Disclaimer 1: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters.
Disclaimer 2: This story contains some slash. Not explicit or graphic in any way, it is only mentioned. It is SS/SB.
Disclaimer 3: This story was spawned because of the events taking place in HBP. There WILL be spoilers, so if you haven't read the book, don't read this fic.
Author's Note: YAY! Maybe I'll get the whole thing uploaded in one day. Then maybe the voices will leave me alone for a while. I really need to rejoin the real world at some point. (can't imagine why)
Severus sinks back into the shadows. He doesn't feel any desire to fight the Aurors. His loyalties are so twisted and conflicted that he cannot bring himself to fight for either side. Severus is on his own side. The side where guilt drowns you and you feel as if you'll never be free of the pain. Severus sinks to his knees and buries his head in his hands. He remembers all too well the second and most painful of the deaths that he caused.
Sirius. A whimper finds it way from his throat. Sirius. The love that he'd denied. He'd been so sure of Black's guilt that he'd walled off his heart ignoring the fact that he as an actual Death Eater was by far the guiltier of the two. Then when Sirius had returned, it was all he could do to keep himself from throwing his arms around his former lover and begging for forgiveness. But the hatred in the other man's haunted eyes had shattered the remains of his heart. There was only a gaping hole where it had been. Therefore he hadn't even thought of Sirius when he'd relayed the information to Voldemort that would ultimately result in his death.
"My Lord." Severus bowed. His soul shrank away from the evil around him. He knew that he had to give information to the Dark Lord or his fragile position as Dumbledore's spy would disintegrate and he would be killed. But this was not information that he wanted to give. This was the information that Voldemort had been searching for since that fateful night sixteen years before when Trelawney had uttered the prophecy.
"Tell me."
Severus cleared his throat.
"The Department of Mysteries my Lord."
"Very Good." Voldemort praised. "You have proved your loyalties once again. Now go and watch the Potter boy. He could ruin everything."
"Yes of course My Lord."
Such a simple thing to reveal. Dumbledore had been sure of the prophecy's safety and so Severus had told the Dark Lord. But Dumbledore had not counted on Potter. The boy was determined to meddle in things that were not his responsibility. Severus sneers. And of course the boy dragged Sirius into the whole mess. So the blame could be spread to Harry, but Severus decides that the boy has too much to bear without Severus' blame. He would take it all on himself.
The Mark burned and Severus snarled. Now was not a good time to be summoned. The school was under the command of the Ministry and the students were going wild. He was on the verge of tearing his hair out. Dumbledore and McGonagall gone at the same time and Umbridge in charge of Hogwarts. But, when he was called, he answered. He Apparated to his master's side, to find the Dark Lord in paroxysms of delight.
"I have discovered a way to use the Potter boy."
Severus only bowed and allowed the Dark Lord to see his dislike of the boy on his face.
"I will give him a false vision of his godfather."
Severus felt his stomach clench at the mention of Sirius.
"And, stupid fool that he is, he will rush to save him, and we will swarm down and claim him." Voldemort was practically foaming at the mouth.
"That is ingenious my Lord." he murmured.
"Yes it is." hissed the Dark Lord. "Here is a little reminder of my genius."
Severus braced himself as he fell to the floor in convulsions of pain. Sweat mixed with tears on his sallow face.
"Now return to Hogwarts and stand guard."
Severus managed a nod and the Dark Lord swept from the room. He lay there unable to convince his muscles to respond. He must warn Dumbledore. But the old man was gone, and no one knew where he was . Severus dug his fingers into the grass in helpless rage. There was nothing he could do. The Order was walking into a trap.
Screams and flashes of light punctuate the darkness of the forest. Severus can see the battle raging before him. Crumpled bodies litter the ground and blood cakes the ground, turning the dirt into a sort of mud. Above it all, Voldemort's maniacal laughter can be heard. The Potter boy lays stunned and still bound in a heap at the Dark Lord's feet. Blood runs in rivulets from his lacerated wrists. Severus suddenly knows what he must do. He creeps forward and whispers,
"Extrico."
