(6)
The white snow plastered the ski hills – winter's beauty was at its peak. Amid the mesmerizing whiteness, everything was exceptionally pure and transparent – there were no worldly pollutions, only a primitive white. Under the brilliant sunshine, the snow scene before the eyes swayed away all of the heart's troubles and concerns. The entire winter seemed to exist solely for this snow; even the sound of the footsteps was enchantingly crisp. Observing one's own footprints – the wind too left marks behind.
Tsukushi was attired in bright yellow, pretty and dazzling under the sunlight. As the ski coach beside her explained and stressed the essentials of skiing, her face was packed with anticipation and enthusiasm as she watched the others briskly fly on by.
Tsukushi nodded and took in a deep breath – ready to go. Doumyouij anxiously remained by her side. She lost her balance as she took the first step. Tsukushi panicked a little and was about to adjust her position when Doumyouji held her up. Steadying herself, she broke free from his hands and skied downhill. Her unstable fluttering alarmed and frightened Doumyouji. Seeing that she was about to take another fall, he quickly skied over and picked her up. Therefore, one flapping and wavering, the other trailing and supporting, even the coach couldn't help but laugh as he observed Doumyouji's scrupulous protection – who didn't take a fall when learning how to ski?
Watching the hill before her, her heart pounding, she took a deep breath in and was ready to sprint when Doumyouji restrained her:
"Will you be careful? Such a steep hill, switch to a flatter area to learn. What if you fall and hurt yourself?" He pulled her uphill as he spoke. The trips and tumbles repeated several times.
"You know, I've just discovered that I'm really stupid. Even a child is better than I am." She was setback as she watched the little boy not far away ski with complete ease.
"Such a long time and I still don't get it."
She took off her gloves and sat down on the snow ground. The coach gave her a consoling smile:
"Take it slow. It'll be better once you find that feeling. Why don't you rest a little and try again?"
"Hey, are you an idiot or something! Can't even teach a person right, what kind of retarded coach are you? The nerve to call yourself the best. Get lost!" Doumyouji yelled as he glared at the coach. The coach felt indignant but did not dare to dispute him. Doumyouji cried:
"Rui! Get a better one! Are all of your coaches this terrible? Why do you keep these useless people?"
Hanazawa Rui, seemingly to have become one with the snow in a white suit, carved an elegant twist in the snow before softly landing in front of Doumyouji. Seeing Tsukushi's expression of awe and amazement, Doumyouji couldn't help but pucker his eyebrows. Rui lightly smiled:
"Tsukasa, you're too nervous." He extended his hand to Tsukushi and encouraged her, "Tsukushi, skiing is not very difficult. Come on, don't think too much. Loosen up and follow me down."
Within those crystal eyes was a gentleness that she trusted with all of her heart. She gave him her hand in faith and leaned forward – Whoa! The wind whistled in her ears as the snow drifted and gushed in the air. What a wonderful sensation! Rui slowly let go of his grasp. She felt as if she were flying through the air with expanded wings – I actually skied down! It was riveting and confounding.
"Careful, Tsukushi!" Doumyouji yelled out in worry and hurried toward her.
Hearing his voice, Tsukushi began to panic a bit and uncontrollably charged down.
"Oh god, I can't seem to stop. What do I do? Rui, help me! Rui!" She raced the entire way down and was about to hit a tree.
"Tsukushi, try to slow down with the ski poles!" Rui raised his voice to remind her and rushed over. Tsukushi instinctively followed his directions in a frenzy but still plunged due to the increasing high speed.
"Tsukushi, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need to see a doctor?" Doumyouji anxiously posed a series of questions, "Rui, why did you let go? Don't you know she has no idea how to ski? You think she's Shizuka?"
Shizuka! Rui's eyes dimmed. Tsukushi's heart sank and glared at Doumyouji. This idiot!
"It has nothing to do with Rui. Doumyouji, I'm fine."
"Forget this! Coming to a dumb ski hill and falling like this." Doumyouji hurried to help her stand up, "Rui, let's go!"
Tsukushi held on to the ski pole and rose from the ground.
"No. Doumyouji, I think I've somewhat got the feel if it, really. Rui, can we go again? Doumyouji, let go of me. I'm going to get this!" She stubbornly tore away from his grip and prepared to start again. Meeting her determined gaze, Rui nodded.
