A/N: As usual, RnR.
P.S. Please say if I'm too specific with certain stuff.
Mild cussing.
Oh yeah, and I'll edit my list of characters sometime soon due to the draft and releases. (done that)
If any of this stuff offends you(be as honest as you can)email me. No need for everyone else to know.
And sorry if this took like, a month or something, it's because fifth grade is hard and keeps me occupied. As a result, my brain is jammed, which could only mean one thing: writer's block.
Disclaimer: Check the first chap.
(sigh)Tons of bad, bad, humor attempts.
DO NOT FLAME. OTHERWISE, I'LL BLOCK YOU! I MEAN IT!
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
DAY ONE
They've been exhausted wrestling for weeks. Finally, they would get a break. It was seven in the morning. There was a waiting plane at an airport, which was around twenty-seven miles away from the hotel. Finally, everyone got there, with their bags packed. They also had some essentials like tanning lotion and the like. Mr. McMahon was waiting there, with an evil plan. After some moments of packing their luggage in, they began to argue on who sits where.
"I take the front!" said Chavo.
"No hell way, I'm airsick!" Christian protested.
"Blind-ass, there's another seat up front!"
"Well, from what I hear, BIG SHOW has some, ahem, constipation cases? I'd bet he'll occupy four freakin' seats!"
Chavo groaned in annoyance. "Fine."
Christian snickered at his newfound victory of acquiring a front seat.
Meanwhile in the middle part...
Kurt and Shawn were fighting over a good window seat.
"I'm sitting here!"
"No I'M sitting here!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
"I made you tap out, Shawnie!"
"Yeah, phhhbbt, once. And you suck."
Then they were interrupted by Coach. "Let the Coach decide who sits where."
Kurt groaned in exasperation. "Beat it, Baldo." He pushed Coach aside, and found that Shawn had took advantage of this moment to take the window seat.
"HAHA! Got here first!"
"HEY! NO FAIR!"
In another part in the middle...
Kidman and London were fighting over a well-placed lounge chair, with an ottoman and a small table with a drink holder. There were two seats, but they were beside each other, which means, a trip where there would be no peace and quiet.
"I was here first." Paul London said, about to settle on the chair.
"No, I think you stand corrected. I got here first."
"Know something, Billy, when we were partners back then, I never lied...NOW MOVE OVER!"
Cena was running around the plane and kinda lost control, so he wound up pushing Paul down on the chair.
"Woohoo! I got the chair! Thanks John!" Paul yelled out, slouching down.
"No prob." John replied, nearly ramming into Kane.
"Uh...how're yah doin', erh...Kane?"
Kane just gave him an odd stare, then left off to a seat as far away from Edge as possible. John just climbed in a loveseat with Randy, which was across the one of Rey and Eddie. Heidenreich took a backseat, to ensure that he could compose poems in peace. Undertaker stayed away from Kane. Carlito took a seat beside Trish. She nearly freaked.
"Get out, you big, fat, loony pig!" she hissed under her breath.
Carlito jumped back in shock. "Okay..." This time he went beside Christy, who walloped him with a wooden hairbrush. He sat beside Michelle, who stepped on his foot so bad, that he had to leave. In the end, he settled for the vacant recliner beside London's.
"What are you doing here?" asked a casually seated Paul, who was idly flipping through a SmackDown magazine and listening to a CD.
"I've got nowhere to sit! Dammit, these guys aren't cool!"
Paul was rather annoyed by Carlito's constant whining, so he just turned up the volume of his CD player from 5 to 10 to avoid any further complaints.
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
In the end, the seating became:
Front Row(left to right): Big Show, Christian, Tomko, both GMs
Second Row: Chavo, Coach, Booker T and Sharmell, Trish, Joy, Jackie
Third Row: Shawn, Cole, Tazz, Mathews, Kane, Angle
Fourth: Dawn, Stacy, Victoria, Michelle
Fifth Row: (this actually occupied two rows' space because it's a grouping of couches and blah blah) Cena and Orton in a loveseat, Rey and Eddie in a loveseat, Charlie and Miss Jackie in a loveseat as well, Edge and Lita in one too. Carlito in a recliner, London on a lounge chair.
