Warring Emotions
By: Sari
Disclaimer: One Tree Hill is not mine. If I had enough money I'd probably buy it just so I could get rid of half the characters on the show.
Summary: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin. The sequel to This Time Around.
6: When It's Over
When it's over
that's the time I fall in love again.
When it's over
that's the time you're in my heart again.
And when you go, go, go, go
I know it never ends
never ends.
Nathan sighed remorsefully, not even bothering to check if Madison had found her way back to the hotel before throwing himself on the king sized bed in defeat. His conversation with Haley had been complete hell. It was torture to see the coldness in her eyes and when he had finally managed to crack the surface the hot pain that coursed underneath. She had admitted that she was still in love with him and then ran off never giving him a chance to respond.
He couldn't help but be thankful that she didn't stick around though, because he knew he would have made a fool of himself. He would have done something stupid like not say the words back because he did love her. If he didn't know it before he certainly knew it now, everything before had just been lies and smokescreens.
He perked up at the sound of voices outside of the hotel room door. One voice, soft and deep, probably Lucas dropping her off and the other he recognized as Madison. He knew he should have felt guilty when his body filled with dread.
The door opened and he could faintly hear Madison saying her goodbyes to Lucas before pulling the door shut and throwing her jacket and purse on the couch. "Nathan?" She called. "You here yet?"
"Hey Madison" He replied weakly stepping out of the bedroom.
"Hey!" She said brightly. "How was your day?"
"Good." He said sitting down. "You stayed out pretty long with Lucas."
"I figured you and Haley would want to spend some time with each other and Brooke went off with Peyton so Lucas and I decided to go somewhere as well." She said brushing off his comment.
"Where'd you two go?"
She shrugged. "We walked around and then we went to a café to eat a snack and talk. It was nice, he's a cool guy."
"I'm glad you two hit it off then." Nathan said carefully.
"Yeah your brother's great." Madison said closing the subject. "How was your talk with Haley?"
He sighed. "It was stressful."
"Usually talking to your ex-wife can make you that way." Madison replied. "Not that I have any experience or anything."
"Yeah well…I didn't think it'd be that difficult to strike up conversation." He said sighing once again. "It used to be so easy."
"Until you got pissed at her for her friendship with that singing boy, let your mom dictate your actions, and then divorced her." Madison summed up helpfully. "And I'm sure there was arguments and general frustration in between those key events."
He smiled. "Thank you for reminding me Madison."
"It's what I do." She said smiling back, but she turned serious a few seconds later. "We have to talk."
"I thought that was what we were doing." Nathan said sarcastically.
"I need you to be serious." Madison requested staring down at her hands. "Because this is hard enough already without you joking about it."
He raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry."
"I…this…we…" Madison stopped. "Shit, Nate this has to stop."
"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked bewildered.
She stood by the door not quite meeting his eyes. "If I had a video camera I could show you just how pathetic you were today. You and Haley were acting as if you were secret loves on some clandestine tryst when in reality you were at a table with all your friends watching you too practically make love to each other with your eyes." She laughed. "Do you know how embarrassing it is to have people feel sorry for you because you never stood a chance? You know, when I first started this relationship I was sure I could get you over her but apparently you were just appeasing me because you are still the same love sick guy you were a year ago."
"Madison…look that's not what was happening today."
"Of course you didn't mean for it to happen." Madison said ignoring his comment. "You can't deny the chemistry that is between you two. Maybe you just needed some time apart to figure out how much you two needed each other and I'm fine with that Nate, really I am. I just don't want to trap you in a relationship you don't want to be in."
"Maddy, you are not trapping me!" Nathan protested.
She sighed tiredly. "I don't even know why you're arguing with me when you know it's true. Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you're not in love with her?"
Nathan kept his eyes down and Madison smiled faintly. "See?"
"I thought I could get over her." Nathan admitted quietly. "Madison I didn't do any of this on purpose."
She nodded. "I know that Nate." She smiled kindly at him. "And I wish you and Haley the best of luck."
"We're still friends right?" Nathan asked hopefully.
"Of course." Madison picked up her bags. "I'm going to go ahead and stay with some friends okay? Just call if you need me."
