Warring Emotions

By: Sari

Disclaimer: One Tree Hill is not mine. If I had enough money I'd probably buy it just so I could get rid of half the characters on the show.

Summary: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin. The sequel to This Time Around.

3: Just Want You to Know

Looking at your picture from when we first met

You gave me a smile that I could never forget

And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger

Always in my mind

The days they went cause we stayed up all night

Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

Nathan sighed checking into the hotel that Kali had referred him to. He didn't think it would be this hard. When he and Haley had divorced they had both agreed it was for the best. She couldn't handle his jealousy over Chris, and he couldn't handle always coming second in her life. They had both agreed.

But seeing her again looking beautiful, healthy, and…just so Haley had thrown him off his game. She always had something about her that made her shine and made her so unique that no one could ever touch her. Especially not Madison, his current girlfriend.

He groaned, Madison Lee, the girl that had befriended Nathan the first day he was in Miami and had made it her mission to get him over Haley. Of course it hadn't worked, but he had begun to hide it for her sake. She worked too hard for him to still act like the lovesick kid he knew he still was. Madison was beautiful and smart. She was Chinese American and proud of it. She shined in her own way.

But she wasn't Haley.

Haley who had believed in him in high school, looking past the façade he had created to appease his father. Haley, who had understood that he wasn't a bad guy even when he went out of his way to destroy his brother's life. Haley, who stuck by him when things got rough and didn't blame him every time he screwed up.

He shook his head and let himself into his room. What had he done as soon as Haley started to pursue her dream? He acted like a spoilt child afraid of everything she did. No matter that Haley had never given him a reason to doubt her before he couldn't see past Chris.

The Chris that connected with Haley in every way, so much that he couldn't even realize why Haley was still with him. He lashed out at Chris and Haley's relationship because Chris made him doubt himself. That was why their relationship had crumbled.

He pulled out his cell phone and tried to forget Haley's smiling face. "Hey Madison, its Nathan. I know you're probably at work right now but I wanted to tell you that I got into New York okay. I'm at the hotel right now, just got back from Kali's place. It was fun, tense, but fun anyway. Really strange seeing everyone again, my own brother looks like a completely different person. I can't wait for you to get up here, call me with your flight plans." He ended the call and flopped back on his bed.

But Madison was still no Haley.

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know

"Let me go." Kali said icily.

"Promise me that you're going to listen to me." Jake said still holding her arm in a vice-like grip.

"Get out of my house before I call security up here."

He pushed her on to the living room couch and walked over to the phone where he pulled the line out of the wall. "Kali, you're going to talk to me." He said stubbornly. "I'm not leaving until we clear the air between us."

"Why can't you just leave it alone?" She yelled. "Obviously you didn't a give a damn about me because you cheated on me with Peyton and didn't have the fucking balls to break off our relationship."

"I didn't mean for that to happen." He said lamely.

"And that just makes it all better." She hissed.

"You have a right to be angry…" Jake started. "But just hear me out and then I'll leave."

"You have five minutes." Kali said.

He sighed in relief. "Thank you."

He sat across from her and took a deep breath. "When you left for New York I was devastated but hopeful." He began. "I was so in love with you that I figured that everything would be alright because love always makes a way. It had to because I needed to be with you. But then…life happened. School, Jenny, and my parents on my ass about college it got hard."

"We never said it'd be easy." Kali said petulantly.

"We didn't." He agreed. "But I didn't realize it'd be that hard."

"So where does Peyton come into this?" She spat hatefully.

"Give me my five minutes." He whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Things started to get strained between us the middle of senior year, and it was fitting because at that time everything in Tree Hill started to spiral out of control. Nikki had come back into town and was demanding custody of Jenny, Peyton was doing drugs, Nathan and Haley were fighting, and it was just too much."

"God, Kali, if I could go back and handle it better I would but I can't." He said sadly. "I loved you, I still love you but what we had was a victim of circumstance. It just wasn't the right time."

Kali's impassive mask hadn't even cracked. "You never told me about Nikki trying to get custody of Jenny." She accused. "And you never told me about Peyton's drug problem."

"There was no use in tell you…you couldn't do anything." He mumbled.

"I couldn't do anything?" She shouted. "I LOVED YOU. Shouldn't that have been enough?"

Kali burst into tears. "You weren't the only one in this relationship Jake, you just don't decide what happens and when it should happen."

"I know and I'm sorry…"

She furiously wiped away her tears. "Your five minutes are up."

"Kali…!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?" She cried. "We can't go back, we established that! You have a girlfriend, I have my own life. What did you expect from this conversation? Did you want me to jump in the sack with you? IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN."

"I don't…" Jake replied helplessly. "I don't know Kali."

"Then come back when you do." She said simply. "But you need to leave."

"Kali I…" He stopped and then crossed the room and pulled her into his arms. "I still love you."