Sixth Row: Evolution, Batista, Benoit, Jericho, Shelton, Momma, Billy Kidman
Seventh Row: Bashams, JBL, Orlando, RVD, Undertaker, Muhammad and Daivari
Last Row: Dudleys, Heidenreich, SCSA
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
5 HOURS LATER...
They finally arrived. Puerto Rico, a great place to relax. After a bunch of guys loaded their things out of the airplane, Mr. McMahon removed the airplane's engine and left around 3 television cameras around there. Nobody saw him. Everyone was busy piling up inside cabins. McMahon then escaped via a glider that he had, which he used to go to another ship, not so far away.
Triple H was playing leader. "Alright," he started, "who sleeps with who?"
Rob, Rey, Eddie, and Chavo were taking a cabin. The Divas took one big cabin except for Sharmell, Torrie, Lita, and Miss Jackie, who were married. The Dudleys, Morgan, and Taker were in one-only because they had to keep Kane and Taker away from each other. The married couples, who were Booker-Sharmell, Haas-Jackie, Lita-Edge, and Torrie-Billy took a big cabin. Kane, Stone Cold, Kurt Angle, and Hardcore took one. Cole, Tazz, Mathews, and Funaki took one cabin. Of course there was Evolution, Cena and Orton. Muhammad, Daivari, the Bashams, OJ, and JBL took one. Benoit, London, Chris Jericho, Shelton, and Christian took another. Big Show, Tomko, Kane, and Heidenreich took one smaller-sized cabin with sturdy beds. The GMs and the Coach took one of the adjoining cabins, which was the one beside the cabin with the big guys. Evolution took the last one, which was also the biggest one.
So the cabin arrangements were:
Cabin 1:
>>RVD-Rey-Eddie-Chavo
Cabin
2:
>>Trish-Stacy-Christy-Victoria-Dawn-Michelle
Cabin
3:
>>Spike, D-Von, and Bubba Ray Dudley-Matt
Morgan-Undertaker
Cabin 4:
>>OJ-JBL-B.Bros.-Hassan-Daivari-Carlito
Cabin
5:
>>Booker-Sharmell-Charlie-Jackie-Lita-Edge-Torrie-Billy
Cabin
6:
>>Benoit-London-Jericho-Shelton-Christian
Cabin
7-A:
>>Big Show-Tomko-Kane-Heidenreich
Cabin 7-B:
>>T.
Long-Bischoff-Coach
Cabin 8:
>>Evolution, Orton, Batista,
Cena
Now that they were settled in, it was time for lunch. They headed back inside the plane, where there was a restaurant. After a big lunch, they all headed out to explore.
(scenes will be written in divisions by cabin. Note that some scenes do not involve everyone residing in that particular cabin.)
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©CABIN 1-2:17 PM
Rob was with Rey, drinking a bottle of wine. So far, he'd finished half of it.
"Uh...Rob? You're turning red.. really really red." Rey said to his extremely drunk friend.
"Nice try, Rey Rey!" he retorted, this time spilling the cold alcoholic drink on his head.
Rey just sighed. Do what you want, Rob, he thought, but don't say I didn't tell ya. He rushed outside to shore to join Eddie, who was in a motorboat, which was labeled Rico Raza on the side.
"Hey holmes! Wanna join?"
"Sure!"
They climbed in the four-seater motorboat, Chavo in the backseat.
"Hey Rey, Chavito, no fighting, o nos ahogaremos!"(meaning "or else we'll drown!")
The two nodded and Eddie started the boat.
In the backseat, Chavo was writing in his journal. Rey brought a camera with him, hoping to sight some nice things along the way. He looked behind him to find a good subject for a photo. And there he saw, Chavo was writing.
"Well, what do we have here?" Rey teased, snatching the journal out of Chavo's grasp. Before Chavo could protest, Rey began to read it out loud.
"I really love----" Rey started but trailed off when Chavo snatched it back.
"UNCLE EDDIE, REY IS INTERFERING WITH MY BUSINESS!"
"Well, it serves you right for screwing us up before!" Eddie said in response.
Chavo just groaned, slouched back, and clutched his journal tighter.
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 2-2:54 PM
The divas were gossiping about how Chavo forgot to wear his boot in a recent match.
"I mean, he looked so stupid! Like he mismatched a shoe or something!" Christy exclaimed, laughing her head off. Same with the others.
"And did you see that odd pink thing in his sock? It was like, a piece of gum or something!" Stacy added, laughing even more.