"Okay, and thank you for understanding Maddy, and being upfront about it when I couldn't be."
She smiled. "It's what friends do."
All things that I used to say,
all words that got in the way,
All things that I used to know
have gone out the window.
"Hey you got back late." Brooke said walking into the small living room of the hotel they were staying in. "You and Madison must have really hit it off."
Lucas smiled. "She's a great girl. Nate's an idiot for stringing her along."
"Is that what you two talked about the whole time?" Brooke asked curiously.
"No, but does it matter?" He said raising an eyebrow.
"No, not really."
He looked amused. "You want to talk to me about something Brooke, so just say it?"
She sighed in relief. "I was never good at the starting serious conversations thing."
"I know." He said grinning. "So what's going on? Talking with Peyton already causing problems?"
She glared. "No that's not it, and I can't believe you're still holding a grudge when you're all chummy with Nathan and Haley."
"Nathan's my brother and Haley's my best friend." Lucas said rolling his eyes. "It makes as much sense as you still talking to Peyton."
"Whatever." Brooke huffed. "It's about the offer you got to go to UM."
"Oh that." Lucas said. "They've been cramming my voicemail with messages to call them back. I don't think I can stall for longer, did you finally decide what you want to do?"
"I don't want to go." Brooke said softly. "I know I was excited about it at first but I don't want to leave Boston or Boston U, nor do I want to have to start in a brand new place with people I don't know."
"We would know Nathan and Madison." He pointed out.
"That's not the point." Brooke argued. "We're settled in Boston. We have friends who look out for us, you're doing great there and so am I. Why do you suddenly want to go back into basketball? You said it yourself that you don't want or need the fame!"
"Brooke…I don't know how to explain it." He replied helplessly. "I'm not going back to basketball out of love for the game—even though it is a hobby—I just don't want to have to worry about us and money…"
She snorted. "You're letting Dan's money waste away in the bank, why don't you use that?"
"I've already explained why I can't do that Brooke." Lucas said sternly.
She rolled her eyes. "Some misguided, idiotic reason I'm sure. I never bothered to listen."
Luca's face turned an angry shade of red. "That wasn't called for Brooke."
"What Luke?" Brooke asked exasperated. "I'm sick of this 'I can't take charity from Dan' bullshit you keep pulling. He's your DAD for Christ sake! It's not a hand out to use his money. After all the shit he put you through don't you think you deserve it? You have nothing to prove anymore HE'S DEAD!"
The room was dead silent after Brooke's outburst and she couldn't help but wince at the dirty look Lucas was sending her.
"You wouldn't understand Brooke." He finally said breaking the tense moment.
She shrugged. "Maybe I can't, but I can understand one thing: I'm not going to Florida."
He stood up and grabbed his coat making his way for the door. "Where are you going?"
"To think, you got your chance let me get mine." He said.
"You're coming home tonight right?"
He dragged a hand through helplessly messy short blonde hair. "You know what Brooke?" He said softly. "I don't even know."
Brooke could only stare at the shut door in shock.
I'm missing you,
I never knew how much you loved me.
I'm missing you,
I never knew how much you meant to me; I need you.
Nathan knocked on Haley's door nervously switching the vase of flowers in his hands back and forth. He knew she had gone to work but it didn't hurt to stop by. After wasting time telling Kali the whole story (who promptly chastised him for being so dense and slow) he had rushed over here intent on catching her before she left or camping out in front of her door.
He hadn't really planned on Chris fucking Keller opening the door.
"Oh this is priceless." Chris said laughing. "Nathan Scott, Haley's ex-husband. How's life treating you?" He asked letting him inside the small apartment. "And you brought flowers too? Damn."
Nathan started doing counting exercises. He didn't think he'd ever be ready to talk civilly with Chris. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Actually I should be asking you that since I live here." Chris said smirking.
"You live here?" Nathan said scoffing. "Don't expect me to believe that."
"What's so hard to believe?" Chris said carelessly. "You've been out of Haley's life for almost a year now Nathan, people change and circumstances change. You were so paranoid about Haley doing something with me it finally happened."
"You and Haley are going out?" Nathan asked incredulously.