The silvery rope falls in tangled pile from around the boy. Severus then wakes the boy from his unconscious state. That is all he dares do. He cannot be seen aiding the light.
He slips back into the shadows and watches the Aurors. They are losing without Potter and Dumbledore.
A ragged Dumbledore appeared next to Severus.
"What happened? Did all go well?" Severus asked anxiously.
"Not as well as we hoped." was all the Headmaster would say.
"Potter?"
"He is alive, but he is hurting."
Severus fought back irritation.
"Have we sustained any losses?"
the Headmaster turned his unreadable gaze on Severus.
"Yes. We have lost Sirius Black."
Severus fell back into a chair. Time seemed to hiccup as his world swirled around him.
"Black?" he repeated stunned.
"Yes. I must talk to Harry. Excuse me." the Headmaster left Severus alone with his sudden grief.
Sirius was dead. It was impossible. Sirius was so full of life. How could he die?
He howled his anger and grief into his hands. Suddenly the grief turned to hate. Loathing for the Dark Lord that had taken his lover's life.
Severus resolves to find a way to make Voldemort pay. Tears fall heedless down his cheeks and guilt washes over him.
Harry stirs on the ground, drawing Severus' attention. Thankfully the Dark Lord is preoccupied with shouting killing curses into the fray. Aurors are dropping on every side. Severus recognizes several of his students forming a square and standing firm against the tide of death and destruction all around them.
"For Dumbledore!" shouts one brave fellow, right before a jet of green light hits him in the stomach and he folds up, lifeless.
Those words sends a shard of self-loathing so sharp it is physical pain through him.
Dumbledore. The one man who believed in him unwaveringly and he had killed him in cold blood.
"Severus... Please.."
Severus tried to resist. He pleaded in his mind for the strength to break the Unbreakable Vow, but it was named thus for a reason. There was no escaping it. Draco had failed in his task, and Severus had sworn to finish it if the boy was unable. "Forgive me." he thought as he raised his wand. His self-loathing and hatred for Voldemort filled his face. It was the only defiance he could muster. He looked into the calm blue eyes and saw forgiveness there.
"Avada Kedavra!" he shouted and watched in agony as life left the Headmaster's body and the frail body fell hard on the stone. He had crossed the line. There was no going back now. He had no choice but to return to the Dark Lord.
"Out of here quickly." he snarled at a stunned Draco Malfoy.
Grabbing the boy he rushed out the door and down the stairs. His head pounded with the refrain,
"Murderer!" "Murderer!" "Murderer!"
He fought his way past the students and teachers and ran, not looking back. Dumbledore was dead, and the side of light was fatally crippled.
Severus watched, his dark eyes a swirl of pain and guilt, as Potter managed to get to his feet. He knew what was going to happen. Most of the Aurors and students were either dead or stunned. Harry gave a gasp of pain, and Voldemort turned, seeing the boy on his feet.
"So. You still think you can beat me?" sneered Voldemort, "You are weak and have no wand." he raised his own wand and pointed it at the defiant boy.
Severus had only a split second to decide. He ran forward, tearing his mask off as he went. This was his one chance to make it all right. He drew his wand and threw at Potter. It skidded to a halt against his shoe.
"I'm not afraid to die." Potter replied bravely, raising his eyes to meet those of the Dark Lord.
"Good." laughed Voldemort, "because you will die."
Severus dove into the clearing and covered Harry's body with his own just as the Dark Lord released the curse.
"Avada Kedavra."
Severus felt the green light hit him high in the chest and then felt nothing as the life that he'd freely given for the Boy-Who-Was-The-Only-Hope, left him. He had atoned for his sins in the only way he knew how. And it was enough.
Okay. So I lied. Only 2 chapters instead of 3. But this works out well. Hopefully you guys will enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it. I feel that I have successfully portrayed my thoughts. Well all but the SS/SB bit. I know that that's not canon, but I wanted Severus to feel guilty for the death of Sirius and that was the first thing I thought of.