"Okay, good luck." He skied down first and Tsukushi followed. At the start, the hazards continued. She tumbled and fell again and again but immediately stood up, insisting on trying again even though her face had turned red and her breath uneven. Rui looked on with admiration and quietly gave advice here and there. When approaching a steep hill, he held on to her and counseled her on the techniques as they skied together. Gradually, she began to work with more and more ease that even the bends seemed effortless.
The two adopted a tacit understanding and encouraged each other as their congruous figures gracefully left behind smooth intersecting and parallel lines and curves on the snow. Doumyouji unknowingly stopped in his tracks – Tsukushi actually learned how to ski. She knew how to ski and the person who taught her was Rui……
"My God! Beautiful! Our young master is the one who's the best ski coach!" The fearless coach extolled in praise. Doumyouji slowly turned around as flames, reflecting his red suit, flashed across his eyes. He grabbed on the coach:
"What the hell did you say? Say it again! Are you looking to be killed? Get out of my face!" He raised his fist and knocked the coach onto the ground. The coach quickly scrambled out of his sight.
At the bottom of the hill, Tsukushi happily spoke to Rui in broken breaths:
"Rui, do you know, I never thought skiing can feel so wonderful! So relaxing and carefree, it's just like putting on a pair of wings and flying in the sky! Now I know how to ski, right? I really learned, right?"
"Yes, you know how to ski."
"Yay! This is so great! Such a great hill, great sunshine, great weather, great breeze, great snow – great Rui! I'm so happy that I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I know how to ski – I actually know how to ski!" She grabbed on Rui and chattered incessantly while breathing in the cold fresh air. As her eyes fell on Doumyouji on top of the hill, she raised her voice to yell:
"Hey! Doumyouji, I know how to ski! Come down!"
Hearing her thrilled voice, Doumyouji's heart grew strangely restless with unease. Rui's words automatically sounded: Tsukasa, you're too nervous. Yet he couldn't settle down at the sight of the two's animated and enthusiastic figures before him. The uneasiness intensified. He shook his head and leapt to ski down, watching Tsukushi's admiring expression as she marveled at the surrounding snow scene while holding on to Rui's hand. It was a smile warm enough to melt the ice and snow. Doumyouji didn't seem to notice that a person was cutting in from his left. When he intuitively tried to move aside, it was already too late. His skis intertwined with the other's as Tsukushi and Rui's exclaims simultaneously sounded:
"Doumyouji!"
"Tsukasa!"
(7)
Hanazawa Residence
The afternoon sun shone at a skewed angle, casting long shadows of the ajour setting on the windowpane and emanating a distinctive scenery. A subtle fragrance encased the entire room, blended with a light scent of medication.
"Hey, you're really incompetent, you know that? Skiing since the age of five and twisting your ankle in Japan at age twenty-five. Where is F4's face going to be when word gets out?" A mocking voice with unrestrained laughter.
"That idiot crashed into me! If I weren't worried that he'd die from falling, with my skills, I –"
"Worried about other people falling? Yeah right. It's your terrible skills, all right? Don't explain anymore. It'd be more understandable if you were trying to be a hero, yet your pretty Tsukushi is completely fine." Another derisive and uninhibited voice interrupted him, "You really have what it takes to shock us. Tsukushi, don't say I didn't tell you, this one-celled organism really needs to be trained. Otherwise you'll need a very strong and resilient heart."
"Don't worry. She's Tsukushi the weed, remember?"
"Hey, did I ask for your opinion?" The bandaged person on the bed glared at them, "You people are so troublesome. Who asked you come? Rui, kick them out!"
"Did we say we're here to see you? We missed Rui, all right?" A relaxed and teasing reply.
"Rui, let's go have a drink." He placed an arm on Rui's shoulder and strolled toward the door. A pillow flew across the room, aiming for its target.
"Go away, Soujiro! You're thrilled to see me like this, aren't you?"
A laughing Soujiro turned and promptly caught the soaring pillow. He teased:
"Tsukasa, another approach, all right? You've used this one for a very long time."
"If you continue to be so violent, be careful that your bones will crack. Don't worry, we're all very dependable. I will most definitely drink your share for you. Rui, let's go!"