Trish began to speak. "And then, his sock was stuck on the canvas and then he had to take it off! I mean, his foot seemed to have fungus on it! Torrie, you should've been there!" she said, rolling on the floor laughing, and looking at the Women's Champion. Torrie, who just entered the cabin and sat beside her, just laughed and got some popcorn from a nearby bowl.
"I don't think Chavo's even deserving of a title shot!" Torrie said.
"Now you're talking!" Christy said, beginning to laugh again.
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 3-3:07 PM
The Dudleys weren't done eating. They had an enormous pizza in their cabin, but they realized that they didn't have a surface area. Spike, as always, being the "boss" of the Dudleys, gave his older brother, D-Von, a command.
"D-von?"
"Yes?"
"Get a table."
"Sure thing."
He arrived a few seconds after, with a small wood table in his hands.
Matt Morgan just entered the cabin.
"Can I have p-p-p-p-p--" he began but Spike cut him off.
"What? Paracetamol pills? Powder? Popcorn? Pakistan? Persecution? Porcelain parrot puppets? What do you want?"
"P-p-p-pizza."
"Help yourself." Spike said, a little annoyed.
Undertaker came in. He brightened at the sight of the pizza.
"Pizza, you will rest in peace!" Undertaker said, grabbing a slice.
"More like, in his stomach." Bubba Ray whispered to D-Von.
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 4-3:29 PM
"Ey, OJ." Doug said, entering the room. Orlando couldn't help but notice that something was weird with Doug's foot.
"Doug? Consider looking down."
He then saw that one of his socks was slimed green, and the other was white.
"WHAAAAT! Who put this here?"
"Look outside. I think you'll have an answer." He turned to the window and saw that Coach was fooling around with some green hydrochloric acid.
"H-h-h-hyd-do-chl-loric ac-cid?" Doug said looking at his foot. "YEOW MOMMY!" he said, clutching his burning foot. "Jonathan Coachman, you will pay!"
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 5-4:12 PM
"Sharmell?" Booker asked his wife. "Smell something?"
"Smell what?" she replied.
"Something outside."
"Yeah I smell it."
"Let's check it out."
They also witnessed Coachman fooling around with the acid.
"Yo sucka! What the hell--" Booker said. He didn't intend for what would happen next.
Coach dropped the bottle of acid in shock. It landed on his foot.
"YEOWWWWWWW MAMA! AAAAAAAAH!" he screamed as the burning solution spilled on his foot. "IT HURTS! AAAAAAAAAAH! I WANT MY MOMMY! SAVE ME LORD!"
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 6-4:23 PM
Paul was sitting informally on a bed, just listening to one of his CDs. Chris Benoit came in.
"Hey Paul."
"Hi Chris."
Chris plopped down on another bed. Chris Jericho then entered the cabin, soaked to the bone.
"Hey Paul, hey Chris."
"Hi Chris. What happened to you?"
"Just went for a dip." Christian then entered.
"Hi Paul, hi Chris, hi Chris."
"Hey Christian."
He sat down beside Chris Jericho. As if on cue, Shelton went in.
"Hey Paul, Chris, Chris, Christian."
"Hey Shelb." They replied in a bored manner.
Momma then entered.
"Shelton, have you had yo breakfast yet?" she said, with her remarkable accent.
"Yes mom."
"What did you eat?"
"--"
"Don't start. I kno' you had a protein bar, young man."
"SPEAK!"
"Yes ma'am."
"Alright. Now you come with me, Momma gon' getcha somethin' decent to eat."
Snickering followed.
"I'm bored. What do we do now?" asked Jericho.
"How about a name calling marathon?" Christian suggested.
"You're on, creepy little bitch!" Paul replied, officially beginning the game.
"I'm a bitch, but look at your ass in the ring-no need to be so pompous about it!" Christian replied.
"Both of you are bitchy arrogant assclowns!" Jericho said.
"Oh look, it's the king of ANNOY-ING!" Christian said.
"Oh yeah, look behind you." he retorted.
Chris Benoit was walking to them.
"Hello, Christian. Hello, Chris Lame-ico."
"NOBODY CALLS CHRIS JERICHO THAT! Beat this!" He then did a mockery of the Crippler Crossface sign, at the same time, singing in an odd, childish melody the words 'put a smile on your face wherever you go!'.