She shuddered leaning into the kiss she knew was coming and when it came she wasn't disappointed. She broke it shaking her head. "I love you too." She said, tears slipping down her red cheeks. "But I'm not the 'other woman.'"

He gazed at her, eyes filled with love and decisiveness. "No." He murmured. "You're the only woman."

All the doors are closing

I'm trying to move my head

And deep inside I wish it was me instead

My dreams are empty from the day

The day you slipped away

Peyton was screaming inside. That was obvious enough. After that stupid reunion party that she didn't even want to go to Jake had dropped her off at the hotel with promises that he would return.

"That was a load of shit." She said angrily to herself. She had lost him the minute he had stepped into Kali's penthouse. Peyton wasn't fooling herself, she knew from high school that Jake would never love her like he loved Kali. What Kali and Jake had was what Brooke and Lucas had and what Nathan and Haley would have if they would just try again. It was true love.

And all Peyton wanted was a love like that. She knew that she wouldn't have it with Jake but she had hoped with the distance that he'd forget about Kali, that he'd leave the past in the past and move on with her because Jake did love her, not like he loved Kali, but he still loved her. He must right? He had helped her through the drugs…

The drugs, probably the stupidest decision of her life. Isn't it some type of statistic? 1 in 5 teenagers use drugs or have tried them at lease once in their life. She didn't know what had gotten into her when she decided to overdose on cocaine. The helplessness of her life, her mother being dead, her father never being home, or school. But it had happened and Jake had been there everyday at the hospital supporting her when everyone else had abandoned her and told her she was just being weak.

Maybe she had manipulated him into going out with her, Jake had always had a white knight complex, but she didn't manipulate him into staying with her. That was the only way she could console herself. She wasn't a bad person, she was a person of opportunity. She just had to keep telling herself that.

Her phone rang and Peyton rushed to pick it up. "Jake?" She asked breathlessly.

"Ouch, are things going that bad already?" Anna asked.

"You could say that." Peyton said tiredly. "Life is never easy if you're from Tree Hill right?"

"Good thing I'm not." Anna joked. "So what's going on? How was the reunion party?"

"Tense and fake." Peyton said. "Everyone was afraid to bring up the past so we stayed on safe topics like what we've been doing and it was just a load of shit."

"And where's Jake?"

"Where do you think?" She asked bitterly. "With Kali probably confessing his undying love."

"Peyt, you knew this would happen if you went up there." Anna said gently.

"I was hoping for a little more time before he fucked her on her living room floor!" Peyton spat. "Shit, I hate this. I hate how I get when it comes to those two."

"What'd you expect when you put yourself in that hopeless situation?" Anna asked her. "Damn it Peyt, Jake never stopped loving her…it was just put on hold."

"You don't have to tell me that."

"I don't, which is why I'm still left wondering why you're in a hotel in New York drowning your sorrows in some disgusting liquor while he's with Kali."

Peyton laughed a soft sob bubbling in her throat. "Because I still wish it was me."

Anna sucked in a breath. "Shit Peyt, get a ticket and come back to North Carolina."

"I can't do that because then she's won and I refuse to lose to that bitch."

"At the risk of degrading yourself even more?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Look at yourself Peyt, you're in New York with a guy you knew and everyone else knew would stray. What do you think your friends are thinking of you now? Probably something along the lines of 'Poor Peyton still can't figure out that Jake will never love her like he loves Kali.'"

"Shut up." Peyton said sobbing. "Damn it Anna, I don't need this."

"You don't, you're right. Which is why you should save any dignity you have left and get the hell out of there." Anna advised.

"I have to go." Peyton said softly.

"Why?" Anna challenged. "Trying to hide from the truth?"

"No." She replied looking up at Jake. "Because he's back."

That since I lost you, I lost myself

I know I can't fake it, there's no one else

Kali sat up in bed, wrapping her blanket around her naked body.

"Oh shit." She muttered. "I slept with him."

Any other day, that would have been fine. Kali loved Jake, and she wanted to be with him, but right now he had a girlfriend.

She put her robe on looking confused. "Jake?" She called.

Walking into the kitchen she saw the quick note scribbled on her dry erase board.

Kali,

By the time you get up I'll be long gone. When we see each other again I hope we'll both be thinking clearly. Don't think that this was just a one night stand because it wasn't. I love you, I wasn't lying when I said that but things are complicated. There is Peyton to think about—and Jenny. What we did was rash…and wrong. I'm so sorry. I'll talk to you when I can.

I love you, Jake

"Fuck." Kali groaned tears leaking out of her eyes. "Peyton and Jenny to think about my ass."

She gasped tears soaking her clothes as she slid to the floor. "I hate him." She whimpered. "Damn it I hate him."

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know

TBC

Music Credits: Backstreet Boys – Just Want You to Know

A/N: Wow, this chapter was harsh. Think I should up the rating? It only gets worse before it gets better. Reviews are always welcome!