"You stop right there, Akira!" Doumyouji yelled out on impulse, "These two jerks! Rui, you can't go!"
The three paused. Observing Doumyouji's restlessness in almost jumping off the bed, their eyes met in a smile and cooperatively threw back the pillow.
"Who cares about you!"
The four actually began a grand pillow fight. After a fierce battle, the once immaculate room was now left in a disastrous state, yet their faces reflected an identical warm and happy expression. F4's childlike innocence and playfulness fell into Tsukushi's eyes. A light chord resonated in her heart – how long has it been since she's seen F4 together? Though separated for three years, the intimacy and understanding among them remained unchanged. Their friendship has long been merged and mingled into their lives. When one fell into trouble, the others rushed over on first notice without any delay. Hidden within the casual banter and ridicule was a care and concern that only they themselves appreciated. Being so close to them, drawing on their boundless camaraderie and solidarity, Tsukushi's heart unconsciously warmed.
Glancing at Doumyouji's sleeping countenance, Tsukushi quietly exited the room. Inside the living room, Akira and the rest sat talking on the sofa and greeted her with smiles when they perceived her.
"Tsukushi, should we say thank you? You are something else. This argument of yours actually reunited F4 in Japan."
"But seriously, with you two fighting like this every couple of days, disturbing the entire world and upsetting everyone in it, our lives have also become stimulating. At least no one will yell out 'bored' again. Even though Tsukasa can be intolerably irritating, it's also a form of entertainment." Soujiro stirred the wine glass in his hands and stated with a grin.
Tsukushi grimaced and said nothing. This argument was not the most severe during the past three years. It only appeared out of the ordinary because she escaped to Japan. Arguing was a form of entertainment? Only a playboy like Soujiro would say something like this. Fighting was too exhausting. Not all of their differences could be resolved by arguments. It was as if she and Doumyouji stood on different steps – everything must be achieved by lifting the feet and risking taking a fall. Quarrels and disagreements, one after another, filled their lives for the past three years. Doumyouji's persistent and burdening love carried a stifling pressure. One was touched yet suffocated at the same time.
"Tsukushi, why aren't you saying anything? Tsukasa fell, has your brain also been damaged?" Akira waved his hand in front of her eyes and laughed at her wooden expression, "Oh no, Rui must've passed on his autism to her!"
"Be quiet, Akira." She reproached with a glare and turned to ask, "Where's Rui? Why isn't he here?"
"Still sleeping, I suppose. You really care about Rui, huh?" Akira deviously grinned.
Tsukushi ignored his tease and asked:
"Where's Yuki, Soujiro? She didn't come with you."
Soujiro smiled.
"She's still in Canada. I heard Tsukasa was hurt and hurried over. She was going to come but was stalled by some family business. If there's nothing wrong with Tsukasa, I'll be flying back in a few days." His expression softened as he spoke of Yuki. Anyone could perceive his love and concern.
"Soujiro, I'm very serious, if you ever hurt Yuki, I will hunt you down!" Even so, she still gave him a solemn and grave warning.
"All right, all right. Flat Tsukushi, you have not changed a bit. The physical features cannot be helped but can't you learn to be gentler? That's a basic lesson that every woman must take." Soujiro raised his hand in defeat yet couldn't help but tease.
"I'm so worried." Akira suddenly sighed, "Must talk it over with Rui."
"What are you worried about that you must discuss it with Rui? You can't trust Soujiro either, huh?"
"I'm worried about our safety in the next ten years. I have to tell Rui to get insurance for each and every one of us, especially Rui himself!" He fact-of-matterly stated, resisting a smile at Tsukushi's puzzled face, and continued, "Tsukushi and Tsukasa both have such violent tempers, like ticking bombs about to go off any second. It's quite scary. Shouldn't we be concerned about our safety? My life is so difficult." Akira lied down with an exaggerated depressing expression.
Soujiro laughed out loud and yelled:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, today's show – Akira's Distress!" The two cracked up together.
Tsukushi finally understood and reproved with a strained grin:
"Oh forget you two! Not a word of substance."
She rose and went to the garden, leaving behind a surge of laughter.