"NOBODY TELLS CHRIS BENOIT WHAT TO DO!" Benoit said, mocking what Jericho had said a moment ago.
"Black idiot." Jericho muttered. It took a while for Benoit to realize he was talking about Shelton, who seemingly returned.
"I HEARD THAT, LION-HAIRED FREAK!"
"OH YEAH? HAVE YOU CONSIDERED WHITENING LOTION?"
"HAVE YOU CONSIDERED A HAIRCUT?"
"GRRR!"
"GRRR!"
"Toasted and roasted fag."
"Lion hair."
"Brainless bunch of chickens." Christian said to them.
"Do we have chicken beaks?" Jericho said.
"I didn't mean it literally."
"Well, you called them chickens." Paul said.
"You know what Paul? You're so-o-o-o out of place. You're the only kid 'round here who doesn't know what 'charisma' is."
"Kid? KID! I'm 25! And so what if I'm out of place?"
"Uhh..."
"AHA! LIAR! You're not Captain 'Charisma' after all!" he said, doing the weird side-to-side gesture when he said 'Charisma'.
"HEY! EVERYONE NEEDS TIME TO THINK!"
"But I thought you were Captain 'Charisma'." he said, doing the gesture again.
He decided to ignore it this time. Instead, he brought up a new topic.
"You know, Paul, when I said 'chickens' awhile ago, I also meant you."
"CHICKEN! I AM NOT CHICKEN!"
"BAAK BAAK! OOOOH, LOOK AT ME I'M PAUL LONDON, AND I'M A BIG, FAT, SCARY CHICKEN!"
"BIG! FAT! SCARY! For your info, Captain 'Charisma'," he started, doing the gesture again, "YOU are bigger, YOU are fatter, and you're not scary!"
Christian rolled his eyes. He decided he had enough of Paul London's childish retorts. "When I thought Benoit was fat." he grumbled.
"I HEARD THAT!"
"SO!"
"Beat this old man." He then did the 'Captain Charisma' gesture, robot-style, countless time until he made the "robot" break down.
"OLD MAN? YOU'RE OLDER!"
"Well at least I can wrestle, not just whistle."
Jericho had to interrupt, realizing what time it was.
"Uh guys? It's 6:11."
"So? We're having fun."
Jericho put a hand on his head. "Oh boy..."
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 7-A-6:11 PM
Heidenreich had just finished his "disaster piece". He began to read it out loud to Kane, Tomko, and Big Show, who were playing a domino effect type game, in which they made a WWE logo design which worked.
"Big Show and Kane and Tyson Tomko,
Were all playing a game of falling dominoes,
That WWE logo design may have worked,
But the next one will really flurk!"(no such word)
The three seemed offended with what he said. Big Show positioned him for a chokeslam, but Kane reached for Heidenreich's neck as well.
"I was first!" Big Show said.
"No I was!" Kane retorted, still clutching on to his neck.
"ME!"
"ME!"
"ME!"
"YOU!"
"YOU!" Big Show, realizing what he said, cupped his mouth.
"HAHA! I got him first. Now Heidenreich, you will rest in peace!" He chokeslammed him, but then Big Show speared an unsuspecting Kane onto a more unsuspecting Heidenreich, leaving the impact of Big Show's head, Big Show himself, and Kane's weight on Heidenreich. Big Show is 493 pounds. Kane is 326 pounds. The impact of the head is about 453 pounds. Total? 1,272 pounds on Heidenreich. That HAD to hurt.
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 7-B
"Teddy?" Eric asked.
"'Sup, dawg?" Long replied.
"I was just wondering...WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO--"
"Easy there playa, I know. You wanted to ask me what happened to Coach. Well, his foot got burned with hydrochloric acid and--" He was cut off by Eric.
"NOOOO! MY POOR SWEETHEART!" Eric said in a soap opera woman voice. Realizing what he had just said, he cupped his mouth. Long began laughing his head off.
"What's gotten into your mind, playa?"
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
CABIN 8
Ric Flair was playing a Mortal Kombat© video game. Whenever his character would get hit, he would let out a loud "WOOOOOOOOOO!" And since his character was a vulnerable one, the cabin would be 'emitting' a "WOOOOOOOOOO!", which in turn, began annoying Randy.
"Shut up Flair!" he screamed.
Ric's character got hit again. "WOOOO!"
"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!"
