Warring Emotions
By: Sari
Disclaimer: One Tree Hill is not mine. If I had enough money I'd probably buy it just so I could get rid of half the characters on the show.
Summary: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin. The sequel to This Time Around.
10: Hate You Didn't Try
Chapter 10 is dedicated to HaleynNathan23 who left 6 long reviews that completely made my day. Thank you!
Warning: Language! This chapter is a strong PG-13/T
If I close my eyes
I can still see me in your eyes
If I hold my breath
I can breathe just like you
But for me
It's a momentary flight
The night ended with tense words. Lucas had pulled Brooke away from the table after she had dumped her drink on Jake's head with a brief goodbye, Haley and Nathan sensing the tension slowly made their way out the club, and Peyton had no choice but to stay because Kali's eyes were pinning her to her seat.
Kali's temper was legendary within the group, she was the first to hit somebody, the first to launch a verbal attack, and the first to get herself arrested in a club. It was for that reason only that Peyton was scared out of her mind and wished she wasn't too scared to leave.
"What was Brooke talking about Jake?" Kali said calmly.
"Kali this is not the time or the place…" Jake said nervously, he wasn't one to draw crowds and he knew if he let Kali continue she would sure enough draw one.
"Answer me." She growled. "We are not moving from this table until I get a straight answer out of you."
He sighed and looked to Peyton for help. Peyton just shrugged, she was practically emanating a "this is your screw up—fix it" vibe.
"Earlier today I asked Peyton to lunch and I asked her if she would wait for me in case we didn't work out." He said keeping his eyes to the ground. "It was nothing, Brooke blew it out of proportion."
Kali stared at him in disbelief. "It isn't a big deal?" She asked slowly. "You're dooming our nonexistent relationship already."
"Nonexistent?" He asked surprised.
"What you think I'm going to just sit around while you fuck Peyton behind my back?" She said incredulously.
"That's not what's happening!" He insisted.
"No of course not." She said her voice back to its original icy calm. "Just in case you can't put up with my bullshit you'll have Peyton on the side to run back to every time you need an ego boost. Why have one girlfriend when you can have two?"
"Kali!" Jake protested desperately.
"Shut up!" She yelled sharply. She turned to Peyton. "Peyton, can you tell me what he told you? It'd be appreciated."
Peyton hesitated. "Kali…maybe if you just calmed down…"
"Peyton." She interrupted.
Peyton smiled weakly. "He invited me out to lunch and then he told me that he was sorry and that maybe he made a mistake going back to you. He said that he might have been holding onto an image of you that wasn't there anymore. He told me he loved me still and even though the both of you were trying he didn't know if it would work out and he said that we had too much history for him to forget about. Then he asked me to wait for him." She concluded.
Kali looked at an increasingly embarrassed Jake. "If you didn't want me anymore why didn't you just tell me?" She asked. "Why go on with this ridiculous charade? Why repeat what happened in high school all over again? We're ADULTS Jake! I figured you would be the most mature out of us, you have a child, but I guess not."
"Kali…I am so sorry I was going to tell you…I just wanted to figure out a way to tell you with the possibility of us still staying friends."
"So you do still love Peyton?"
He nodded. "I love her, and I love you as well—I always will—but I'm in love with Peyton."
"Well then." She said standing up. "Peyton it looks like you have the final laugh."
"Kali…" Peyton started.
"Please, don't even try to be altruistic. You've been waiting years to finally show me up and you did. The congratulations are all yours." Kali said bitterly. "Jake, do me a favor and go to hell."
"Does this mean we still can't be friends?" He asked pitifully.
She laughed. "Go fuck yourself, and take Peyton with you."
The life you took was mine
We can't be happy all the time
Out of sight but you haunt my mind
I need a remedy to kill the pain
I hate you didn't try
"I'm so worried about her." Lucas said as he and Brooke walked back to their hotel. "I didn't even see that coming, I thought he was in love with her still."
"It turns out Jake is the biggest jackass amongst us." Brooke said flippantly. "He surpassed you, surpassed Nathan, and went straight to 'biggest bastard of the year' status."
"Maybe we should stop by Kali's penthouse and see if she's there. She needs somebody right now." He said truly worried about his friend.
Brooke smiled. "Luke, I was just waiting for you to ask."
They caught a taxi to Kali's house and made it right as they saw her own taxi pulling up to the curb. "Kali!" Lucas called seeing the blonde walk into the building.
She turned around and gave him a small smile. "How'd you know I needed a friend?"
"I would say it's the best friend bond we have but Brooke told me the entire story." He pulled her into a hug. "I am so sorry." He whispered.
Kali tuned to Brooke. "Brooke, you wouldn't mind me stealing your boyfriend for the night?" She asked.