The flowers in the garden appeared to be recently watered; every leaf emanated a refreshing greenness. Compared to the snow-plastered ski hills, here, spring has evidently arrived. Narrow paths hidden within the fern leaves registered an archaic and elegant serenity. The faint sound of the streaming water was accompanied by a distant patch of pinkness – somewhere out there cherry blossoms bloomed and flourished. The wind carried a faded fragrance that was still lightly detectable. Taking a deep breath, the flowers' delicate scent and the green's pristine freshness came rushing in. Fresh and yellow winter jasmines filled the yard; branches and leaves extended beyond the stream; rosebuds quietly thrived in the corner wall.
Tsukushi surveyed the garden that was everywhere quiet and graceful and suddenly rested her eyes – a familiar thin figure stood by the shrubbery and devoted his gaze to the bushes. Tsukushi mechanically walked toward him,
"Hanazawa Rui, what are you doing here?"
Her attention, however, was unconsciously grabbed by those unique and autonomous flowers that blossomed and swayed in the yard in slight trembles. A pale blue contrasted a pure white, seemingly common and ordinary yet stirringly enlightening and illuminating. Such beautiful flowers, reflecting his white attire, formed an inherent delicate elegance. He gently brushed the petals and turned to her with a smile,
"Aren't they beautiful?"
Watching the charming and bright flowers and Hanazawa Rui who stood beside them, she accordingly thought of F4's origin – Flower 4. The scene before the eyes fitted the description well. Tsukushi sincerely praised:
"Yeah, I've never seen such vivacious flowers with such elegant beauty. What's its name?"
She dotingly watched the shrubbery. It may seem commonplace but one could sense its uniqueness and its animated liveliness.
"Hyacinth." (Feng Xin Zi)
"Hyacinth? What a beautiful name, so appropriate. Hyacinth – exhibiting a yearning like the soft wind. Even the name radiates a spirited cleverness." Tsukushi happily studied the hyacinths blossoming against the breeze.
"Someone once said that hyacinths' beauty is equivalent to that of the sky. I only planted blue and white hyacinths, pale as the colors of the sky."
Rui's gaze at the hyacinths contained a hidden emotion; he must've liked them very much. The white hyacinths lightly swayed, like his comforting garments; the blue hyacinths' melancholy reflected the sorrow in his hollow eyes.
"So beautiful." Tsukushi was fully captivated.
Rui plucked a blue hyacinth and smilingly handed it to Tsukushi:
"For you, a return for that feather."
Accepting the flower, Tsukushi was involuntarily moved. Rui's smile under the pale blue hyacinth was innocent and stunning. Hanazawa Rui – in his universe, there were no boisterous clamors, no coarse discords, only a secluded peace and tranquility extending beyond the world, like the hyacinths' unbound and faded universe. There was no need for camouflage or disguise because he was not concerned. His eyes eternally retained one's original appearance.
Is he an angel? That soaring sensation, he brought me such a genuine soaring sensation, lightly leaving behind his warmth in the arctic chills. So beautiful. Silently gazing at the blue hyacinth in her hand, an earnest smile surfaced to her lips. She placed it in a book at hand and gently closed the cover……
(8)
Bypassing Soujiro and Akira's joking figures, his eyes fell upon the quiet Rui sitting by the window. The wind outside blew apart the brown locks above his forehead. His crystal eyes were ever remote, as if the clatter inside the room was entirely irrelevant, yet the smiles hidden behind them aptly blended into their tease and banters. A faint vapor-like smile, it's been like this since they were little. Even among F4, Rui always maintained his individual space – a world that no one could penetrate except Shizuka. Except Shizuka – was there really no one else who walked into that world? Why was it that he felt Rui's eyes held a calm that has never existed before? A type of gentle ease that one couldn't put into words? Three years wasn't a long time yet it wasn't short either.
"Hey, Tsukasa, why are you in a coma? Don't tell me you twisted your brain too." Akira noticed Doumyouji's stupor and laughed in confusion. Soujiro perceived his gaze toward Rui and asked uneasily:
"Tsukasa, are you okay?"
"No, nothing, I'm fine. Rui, why haven't you come back in three years?" Doumyouji suddenly questioned.
Rui was a bit startled and met Doumyouji's piercing eyes. He lowered his head and turned to watch the hyacinths in the garden outside the window. He lightly said:
"Is that important?"