"Is it that hard to believe? We always had more in common." Chris said smugly.
Nathan swallowed his throat suddenly dry. Not letting Chris see what his words were doing to him he set the vase on the table and backed up towards the door. "Tell Haley that I came by then."
"I'll be sure to mention that." Chris said haughtily.
Just as Nathan was about to open the door, Haley walked in looking surprised to see both of them. "Nathan what are you doing here?" Haley asked confused.
"I dropped by…you know to talk about this morning, but Chris enlightened me about your situation." Nathan said halfheartedly. "I'll talk to you later okay?"
"No!" Haley replied forcefully. "You stay there because I have a feeling what Chris told you."
Nathan shrugged. He didn't want to be here but he'd stay for her.
"Chris let me guess, you played the 'I'm still her boyfriend card' right?" Haley asked aggravated. "Why don't you get it through your thick head that we are over and your music career went down the drain with it? I don't like you, I probably never will like you, and now that I got that ridiculous notion of ever doing anything with you out of my head I think it's safe to say that I don't ever want to see you again." Haley said firmly. "So get your shit and leave, and rest assured the locks will be changed by the time you try this shit again."
Nathan smirked. "Wow, never thought I'd see the day."
Chris turned angrily to him. "Oh shove it you idiotic jock, it took me fucking around with your ex-wife to see what you'd been missing, I wouldn't be so cocky."
"Yet I'm still the one standing here while you're being kicked out." Nathan said not even batting an eye at Chris's comment.
"You're making a mistake Haley." Chris ventured standing by the door. "We would have been great together but here you are making the same mistakes again."
Haley smiled coldly. "Chris, the first and last mistake I ever made was you. Now please, don't let the door hit you on the way out."
Chris stomped out the apartment and Nathan clapped. "That was amazing."
She blushed. "Yeah, I thought you'd like that."
"So this morning you were telling the truth?"
"I wouldn't lie about something like that." Haley said softly.
"I know…it's just…" Nathan exhaled slowly. "It's hard to believe you know? I wanted this for so long and all of a sudden you're saying all the words I wanted to hear."
"But do you…what is that supposed to mean?" She finally asked.
"I love you." He whispered. "So much…I never stopped and I probably never will."
Haley's eyes widened in disbelief, tears making their way down pale cheeks. "Madison?" She asked cautiously.
"Not in the picture anymore."
"So then what does this mean?" Haley asked shivering slightly.
"I love you…and you love me." Nathan replied simply. "What do you want it to mean?"
"I want us to try again."
"That" Nathan said kissing away the tears that escaped her brown eyes, "is something that I can agree with."
When it's over, can I still come over?
Lucas wandered idly around the New York City streets contemplating his argument with Brooke. He loved Brooke, he did, but he couldn't understand why she had suddenly changed her mind about Florida. They had talked about it briefly in Boston and had dismissed it quickly when Brooke said she needed to get away from the cold Boston weather but now she was serious about not going. And was boggled his mind was that she lashed out at him for not taking Dan's money, even ridiculing him for his choice. She knew how much talking about Dan in any way hurt him, it was just so out of character for her.
For some reason he couldn't help blaming it on Peyton. He stumbled slightly as his cell phone rang startling him out of his thoughts. "Hello?"
"Hey Lucas." Madison said cheerfully. "I know this is strange and everything you just meeting me and all…but I was wondering if we could hang out tomorrow if Brooke doesn't mind of course."
He smiled glad for the interruption in his thoughts. "How about we hang out tonight?" He suggested. "I was about to go to Kali's but I wouldn't mind having you for company instead. Let's go out and get drunk or something." He said making his tone light.
"Did something happen?" She asked tentatively.
"Brooke and I had a fight…and I wouldn't mind forgetting about it for a few hours." Lucas said sighing.
"Maybe you should try someone else then…I don't think I'm too good at making people forget anyone else, I mean look at Nathan." She joked.
"I think I'll take my chances with you." He said softly. "Where should we meet?"
When he hung up the phone a few minutes later and saw Brooke's name flashing on his screen, he didn't bother to feel guilty when he pressed reject.
When it's over, is it really over?
TBC
Music Credits: Sugar Ray – When It's Over