Warring Emotions
By: Sari
Disclaimer: One Tree Hill is not mine. If I had enough money I'd probably buy it just so I could get rid of half the characters on the show.
Summary: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin. The sequel to This Time Around.
5: Bad Day
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
Nathan and Haley faced each other after Jake and Kali had bowed out claiming they wanted to catch up alone and Brooke and Peyton had did the same. He had been worried at first, that Madison would feel jealous that he wanted to stay with Haley, but she didn't need much prodding by Lucas to join him in exploring the city. For some reason, Nathan didn't want to look to deep into that pairing.
"So…" Haley said nervously. "You said you wanted to talk. So here we are…we should talk."
"It's been a while since we could talk civilly; give me a minute while this sinks in." He joked.
She smiled weakly then quickly looked back down at her hands, at that Nathan quickly turned serious. It seemed like Haley wasn't in the mood for joking around. "So how are you really Hales? You were really quiet yesterday night and you weren't much better this morning."
"I'm fine Nate." Haley said shortly.
"No you're not." He said gently. "I may not be as close to you as I was Hales, but I think I can still tell when you're unhappy."
"Why do you care? We're divorced." She said. "It took your mom a whole hell of a lot of money to pay for that lawyer so I'm sure you remember the fact that we are."
"That doesn't mean anything." He insisted. "A piece of paper isn't going to stop me from caring about you."
"You don't have the right to anymore." Haley replied. "You're with Madison who seems like a great girl."
"She is." Nathan agreed. "But Madison isn't you."
"As if I didn't already know that." Haley bit back sarcastically.
Nathan's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Hales, why are you acting like this?"
"Why the hell are you being so nice?' She shot at him. "It's been at least a year since I've seen or heard from you and the last thing we said to each other was something along the lines of 'fuck you' so I don't see why I should be dishing out the happy vibes when I don't feel happy being here with you."
"I want to put the past behind us." Nathan requested. "I want us to become friends."
"Yeah, well I want to be some big shot singer and not working my ass off to stay in school, life doesn't usually go the way we want it too." Haley retorted.
Switching gears, Nathan asked her another question. "How's Chris?"
She snorted. "Like you care."
"I do or I wouldn't have asked."
"You hate Chris always have and probably always will." She reminded him.
He glared at the table, this was going to be harder than he expected. "I may not have liked Chris a whole lot the total of the three times I spoke with him but I'm asking this question because I care about your life." He paused running a hand through his short dark hair. "So could you please answer it?"
"He's fine, still off trying to make it big." She finally answered. "Is that satisfactory enough for you?"
"Why'd you decide to stop doing music? I thought that was your dream." He asked genuinely confused.
"I realized I was losing more than I was gaining." Haley responded softly. "I love music and I love to perform but the disadvantages outweighed the advantages. I was just too stubborn and naïve to see it before it ruined my life."
Nathan's breath caught in his throat. Did that mean… "Does that mean you regret what happened?"
She looked up from the table meeting his eyes and Nathan knew that the emotions in her eyes mirrored his own. "Yeah…" She whispered. "With all my heart. I wish that I could go back and stop us from divorcing, I wish I could go back and stop my situation from almost ruining your relationship with Lucas, I wish I could stop the pressure of us fighting from screwing with Jake and Kali's relationship, I wish I could go back and tell you how much having to divorce you hurt me, but goddamnit I can't!" She said tears streaming down her face.
"Shit Hales…"
She stood up abruptly wiping tears away hastily. "I have to go to work." She murmured.
"Haley can't it wait…I want to…" Nathan said trailing off.
"I have to go." She repeated again firmly.
Nathan watched her walked out the door and cursed.
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
"It's so good talking to you again." Peyton said smiling happily for the first time since getting in New York. "It's been pretty hard without you Brooke."
"Yeah, well who's fault was that?" Brooke asked knowing the answer.
"Mine, and I'm sorry about that." Peyton said.
"What's past stays in the past." Brooke said smiling. "It's 2008 now and we're different people. At least I hope we are."
Peyton nodded. "As of last night I can say I turned over a new leaf." Peyton said remosefully. "I finally let Jake go."
"You let Jake go?" Brooke said astonished. "As in you dumped him?"
Peyton laughed hollowly. "I didn't think it was that amazing to believe."
Brooke looked down uncomfortably. "Peyt you have to understand, you have a track record of becoming a little desperate when it comes to him."
Peyton chuckled. "Believe me I know, but I'm finished with him and the whole situation now."
Brooke looked doubtful. "Peyt that's big words to be saying…"
"And I plan to follow through." Peyton said cutting her off. "Yeah I'm in love with him and I have been for a long time, and yeah I wish he felt the same way, but he doesn't and I'm sick of playing seconds to Kali and having to pull god knows what trick just to keep him interested in me and not lovesick over her." Peyton wiped away tears. "I deluded myself into thinking that he'd forget her and we'd live happily ever after but guess what, the joke's on me."
Brooke stopped walking to pull Peyton into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry Peyton."
Peyton gave her a small smile. "Let's get off of this subject, yeah?" She said weakly.
Brooke nodded. "I'd talk about Lucas and I but that'd be like rubbing salt in a wound right?"
"No, no!" Peyton protested. "Tell me about you two. You're both so happy and I probably missed all those defining moments that got you there so go ahead and blab as much as you want to."
"Well you're the first to know so keep this to yourself but Luke and I have actually considered transferring to UM next fall." Brooke said.
"Whoah that's big. Why?"
