead when I catch you..."BANG "AAAAAAHHHH!" Septhiroth screamed, "What are you yelling for? I got it worse I was wearing night vision goggles!" screamed Cloud.
THE 3RD FLOOR
Ten minuets later Vegetto arrives on the 3rd floor and start to look around "Hmm looks safe enough" he thought to himself, "Flash bang!" came a voice from around the corner, Vegetto drops to the floor holding his face "No more no more!" Vegetto weeped, Septhiroth walked out from around the corner "HA HA got you!" he said with a smile of victory on his face.
Vegetto picks himself off the floor with embarrassed look on his face "I'll get you someday ...maybe not today...maybe not tomorrow but one day"
"Yeah what ever" says Septhiroth. Vegetto picks up his gun and they both start to check the floor.
"Huh this ones clean? but how?" said Vegetto, Septhiroth pokes his head out the door
"Cloud?"
"Nope he's still on the last floor blind" Vegetto replies
Back on the 2nd floor!
Cloud is rolling on the ground in pain holding his face.
Back to the 3rd floor!
A giggle comes from a darkened corner, Septhiroth looks at Vegetto "Yuffie" Septhiroth says "But how...she's just a kid" replies Vegetto "She's up to something...but what?" says Septhiroth "I don't know but I hope it doesn't involve more flash bangs" shuddered Vegetto
At this point Cloud staggered toward Vegetto and Septhiroth rubbing his eyes "I think I can see again..."
BANG
Cloud, Septhiroth, & Vegetto drop to the ground clutching their eyes "Oh you guys are a bunch of sissies" Yuffie says as she walk out from the darkened corner, "Noooooooo we're nooooottttt" Septhiroth whined.
"Shut up Cloud!" everyone yelled.
"What did I do?" Cloud yelled back.
Suddenly a noise came from behind a door.
"What was that?" Septhiroth asked Vegetto, Vegetto cocks his gun "I don't know but it better not be a flash bang."
"Uh...Yuffie dearie uhh... why don't you find out what that noise is...uh please?" Cloud says as he cowered behind Vegetto "Look if it was a flash bang wouldn't it have gone off already?" she said
"She has a point" Vegetto says, "Then go in" Septhiroth told him.
"HELL NO!" fear streaking Vegetto's' face.
Yuffie just shook her head in disgust "What a freaking wuss" she thought.
"How about this you guess a number between 1-10 and if you get the closest number you go in, all right Vegetto?" Cloud asked. Vegetto thinks for a minute. "OK...uh...18?"
"Close enough." Cloud said.
"WHAT?" Vegetto screeched. "What was the number?"
"Two." Cloud said, smiling wickedly.
"Oh you monster." Vegetto said coldly.
"Well get your scrawny ass over there." ordered Cloud. Vegetto stomps off toward the door while muttering under his breath. "What was that?" Cloud asked Vegetto "Nothing." Vegetto replied as he moves cautiously towards the door "That's what I thought."
Vegetto opens the door slowly "BOO!"
"AAAHHH!...wait a minute boo?" Vegetto says.
A man appears in the doorway with a package & a clipboard in his hands.
"Special delivery for a mister..." he checks clipboard.
"Oh please be for me! oh please be for me! oh please be for me!" Septhiroth pleaded, "A mister... Barret, his hentai mags have arrived" Infected Aldo replied
"God damn it!" Septhiroth said as he started to cry.
Suddenly Tifa appears out of thin air and comforts Septhiroth, "Yay for Tifa" Septhiroth cheered, and then she suddenly disappears uhh... again.
"How the hell does she do that!" Cloud asked Vegetto, Vegetto not really listening just sitting on the floor with a box on his head with the words 'Happy Box' on the side.
"Oh Barret isn't here... wait hentai mags? That pervert!" Yuffie replies, "I am not!" Barret yelled from a great distance.
"Wait why are you here? barret doesn't even live here." Cloud asked Infected Aldo, "Wait hold that thought" Infected Aldo says as he doubles over and pukes up blood a lot of blood!
"That's just plain gross" Cloud says "Oh you mean this isn't 123 Fake Street?" Infected Aldo asked as he wiped his mouth.
"No..." Septhiroth replies.
"EWWWW it's every where" Vegetto says as he looked at all the blood on the floor.
"Oh and the fact that we're on the 9th floor doesn't make any one think?" Yuffie says with her hands on her hips.
A.N(Ryoko really wanted to mention Yuffie's hips... don't ask why.)
"Th..in..k?" Septhiroth said slowly "Well I can explain... its all Matt's fault" Infected Aldo said confidently, "Who's Matt" ask Cloud with a puzzled look on his face.
"Here let me put it this way" Infected Aldo says as he start throwing thing around the room, "What are you doing?" asked Vegetto "Uh... magic?" Infected Aldo replied "Oh ya? Prove it!" Cloud said with a smug look on his face.
"All right if you really want to know watch real close at the items on the floor you'll be in for a nice, uh...'magical' surprise" Infected Aldo says with a smirk on his face, "Oohhh surprise" Septhiroth said as he jumped up and down with joy.
Everyone picked and stared at an item on the ground while Infected Aldo ran away, Cloud looked up in time to see Infected Aldo run out of the room "Where's he going?... oh crap..."
BANG
BANG
BANG
BANG
Cloud, Vegetto, and Septhirorth drop to the ground screaming in pain." Well were is the surprise? and why can't I see anything?" Yuffie whined.
FIN
A little while later Ryoko walks into an empty room...
Ryoko Hello? Where is everyone? Am I late or something?...C'mon this isn't funny. I spent a lot of money on this. Well...not really... I just like to say I do. Oh I get you guys are hiding...I can wait... Two hours later Oh come on! This isn't funny anymore! If you don't come out right now I'll leave! I mean it! I'll...
CRACK
THUD
Manji is holding a Louisville Slugger™ while standing over Ryoko's limp body. "Man he's annoying. I'm outta here, Onnimaru dispose of the body."
"OK but this is the last time. If he comes back your on your own."
The end and this time we mean it...OR do we!
Evil music and maniacal laughter plays in the background quite happily