As usual, his character got jabbed. "WOOOO!"
"SHUT UP!"
"WOOOOOO!"
"SHUT UP!"
"WOOOOOO!"
5 MINUTES LATER...
Randy groaned. "I give up!"
"WOOOOOOOOOOO!"
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
GROUP GATHERING AT SHORESIDE-8:28 PM
They had a truth or dare game, spin the bottle style. They formed one big circle with the bottle in the center. Triple H spun the bottle. It then landed on Jericho.
"So, Chris, truth or dare?"
"Dare."
Evolution huddled and discussed a good dare. They began snickering.
"Alright," Triple H said, trying to contain himself, "I dare you to french kiss Christian's butt!"
"WHAT! No wa--" Jericho had barely been able to finish his sentence.
"Chris the chicken...and chickens get thrown into the water by the use of a forklift."
"You call me a chicken--NOBODY CALLS CHRIS JERICHO THAT!"
Triple H just rolled his eyes. "Just French kiss the butt!"
"FINE!"
And so he did it. Everybody either turned around or groaned, but whatever they did, it was an expression of disgust.
Triple H went off to the bottle again. This time it landed on Stone Cold.
"What've you damn bastards got in store for Stone Cold's ass?"
Evolution huddled again. "I dare you to dance with a crab!" Hunter said.(ri-ight, so suddenly HHH is called Hunter)
Stone Cold was laughing HARD. "Did...you...HAHA...just...(snicker)...s-say that..out...(snicker)of your fuckin' ass!" He cut himself off laughing harder.
Hunter shrugged. "Yeah, I just said dance with a crab." He tossed a big crab to him. Stone Cold tried to sustain his laughter but couldn't as he began throwing the crab around like a rag doll, about to have its joints cut off. He eventually threw the crab into the seawater and carried on laughing all the way to his place. Hunter spun the bottle again. This time, it landed on Edge.
"What're ya gonna make me do, huh, Hunter? Suck on raw fish?" Edge said, snickering.
"Actually, I never had to bring it up..."
"I'll take that as a yes." Edge found some raw fish, but before he could suck on it, Stone Cold raised his hand, supposedly going to ask or say something.
"What's this talk about seafood?"
Hunter turned to Evolution.
"Well? What's this about seafood?"
Ric shrugged. "WOOOOOOOOOO!"
Hunter looked at him sternly. "What did I say about the WOOOOO-ing?"
Ric bowed his head down. "Don't do it in public."
Triple H turned around to Edge. "Just suck the fish." And so he did. After sucking the fish, he lost balance and fell on the crab that was assaulted by Stone Cold, which pinched his butt.
"MOMMY! IT HURTS! I WANT MOMMY!" Edge began screaming. Pretty soon, he was running around the beach uncontrollably. Everyone tried to chase him, but no-o-o, it didn't pay off...that is, until they got Kane to kick him. Feeling the kick, Edge backfired and exchanged blows with the 7-footer, leading to more carnage.
"Alright, all hands in the air!" Randy said. Everyone threw their hands up.
Randy smiled in satisfaction. "Good. So which assclown--" Jericho cut him off.
"HEY! THAT'S MY LINE!"
"So!"
"COUNTERFEIT!"
"Fine. Which asshole pushed Kane there?"
No hands shot up.
Randy repeated the question. "I said, WHICH ASSHOLE PUSHED KANE THERE?"
Suddenly, Chris (Benoit) pulled Carlito's hand up. "Orton, he did it!"
Randy looked furious. "ASSHOLE!" He then chased chased Carlito into the woods nearby. The Carribean native began chanting "NOT COOL! RANDY ORTON NOT COOL! CARLITO COOL!" repeatedly as he got chased into the grove of trees.
(end of night)
©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©
Well, that's the chaos in one day.
How much will there be tomorrow?
Who/what is Chavo's secret love?
How bad does Undertaker want his pizza?
What kind of payback will Doug have for the Coach?
How long will Chris, Jericho, Shelton, Christian and Paul call each other ridiculous names?
Find out in day two-coming soon.(I might make them act more like preschoolers-stupidheaded preschoolers, so beware.) Oh, and about Big Show spearing Kane, well, I don't know how he did that.
Oh yeah, one more thing, I want you guys to decide on a pairing. If you have a slash(no femslash, PLEASE)pairing in mind, e-mail me. Check my profile page.