"You know how Nate said the basketball coaches were after him? Well, Lucas is thinking of taking them up on their offer. He gets a full scholarship and they're even going to pay for off campus housing. It's a really sweet deal." Brooke said.
"What about you? You want to move to Florida?" Peyton asked.
"What's not to like about Florida? Sun, sand, hot guys…"
"Hurricanes, skin cancer, a huge move…" Peyton added.
"We haven't decided yet." Brooke reminded her. "It's just speculation."
"It's not like Luke needs to worry about money." Peyton said. "Didn't Dan leave him all that money for school?"
Brooke nodded. "It's still sitting there collecting interest in the bank." She said rolling her eyes. "He has some idiotic reason for not using it but I don't even want to listen."
"Why not?" Peyton asked confused.
"Between you and me Peyt, Luke is filled with way too much self-righteousness. Yeah so his dad was a dick to him half of his life. He still made an effort by leaving him a college fund and now he doesn't even want to use it and would rather uproot us from where we've settled than use his dad's money? I just think it's stupid and inconsiderate to me."
Peyton raised an eyebrow. "Looks like you don't want to go to Florida."
Brooke sighed. "It's not that I don't want to go Peyt, it's just that I'd rather stay in Boston where we're settled, have friends, and happy with our lives."
"Who's to say you won't be happy in Florida? I'm sure Lucas would be." Peyton said. "He'd be near his brother, playing basketball which he loves, and still a good distance from Tree Hill."
"Yeah Lucas would be happy." Brooke replied scornfully.
"If that's how you feel Brooke then just tell him." Peyton said.
"I don't want to ruin this week."
"It's ruining it already if you got this upset." Peyton reminded her.
"Yeah…" Brooke sighed. "I'll tell him."
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
Lucas and Madison strolled the streets of the marketplace they had found a couple blocks down from the restaurant they had been at. When Brooke had bailed on him for Peyton and Jake and Kali for their own privacy it made sense to Lucas to invite Madison somewhere else, Nathan and Haley obviously needed the time alone. They had been throwing glances at each other the whole morning and with each glance making Madison just a little bit more upset each time.
So Lucas felt good that he had got her out of the situation. He knew if he had left the three alone she'd been miserable and he didn't want that for her. She was a nice girl and he liked her. They seemed to get along well, it was scary how well.
"Earth calling…pilot to co-pilot…looking for life on this planet sir no sign of it." Madison said waving her hand in front of his face.
"What was that?" He asked bewildered.
She giggled. "A line out of an old Eminem song. I figured the bizarreness of it would snap you out of whatever reality you were stuck in."
"I was thinking." He said.
She nodded. "I know."
He watched her look through some piles of costume jewelry on the table in front of them. "You really wouldn't buy something ugly like that would you?"
"Maybe, I like gaudy jewelry."
Lucas pulled a face and she hit his arm playfully. "Alright Lucas, entertain me. Give me some stories about you and Nathan."
"What do you want to hear about?" Lucas asked.
"I don't know, something interesting."
He thought for awhile. "I didn't know that my father lived in the same town as me or that I had a brother until I turned 16."
She raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Dan, my father, left my mom after high school and got married a couple months later to Nathan's mom, Deborah Scott, so I was raised thinking that my father had ran off—which he had—and that he wasn't anywhere in the vicinity of Tree Hill. My father's brother, Keith and my mom basically raised me and I didn't find out that Nathan and I were half brothers until I joined the basketball team." Lucas said lost in the memory. "Then all hell broke loose and my mom told me about Dan and Dan told Nathan about me. Nathan in turn decided to make my life a living hell. He tried to turn the school against me claiming I was infringing on his territory."
"Damn he sounds like a jerk." She said grimacing. "And I'm dating this guy?"
He laughed. "Nathan changed a lot after he met Haley, he's a better person now."
"Haley's your best friend right?" Madison asked. "I think Nathan mentioned that when he was telling me about her."
Lucas nodded. "Well I was, I don't even know if you can classify us as best friends anymore. This is really everyone's first time talking to each other again."
She looked thoughtful. "But do you still consider her your best friend?"
"Of course."
"Then how can you stand being around me knowing that I'm stopping Nathan from being with her? It's obvious that she still cares for him." Madison inquired. "They were practically having eye sex right in front of me."
Lucas pulled her into a nearby café so they could sit down and talk without having to shout to each other over the noises of the city. "In most cases I'd be inclined to agree with you." Lucas said. "But Haley has proved to me over and over again that meddling in her affairs is not in my best interest. All it has ever got me was either Haley mad at me or Nathan mad at me so I just stay out of it. I'll let them figure out their problems on their own. Plus it sucks to say this to you but if Haley and Nathan really wanted to be together I doubt there is anything you could do to stop it."
Madison bowed her head. "Very true." She finally said, in reference to his last statement. "Life's a bitch right? Playing second place isn't the most fun thing in the world."
"So break it off with him." Lucas suggested. "It's inevitable that it's going to happen so why prolong it?"
"I'm still kind of hoping that he'll change his mind you know?" She asked sighing.
"It's a nice thought, but I doubt it." Lucas said.
They lapsed into silence both of them mulling over their thoughts and nursing lukewarm coffee when a silent tear dripped down Madison's face. Brushing it away she smiled bravely at Lucas. "I guess your right, and I knew I'd have to do this."
"What does that mean?" He asked curiously.
"I'm breaking up with him." Madison said resolve in her eyes.
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
TBC
Music Credits: Daniel Powter – Bad Day