Brooke held up her hands. "You need him more than I do, call me tomorrow okay?" She said kindly.
Kali nodded and waited for Lucas to walk her back to the taxi before they went up stairs to talk. While Lucas set up the usual supplies: ice cream, chick movies, and a friendly ear.
She plopped down on her sofa, popped in a movie, and took a bowl and spoon from him. "I feel like an asshole."
"You have no right to feel that way." Lucas answered immediately. "Jake is the asshole, you are the victim. You have every right to feel angry or hell, even sad, but you are not an asshole."
She nodded. "That may be true but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like I should've known this would happen. I mean what type of record does Jake have when it comes to women? He knocked up one, dragged along Peyton for awhile, met me and dropped her, dropped me for her, and then here he goes dropping me again for her." She laughed resentfully. "I should have seen it."
"And then to make matters worse." She continued. "I didn't find out that he didn't love me in the privacy of my own home, I found out in the middle of a club where everyone could feel pity for me. Even PEYTON was feeling pity for me. Drug abuser, attention-seeker, 'I want Kali's life' Peyton."
Lucas chuckled at her last statement.
She cracked a smile too. "I feel awful." She said softly. "I just want to hurt him as much as he hurt me."
"Jake is an idiot, he doesn't know what he's missing." Lucas said sternly. "You knew he had a white knight complex Kali. Every time Peyton looked like she was heading for trouble he always had to be the one to save her. Even if you two had lasted that would still be the case during your relationship. He has to feel needed and he can't have that with you because you're strong and independent."
"Flattery was always your best subject." She said her smile a little bit brighter.
"It's not flattery, it's the truth." He said hugging her again. "Kali you will find someone that loves you for the strong person that you are. You don't need Jake."
"I don't need him." She repeated quietly.
"You don't." He cemented. He reached over and picked up the blanket she had brought out. "I love you, Brooke loves you, Nate loves you, and Haley loves you. We'll be there for you when you need it okay?"
She nodded and made herself comfortable in his arms she he could spread the blanket over them. "Thank you Luke." She said eyes brimming. "I don't know how I would have survived tonight with you."
"I know." He smiled and kissed her on the head.
You made love on an overdose
And now I'm left to cope
You carved I love you in my hands
A scarlet letter drenched in your blood
"I think I should go and talk to her." Peyton said nervously to Jake who was looking just as stunned as she was.
"No." Jake said resolutely. "You shouldn't. I know Kali, she just needs to cool down."
"I feel terrible."
"You have no reason to." He said sighing. "I do, and I think I feel terrible enough for the both of us. What were you thinking telling Brooke of all people?"
"She's my best friend." Peyton said.
"Yeah, the best friend that ditched you as soon as Lucas gave the word. All of a sudden she's friendly for a couple days and you spill your life story to her. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that if I ever wanted my best friend back that I'd have to be honest with her and we've helped each other these past few days. I love Brooke and we can overcome anything together. So what if she takes it upon herself to fix my life, it's what friends do. See you wouldn't know that because Luke and Nate, they're so pissed at you for being an inconsiderate jerk they won't even talk to you." Peyton hissed.
He sighed again. "Peyt, I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Tonight has just not been my night."
"I know." She said sympathetically. "But you did bring this on yourself."
"You don't have to remind me." He said. "Kali did a good enough job."
"You want to come back to the hotel with me?" She asked hopefully. Almost as soon as the words were out her mouth Peyton berated herself. She was foolish in her love for him. As much evidence as she'd seen that he was no good she couldn't help loving him and wanting him to be with her. Kali was right; she had wanted this for a long time no matter how she got it and whose heart broke in the process.
He shook his head and gave her a gentle smile. "Not tonight Peyton." He looked down the dark street and shook his head again. "I have to get my head on straight before I even try to attempt anything with you. Whatever this was with Kali, it made me realize that I do love you, theirs no doubt in that, but I need to get her out of mind before I jeopardize our relationship again."
"I understand." And surprisingly enough, she really did. "Call me when you're ready to talk okay?"
He nodded. "Thank you."
She smiled. "Anytime Jake, anytime."
The life you took was mine
We can't be happy all the time
Out of sight but you haunt my mind
I need a remedy to kill the pain
I hate you didn't try
Since you left
I sleep in the clothes that you wore
Forget I'm alive
And I wait for you at the door
So tired of blue
But I think I see you in the clouds
The life you took was mine
We can't be happy all the time
Out of sight but you haunt my mind
I need a remedy to kill the pain
Kill the pain
TBC
Music Credits: Leah Andreone – Hate You Didn't Try
A/N: Next chapter might be a little late guys! School shopping tomorrow and then I'm going to see my sister but I might have time to do it on Wednesday.