Doumyouji froze at Rui's composed countenance. Wasn't it important? These three years, other than Hanazawa Corp, what has he been doing? Thinking? Did he really not care about what has happened during the time that he's been gone? Rui, seemingly clear and transparent as a narrow stream yet one could never read what was hidden in his heart. Only Shizuka? Or….
"Are you guys playing a guessing game?" Akira stared at them in bewilderment, "Can you say something that I can actually understand?"
Why was the simple-minded Tsukasa suddenly full of grimness? Isn't this too weird? Soujiro seemed to understand and smilingly changed the subject:
"Rui, next month is Nishikado Corp's forty years anniversary celebration. You will attend, right?"
Rui turned back with a smile,
"Really? So soon?"
"Soon? Soujiro can't wait to take over. This way he and Yuki will have fewer obstacles." Akira was happy for him and knocked on Soujiro with a laugh. Soujiro glanced at him and brushed away his hand,
"Hey, what are you saying? You really think I want to sit in that chair? On the other hand, you, I'm telling you this as a buddy, stop fooling around."
"Did I hear wrong? Is Soujiro actually telling me this?" Akira laughed in exaggeration, circling his eyes around the room and resting them by the window, "Besides, is it only me? Rui's still single. Why don't you give some advice to him?"
Soujiro gestured with his eyes. Rui slightly frowned and fell more silent.
"Rui," Akira muttered under his breath, "Why is it like this every time? All right, forget I said anything." He looked up to the ceiling in a sigh and rolled his eyes.
Doumyouji's face grew more grave. Early spring's evening breeze blew into the room, as if to scatter away the slight solemn atmosphere caused by the pause. Reuniting in a foreign land should be a joyous occasion, right? Rui suddenly stood up and grinned,
"Soujiro, it's been a long time since I've seen your tea ceremony. How about today…"
Soujiro gracefully cooperated with a smile,
"Of course. To tell you the truth, being in Japan and smelling the cherry blossoms' light scent, I can't help but be motivated."
In the cold night, shadows of wooden carvings were cast under the moonlight. Deep within the courtyard was a quiet still as water. Inside the room, everyone sat by the fireplace and engaged in lively conversation. Tsukushi marveled at Soujiro's elegant skills in tea ceremony and hurried to take him on as a teacher. Akira accordingly teased her; the atmosphere sparkled with energy at the two's bantering and mockery. Soujiro smiled in compliance while Doumyouji remained surprisingly quiet, apparently deep in thought. Rui sat alone in the corner and silently savored the tea.
One more day was left before going back to Taiwan. Doumyouji's foot has already healed. After seeing Soujiro off at the airport, Akira and the rest went to the pub and have not yet come back. It was finally time to return after much intrusion. Tsukushi was packing the luggage in her room when she accidentally brought a book to the floor. A shade of pale blue subsequently fell. She gently picked it up and stared at it; the blue has already turned slightly white. Pondering for a moment, she slowly inserted it back into the book……..
Within the garden, she stood alone among the hyacinths, surrounded by the pure blue and white, like the hyacinth that unintentionally fell out of the book pages. These past few days, the feelings that had been assumed to remain forever buried seemed to have been secretly awakened. Seeing Rui once more, it was impossible to remain as calm and composed as she had previously done. As they were leaving, something was bound to be left behind, bound to stay in her memory. Could she really compress those feelings between the book pages till they turned white with time? Rui had said that in England, hyacinths flourished in the month of May. A field full of blooming hyacinths was the most beautiful sight. Yes, the beauty of hyacinths lied with their vitality. Once plucked, they were bound to wither and dry, like the weed that will lose its vigor and resilience without soil. Yet that blue hyacinth within the pages was still stunningly lovely, wasn't it?
The arriving convertible interrupted her thoughts. They were back. Behind the tree shadows, watching them laughingly enter the house, she was not in a rush to go in; perhaps she wanted to say farewell to the hyacinths.
Walking into the living room, the three were already gone. The housekeeper said each went back to sleep. Passing by Doumyouji's room, Tsukushi quietly pushed open the door – that guy was already asleep. So quickly? Simple minded guy!
They have not toured many historic sites in Japan. They have stayed for a mere two weeks and she was never a sentimental person – where were all these departing woes coming from? Tsukushi self-mockingly smiled and habitually walked toward the balcony. Ascending the stairs, she suddenly heard the melodious and heartrending sound of the violin vaguely flowing out of the balcony. The faded clouds enveloped a crescent moon; a pale and serene glow cast over him; the lithe and distant tune intertwined with the faint grievance. He quietly stood, his head slightly downcast, his light brown locks and ocean-colored shirt listening in the wind. Other than the heavenly melody flowing out of his fingers, silence ensued in every direction.
The barren music suddenly stopped, replaced by a soft sigh. Tsukushi didn't want to disturb him yet was discovered as she was retreating. He wasn't surprised to see her and gently smiled.
"Umm...you didn't go to sleep yet? Sorry, I seem to be interrupting you, Rui."
"No."
"Umm...this is the piece from last time, isn't it? What a beautiful tune, especially to hear it on such a night, it seems like the most beautiful music in the world!" Tsukushi attempted to break the somber atmosphere.
"Do you know Brahms?"
"Brahms?" Tsukushi was puzzled.
"I've been searching for that piece. It has been said that Brahms once performed a solo piece for a companion in front of her grave," Rui's gaze fell onto the solemn night sky as he continued, "I don't know what sort of tune it is but I believe it must be the most beautiful melody in the world!" His clear eyes shimmered with a stirring glow.
With his praise, Tsukushi couldn't help but become yearning and curious. Brahms, what kind of person he was? The piece that was played solely for a companion, what sort of poignant tune it must be! An involuntary sorrow flashed in her eyes the instant she looked back. Tsukushi watched him in bafflement, a mystery-like Hanazawa Rui.
"Going back to Taiwan?"
Tsukushi was disposed to respond:
"Yeah, the morning flight the day after tomorrow. It's been so rapid. We've already stayed for a long time." It was hard to conceal her faint reluctance.
"You can come whenever you're free."
"Rui, can't you come back with us?" Tsukushi candidly asked, then gave a suppressing smile, "Look at me, eh, you're already the CEO of Hanazawa Corp. There must be so much business to tend to here in Japan. Even sleep must be sacrificed, how can you have the time –"
"Tsukushi, thank you."
Thank you? For what? Tsukushi froze and forgot her next words. A night bathed in moonlight, she watched him as if viewing the dazzling surface of a lake, his encouraging eyes at the ski hills, his casual advice and support, the soothingly pleasant sensation as they skied side by side – he gave her such a genuine moment of soaring escalation, shouldn't she be the one to say thank you? These three years, she didn't know what sort of paths he has taken; yet though his figure could not be found in Taiwan, on water-still nights such as tonight, she couldn't help but remember that night of fireworks spent atop Eitoku, and his expression as he silently made a wish...
That sight was visibly and acutely carved on her heart, perhaps even unknowingly turning into a sort of emotion. And his smile, a soft grin with an occasional cleverness. A mystery-like Rui, forever horrendously distant yet occupying a most deep-rooted place in her heart. Tsukushi was suddenly afraid of that more and more heavy concern, afraid of her now unwillingness to leave, afraid that drawing too close to him will make her involuntarily walk into the spinning whirl. When will they meet again? Like he said, on she and Doumyouji's wedding? Doumyouji's and her wedding – it seemed to be a natural and decided event. If it weren't for his mother, they probably wouldn't have waited for three years. Yet her heart was strangely uneasy, instinctively rejecting such a thought. Tsukushi shook her head.
"I'm going back to Taiwan next month."
"What?" She was stunned.
Rui gently smiled, watching her shocked expression,
"Didn't you want me to go back?"
"Me? It's none of my business whether you go back or not!" Tsukushi stubbornly denied yet involuntarily grinned.
"Oh?" Rui slowly put back the violin with a lowered head and gave her a light glimpse, "Forget it then."
"Hanazawa Rui, what do you mean –"
He already casually descended the stairwell. Really? Rui was returning to Taiwan next month! That would be too wonderful. She missed Eitoku's rooftop. F4 – they were still Eitoku's legends. She smilingly envisioned, no more facing the deserted rooftop in solitude, no more reminiscing alone in the wind. She tightened her jacket and gazed into the starlit sky. This unfamiliar sky now seemed fond and affectionate, because this place called Tokyo contained Rui's ambiance. Happiness quietly permeated her heart, what a beautiful night!